The Therapist by B.A. Paris
Thirty-Three
Debbie calls me the next morning.
‘How are you?’
I don’t have to pretend with Debbie. ‘Miserable. It’s over between me and Leo.’
‘I’m so sorry, Ali.’
‘The worst thing is, nobody is going to understand why I left him. As Ginny pointed out, it’s not as if he murdered someone. Everyone will think I’ve left him because he spent time in prison – which it is. But not in the way that they think.’
‘Does Leo understand?’
‘I’m not sure that he does. After everything I told him, I don’t think he really gets it. But you do, don’t you, Debbie? You know why I can’t be with him now.’
‘Yes,’ she says softly. ‘But, you know, if you want people to understand, you could tell them. You could explain why you feel as you do.’
‘I can’t,’ I say, my voice tight. ‘I’d rather they think I’m unforgiving.’
‘Have you decided what you’re going to do?’
‘Short-term, Leo is letting me have the house for the next two weeks but long-term, I’m not sure. Could I come and stay with you for a bit? I’m not going to be able to get my cottage back until February so I’ll have to find another solution until then.’
‘You can stay with me for as long as you like, you know that. We’re hardly going to get in each other’s way here. You can have the two bedrooms at the back of the house, make one into a temporary study, and in return, you can come for a ride with me each day, on Bonnie. How does that sound?’
Sudden tears fill my eyes. ‘Idyllic,’ I mumble.
‘It’s going to be alright,’ she says.
‘I hope so.’
‘What are you doing today?’
‘I don’t know. I’m not sure where to begin. I feel a bit lost.’
‘Then why don’t you take the day off, give yourself a break? I’m sure there’s plenty to do in London. You’re not going to be there much longer, you should do some sightseeing.’
‘You know, that’s a great idea,’ I say, feeling brighter.
We chat for a while longer. Debbie suggests that I only take what I need from the house and arrange with Leo to leave behind my personal pieces of furniture – my desk, the dressing table which belonged to my mother, my sister’s bookshelf and chest of drawers, my dad’s chair – until I can move back to my cottage.
‘Or, if he doesn’t agree, you can store them in one of the barns,’ she says.
‘I’m sure it will be fine. I don’t want to leave Leo on bad terms, I’ll still want to know how he is, how he’s doing.’ I think for a moment. ‘I know I said I’d be down in two weeks, but if I decide to leave before, would that be OK?’
‘You can arrive tomorrow as far as I’m concerned,’ Debbie says cheerfully. ‘Today, even.’
‘Thanks, Debbie, what would I do without you?’
We hang up and I decide to do as she suggested. I make a list of the places I really want to see before I go back to Harlestone and start with the Victoria and Albert Museum. Just sitting on the tube surrounded by people getting on with their everyday lives makes me realise, once again, how claustrophobic living in The Circle can be for people like me, who don’t have to leave it every day to go to work. For those who do, coming home at the end of the day must feel like entering a haven of calm and privilege, an oasis in the midst of a teeming, bustling city.
I force myself not to think of Leo, not to think of anything except having a nice day out. On the way home, I bump into Eve.
‘Hi, Alice!’ she calls. She nods at the various bags I’m carrying. ‘What have you been up to?’
‘I took the day off and went to the Victoria and Albert, it was amazing. And then I looked around the shops in South Kensington, treated myself to a couple of things, then went to a café and watched the world go by.’
‘It sounds perfect.’
‘I’m going to do some more sightseeing this weekend. The Tate Britain tomorrow, and if I’ve got time, I’ll take the riverboat to the Tate Modern. I’ve reserved Sunday for Kensington Palace, with a walk around Hyde Park afterwards.’
‘They’ve got a gorgeous tearoom there, in the Orangery. You should treat yourself.’
‘Good idea – why don’t you join me?’ I say, because I’m not going to be seeing her for much longer. ‘My treat for being such a lovely neighbour.’ I don’t want to tell her that I’m leaving The Circle, because she would ask why and I haven’t worked out what I’m going to say yet.
‘I’d love that, especially as Will has rehearsals all weekend,’ she says.
‘Great! Shall we meet there at 3 p.m.?’
‘I think we might need to reserve. Would you like me to do it?’
‘Yes, please.’
The next evening, Thomas calls.
‘I hope you don’t mind me disturbing you at the weekend; I wanted to see how you are.’
‘I’m fine, thank you,’ I say, touched that he’s called. ‘Well, not fine exactly because I’m still coming to terms with Leo not being the person he said he was. I’m trying to take my mind off it by exploring London.’
‘That sounds like a great idea. Where have you been?’
I tell him about my trips to the Victoria and Albert and the two Tate museums. ‘Tomorrow I’m going to Kensington Palace and for a walk in Hyde Park. What about you? Have you had a good weekend so far?’
‘Yes, I have my son here. My ex-wife and I have Louis alternate weekends. I took him to Harry Potter World today, which exhausted me far more than it exhausted him.’
I laugh. ‘Hopefully you’ll have a quieter day tomorrow.’
‘I hope so. We’ll probably end up going to kick a ball in the park.’
‘That still sounds energetic. Actually, I’m glad you phoned because there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask. When you turned up on the doorstep the other day, was it only to ask if I’d received a letter from Helen? I mean, you could just have phoned.’
‘You’re right, I could have. But when we spoke the week before, you hung up rather abruptly and I didn’t know if I’d upset you in some way, or if what we’d been talking about had upset you. It played on my mind, so when Helen told me she’d written to you, I felt I had an excuse to call round and check that everything was alright.’
‘It wasn’t you,’ I say. ‘I can’t remember what we were talking about but it definitely wasn’t anything you said that upset me.’
‘We were talking about your neighbour and wondering if there was someone who hadn’t liked you asking her about Nina.’
‘Oh, yes.’ I pause, remembering it was the thought that Tamsin might have been listening at Lorna’s that day. ‘I still don’t know what to think. I can’t believe she was worried about Edward hearing what she was saying, and the other suspect I had – well, I’ve dismissed her now. But I’m certain there are secrets here in The Circle.’
‘I’m sure there are.’
Thinking of Tamsin has made me remember something that I’ve been meaning to ask Thomas. ‘Tamsin mentioned something the other day. Apparently, after Nina was killed, she cut her hair and she wondered if subconsciously, she was worried that if the killer had a fetish about long hair, he might come after her next. Do you think he did? Have a fetish, I mean?’
‘It could be that. Or it could be symbolic. Throughout history, cutting off a woman’s hair was often used as punishment for those thought to be immoral, as a shaming tactic. During World War Two, in France, it was the fate of many of the women who slept with Germans. They were seen as collaborators.’
‘So, if Nina’s murderer thought she was immoral because she was having an affair, surely that points the finger at Oliver?’
‘Or someone who wanted to have an affair with her and was jealous that she was having an affair with someone else. Or someone who was judging her for having an affair.’ There’s a pause. ‘Sorry, Alice, Louis is waiting for me to read him a bedtime story. I’d better go.’
‘Of course.’
I hang up, smiling at an image of him reading a story to his son. Louis. It’s a nice name.