Breaking Free by Isabel Lucero
12
“Beg,”I say out loud, scoffing at the idea.
He’s clearly out of his mind. How does he switch so easily like that? One second he’s saying all these filthy things, describing what he’d do to me, and the next, he’s casually walking off like it wasn’t a big deal.
I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I saw him earlier this afternoon, and I regret not leaving when he came to sit with me.
When he’s around, something weird happens. It’s like he brings with him this bubble, and when he’s close, I get trapped inside and it changes everything I thought I knew about myself. I’m not the type to be so meek and easily controlled. But like the time in the bathroom, and the times in the locker room, he gets close to me, and I’m sucking on his finger, choking on his cock, and nearly begging for more. I’m entranced by his confidence. He tells me to get on my knees, and I’m already halfway there. What the fuck?
On the flip side, he aggravates the shit out of me. The same confidence I enjoy when I’m trapped in his bubble, turns into annoying cocky behavior outside of that bubble.
Everything in me is fighting to stay strong and not surrender to his will. Even being with him at Bobby’s Burgers was hard. If anybody was paying attention to us, they would’ve known, or at least suspected something was going on between us. That’s one of the main reasons why I don’t want to be around him. My wall comes down too easily and I’ll end up outing myself by accident.
I park in my driveway, and just as I’m about to call Jay back, my phone vibrates in my hand, and Renzo’s face pops up on the screen. Knowing I’m in for a long conversation, I plop down on the top step of my porch.
“Don’t start,” I say as soon as I accept the call.
He laughs. “So, Dom is the towel wrapped hottie from Grand Valley? And he’s here now and playing football with you? And, more importantly, you didn’t fucking tell me?”
I sigh. “It’s not gonna be a thing. There’s no need to know he transferred here.”
“Right, except that he’s fucking hot, and when you saw him earlier, your jaw dropped like you were ready to swallow his dick right at the table. Which I’m not one-hundred percent against seeing, if I’m being honest.”
I shake my head, a laugh escaping even though I was trying to keep it in. “I’m assuming Ronan isn’t around.”
“He’s in the other room,” he answers easily. “He agrees he’s hot, and we both agree that you’re gonna hook up with him again. You’d be stupid not to.”
I groan. “You’re supposed to be my friend and on my side.”
“I am, and I’m being a great friend by saying you need to get laid by the massive football player. You’d feel better, I promise. You have so much pent up...what’s the word I’m looking for?”
“Sexual energy?” Ronan chirps in the background.
“Sexual energy works,” Renzo says. “You haven’t had sex with a guy yet. You’re craving it. I know it.”
“Oh my God, I’m not talking about this with you.”
Renzo laughs again. “Anyway, why aren’t y’all doing anything?”
“For one, I’m in the closet.”
“And? So was Ronan. We had a blast hooking up behind people’s backs.”
I roll my eyes and push my sunglasses up on my head. “When I’m around him, my guard comes down, and I don’t want people figuring it out because I’m eye-fucking him. Plus, I don’t even know how to go about telling people. Everyone I know has always thought I was straight my whole life. Hell, I was hooking up with chicks this year. How will I explain my revelation?”
“Say that you hooked up with thee Lorenzo Hayes and realized how much you loved dick.” Only a second goes by before he exclaims, “Ow. Sorry, babe.”
“Ronan’s gonna kick your ass.”
“Kiss it, more like. Anyway, who cares what they think?”
“I don’t know how to tell my parents.”
“Your parents have always been pretty cool, and they like me and know I’m gay, so…”
“Yeah, but you’re not their son. It’s easy to pretend you tolerate something when it doesn’t involve your kid.”
“Have they ever talked about me when I wasn’t around? Judged my sexuality?”
“No,” I answer honestly.
“I know it’s scary, but you don’t want to miss out on opportunities because you’re scared.”
“What opportunities?”
“Uhh, to bang the hot football player? I thought I was clear.”
“Renzo,” I hear Ronan say in the background.
“Okay, that’s just one thing, but to be serious, the opportunity to be yourself. To break free from the shackles of what society thinks we all need to be. You deserve the opportunity to be happy with whoever brings you that happiness, regardless of what’s between their legs.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. You know you’ll always have us even if all your other friends turn out to be pieces of shit.”
I laugh. “I appreciate that. I gotta call Jay back, so I’ll hit you up later.”
“All right, man.”
I end the call, head inside, and call Jay.
“Hey, man,” he answers right away.
“Hey.”
“So, I feel kinda bad for leaving you out of last night’s festivities, because it was a pretty fun fucking night.”
I snort. “Thanks.”
“So, I was thinking we could go out tonight.”
“You know I’m not twenty-one for another month. Why don’t we have a party here?”
“How about both?”
I groan. “You want to go to that lame ass bar?”
“It’s the only place that allows eighteen and up in.”
“Yeah, and I have to wear a bright green wristband to alert everyone I’m underage.”
Jayden laughs. “It’s not that bad. Wear a long sleeve shirt. And the bar isn’t that lame.”
“You literally called it the shittiest bar in America.”
“Maybe I was exaggerating. It’s not like I’ve been to every bar in America.”
I run a hand through my hair. “Ugh, fine. But I don’t want to stay too long. We’ll drink a little and then come back here. I don’t even know why we go out when we can drink in the comfort of our own homes.”
“It’s called socializing, Trev. We might make new friends.”
“Don’t you have enough friends?” I grumble.
“No, and you definitely need more.”
“Fine. When?”
“Ten?”
“All right.”
I end the call and realize I have several hours before then, so the plan is to do some homework, call my parents, take a nap, eat, shower, and get ready to go.
I briefly wonder if telling my parents I’m gay over the phone is acceptable. Definitely seems easier. Problem is, they live nearby, so it’s not like I have a good excuse. Mom would be over in a heartbeat.
We moved here from West Virginia when I was twelve. I love this part of Michigan, and South River is top notch, so I never felt the need to leave the state to go to college. My relationship with my parents isn’t bad either, but I still have this overwhelming sense of dread weighing heavy on me at the thought of telling them.
Maybe when I call, I’ll make plans to go over and visit next weekend, and I can tell them then. It gives me a week to figure out how to go about it.
Yeah. That’s the plan. One week. Then I can figure out this thing with Dominic.
