Sidequest for Love by L.H. Cosway

“Go ahead,” I goaded, and his attention went to my parted lips. He leaned a fraction closer. I was stunned to discover the lack of distress I felt at the prospect of him kissing me. There was no sickness in my gut, no sense of revulsion. Only anticipation. Only want.

I was nervous, though. Anxiety mixed with need, practically paralysing me. All of the feelings I’d suppressed for so many years converged and swirled inside me, so much so that I could barely stand it.

“If you try to kiss me, I’ll vomit in your mouth,” I warned, panting.

“Will you?” he asked. He didn’t sound like he believed me.

My breasts rose and fell, pushing into Neil’s lean chest. He seemed to become aware of that, too, and I gasped when I felt a brush of stiffness in his pants. Then, dismay flickered behind his eyes. I must’ve given him some indication of nerves because he withdrew, instead bringing his mouth to my temple, the same spot he’d kissed after we’d shared a nap in my bed the other evening.

His kiss was delicate. When his mouth left my temple, he brought his forehead to mine and rested it there, a slow, minty exhalation leaving him and washing over my face. I wasn’t turned off by his breath. I relished everything about him, it seemed. No part of him was unappealing to me. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I actually wanted to explore someone else’s mouth with my tongue. I wanted to taste him.

The thought stunned me. It was revelatory.

All these years, the very idea of locking lips turned my stomach. Now I wanted it more than anything.

A second later, he rolled off me. It was my own fault that he’d stopped. I’d obviously given some non-verbal cue that the idea of kissing him scared me half to death. And it did, but not for the reasons he might’ve thought.

I missed his heat, the delicious pressure of his hands as he held my wrists down. The weight of his forehead resting against mine. The shocking brush of his obvious erection against my leg. Ugh! Why did I have to show him I was nervous?

Now I have become Disappointment, the destroyer of sexy times.

“It’s almost dark. I better get started on the food,” Neil said, his voice weirdly blank.

I didn’t speak, choosing to remain seated on the blanket while Neil went about setting up the gas cooker. It looked like he was making us steaks, and my mouth watered at the prospect. The last few minutes had played havoc with my hormones, and now I was absolutely famished.

Neil was busy cooking when Adam appeared again. He brought over two more cans of lager, handing one to Neil as he cooked before coming and sitting next to me on the blanket. Neil eyed him intently before grudgingly focusing back on what he was doing.

“Looks like your boyfriend is making you a slap-up meal,” Adam commented. We were far enough away from Neil that he couldn’t hear our conversation. At least I didn’t think he could.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said as I opened the can and brought it to my lips.

“He wants to be, though,” Adam replied, and I glanced at him speculatively.

“Are you mad about that?”

His brow furrowed. “Why would I be mad?”

I shrugged. “Not sure. I always wondered if you had a crush on me.” He barked a laugh, and it was a little too amused for my liking. “What’s so funny?”

“Christ, you’ve an ego.”

“I don’t have an ego. You just always seemed jealous whenever we were gaming and I mentioned going out to find a hookup.”

“I wasnae jealous, Afric. I was worried. I think of you as a younger sister, and London is a dangerous city. I didnae enjoy the thought of you going out there and having sex with random blokes who could turn out to be serial killers.”

“Oh,” I said and took a long gulp as chagrin took hold. “That actually makes sense.”

“Aye, it does. And anyway, I thought it was obvious that I like Winona.”

I gaped at him. “Yellowshoes?”

“Aye,” he replied sombrely.

“But you two are always arguing.”

“Arguing is akin to foreplay for some.”

I laughed at that. “You’re such a perv. Have you ever told her that you like her?”

He shook his head.

“Why not?”

“She’s not gonna be interested in the likes of me, and besides, she lives too far away.”

“I still think you should tell her, see what she says. You never know. She might decide to move to Scotland. She’s always complaining about the unbearable heat in Florida and how much she’d love to live somewhere cold and rainy.”

His eyebrow arched. “You think she’d move to Scotland for me?”

“I don’t know. It’s possible. You’ll never know until you tell her how you feel.”

Adam fell silent after that, the two of us drinking in quiet contemplation. He said that Neil wanted to be my boyfriend. The very idea sent butterflies flitting around inside my stomach. And the way Neil had looked at me earlier. He definitely wanted to kiss me. I just wasn’t sure if his feelings matched mine. Was he merely sexually attracted to me, or did the very essence of who I was appeal to him the way the very essence of who he was appealed to me?

Eventually, Adam went to re-join the others, and Neil approached with two paper plates. He handed one to me, and I peered down. He’d cooked us steak, mushrooms, peppers, and diced potatoes with some kind of gravy sauce drizzled over the top.