Inked Obsession by Carrie Ann Ryan
Chapter 10
Beckett
“Iknow that you’re allowed to have secrets...” Benjamin’s voice trailed off as we sat on my couch. Archer paced in front of us, a frown on his face.
Lee, Jacob, Marc, and Colton had gone home, and I wasn’t sure where I stood with them. I didn’t know what to say. Or, honestly, what I should have said before I freaked out in a bar parking lot.
Jacob would tell Annabelle, and the rest of the Montgomerys would know soon. And then they would come at me, asking questions, wanting answers. And I wouldn’t have them. Because there really was no excuse. There was literally no excuse for me not telling them what had happened. And yet, I couldn’t.
Because I was an idiot.
“I thought I was going to die,” I said, my voice low.
Archer stopped pacing, his face pale. “And you lost Brian?”
My throat tightened. “Yes. He died right in front of me. Benjamin, do you remember him? He was in a couple of classes with you, too, I think. Back in college.”
Benjamin shook his head, a frown marring his face. “No, actually, I don’t remember him. You had more friends in common with Lee than me. Just like I have a few friends that weren’t really part of our relationship.” He let out a breath, and I rubbed my head, feeling as though I’d fucked up royally. And I had. And I had no idea how to fix it.
“I… I can’t believe all of this happened and we didn’t know,” Archer rasped. “I… I don’t think I can be upset that you kept it to yourself because we all have secrets, but damn it. I wish I’d have been there for you. I wish you’d have let me be there for you.”
It felt as though Archer was just twisting the knife deep inside my heart, and I had no one to blame but myself.
My twin cleared his throat. “I get how our family is, Beckett. One person finds out, and then the rest do, and then it’s overwhelming, and you can’t breathe. And, honestly, I should hate you for not telling me, for hiding something so big in your life that you’re having a fucking panic attack about it. You freaked out, and you needed time to figure things out. I won’t say I’m not hurt, but I get it.”
I let out a breath and looked down at my hands. “You say you get it, but I don’t.”
Archer sat on the table in front of us. “Why didn’t you tell us? Why do you think you didn’t?”
“Because, at first, it was too much. Then I was keeping a secret and couldn’t break my silence. And then it rolled in on itself and I couldn’t breathe.”
Benjamin tilted his head, studying my face. “And because you needed to figure out what happened with you and Lee, who happens to be a part of it. Once you let the Montgomerys know, they know everything. And if I got the timing right, it was soon after we found out that Annabelle was pregnant. Therefore, soon after the wedding, and when we were trying to figure out exactly how our parents handle us at the job.”
Archer let out a curse. “Plus, Jacob moving out and into Annabelle’s place. Eliza moving out of the home she shared with her husband. Us burying her husband.”
Benjamin continued. “Eliza moving into Jacob’s old place and renting. That whole thing. And then, let’s see, Paige and Colton becoming closer and will they or won’t they get married. Same with Archer and Marc. It’s been a lot in the past year. Of course, we don’t know everything going on with everybody.”
Archer shook his head. “We haven’t been able to spend as much time with each other. I get it. You needed to figure some things out on your own, and you haven’t been able to yet.”
“You know what else you haven’t done during this time?” Benjamin asked, and I shook my head. “You haven’t taken a single vacation day. You haven’t taken any time off. I know the date of the shooting. I know when things changed. I know when Brenna changed.”
My gaze shot up. “What?”
Benjamin, my normally quiet brother, cringed. “I see the way she is with you. She knows you’re hiding something. Just like I did. You were hiding things from us, and while I understand it because I’m a Montgomery and know that we tend to fuck things up, Brenna’s your best friend. You should have told her. Especially if Lee knew, though I’m not going to get into that,” he added quickly as I opened my mouth to say something.
Archer leaned forward. “You need to get out of here. Just take some time off. Talk to someone. Do something. Because we love you, and we’re sorry that you’re hurting. People might get grumpy, but fuck them. Go out, enjoy yourself. Or try to. Just relax. Be. I don’t know, just get out of here for a bit.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused as hell.
“Well, I was talking with Lee, and he has a friend who owns a resort…” Archer began, his voice trailing off.
“You want me to go to a beach right now?” I asked, my voice incredulous.
Archer threw up his hands and began to pace again. “I don’t know. Or to a spa? Or maybe actually, really go to a therapist. Talk to someone. Breathe. I don’t think you should come into work,” he said quickly, and I frowned.
I felt as if I’d been kicked or slapped. I didn’t know which, but maybe I deserved both. “You don’t think I can do my work?”
“You’ve been doing your work just damn fine this past year. You always do. However, you’re not sleeping,” Benjamin whispered.
Archer sat again. “Take some time. Breathe. Because you had a fucking panic attack. And that’s scary.”
Benjamin continued. “I love you. You’re my twin. Take some time. And know we’re always here for you. Promise.”
I looked at them then, wondering if maybe taking a vacation was the right answer.
Or maybe it was just running away.
I didn’t know, but as things were, I couldn’t even enjoy a celebratory beer with my friends and family because I was stressed out. Maybe I did need to get away. And perhaps I just needed to breathe. Or… I didn’t know what I needed. What I was currently doing clearly wasn’t working. Nothing was.
