Regal Queen by Ivy Mason

Sixteen

I staredacross the vast expanse of rolling hills, dotted with wild flowers and trees, my thoughts far away. My hand was tangled in the gnarled fur of Pepe, the dog laying next to me, his tail thumping happily against the ground.

Pepe loved to be pet, even more than he liked the tasty morsels that Maria, his owner, gave him every night when she fixed dinner.

We were at Knight's house in Cuba, a small, isolated place in the countryside. His family was old school mafia, back from the days when Cuba was the it place for made men. They ruled the streets both during the day and the nights back then.

It wasn’t like that anymore but he still had connections and property here. We'd chosen this place because it was unlikely that Dimitri would ever find us. And if he did, the house was on top of a hill and you could see for miles around it. We'd have a warning if anyone tried to attack.

The unease I’d felt since we’d arrived was growing. For some reason, I wasn’t afraid we were about to be attacked, but rather, that we were somehow, being watched. It was the only reason I hadn’t gone to Aster’s house directly or reached out to warn her.

Besides, I had five days. In five days, we were going to him.

We were going to try to subvert him from meeting Aster, killing him before he even had the opportunity to set eyes on her.

I had no doubt in my mind that he had intentions to kill her.

And that wasn't going to happen.

Not on my watch.

I was going to do whatever possible to keep her safe.

And that was part of the problem. Without the power of the New York outfit behind me, I didn't have much.

I did, however, now understand why powerful men liked to have ‘goons’ work for them.

Knight had been incredibly invaluable, providing all of the transportation and protection we needed to get here. He'd also hired a couple of guards, quiet local men who knew the area and could get us out if necessary. They mostly kept to themselves, except for the few times Maria, who took care of the house in Knight's absence, insisted on bringing them food.

Knight was still in the action phase, positioning all the connections he had to put together our plan. He insisted that everything would go smoothly with the meet up with Dimitri.

I'd never admit this to his face, but I wasn’t as confident as he was.

Dimitri had come with with rocket launchers and all kinds of weapons when we were at Bourbon's mom's house, and there was no way we could match that kind of firepower.

Our plan was to hire was some very good, well trained, marksmen to take them out from a distance, but I wasn't so sure it would work.

And that's the reason why I was currently chewing my lower lip raw, because I was so damn worried that I wasn't going to be able to keep Aster safe.

I almost regretted hanging up on Bourbon now.

He could fill in the gaps with the kinds of weapons we needed.

Besides that, I missed him.

I hated to admit it, but my chest ached every time I thought of him.

I missed the silent presence he was in my life. The dark, piercing looks he gave me.

The way he read my mind like he knew me better than I knew myself.

I wanted to see him again, even if it was only one last time before I marched to my death.

To tell him about all these feelings I had inside.

To show him, even if it was the worst decision I'd ever made, that I missed him.

I sighed, my thumb stroking on my phone.

I'd considered calling him several times, too many times to count. I'd even ashamedly pulled his contact up, my finger hovering over the call button.

I'd even tapped it once before quickly hanging up, unable to gather the courage to speak to him, especially after hanging up on him the last time we spoke.

I laughed at the thought of his face when he'd realized I'd done it and wondered if that had ever happened to him before.

No one hung up on the Kings, Knight had helpfully supplied after I'd done it, a shocked look on his face.

Sighing, I put the phone on the ground at my feet, and stared out across the landscape again, wishing things were different. Wishing that I had the courage to face him.

The phone suddenly rang and I jumped, so surprised to hear the ringing nose break the silence.

Pepe perked up next to me, her ears flopping as she looked around, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from.

I chuckled at the confused look on her face and rubbed her head before looking down to see who was calling.

My stomach lurched at Bourbon's name, though I wasn’t surprised to see it.

There were few people who had this new number.

Two, actually. Knight, and Bourbon.

I stared at it for a long moment, trying to gather my nerves, trying not to throw up before sliding my thumb over the screen, answering it.

“Hello?"

"Rose." Bourbon's deep voice rolled over me.

“Hi." There was a slight awkward pause, and I felt the need to say something to him. "You called me back."

“Of course I did."

"It took you a couple days."

He chuckled darkly. "Were you waiting for me to call?”

I lifted a shoulder, gathering my courage. "Maybe."

I heard an exhale of a breath. "I thought you might not want to talk to me ever again."

"That's not true," my voice was a croak, pain shooting through me at the thought that he thought I didn't want to talk to him. "I wanted you."

I didn’t say any more, didn’t explain exactly how I wanted him, didn’t admit how much I wanted.

"That's the best thing I've ever heard in my life."

“It is?"

“God, yes."

My chest tingled, my heart thumping with his words.

I’m calling to tell you something, Rose." He was the serious Bourbon again and I focused in on his words, my stomach suddenly tight with nerves.

Was he going to try and boss me around again? Was he here to take me back home? Was he going to try and stop me?

"I'm here in Cuba."

I didn't respond to that. Knight had told me that there was a possibility of them finding out where we were because Coulter knew about his house here.

When I didn't answer, he continued. “But, I'm not here for you."

“You're not?" My chest suddenly felt like there a weight was pressing down on it. Had he already moved on? Shit, I was so confused about what I wanted.

"Well, that’s not entirely true. Yes, we’re here for you. With several men and anything you might need if you plan on meeting up with Dimitri."

I perked up, immediately feeling better, stronger. Feeling a bit of hope that we might actually have a chance.

I suddenly knew I would do whatever it took to save Aster, even if that meant begging Bourbon to help me. Even if it meant that I would be locked up again with him.

I would do it, for her.

But I didn’t' respond, needing to hear what he had to offer me.

When I didn’t answer, he continued. "But I want you to know, that this is your choice. I'm here, if you need us, but I won't force myself on you."

I stilled, my throat suddenly dry. What was he saying? "What do you mean?”

“It means that this is your choice. That I am here for you, if that's what you want. But if you don't want my help," he paused, "or me," I heard the pain in his voice when he said that, "then I'll accept that. I won't like it, but I will accept it."

He went silent and I wondered if he could hear the way my heart was pounding. Was he really saying what I thought he was saying?

That he wasn't going to control me anymore? That he was giving me the choice whether or not to go back to him?

Because, let's admit it, I needed all the help I could get. And I was going to take his offer, to save the life of my sister.

But was he saying something more? That even if I took him up on this, that he still wouldn't try to cage me back up again?

"Rose, I know you probably have to think about this, but I need to tell you something first."

"Okay.” My voice was so soft and filled with anxiety, I wasn't even sure he could hear it.

"When you left my life, both times, I went crazy. I was desperate to find you. The first time, I was worried what Dimitri was doing to you. I know the sadistic bastard he can be and I..." his voice lowered, "I thought he was going to kill you. And it drove me mad. I was despearte to save you. Somehow you'd managed to wrap me around your little finger, and I would've done anything to get you back." My heart was beating so fast at his words, and I was struck completely dumb. Was Bourbon, the great but silent king, actually opening up to me? Expressing himself?

It absolutely took my breath away.

“But the second time, I was pissed. You left me Rose, and it tore my heart out."

Oh. God.

“But I want you to know that I understand now. Actually it was Coulter who helped me see it."

My heart clenched at the thought, pleased that Coulter and him were growing closer, something I'd wanted since I understood their dynamic.

“But I," he paused, and when he spoke again, his words ripped me apart. "I need you Rose. Come back to me. I can't imagine my life without my Rapunzel, and I will do anything you want to make things up to you."

I was shocked into silence, so caught up in his admission that I could barely think, barely breathe. My heart sung with the admission, and I wanted my own thoughts to come tumbling out of my mouth, to admit to him that I was feeling that and so much more.

That I'd longed to be with him again.

That the very thought of being by his side was a balm to my aching soul.

“But," he continued, his voice hardening in a way that made my chest ache, “I’m going to eave this choice up to you. I'm here if you want help with Dimitri, and if you want to leave me afterwards, I'll not bind you to my protection. You can make your own choice, Rose, and I'll respect it, regardless of whether or not we help you with Dimitri."

I clutched the phone in my hand, lifting my head to stare out across the countryside, feeling for the first time in my life that my own life was truly in my own hands.

Yes, Bourbon was giving me this choice, but it was still mine to take. I knew I had the power to hide from him. That with the money I'd gotten from James, I could have the ability to stay hidden for a very long time.

That I could live my own life, on my terms.

But.

Did I want a life without Bourbon?

That was something I desperately needed to decide, before I gave him an answer.

I wasn’t going to use his help without coming to specific terms with him about what it was that I wanted.

"Okay," I nodded, finally speaking. "I'm going to need some time to think about this."

I didn't give him a timeline, because this truly was my own to decide.

"Kay." His voice was so raw, so vulnerable, I was amazed. "I'll text you my address if you need me.”

“Thank you, Bourbon."

“You're welcome, Rose."

We stayed like that for a moment, the silence stretching between us.

I took in a deep breath, taking charge. "I'll talk to you later."

"Okay."

“Bye, Bourbon."

"Bye."

I hated the ache and pain I could hear in his voice, but I hung up, determined to do things on my terms.