Someone Exactly Like Me by Debbie Cromack
17
Destiny
Holy shit. I’ve never been kissed like that in my life. He had me worked up into such frenzy, I was intoxicated. If we kissed much longer, I probably would’ve had a freaking orgasm just from him kissing me.
Italy? He wants me to go to Italy? There’s no doubt it would be the opportunity of a lifetime. But, I just don’t know. Can I keep my brain focused on it being research and not let my heart continue to have feelings for him? Would I be able to shut off my emotions? After that kiss, could I seriously be with him and not want more, even knowing I’d probably be just another meaningless conquest, which I refuse to be? My thoughts whirl around in my head like a tornado. I have no idea what to do.
I need my best friend.
Me:Call me when you can. No rush. Not urgent.
Candi:Call you tomorrow afternoon?
Me:Perfect.
Candi:Mwah!
The next day, I’m back to a normal routine, getting up at six, hitting the gym, and spending the day writing. Having spent time with Nicco and him graciously answering my questions, scenes are brewing in my head and a story is forming.
Getting gloriously lost in my writing, I lose track of time. My phone rings and it’s Candi.
“Hey.” I get up from my desk and sit on the sofa.
“Hey, how are you? How was Ranch Inn? Did you love it?”
“Oh my gosh, it was amazing. So beautiful. I could’ve stayed for a week.”
“And do I need to ask for details or are you going to tell me so I don’t have to pull them out of you?”
Laying down, I put the heel of my hand on my forehead. “Can, this man. This man.”
“What? Tell me.” Her eagerness to know what’s going on in my love life, even when it’s not really what I’d call a love life, has always made me laugh.
I chuckle, pause, then sigh. “Okay, so we know I’ve never been on a romantic getaway for two, even when I was dating someone. For not dating Nicco, it was the most romantic two days I’ve ever spent with a man.”
“Details, please.” I can picture her crossing her legs then crossing her hands over her knees, tapping her foot.
“I don’t know any details, but what I do know is that someone broke his heart, enough so that he thinks his heart is empty.”
“I wonder what happened to him.”
“So do I. He’s a closed book. He’s been really open with me about some things, but this, nothing. Whatever happened hit him deep.” I pause. “Then there was a hot tub moment.”
“I’m listening.”
“I kind of, accidentally grazed his penis and it was very hard.”
“You touched his dick?” she shouts.
“No,” I insist. “I didn’t touch his dick. I just, grazed it as I was adjusting my position.”
“Well, what happened?”
“It was kind of odd, but he said he had an idea of how we could help each other. When I asked how, he said he wanted me to teach him how to be tender during sex and he’d teach me about passion.”
“I’m sorry, he offered you sex? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I mean kind of, but it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t sleezy or anything.”
“So, did you?” The pitch of her voice raises.
“No,” I punctuate.
“Okay, keep going. Then what?”
“Then nothing. I’m not going to have sex with him.”
“Nothing?”
“No, nothing. We got out of the hot tub and he did one of his linger-in-front-of-my-face things. It was a long linger. I almost thought he was going to kiss me.”
“But he doesn’t kiss women on the lips.”
“Uh, that was true.”
She squeals. “Tell me!”
“Can, oh my God. I don’t know if he was caught in a moment or it was because he was leaving or what. Before he left last night, he kissed me. I thought I was going to pass out. It was hungry, it was sensual, it was passionate, it was emotional, it was so damn hot. I think we kissed for like half an hour. I’m telling you, my panties were soaking wet, that’s how intense it was.”
“Yes, girl! That’s how you should be kissed every damn day.”
“I’m not sure I could handle that.” I laugh, putting my hand over my face.
“So, what happened then?”
“Well, after we stopped kissing, he was about to leave and saw my Ponza guide on the counter. I asked what he thought and if it would be good for my research. He pretty much said it was crap and told me I needed to go to Italy so I could have real-life experience for my book.”
“Do it! Go!! I’m gonna pee my pants.”
I hurl a loud laugh. “Calm down. I can’t go.”
“What? Why? Why can’t you go? You have to go. Is it money? I’ll lend you the money, you can pay me back. I promise, it’ll be a loan, not a hand-out.”
“No, it’s not the money. Well, it’s sort of the money. He offered to pay my airfare and said we can stay at his brother’s villa on Ponza Island so I wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel. But —”
“But, what? Des, you have to go. You can’t not go.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to go, but a part of me thinks maybe it’s not a good idea. Plus, I’m really not comfortable with him paying for my airfare. I don’t even know what that would cost. And I’m pretty sure I used up most of my mom’s miles when I went to Hawaii.”
“Don’t let that stop you. We can figure that part out.”
“I’m kinda scared, Can.”
Her excitement turns to compassion. “What are you scared of?”
“I’m scared if I see him again and spend more time with him, what I’m feeling right now will only get stronger. And then I’m left in the same position I was about to be left in, him continuing to shoot to fame, forgetting about me, and me coming back home, brokenhearted.”
“Des, we talked about this. You can’t predict the future. You’re trying to write the end of the story when you don’t yet know what’s going to happen.”
I tug the blanket off the arm of the sofa and drape it over me. “I just don’t want to knowingly set myself up for another kick in the face when I have the ability to prevent it from happening.”
“If you keep going through life with that iron wall around your heart because you’re afraid of what might happen when you let it down, honey, we’re going to be eighty years old and you’ll have missed out on ever letting your soul mate find you. The immense amount of love you have in your heart is a beacon for that man to find you. But if you keep that wall up, you’ll block him from ever seeing that beautiful beacon of light.”
All I can do is sigh.
“Hey, I gotta go.” She pauses. “Don’t let this pass you by. Promise me.”
“I can’t promise. I’ll let you know what I decide to do.”
“If I’m in town before you go, we can go shopping, okay?” She loves to get new clothes specifically for vacations.
“If I decide to go, I’m sure what I have will do.”
“I’ll talk you into it.”
I chuckle. “You probably will. I love you.”
Hanging up with Candi, I tuck the blanket around me, trying to decide what to do. When I close my eyes, my mind wanders, back to that passionate kiss. Why did he kiss me? Was it because I wouldn’t sleep with him and he had to get something from me? It didn’t seem like that though. There was something deeper driving him than an unfulfilled sexual desire. Something more connected.
My phone rings, startling me awake. I must’ve dozed off. I look at the screen: Nicco. Sitting up, I keep my blanket wrapped around me, and answer.
“Hi. You’re home safely.”
“I am. How are you?”
“Good. I got some writing done today.”
“That’s good to hear. Hey, I wanted to let you know that I spoke with Marco and he and his wife, Angelina, are happy for us to stay at their villa when you come. Have you decided to come?”
“No, I haven’t decided yet. I’m not comfortable with you paying for my airfare. I’m going to see if I can borrow money from my mom.”
“Then you’re seriously considering it?” A tinge of excitement weaves through his voice.
“I’m thinking about it.”
“My break is over, I have to go. Let me know when you decide.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
The next day, when I log into my email, I have a PayPal notification. It’s from Nicco. The description says, “Tour guide duties.” and it’s $4,000.00. Holy shit.
I grab my phone.
Me:Nicco, this is too much. We agreed to $100.00.
Nicco:I never agreed to that. Now you don’t have to borrow money. Come.
I’m in shock. I don’t even know what to think. Though I’m not comfortable accepting this much money from him, I know he won’t take it back, and I can definitely use it.
That’s when Mom calls to update me on the charity event and how much money they raised. Then she brings up Nicco.
“He called to let me know about how his meetings went, specifically his meeting with Vance and that they have an agreement to work together. He wanted to thank me. He’s an impressive man. Very professional, quite a gentleman. Strikingly handsome too. I had to Google him,” she confesses.
I laugh. “Yeah, he’s a really nice guy.”
“He said you’d been showing him around town and told me about some of the things you did. Sounds like you spent quite a bit of time together.” She’s probing.
“We did. I got to know him pretty well.”
“You’re being vague which I know means there’s more to the story. Fess up, young lady. Do you like this man?”
Ever since I was little, I couldn’t hide anything from her. “Well, I do, but it doesn’t matter. We’re from two different worlds, going in different directions. But, it’s okay. He did invite me to Italy though.”
“He did?” Her voice raises. “Well, that’s kind of bold for two people going in different directions.”
“No, it’s not like that. The book I’m writing features him as the hero and is partially set in Italy. He’s offered to show me around so I can have real-life experience for my research.”
“That’s nice. Are you going?”
“I haven’t decided yet. It’s the opportunity of lifetime. I wasn’t going to go because of the money, but he just sent me $4,000.00 for my time in showing him around.”
“So, the man you like, whose life is going in a different direction than yours, has invited you to Italy to show you around and he’s sent you $4,000.00?”
“Mom, cut it out. I hear that thing in your voice.”
“What thing?” She tries to feign innocence and deny it.
“The thing that’s all curious and hopeful.”
“Can I help it that I want my daughter to find love and be happy? It’s been years since that idiot fiancé of yours broke your heart and I worry about you. As your mother, that’s my job.”
“Well, I appreciate that, Mom, but Nicco isn’t my Prince Charming. He’s become a friend and that’s all he can be.”
“Fair enough. I don’t want to meddle. You know, sweetheart, Creative Artists has a few openings. I know it’s not ideal and you don’t want to be cooped up in a building, tied to a desk all day, but it would be steady income. And you could still write on the side. You know I can put in a good word for you.”
I sigh. The thought sours my stomach. I know she’s trying to help and I love her for it. The one thing I never wanted to do in life is have my career be tied to making someone else rich.
“I know, Mom, and I appreciate that, I really do. I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. With this book and access to Nicco’s audience, I might just be able to climb out of my slump.”
“Okay. If you change your mind, I’m here to help.”
“I know.”
“And sweetheart, God has prepared your Prince Charming for you and sent him on his way to find you. He’ll find you when you’re ready to open yourself up to him.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too. Let me know if you decide to go.”
That night before I go to bed, I get a text from Nicco with a beautiful landscape of the location where he’s working.
Nicco:It’s beautiful here. It reminds me of Ranch Inn. I wish you could be here to see it.
Me:So beautiful.
Nicco:Have you decided? We should get your ticket soon.
Me:Not yet.
Nicco:What’s making you hesitate?
My fear of not being able to not have feelings for you and not want you to kiss me again.
Me:I don’t have a good answer.
Nicco:Then come.
I stare at my phone. “Then come.” stares at me, tugs at me. Going to Italy would be such an incredible experience. My research and my writing would be so authentic. Ugh. My heart wants to be with him again.
Me:I’ll come.
Nicco:That makes me happy.
Me:When should I come?
Nicco:Come next Friday and plan to stay until the following Sunday. Fly into Rome. Let me know your travel plans when you have them.
Me:I will.
Nicco:I have to go. Ciao.
Me:Bye.
I close my chat with Nicco and find my conversation with Candi.
Me:I’m going.
Candi:When are we going shopping? ;)
Me:I don’t need new clothes.
Candi:Yes, you do. It’ll be fun. When do you leave?
Me:You’re stubborn. Next Friday.
Candi:Perfect. I’ll be home that Wednesday. We can go shopping Thursday and I’ll stay over and help you pack. We’ll have a girls’ night.
Me:Mule. Okay. I have to go buy my ticket.
Candi:Mwah!
Putting down my phone, I go to my computer to search for flights.
Please don’t let this be a bad idea.