God of Wrath (Legacy of Gods #3) by Rina Kent

“He threatened you,” Glyn says in a firm voice. “It’s not your fault. It’s his.”

“And here I thought you hadn’t dated since him because you couldn’t get over him.” Ava hits the side of her head. “Stupid me.”

“You’re not wrong. He did scare me away from all relationships, sexual or not.”

“I’m so sorry.” Ava’s voice is all choked up as tears well in her eyes. “I always went with Remi’s jokes about you being a prude without knowing the truth. I feel so horrible. I should’ve been a better friend, but I wasn’t. I’m so, so sorry, Cecy. I’m willing to do anything so you’ll forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. It’s not like you knew and did it on purpose.” I release a deep, tortured sigh. “I wish I’d stayed a prude. That way, I wouldn’t have gotten hurt again.”

“Oh, Ces.” Glyn strokes my arm. “What happened?”

“Is it about Jeremy?” Ava asks cautiously.

“Jeremy?” Glyn asks.

“We had a thing,” I tell her. “I’m not sure what that thing was, but he was the first person who noticed something wrong behind my zoning out and forced me to tell him about the Jonah thing.”

He was also the first person who gave me courage not only to pursue my fantasy, but also to not be ashamed of it. He opened my heart, my world, and made me feel pretty again. I liked wearing some skirts, shorts, and revealing stuff when we were alone, because he looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

I used to be scared of relationships, but I wanted one with him.

Of course, I only realized all those things after I’d lost him.

“You and Jeremy?” Glyn repeats, incredulous. “The same Jeremy who’s Killian’s friend and Anni’s brother?”

I nod.

“I thought you guys were getting along,” Ava says hopefully. “You like him, right?”

“My feelings for him don’t matter. He cut me off.”

“That son of a bitch.” Ava jerks up to a standing position. “Glyn, you have access to the Heathens’ mansion, right? Tell your boyfriend to give us his best gun.”

“I don’t think he’ll approve of us killing his friend.” Glyn narrows her eyes. “But we can do it behind his back, because Jeremy is a prick who has no business hurting Ces’s feelings.”

“Let’s decapitate him.”

Glyn interlinks her arm with Ava’s and shouts, “A la guillotine!”

I smile through the tears but shake my head, a deep sigh ripping out of me. “He’s not entirely wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“He felt that I was being disloyal for cutting ties with Anni. He said he wouldn’t have been surprised if it were anyone else, but coming from me was the worst since I usually care about everyone.”

Their shoulders fall at the mention of Anni, and they lose their murderous moods as they crawl back onto the sofa on either side of me.

Since we were young, we’ve had this formation whenever we’ve needed time away from our troublemaker guy friends.

“Honestly?” Glyn starts. “I also don’t think we should’ve done that to Anni, especially now that Creigh has come back but she never will. We knew how sheltered she was and how being here was her best shot at living her life.”

“Yeah, but she hurt him.” Ava’s chin trembles. “Cray Cray is like our brother, and Jeremy should’ve considered that angle before he accused Cecy of being disloyal. I should have a word with him.”

“I don’t think you can even reach him,” I say with a sad smile. “I know I can’t.”

“Sure as fuck can.” Ava rolls up the fluffy sleeves of her robe. “You say the word, and I’ll bring him to you. Well, not exactly. But Glyn can ask her boyfriend for help.”

“Totally,” Glyn agrees. “Kill doesn’t really like talking about any of his friends and would get pettily jealous, but I have ways of convincing him to arrange a meeting with Jeremy.”

I shake my head, half because the prospect of seeing that harsh look in his eyes terrifies the hell out of me. Half because I wouldn’t know what to say.

I doubt he’ll accept any form of an apology I have to offer. Besides, what’s the point when everything is said and done?

Maybe he can explain why I feel like I’m being watched sometimes. Though I don’t have proof, because I haven’t caught sight of him or Ilya since that day he crushed my feelings.

Or maybe I’m just hoping that he might still be watching me. That maybe, just maybe, he’s not done with me, after all.

But that’s wishful thinking.

“You’re just being negative,” Ava says. “If you want, I can totally dress you up and make you completely irresistible like that night at the club when you drove him crazy.”

“Really?” Glyn stares between us. “How come I know nothing about this?”

“Oh, it’s a very long story.” Ava goes into excruciating detail about the last night I had with Jeremy before everything shattered.

Sometimes I wonder if I can change things. Or maybe it’s better that I don’t.

This is probably the way out that Ilya told me about. I have no place in his life if I can’t understand him and his ways.