Jax by E. M. Moore
26
We sit for a few minutes, our breaths syncing like we never went off path. Being with Jax is like finally stepping on a solid foundation. He doesn’t crumble. He doesn’t shake or go off-kilter. He’s steady and loves with his whole being.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my throat catching. He opens his mouth to say something but I keep trudging forward. I’m on the track now, and I need to get things out. “I didn’t think past saving you back then. I wasn’t trying to be selfish, I swear. I just didn’t want you pulled into K’s shit.”
“We don’t have to talk about it again.”
“I have some atoning to do for a lot of things.” Weight crushes my shoulders, and it feels like even a slight bit more will topple me over.
“That starts today,” he promises. “I get why you didn’t want to fight that girl. I would’ve loved for you to show him you’re not this weak thing he can push around but I get it. We can show him another way.”
I move to a sitting position, then carefully maneuver my sore leg around his hip until I’m seated on his lap facing him. I run my hands through his hair, digging my fingertips into his scalp and pulling his head back until half-lidded eyes peer at me. “I don’t deserve you.”
I must look terrible. I’ve discarded the ice even though my head is pounding. Jax is more important to me than feeling better. He wraps his hand in mine, kisses it, then hovers both his hands over my cheeks, careful not to hurt me. “No one did you any favors, Sadie. I’m not going to pretend I know what it’s like to be you anymore because I don’t. No one does. I’ll fucking fight anyone who tries to shame you for the decisions you made.”
Heat gathers behind my eyes. “You’re making it worse.” He narrows his gaze in confusion, so I explain further. “The not deserving you thing… You’re really laying it on thick.”
He cocks a smile at me, and a little of the weight that’s been on me dissipates into the stillness of the air. “I’d argue the same thing. Broken people are the strongest, and you’ve had your fair share of breaks that kept coming. As soon as the world stops treating you like shit, you’re going to thrive.”
I dip my head, moving my cracked lips to his in a soft brush. I breathe him in, gathering up all the confidence he has in me and trying to spread it through my limbs. Every time a worry pops into my brain, I deepen the kiss despite the pain and thread my fingers through his hair, exploring the man he is now instead of the one I used to know.
Doing this—especially here—is like taking a bit of myself back. I’m in charge. I want it. It’s not a job or a thing I do to secure my future. This is because the two of us are so damn right together that even the mountains between us couldn’t stop us from reuniting.
I pull away, lips moving over his as I speak. “Remember when you said that the next time we had sex it would be because I wanted it?”
He sighs, the tip of his tongue darting out to rest on his lips for a split second. “Mm-hmm.”
“I want it Jax. With you. Who you are now, and I hope you want me the way I am now. Flaws and everything.”
“All I see are growing pains.” He grabs my hips and carefully pulls me closer. I’m met with his straining cock inside his pants. “I don’t want to hurt you though.”
“Hurt me,” I tell him, meaning it. I don’t care what happens to me as long as I get to be with him right now.
He yanks me to him and stands, sweeping his arm across the coffee table until all three bags fall to the floor. He lays me down on the smooth surface, my shirt riding almost to the rounding of my breasts. With as battered as I am, nothing matters but Jax.
“He’s not going to dress you again,” he grunts, freeing the buttons on my shorts. “No one will. You can wear whatever the fuck you want.”
He shimmies the fabric off my legs and then moves his hands up the side of my body, taking my shirt with him as he exposes my hardened nipples. I reach my hands over my head, and he throws the shirt behind him, discarding it away forever. It’s oddly therapeutic, as if he’s helping me shed this old life and bringing me into a new one.
“Wrap those legs around me.”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I hike my ankles up over his shoulder. I wish it looked sexy but in reality, I’m moving really slowly. He kisses a hot trail down my thigh until he gets to my center. The anticipation clouds everything else. My legs immediately fall open for him, ready and waiting. “Mine,” he purrs before licking me. My toes curl, and I struggle to my forearms to watch him until the movement is too much. I drop back down, staring at the ceiling as he pleasures me.
All thoughts are obliterated as I weave my fingers through his hair. “More, baby,” I demand.
He groans into me, and for the first time, our coming together doesn’t have any baggage from the past. He’s forgiven me. Before, it still felt like there was a barrier between us. Now, it’s just him and me, joint pleasure, and possibly even the promise of a future. I don’t know how but he asked me to trust him, so I’m trying.
“God, I missed this,” he moans. His hands work up my side where he plays his thumbs over my nipples in the way he knows I like. When we were younger, we explored so much of each other that we know what the other likes. It was the positive side of being each other’s first true romantic partner.
He flicks his tongue over my clit, and I grind into him. “Yes, Jax. Please.”
“You’re soaking,” he moans. “I’ll have to pay Cole a cleanup fee.”
I chuckle but am immediately thrown back into the throes of pleasure when he moves his hands under my ass and lifts me right into him so I can watch him work from this position. He locks gazes with me, and my pussy clenches on its own accord. “Don’t stop,” I rush out.
“Never again,” he promises, the words muffled as he barely comes up for air. “Come for me, sweet Sadie, so you can ride my cock.”
His words push me nearly there. All it takes is a few more flicks of his tongue for me to topple over the edge. I cry out, my core squeezing in delicious waves. I hold his head there until I come down, panting his name.
Afterward, he leans back, sitting upright on the couch and lowering his pants, boxers and all. I sit up and watch like it’s my birthday and I get to have this all to myself. He works his fist down his thick shaft as he waits for me. With one hand, he reaches behind him and pulls his shirt over his head, releasing his cock only temporarily.
Lazily, he works himself up and down until a bead of cum rests on the top. I lean forward, licking it off with a curl of my tongue before I return to the position I was before. “Tease,” he chokes out as his chest heaves.
I wrap my hand around his, holding him in place until I can get in a good position to slide down him inch by thrilling inch. “How about now?”
He grabs my ass, tightening his fingers into my flesh as I savor the feel of him. Now that there aren’t so many unspoken things between us, I can enjoy him.
“I think you got bigger,” I say on a sigh as I start to move, pushing past my resisting body.
He rests his hands on my hips as I rock into him, my hands finding purchase on his chest. He wraps his mouth around my nipple and sucks, eliciting a pleased sigh. I arch my back, giving him all the ample space he needs as I ride him. With each movement, my confidence grows. Feeling as free as ever, I even start to smile as I spur Jax to moan my name with that throaty voice of his.
Okay, this guy isn’t fooling me. He chose this position on purpose, and I fucking love him for it. He gave me the power. He gave me all the free reign to decide what I want, and it’s not going unnoticed.
At one point, I was scared I’d never enjoy sex again. After having been used so many times, it felt like a job. But it just takes that one person to make you crave it again. For how it’s supposed to be. Sure, it’s about pleasure, but it’s also about joint satisfaction and the love-lust between two people.
“Be mine again,” I say, my breath hitching as my movements ratchet up.
“With pleasure.” He reaches up my back, tracing his fingers down my spine until I arch into him again. “Move into my house with us.”
I lean over, kissing a trail up his neck until I get to his ear. “As long as Finn doesn’t mind.”
“He doesn’t,” he says right away, catching my face and bringing me to him to place a solid kiss on my lips. I can taste myself on him, and all it does is spur my movements. Jax carefully lifts toward me, too, hitting a spot that practically makes my eyes roll back in my head. “You’re beautiful. Sadie, fuck. What you do to me.”
I kiss him again, delving my tongue into his mouth until we’re battling it out with each other. The lines of where we begin and end are blurred until we’re one person like we used to be. I pull away, my orgasm hovering. “Jax, I’m going to come,” I warn as the pressure becomes almost too unbearable to hold back. I want nothing more than to find release with him so deep inside me.
He meets me with his own thrusts until I come so hard it’s like the earth shatters around me, breaks into little pieces and then puts itself back together again but in a better way. Everything seems lighter, easier.
Jax follows me with a grunt, his whole body shaking. He holds my hips as he empties himself inside me with a low groan, almost like he’s claiming me. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his frenzied breaths and excited heart.
“From now on,” he says, filtering his fingers through my hair and kissing my temple. “Sex isn’t a tool. It’s how we speak to each other.”
I lift my head and quirk a brow at him. “Do you want to know what I’m saying right now?”
“I love you so fucking much,” he confides, the power behind his words making me gasp.
Those words weren’t just what I was thinking. He means them, too.
We stay like this until my growling stomach won’t let up, and even then, he has to push me to eat something. He picks me up and lowers me back to the couch while he replaces everything on the table. “I’m going to get cleaned up real quick. Eat something, Sadie. I mean it. And don’t forget the ice.”
He retreats to the bathroom, and I pull open the grocery bags while holding the ice to my eye and start eating a pre-made sub stark naked in the building that always made me feel like a cheap whore. Not anymore it doesn’t. I’m secure and powerful.
When Jax returns, he smiles when he sees me eating. I do it slowly so my stomach doesn’t expel it as soon as I swallow. I lived off of a granola bar a day, so I don’t want to shock my system too badly. Jax looks through the bags and hands me a water. I happily gulp it down, feeling my stomach clench with all the nourishment.
He sits back, running his fingers down the side of my face. “I want to kill him for what he did to you. He promised he wouldn’t hurt you.”
“He’s not known for keeping promises. He kept me in the back room. No toilet. No shower. No—” I cut myself off after I realize that everything I’m saying is making Jax flinch like he’s being stabbed. He blames himself for me being there. “He wasn’t going to give up until I went back.”
“From the moment you left, we worked on a way to get you. We tried to do it without Cole’s help and failed miserably because apparently you have to be as sadistic as someone like Psycho to get shit done.”
He doesn’t need to tell me. I grab his hand. “I don’t want you to be anything like him.”
“I will in defense of the ones I love.” His fingertips continue exploring my bruises.
“We’ll get him another way,” I promise.
“Oh, you have no idea,” Jax says, smiling from ear-to-ear. “He’s getting his.”
Okay. There’s definitely something I don’t know. I turn toward him, narrowing my gaze. “You better spill everything you know right now.”
