Heart of My Monster (Monster Trilogy #3) by Rina Kent

His eyes meet mine, slowly calming down. “On which part?”

“The fact that everything is complicated and that nothing makes sense anymore.”

Silence stretches between us for several moments before we sigh at the same time.

I chuckle at that and Anton offers a hesitant smile back.

“What the fuck are we even doing?” he asks in a whisper, more to himself than anyone else.

“I have no clue,” I reply anyway.

“We can’t go on like this. We have the deaths of our family members strapped to our shoulders.”

I have no clue if he’s trying to convince me or himself at this point.

“I know,” I say.

“Have you figured out a way to get me out of here, or are you now comfortable staying as Kirill’s wife?”

“Even if I were comfortable, I don’t like the fact that you’re locked up.”

“But?”

“I don’t want you to hurt Kirill.”

“Fuck, Sasha. You’re falling into the same trap all over again.”

“No, I’m not. Kirill never planned to marry another woman or kill me. Besides, I don’t believe he’s involved with our family’s death.”

“So you trust him now?”

“On that front, yes.” I just don’t trust that he might use me as a pawn in his upcoming manipulation games.

“You were always loyal to a fault.” He sighs. “Whether to the family, the men you served with and especially Kirill. Now I get why Papa wanted to preserve your sickeningly naïve nature and why Mama babied and fawned all over you. They didn’t want you exposed to the real world.”

“I’m thankful, but I don’t think it did me any good afterwards.”

“Believe me, it did. At least you didn’t turn into a monster.”

“You’re not a monster either, Tosha.”

He grumbles a reply then exhales deeply. “You’re at a crossroad now.”

“Well, aren’t you, too?”

“That’s…different.”

“Yeah, right. I’m not even sure if you’re lying to me or yourself at this point. There’s no black or white in this world. It’s just impossible to keep to the extremes.”

“What are you suggesting then?”

“Can’t…can’t we rectify this situation and also have something for ourselves? Just once?”

“I’m not sure if that’s possible.”

“But why?” My voice breaks and my lips tremble.

It’s Anton who squeezes my shoulder this time. “People like us don’t deserve happiness, Sasha. The concept was ripped from us that day, never to return.”

I shake my head.

I refuse to believe that we have no life after this.

Anton might have already chosen the path he’ll go down, but I haven’t.

I still have time to figure out what to do and how to end this ill fate once and for all.

For the sake of my child.

For my sake.





21





KIRILL





Something is wrong.

I know it, feel it, and can smell it in the fucking air.

Things haven’t been the same since we returned from the cabin three weeks ago.

Sasha has been subtly keeping her distance. It’s not as blatant as when she came back and chose to spend her time with anyone but me. This time, it’s more in the little details.

Like how she stopped the morning training, no longer waits up for me, doesn’t have drinks with me, and she prefers to go visit her brother in Viktor’s company instead of mine.

I can’t really do anything about the last one since I’m overwhelmed by all the shit in the Bratva, namely, keeping Damien’s killing spree in check.

While the above changes are noticeable, they could be viewed as fleeting compared to everything else.

For one, she’s not talking about leaving me in a few weeks anymore.

She’s not using every chance she gets to remind me that she’s my wife only temporarily.

And, most importantly, she holds the same level of fucked-up desire for me as I do for her. I’ve been trying to wake her up with my mouth on her cunt, but lately, she’s been reversing the roles, so I’m the one who wakes up in heaven with her lips around my cock.

The biggest red flag, though, is that she’s been spending more time with the ex-robot Kristina, much to my and my brother’s dismay.

I snatch a champagne glass from a passing waiter and stand beside said brother. We’re holding a gathering at the house to celebrate the brotherhood’s alliance with the Yakuza. The brotherhood leaders and the heads of other factions have shown up, too.

The reason for the strengthening of this relationship—Damien—has fucked off to God knows where. I haven’t seen his fiancée, either, since her father introduced her earlier.

The downside of being Pakhan is the obligation to conduct private meetings and indulge in stupid small talk, but that’s the last thing on my mind.

I haven’t been able to find an explanation for the feeling that’s been plaguing my insides these last couple of days.

The simple definition would be unease and dread of the unknown where Sasha’s concerned. The first reaction my brain came up with was to suffocate her further, lock her the fuck up if need be, so there won’t be a way out no matter how much she tries.