Leave Janelle by Sarah Spade

7

Paul is a chatty shifter. He keeps up a steady stream of conversation as he guides us back down the hill. I can sense him resisting the urge to grab my elbow and help me down, and I’m not sure how to take that. He doesn’t just grab me, though, and I appreciate that.

He tells me more about his older sister, Corinne, and her twin pups; a pair of rambunctious boys a year older than Gem. I hear about Marcus, his Beta. Miss Patty, an old, crotchety wolf that is the pack’s surrogate granny.

The Lakeview Pack is smaller than the Western Pack. In the Wolf District, there were at least a hundred and fifty members who lived in the immediate territory. In Lakeview, he has about forty packmates and the way he tells it, they’re all interested in meeting the wolf in the woods.

One thing stands out to me, though. Paul is an Alpha, but if there’s one person that he has mentioned yet, it’s his mate.

Alphas have mates. It’s how it’s done. And he mentioned in his chatter that he’s been Alpha for two years now. So—

“Will I be meeting your mate, too?”

“No,” he says. Before I can ask him why, he adds, “Because I don’t have one.”

Oh.

That’s… unusual.

During the Alpha Ceremony, when a new male is installed as Alpha of the pack, the Luna gives her blessing for his right to rule—and, in my experience, she also passes down the name of the female that will rule at his side as his mate.

It’s how I got paired off with Jack, after all. The Luna said I was his fated mate, he came and got me, and that was that.

“How is that possible? Didn’t the Luna tell you who she is? Your fated mate, I mean.”

“Nope. I’m sure I have one out there somewhere, but I wasn’t interested in an arranged mating so I never asked.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I’ve never heard any wolf act so unconcerned when it came to their mate like that.

“But it’s fate—”

Out of the corner of his dark gold eyes, he gives me a knowing look. “Are you telling me she always gets it right?”

Considering I’ve already admitted who my fated mate is, we both know the answer to that.

“The way I see it,” Paul adds, “it’s pretty simple. I’m the Alpha. Alpha makes rules. Sometimes I decide that an ancient rule is silly and I change it. Forcing me to mate someone just because there’s supposed to be an Alpha couple? Silly rule. Changed it. I’ve always wanted to choose. Now I get to.”

As we continue to walk together, I have to admit that I love Paul’s outlook on things. I guess, when you are the Alpha, it makes sense to change things around. As an omega, I never would dare, but he isn’t wrong. A lot of our traditions and rituals are dated, and maybe if I hadn’t put so much stock into the idea of a fated mate, things would’ve worked out better for me.

So lost in thought over what Paul said, I’m barely paying attention to where we’re going. He told me we’re going closer to where the pack lives, but when we arrive, I only see one single cabin.

It’s huge, too. It has at least two floors and is three times as wide as the cabin I had back in the District. From the size alone, I know where he’s taken me. The fact that it’s covered in his scent just confirms it.

This is the Alpha’s cabin.

Paul’s cabin.

“Home, sweet, home,” he says cheerfully. “Come on. Let’s get you settled inside.”

“What? No! I can’t stay here. We can’t stay here.”

For so many reasons I have to find somewhere else to go. I mean, I was the Alpha’s mate for three years and I never once set foot inside of his assigned cabin. Only a bonded mate is allowed to stay in there, and I’m still basically just a hopeless stranger to Paul.

He has to know why I’m refusing. Though he loses his easy smile, he doesn’t argue with me.

Instead, he says, “What about the den? There’s a bedroom off of it that I save for packmates in need.”

While the Alpha’s cabin is specifically for the Alpha and his mate, there is always one part that’s designated as the den. It could be a kitchen, a living room, an office… some space that’s welcome to all packmates. Anyone can visit there, even me.

A room off the den?

Yeah.

I can do that.

* * *

I don’t realizehow bone-tired I am until Paul leaves me and Gemma alone in our new room.

Though all I wanted to do was drop down on the massive bed that took up most of the space, I don’t. Instead, the first thing I did was run into the attached bathroom and scrub my hands. Propping Gem up on the sink, I scrub her rosy cheeks and use my claws to try to get most of the tangles out of her curls.

He made sure to tell us that everything in the room and the bathroom is free to all packmates. I hate that it feels like snooping, but he was the one who mentioned diapers first. In her wolf form, Gem didn’t need them. In her skin, she did. There was a closet in the bathroom full of countless toiletries, including five different-sized diapers.

Once I cleaned up my daughter and put her in a diaper, I tucked her into the bed. Paul promised he’d find me a crib if I wanted him to. I wasn’t worried about it. I’ve grown used to sleeping next to my baby and I wasn’t sure my wolf could handle a separation so soon after everything that happened.

Gem went right to sleep, her belly full of mac and cheese, her heart content in the knowledge that her mama was near. I thought about taking a shower before deciding to just wipe the dirt off my bare feet so that I didn’t feel so grimy, climbing into the clean bed.

After that, I know right out. I sleep like the dead, and when I wake up again later that afternoon, my heart nearly stops.

Gem’s missing.

My girl is gone.

Throwing back the covers, I sniff frantically, trying to track her by scent. Once I have it, I run after it.

In Paul’s cabin, the den is part-kitchen, part-dining area. It was like that in my home pack, too. Us shifters are ruled by our appetites, whether it’s food or… other things. Most packs congregate where the food is made.

In the Wolf District, there is no den, and that tells you nearly all you need to know about Jack...

My former mate’s arrogant face pops into my brain as I think the worst. Gem’s gone because he found her, he has her, she’s gone.

She’s—

She’s in the den with Paul.

Gem’s wolf is back, and she’s playfully gnawing on something that I think—hope—is a chicken bone. Paul is sitting cross-legged about a foot away from her, close enough that he can reach her without hovering over her.

She doesn’t notice that I’m here. That’s I’m two seconds away from losing it entirely. Nope. She’s too busy with her bone.

Paul notices. As soon as I come racing into the room, feet slapping against the hardwood floor, he lifts his head and smiles.

I want to strangle him.

No, Janelle. Strangling your host is a surefire way to get kicked out of the pack. It’s also against my nature, but when it comes to protecting my baby, I’ve realized there are some things an omega might just do anyway.

“I… Sorry about running in here like this. I woke up and couldn’t find my daughter.”

He looks down at her. “See? You’re getting me in trouble with your mom. I asked you if she knew you were awake and what did you do, kitten? You shifted so you didn’t have to answer me, then stole some of my lunch.”

That explains the bone, I guess. And why she was missing the room. Little Miss Houdini strikes again.

But… kitten?

“Kitten?”

“Uh-huh. I mean, how sure are you that she’s a wolf?” Paul runs his fingers through Gem’s fur. “She seems more like a kitten to me.”

Honestly, I know she’s teasing, but I can’t even deny it. My girl preens at his gentle strokes, letting out a soft rumble that, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was a purr.

He glances up, meeting my gaze. “I made chicken wings while you were sleeping. There’s still some left in the kitchen.”

“Thank you,” I say politely, “but I can fend for myself.”

I don’t have much. Just the few dollars I kept hidden in my pouch. I had hidden it in the cave my first night inside, grabbing it before I left with Gem and Paul.

“I understand. Anyway, you’re welcome to anything in the fridge. Cabinets, too. And if there’s something else you want, let me know. There’s a human shop a few miles away that doesn’t ask too many questions about massive meat orders.”

Another thing that’s so different than the Wolf District. Jack never relied on human stores. Even if we were in our skin most of the time, he never once let us forget that we were really wolves at heart.

And… I’m thinking about my former mate again.

I shake my head, trying to shove him out of my brain.

Paul frowns. “I understand that you don’t want to accept anything from me, but you gotta eat.”

Huh?

“Sorry. You’re right. I...” How to explain? “I’m just thinking about something. I am hungry, though. Thank you. I’m sure I’ll find something.”

Nodding, Paul gives Gem one last stroke before taking his hand back. My pup whines, but instead of being annoyed, he barks out a laugh and rubs the top of her head. “I tell ya, kitten. You’re gonna be a heartbreaker.” Looking over at me again, he winks. “Just like your mama.”

This time, when my heart nearly stops, it has nothing to do with Gem—and everything to do with Paul Booker.

* * *

Despite how eagerhis packmates are to welcome me and Gem, Paul proves that he really is the Alpha by putting his paw down. For the first few days of our stay, he announces that the den is off-limits. It’s clear that he wants us to feel comfortable here, that he’s inviting us not just into his cabin, but also his pack.

He’s also completely upfront and honest with me when it comes to how seriously he’s taking the threat of my former mate—especially since some of his pack enforcers report that unfamiliar shifters are testing their borders. Over the last week or so, there have been a couple of sightings, unknown wolves looking for ways to sneak into the territory without being caught, and suddenly Paul’s urgency when it came to us moving out of the cave makes a ton more sense.

Jack’s looking for us. I’m sure of it. I bet Paul does, too. But instead of treating us like a problem, he bends over backward so that we know we belong.

Because it’s not only the threat of Jack’s he’s taking seriously. Now that I’m safely tucked away inside of the den, Paul’s scent has changed. It’s not the slimy, oily lust that had oozed off of Scott, or the heat of Jack’s need whenever he thought of rutting, but I’ve been a mature female long enough to know when a male is attracted to me.

And Paul? He is.

The food had a meaning. I knew it did. In the shifter world, when a male gifts a female food, it’s his way of saying that he’s a good provider, that he will protect me, he will feed me, and I have nothing to worry about when he’s near.

I’m trying desperately to pretend he’s only doing this because he’s the Alpha. Jack isn’t only a contradiction; he’s an outlier. Most Alphas are devoted to their pack, seeing each packmate as his to care for instead of his to rule over. From what I can tell, it seems like Paul is one of the good ones. He knows I’m in trouble. While I’m on his land, he’ll treat me as one of his own.

That doesn’t mean he sees me as his, though.

Right?

Wrong.

Even though I know that he must have plenty of demands on his time, Paul is careful to spend plenty of it tending to me and Gem far more frequently than is called for. I’m so hungry for real, cooked meat that I eat the chicken wings that he offered, pointedly ignoring the pleased look that flashes across his handsome face as I do. Over lunch, he doesn’t quite pry, but I find myself confessing more than I planned on.

He’s just so Luna damned easy to talk to. And though I’ve only been talking to him since yesterday, I feel like I know his inner alpha wolf intimately after all those days he came to visit us at the cave. His eyes are darker than Jack’s, but they’re so much kinder. When I peer into them, I can’t help but tell him more than I should.

Like how I ran from my ex-mate the same night that he saw me tearing through his woods. How I’m an omega and so is my daughter; he doesn’t contradict me on that point, and I have no reason to believe he doesn’t by my life. With my cheeks flaming as I look down at my sauce-covered fingers, I even apologize for biting his leg and basically throwing him off the hill.

Paul laughs, telling me not to mention it. Then, grabbing a napkin from the pile on the table, he licks it with his tongue and starts to clean my fingers. His motions are careful yet sure, and he has my wrist cradled in his palm, napkin swiping away the sauce before I even realize what he was going to do.

He’s so gentle that it doesn’t even occur to me to jerk out of his grasp. I haven’t been touched by another male since the first time Jack pushed me to my knees, using his claws to rip my shirt open before he marked my chest the first time.

Bloody and in shock at how he was treating me, my first time mating was with a cruel, large male shoving himself inside of me. He didn’t even pretend to be a thoughtful lover my first time and it only got worse after that.

Paul… Paul’s different. In so many ways, he’s different. And, okay, I’m skeptical. Of course I am. I can’t believe that he’s doing this because of me. I keep telling myself it’s because he’s a good guy and a good Alpha.

The second night we’re in Lakeview, though, I can’t pretend any longer.

We eat dinner together. Me, Gem, and Paul. He was busy meeting with Marcus for most of the day so I decided to make myself useful and prepare a meal for him for a change.

Was I aware of how it looked? Yes. Did I know that he’d see me as making a meal for him as the next step in this strange dance we were performing? Yes to that, too.

I… might’ve been testing him a little. On the very rare times that I ate with Jack, he accepted the food as his due. He wasn’t grateful—in fact, he always found something to complain about—but eating my food didn’t mean he thought I cared for him. Why would he? I was supposed to be devoted and loyal to him because I was his mate. Nothing changed that.

With Paul, I wanted to see how he would react. Would he eat first because he was the Alpha and owed him this? Or would he refuse it because he didn’t want me to get the wrong idea after all?

Neither, actually. Paul… he blushed again. The first time hadn’t been a fluke. He blushed, then he thanked me, and we ate together after he insisted I take the largest potato when I point-blank told him I made the biggest steak for him.

No matter why he was doing it, he was still trying to take care of me. For the first time since I met him, I let him. I ate the freaking potato, and Paul smiled as he cut into his steak.

When I went to put Gem to bed later that night, Paul asked if I could join him in the kitchen again after I was done. My pulse picked up at his request, but I nodded before carrying my full and dozing pup back to the room where we were still staying.

She goes down easier than I hope. I’m so nervous to find out what it is that Paul wants that I linger at her side of the bed longer than I should. I can sense his alpha aura—not as overwhelming as others, yet still undeniable—pulsing on the other side of the den, waiting for me.

I take a deep breath and, after running my hand over the top of Gem’s head, head toward the door.