Heart of My Monster (Monster Trilogy #3) by Rina Kent

But then again, how can I save Anton without risking Kirill’s life?

Whenever I think about it, my head hurts, which is why I choose to only focus on the now.

For as long as the now lasts. Be it a few days or months. I don’t care as long as I’m in this dream-like state.

It’ll hurt like a mother on the day when I finally wake up, but that day isn’t today.

Something much more stressful is happening today.

“Maybe I’ll come back another time,” I murmur, even though it’s only the two of us in the sterile white room.

Kristina clasps my hand in hers and smiles. “Today is as good as any.”

If a month ago, someone told me that I’d be holding hands with Kristina and sitting on an OB-GYN’s table, I would’ve called them fools.

But here we are.

It started when I got an upset stomach after lunch. Kirill was extra and said he’d take me to the emergency room, but Kristina said she’d take care of it.

She asked some weird questions about emotional reactions and body changes, then told me I could be pregnant.

Of course I laughed and completely denied it, but then I remembered that I’d missed the renewal of the shot during that time Kirill locked me up in the basement.

I only thought about it afterward since I was under a different type of stress at the time—which Kristina ironically participated in. Even unknowingly. After I went back to Russia, I thought it was pointless to renew it since I planned to be celibate indefinitely.

She said if I find myself more emotional or hornier than normal, then it could be the pregnancy hormones. I only came here to prove her wrong. That’s all.

So what if I’ve been abnormal lately? That doesn’t mean I’m pregnant.

Yes, I came with Kristina instead of Kirill because I don’t want him to catch a whiff of this whole situation until I make sense of it.

He narrowed his eyes at the idea of Kristina and me together, but he let it go when we were running an errand. Then we had to convince Konstantin to actually leave her side for once. A test could’ve sufficed, but I thought it’s better to see a doctor straight away. Besides, I’m really starting to believe this crazy theory. At least that way, many things will have an actual explanation.

Waiting for the results of the urine test makes my limbs fidgety.

The door opens and a young short-haired doctor comes inside with a huge grin on her face.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Is it possible to run away now—

“Congratulations,” she announces. “You’re pregnant.”

The doctor is saying something about regular checkups and a few other things that I should’ve done in the first trimester, but I’m not listening.

My heart beats so loud, I think it’ll jump out of my throat.

A part of me is inexplicably happy. Overwhelmed, yes, but the thought of being a mother has always fascinated me.

However, the other part, the one that’s logical and grounded, knows that this will complicate things big time.

Kirill will never let me go if he finds out.

He’ll use the baby to possess me even worse than he’s been doing during the past few weeks. He’ll force my hand so I’ll stay.

He’ll suffocate me to death.

That thought makes me want to vomit, which is ironic since I’ve never had morning sickness, despite being pregnant for months.

Shit.

The reality dawns on me with creepy speed and I listen to the doctor’s words. Apparently, not all women have bumps this early, which explains why my stomach is somewhat flat. I thought I was gaining some weight, but apparently that’s the result of the pregnancy.

He’s such a little fighter, this baby. Not only did he survive that bombing, but also the shit ton of physical activities I’ve put my body through. Not to mention the stress, the traveling, and the crushing heartache.

The doctor asks me if I want to do an ultrasound and possibly find out the gender of the baby. After I agree, a technician comes along. The moment I see the moving bundle of black and white on the screen, all my thoughts quiet down.

My lips part as I watch the fetus moving and hear the booming heartbeat.

“You’re fifteen weeks pregnant,” the doctor says with a smile. “He looks healthy,”

“H-he?” I look at her. “How do you know?”

She points at a dark spot in the middle. “That’s why he’s a he.”

“Aww.” Kristina smiles. “Congrats, Sasha. I can’t wait to find out the gender of my baby.”

I keep watching the screen, moisture gathering in my eyes. I think I might be getting emotional or something.

Because I really want to hold this baby in my arms. I thought I had no purpose after revenge, but maybe this is fate telling me that I most definitely do.

After looking at the ultrasound image for an eternity, I slip it in the back of my jeans and ask Kristina to hide the prenatal vitamins the doctor gave me in her bag.

Before we leave, I clutch her arm. “Don’t tell Kirill or Konstantin, or even Karina. Actually, don’t tell anyone.”

Her brow furrows. “Why?”

“It’s complicated. I need to sort a few things out before I tell Kirill.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Sure. It’s your good news to share anyway.”