Breaking Free by Isabel Lucero

16

I don’t seeTrevor until Monday afternoon when we’re in the locker room getting ready to head out to the field.

After we hooked up on Saturday night, we didn’t say much to each other. I used the bathroom and put my clothes back on, and when I came out, he was already dressed and in the kitchen. He looked tense, maybe even embarrassed, but I don’t know why. He didn’t want to look me in my eyes when I came around the corner. It was like he was dismissing me, so I simply said I’d see him around and walked out.

This thing with Trevor is a strange and new experience. I think it’s pretty obvious we have chemistry, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. His frustrations with me stem from his feelings for me, even if they’re just sexual. He fights so hard to keep from giving in, but when he does, it’s fucking beautiful. He’s the perfect listener—so eager and ready to do anything I say. He wants me to tell him what to do. He needs someone to control the situation, because otherwise he’d be in his head too much. I know he loves it, but once it’s over, the mood shifts, and he’s back in his head. I’ve never been with someone who can’t admit how much they like what we’re doing.

At my locker, I rip off my shirt, kick off my shoes, and start pulling out my football gear. Trevor rounds the corner and halts briefly when he sees me, before realizing he has no choice but to pass me to get to his locker.

From a couple feet away, Jay turns and says, “Hey, did y’all have fun?”

Trevor’s eyes narrow at me before I focus on Jay. “This weekend? Yeah. I had a good time.”

“I didn’t get home ‘till five-thirty Sunday morning,” Jay says with a laugh.

Trevor’s shoulder relax once he realizes Jay wasn’t insinuating anything. “Yeah, it was cool.”

“I saw you talking to Naomi for a little while,” Jay tells him. “Liv told me she’s into you.”

Trevor’s back is to Jay, but I don’t miss his eyes sliding in my direction as he pulls his things out of the locker. “Oh?”

“Yeah, you want her number?”

He sighs, scratching the space between his brows. “Nah. I mean, she’s cute, but…” He trails off, unsure what to say.

Jay shrugs. “I’ll tell Liv you’re not interested. She wanted to play matchmaker.”

Trevor turns and forces a smile. “I’m good. No need.”

“I know you’re not a relationship kind of guy,” he says with a wink. He pulls his jersey over his shoulder pads and looks at me. “Oh, dude, I met this guy. He’s not really my type, but you might like him. I can introduce you.”

I don’t miss the stiffness re-enter Trevor’s shoulders as he tries to avoid gazing in my direction.

I laugh. “He’s not your type? What does that mean? He ugly?”

Jay laughs. “No, man. I wouldn’t hook you up with an ugly dude. He’s attractive, but he’s...I don’t know. Too innocent. Does that make sense? I don’t know,” he says again with a shrug. “What’s your type?”

“I do like them innocent,” I say, leering at Trevor as Jay has his back turned. “I don’t mind teaching them a few things.”

Trevor quickly finishes up, and Jay laughs.

“See y’all out there,” Trevor says as he rushes off.

“What’s up with him?” Jay questions.

I shrug, and we change the topic as we head to the field together.

Practice goes well. For me. Trevor has an off day and Coach gets on to him quite a bit. Our first game is Friday and Coach told him he better get his shit together before then or he won’t be playing.

On the way back to the locker room, Dex jogs up to Trevor, who’s only a few steps ahead of me and asks, “You okay, man?”

“I’m fine!” he snaps at him.

Dex jolts back slightly. “Okay. Just checking.”

“Why? Because I had such a shitty day? I guess I’m the only one who has off days.”

Dex looks back at Jay who’s between me and them, confusion on his face. “No, I didn’t say that.”

“I’m fine. Just in my head too much. I’ll be fine.”

“All right, man,” Dex says before running ahead.

I decide I need to talk to Trevor, but considering his mood, I already know he’s gonna be pissed the minute I approach him.

While I’m in the shower, the loud voices eventually turn into a dull roar, followed by a few quiet goodbyes as people start leaving. I let the hot water hit my shoulders and pour down my back, hoping to relax some of the soreness in my muscles.

I take my time getting dry and dressed, enjoying the rare silence of a locker room. Coach’s voice is audible from behind the closed door of his office, but other than that, it’s quiet.

A couple minutes later, the door creaks open and a furious looking Trevor storms out of his office, glancing at me briefly before pushing through the main doors.

Several minutes later, when I finally emerge outside with my bag hooked over my shoulder, I’m surprised to see Trevor at a bench halfway between the athletic building and the parking lot. His legs bounce while his eyes are trained at the space between his feet.

I think to stop and ask him if he’s okay, but I’m not in the mood to get snapped on, so I stroll by. I’ve only taken a few steps past him before he gets my attention.

“Hey!”

I stop and angle my head over my shoulder. “What?”

He pushes up, grabbing his bag and striding toward me. “What happened between us. It can’t happen again.”

With a snort, I keep walking. “Okay, Campbell.”

“I’m serious,” he says, following me.

“Right, because you sucking my dick on Saturday is why you were so shitty at practice today.”

“You’re…” he pauses, searching for his next words. “You’re a distraction.”

“I didn’t even talk to you today. I barely looked at you, and yet, I’m distracting you?” I continue walking to my car as he keeps up with me.

“You don’t have to talk to me to distract me. I’m thinking about what we did and whether you told anyone, or if anyone’s found out, and I’m searching their faces for weird looks or listening for whispered words about us. I’m too…”

“Afraid?” I offer.

“Is that such a bad thing?” he questions.

At my car, I unlock and open the back door, throwing my bag inside. I close it and lean against it, my arms crossed at my chest. “I haven’t told anyone, Campbell, and I won’t.”

He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. Look, I just can’t.”

Annoyed, I let out a huff. “You know what I think? I think you’d feel so much better if you just broke free. Be yourself. Tell people you’re gay. Tell them this is me and fuck you if you don’t like it. Then you don’t have to constantly be worried about what they may or may not know. I am not the distraction. You are. You’re in your head way too much. Just like on Saturday. As soon as we were out of the bed, you became tense and weird. Why?”

He looks away, chewing his bottom lip, but doesn’t say anything.

I sigh. “Whatever, man. You say you don’t want to be with me again? That’s fine. You’re not my only option. But when you keep playing like shit, don’t blame me.”

His gaze finally settles on my face, and I can see the battle behind his eyes. He doesn’t know what the hell he wants, but this weird fucking game isn’t for me.

“See ya,” I say, hopping in the car and driving off.