Past

She’s late. Again.

‘How are you today?’ she asks, once she’s sitting down.

I smile. ‘Aren’t I meant to ask you that?’

‘Therapists are allowed to have off-days too, aren’t they?’

The fact that she’s relaxed enough to joke with me is pleasing. Could it mean that she’s finally going to tell me what I’ve been waiting to hear?

‘No, I don’t think they are,’ I say.

She laughs.

‘Shall we begin?’ I pull my pad towards me. ‘Over the last few sessions, we’ve been exploring the reasons for your unhappiness. You’ve told me about your childhood, your teenage years, your experiences in the world of work and we came to the conclusion that all those were mostly positive experiences. I think now we need to focus on when you first began to think about yourself as unhappy.’

A small frown creases her brow.

‘If you remember, during our last session, we touched on your marriage as a possible source of your unhappiness,’ I prompt.

‘The thing is, I don’t think I am.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Unhappy.’

I turn my head towards the window, giving her time to reflect on what she’s just said. Through the slats in the blinds, I can see brightly lit garlands strung across the street outside.

‘I mean, how can I be?’ she goes on. ‘I’m married to the most amazing man who would do anything for me, who gives me everything I want. That’s what attracted me to him in the first place – that, and the fact that he was different from the men back home. He’s a real gentleman.’ She laughs nervously. ‘I know that sounds old-fashioned but it’s true.’

I turn my attention back to her and smile. ‘There’s nothing wrong with old-fashioned.’

‘I think what I’ve been feeling is guilt. Guilt that I have so much. That’s what has been making me unhappy, not Pierre. I love him.’ She pauses. ‘You know that quote by Henry David Thoreau, about happiness being elusive?’

‘Yes?’

‘Do you think it’s true?’

‘I think it’s worth careful analysis.’

‘Then maybe I need to turn my attention to other things.’

‘That’s probably a very good idea.’

‘The only thing is, I’m not sure where to begin.’ She looks across at me. ‘I wish I didn’t feel so anxious about everything.’

I put my pen down, close my pad. ‘Do you remember that during our first session, we spoke about relaxation therapy?’

‘Yes. It sounds amazing.’

I stand up. ‘Why don’t we make a start?’