Heart of My Monster (Monster Trilogy #3) by Rina Kent

I’m back to the place I left in tears not two months ago, and the reminder that I’ll probably also go home in tears squeezes my chest.

But that would mean I’d at least have closure.

At last.

Maybe the previous six—almost seven—years of my life will finally have an ending. Maybe the nightmares about my family’s death will finally vanish.

Though, that’s wishful thinking.

The more realistic scenario is that I’ll feel emptier than ever. I’ll lose my sense of purpose and have…nothing.

I’ll stand at the top of an abyss and long for the bottom.

All these years, I’ve resisted the urge to end it all, because I had to get revenge. Justice.

After this trip, I’ll have nothing to stop me from giving in to the urge and embracing nothingness.

Right now, I’m standing at the top of a cliff—a literal one. Under the bright moonlight slipping in and out of trees, it appears steep, nearly bottomless.

If someone were to fall down there, they’d die.

Maybe this is my abyss.

“Sasha.”

I slowly turn around to face my brother. We’re wearing similar black combat clothes, the only difference being that he’s putting on a balaclava.

As he checks his weapon, my lips part.

Seeing him in this outfit brings back memories of an incident we never found an explanation for.

“Were you the one who masterminded the attack before the shipment? The one who held the gun at Kirill’s head at the top of that container?”

He doesn’t lift his head. “And I would’ve killed him if you hadn’t foolishly defended him and even shot me.”

I wince. “You had a vest on.”

“Is that a sorry?”

“Sorry,” I murmur.

No one, not even Kirill, would’ve suspected that one of his most loyal men, Yuri, who he thought was searching for him, would hold him at gunpoint.

Now that I think about it, Yuri was uncharacteristically frowning during the entire trip back home.

He also wore his jacket closed, probably to hide a certain gunshot.

But there’s something else I remember so vividly, even when I was stupidly emotional over the prospect of Kirill being hurt.

“You…hesitated.”

My brother slowly lifts his head from his arm. “I did not.”

“You did. He had no ammunition and you could’ve shot him in the head right then and there, and while you hit him, you didn’t deliver the death blow. Is that maybe because…you also liked him? Or you didn’t believe he could be behind the massacre?”

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous. You’re the one who interrupted me before I could kill him.”

“You had other chances to get rid of him, but you took none.”

“I’ll definitely take this one if you don’t shoot him between the eyes.”

“But you didn’t do it before.”

“I didn’t have evidence before. I got it after he set out to kill you and the rest of our family.”

“That’s fair enough.”

Is it wrong that I take solace in the fact that Anton also fell for Kirill’s charms? He probably also hesitated because he didn’t want to hurt him.

And he thought that maybe Uncle Albert’s evidence wasn’t absolute.

My brother clutches me by the shoulder. “Can I count on you for this?”

I nod.

“There can’t be any mistakes, Sasha.”

“I know. We’ll finally get revenge.”

“Finally,” he says with a level of conviction similar to my own. Barely there. Dismal. Filled with tension that neither of us will admit the reason behind. “We’ll go back home after this.”

“What’s the point, though?”

“What?”

“Babushka and Uncle want us to keep fighting within Russia. Take up arms again and go against the government. We’ll have to train men and spend the rest of our lives in a hopeless attempt to gain back control.”

“We’re getting revenge.”

“I’m so sick and tired of that word. Aren’t you?”

“It’s my duty.”

“Well, it’s not mine anymore. This is the last thing I’ll do for the family. I won’t spend the rest of my life chasing a pipe dream or stand by and watch Mike being groomed into another version of you.”

He sighs deeply. “You’re awfully outspoken today.”

“I learned from Maks.”

His jaw clenches, but his mask soon slips back into place. “Let’s get this over with first and then we’ll talk.”

The plan is fairly simple.

According to the intel Uncle Albert gathered, Kirill is having a meeting with one of the higher-ups in the Irish mafia here.

They’ve been at odds with the Bratva for all their lives, but the new leader is somehow fond of Kirill and is apparently ready to end the war. His beef was with the Sokolovs, as in, Sergei and his brother before him, but now that Kirill is Pakhan, the equation is changing.

Ironically, Kirill was the one who incited the war in the first place, just so he could keep his promise to Damien to give him something entertaining.

Now, he’ll use this chance to engrave his position as the best leader the Bratva could ever have. The others won’t have a reason to vote him out if he’s bringing both peace and profits.