Leave Janelle by Sarah Spade

8

Just like I thought, Paul has moved toward the edge of the kitchen, as close to where the bedroom is without actually stepping into the dining area.

He gives me a grin as crooked as his nose. “She sleeping?”

“I nod.”

“That’s good. Rambunctious kitten, she needs her rest when she can get it.”

Paul likes to call her ‘kitten’. What had surprised me at first has become almost endearing. “She gonna be out long?”

“She sleeps through the night now.”

“So she won’t miss you if you’re gone?”

Where is he going with this? “She can sense if I’m not nearby, but it won’t bother her unless it’s for an extended period of time. Why?”

“Because, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to show you something.”

“Paul—”

He holds up his hand. “Hear me out. We won’t be gone long. Promise. It’s just… the sun’s about to set. This is the best time of day for you to see something.”

I look him over. His dark eyes have lightened with barely concealed excitement, like he really wants me to see whatever it is he has to show me. But his expression is more guarded, as if he’s sure I’ll politely disagree.

To my surprise—and his—I nod. “Let me grab my shoes.”

Since staying here, Paul’s provided Gem and me each an extra dress, a pair of pajamas, and shoes to protect our human feet. I tried to give him my pouch of money to pay for them, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Literally. The goofy alpha put his paws over his ears, saying “la, la, la,” until I laughed and simply thanked him for his kindness instead.

They’re a simple pair of white slip-ons, maybe a size bigger than I need, but they do the job. Paul said there’s a small trading station that one of the packmates runs once I feel comfortable meeting them. I can pick out fresh underclothes or see if there are some hand-me-downs that fit better, or I could put in a request to one of the wolves who run out to the local human city.

He promises me that, even though I can’t see them, there are plenty of his wolf enforcers who will watch the cabin while we’re gone. And though I’m an overprotective mama, I want to show him that I believe him. He hasn’t given me any reason not to, and if it turns out another Alpha has made a fool out of me… well, I took him down once before, didn’t I?

* * *

Okay.

This was worth it.

Logically, I knew that any pack called Lakeview would have some kind of lake. It’s in the name after all, and shifters aren’t the most creative when it comes to naming their packs. Jack’s based on the West Coast; boom, Western Pack. I’ve heard of the Mountainside Pack on the East that, you guessed it, lived on the side of a mountain. The Northern Pack’s another one, skirting the border to Canada.

And Lakeview has a grand lake.

Paul wasn’t exaggerating when he said that the sunset was the best time of the day to view this sight. As the sun sets over the placid water, it shimmers and shines and turns the pale blue water almost purplish-pink. A few stray clouds reflect in the water.

It’s brilliant. Beautiful.

And when I finally rip my gaze from the sight, turning to see Paul watching me as if he thinks I’m brilliant and beautiful, I can’t deny the chemistry—and the fledgling bond—sparking between us any longer.

I drop my gaze to the grass, digging the toe of my shoe into the dirt. The more I’ve been thinking about, the more I’ve convinced myself why he’s so determined to take care of me.

It’s my fault. Omegas are coddled. Protected. And, somehow, by expending so much of my aura to cover Gem and make her appear like another omega, I must’ve snared this kind-hearted alpha.

I sigh. “You don’t have to do this, Paul.”

“What?” He sounds confused. “What are you talking about?”

I guess I have to explain.

“I’m not trying to lure you on purpose. I’m an omega. It’s instinct that you would want to protect me, but I swear I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“What? Janelle—”

Now, the more I convinced myself that he was only doing this because of the way his type of wolf was reacting to mine, the more I realized that there was only one thing I could do. I’d already been hiding on his territory for two weeks. Since then, Jack’s scouts had been sniffing around, even if they haven’t figured out that I’m here yet. They will eventually, though.

“Anyway, I’m glad you showed me this. Your lake. It’s… it’s gorgeous. I would’ve been sad to miss it when I go.” Because I have to. What else can I do?

“When you go?” he echoes.

His voice has changed. Instead of sounding confused, he sounds too, too quiet. Like this is the last reaction he expected after bringing me here.

It’s for the best. “Yes.”

“From the den?”

I shake my head.

No. Not from the den.

Paul doesn’t say anything to that.

It’s awkward now. I still can’t bear to look at him, and I’m already kicking myself for how I handled things. As an omega, this should be easier than it is. If I can attract him to me, I should be able to break that tie so that he doesn’t feel like he has to protect me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into any of this. Maybe I should just grab my baby and go.” Yeah. That seems like the best idea. “Thank you, Paul. I… you have no idea how I appreciate what you’ve done for me. But… yeah. I should go.”

Still avoiding his gaze, I start to hurry away. I’ve only gone a few steps, though, when his soft voice chases after me.

“Just about two weeks ago, I came across a wounded she-wolf. She was so feral that, at first, I thought she was a true she-wolf.”

I hesitate. “I said I’m sorry for biting you.”

“Why?” There’s such a curious note in that one word, it has me jerking my head over my shoulder to glance up at him. “I’m not.”

My breath catches in my throat. His eyes have gone hooded, his lips curved slightly as he looks at me. As he sees me.

And, for the first time, I really see him.

Knowing that I’m skittish, Paul takes one careful step closer to me as he says, “My first priority has always been the pack. I’m an Alpha. It’s part of the job description. But, when I saw you… for the first time I wanted something just for me.”

“Paul…”

Another step. And another.

Before I know it, I’m walking to him.

I don’t know if it’s my omega nature that lured him in. Maybe it’s his alpha side, his pure animal magnetism that makes him irresistible. Whatever it is, I’m lost in his gaze, allowing him to gather me up in his arms even as my wolf whimpers that this male… this male might just be the one to heal her broken half.

My wolf is enamored with Paul’s. My human half yearns to throw her arms around his neck.

So I do.

Paul doesn’t take. He doesn’t demand. He meets my eyes, searching, getting the answer from both my wolf and me. When we say yes, only then does he lower his head and kiss me.

As his soft lips slowly press against mine, I can’t help but remember that Jack kissed me and the bastard bit right through my lip. He was always trying to mark me in subtle ways, even more proud of himself when it made me hurt.

Wrapped up in the Alpha of the Lakeview Pack, I ache but not in the same way.

I didn’t know it could be like this. He’s gentle, but there’s an authoritative edge to his kiss as he takes control and I gladly give it up. I’m not strong. I’m not reckless. I’m only brave when I have someone else to protect. I’m made to be dominated, but as Paul encourages me to open up so that he can deepen our kiss, it hits me for the first time that there are different levels of dominance.

An alpha doesn’t have to be cruel to control. He just has to be strong enough to catch you when you fall.

And, Luna help me, I think I’ve been falling since that first slice of cake.

Paul’s the first one to break the kiss. I almost expect that, but I’m out of breath and secretly pleased when he dives back in for another. His arms link up behind my back, holding me to it in a way that leaves no doubt in my mind that as protective as he is toward me, that’s not the only feelings he has.

We’re both gasping when Paul moves so that his cheek is pressed against mine, his hot breath caressing my ear.

He doesn’t let me go as he whispers, “I want you in my cabin. Not because you’re an Omega. Not because of your daughter’s secret. I want you in my cabin because, when I look at you, my instincts all roar mine.”

I squeeze him tighter. My heart stutters as reality sets in. “But I’m not your fated mate.”

I can’t be. The Luna gave me to Jack, and if I never figure out what I’ve done to deserve that fate, I’ll know that it must’ve been pretty awful.

Paul jerks his head back, searching my face again. I don’t know what it is he sees now, but he leans in, pressing his forehead to mine. “So?”

Can it be that easy?

“I choose you, Janelle.”

Paul seems to think so.

If only I could be so easily convinced. I’m not strong so when I move my hands between us, using the flats to push against Paul’s chest, I know he only steps away from me because he’s allowing me to get away.

But I don’t leave the side of the lake. This conversation isn’t done yet and we both know it.

Stubbornly, I point out, “You can choose anyone.”

“I could.” Paul nods, the front strands of his shaggy, sandy brown hair falling forward. Unwilling to break eye contact with me, he shoves it out of his face. “And I’m not pushing you to say yes. A female like you, you deserve to be wooed. Courted properly. I’m just begging you to stay a little longer. Don’t leave the den. Not yet.”

Is that all? Paul seems to be saying it is, but I’m not sure.

“I don’t know—”

And that’s when Paul drops to his knees. The earth seems to shake at his sudden fall, or maybe that’s just me.

A hint of humor brightens his dark eyes.

My face flames. “What are you doing?”

“Told you, Janelle. I’m begging.”

Oh, my Luna.

“Get up,” I tell him quickly. “Someone might see you.”

“And?”

“Paul, you’re the Alpha.”

“Right. And my packmates know that there isn’t a damn thing I won’t sacrifice for the happiness of the pack. But, if just this one time, I’m not thinking about the pack. I’m thinking of my own happiness. You make me happy. Luna knows why, but from the moment you went for my hind leg but didn’t go for my throat, you make me want to be a better male. For you. For your pup, too, but mostly for you, Janelle.”

I don’t tell him that the only reason that I didn’t go for his throat is because I knew it would do no good. That night, I was feral. I was a true wolf. I would’ve killed him, and only regretted it once Gem was safe.

Of course, now I’m glad I didn’t. There’s something so incredibly amazing about this male, and not just that he seems to want me. For Luna’s sake, he really is begging. On his knees and everything.

He says he wants to be a better male. I don’t know if that’s even possible.

“Please, Paul.” It comes out as a shaky whisper. “Don’t do this.”

“Then say you’ll stay.”

“Paul—”

He lifts up his hands. He’s got them clasped together, a smile tugging on his lips. But his eyes? The humor has faded. Looking into them, I see his wolf staring back, seriously pleading with me to stay with him.

I join him on the ground. Hesitant but hopeful, I walk towards him on my knees.

He folds me in his arms, pulling me up against his chest again.

Leaning my cheek on his shoulder, I murmur, “You know this is a bad idea.”

“I respectfully disagree.”

“You could meet your fated mate tomorrow—”

His big hand lays gently on my back. When all I do is tense, he pauses, but I let out a little of my inner wolf. For so long I was careful not to use my nature against any other shifters. I didn’t want Jack responding to it, and Paul deserved to know who I am before the realization of what I am changed his perception of me. I was so afraid that I’d lure him closer without meaning to, and as I show him my wolf, I know that I haven’t.

I am now.

I’m okay, I tell him wordlessly. I’m okay.

He starts rubbing my back. “I could,” he says softly, “but it wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve already chosen who I want. And when she’s ready to accept me, I’ll mark her and I’ll claim her and the moon will bless our mating. And then you’ll be mine, and no one else will matter.”

Right. Because it’s not just Paul’s fated mate I’m worried about. If only for a few moments, I managed to forget about mine—but it won’t last.

I clutch him tighter.

“It’s okay, Janelle,” he murmurs. He might not use his wolf to soothe me, but his words have the same effect. “You don’t think you’re worth a second chance. I never thought anyone could see past my title. Maybe there’s hope for both of us.”

I hope so.

I really hope that Paul’s right, too.

“If there is, I won’t know unless I stay.” I sigh. “So I guess I will.”

For as long as Paul wants me to—for as long as it’s safe for Gem—I’ll stay.

I can’t promise that I’ll mate him. I can’t promise that anything will pass between us other than the kiss outside of their treasured lake. I’m skittish and I’m broken and I’m terrified Jack will show up one day. Paul’s determined to show me that none of that changes how he feels.

Still, there are so many things working against us.

But I’ll stay.

And I do.

* * *

Paul might have beenable to use his ranking at the top of the pack hierarchy to keep his curious packmates from intruding on the den. He’s the Alpha, after all, and what he says is law.

But he’s also a younger brother, he tells me with a sheepish grin the next morning, and Corinne threatened to tell me embarrassing stories about when he was a pup if he didn’t let her meet me sooner than later.

On the one hand, it’s been a couple of days and I’ve already committed to staying here for the time being. On the other, I kind of really want to hear those stories.

In the end, I told him I was ready to meet Corinne, especially since she threw in an offer to show me how she makes strawberry shortcake if she got to come over.

The moment she walks into the den, a lot of things make a ton of sense. Right away, I’m met with a female who is a couple of years older than Paul, with kind amber-colored eyes, hair that’s a shade darker than his—and she’s an omega wolf.

No wonder Paul knows exactly had to read around an omega wolf with pups. His sister is one.

She’s no pushover, though. After she gives me a once-over, gauging my mood, she pulls me into a reassuring hug, welcoming me to the pack before I can even think to put the kitchen table between us. She does the same for Gemma, tossing my squealing daughter in the air, never losing a step when Gem shifts mid-toss, another one of her baby dresses exploding over Corinne’s head.

Paul’s sister thinks it’s adorable, and if she’s surprised that Gem has such control over her shift, she doesn’t say anything except to echo Paul’s long-ago compliment: “What a cutie!”

He tries to get his sister to give us some space, but I’m pretty sure the word doesn’t exist in the boisterous omega’s vocabulary. Instead, she shoos him out of the kitchen, telling him that he can run along while she gets to know her new packmates.

Like her brother, Corinne has no problem claiming us.

Paul doesn’t go, though. I’m pretty sure it’s because he wants to be around to defend himself in case his sister really does start with the embarrassing stories, but if he’s free to stay nearby, I’m not complaining. I… I really like having him around.

Gem does, too. He’s so good with her. Kind. Playful. And, yes, goofy in a way that delights a pup while filling my whole chest with warmth—before making me hot in other places.

He’s encouraged her to stay in her wolf form, teaching her tricks when it comes to stalking and tracking—things any wolf needs to know and that her father had neglected since she was “just an omega runt”—while Corinne bustled me into the kitchen to start baking.

The whole scene is cozy. For the first time in so, so long, I’m content. No. More than that.

I’m happy.

Of course, just when that thought flitters through my mind, something has to go and ruin it.

Not just something—someone.

A howl rips through the afternoon. It’s a warning and a declaration all in one. The same howl I often heard during the full moon right been an alpha challenge that left too many good wolves dead.

I know that howl. It haunts my dreams.

Jack.

He’s found us.