Regal Queen by Ivy Mason

Six

Rain peltedthe glass of windows beside me, blurring the New York city lights beyond.

The sound of Coulter soft, murmured breathing was reassuring and my gaze drifted downwards towards him. I was curled up by his side and, as I stared at him, I realized how innocent and soft he looked while he was sleeping.

Things weren’t like they were before.

I was no longer the King’s prisoner, hoping for a little bit of their time and attention, but here willingly, relieved that they'd found a way to rescue me from Dimitri's. They'd suffered a lot to do it, risking their own lives, even though Coulter was still recovering from three bullet wounds to the chest. They’d also broken off all ties from their stronghold, going against their own father and the strength of the King resources.

We were winging it now: there was only so much planning you could do when you were running from enemies much stronger than you.

Coulter's hand moved, still in sleep. He caught my wrist and pulled it to his chest, murmuring something too low for me to catch.

With my hearing still gone in one ear, the muted silence around me was unsettling.

I’d quickly gotten used to the small crowd of people surrounding us at the house. Their constant chatter had been a good distraction from my thoughts.

The memories sweeping through my mind, flitting like an unwanted ghost.

Flashbacks of Dimitri's course and biting voice in my ear.

You know where she is, don't you Rose?

I swear I won't hurt her. I just want to see her.

I need to protect her from the men who want to kill her.

That's what he told me at first, when I was still kept in the room down the hall from his.

Then, when I refused to tell him what he wanted,

You're only making this worse for you.

I’ll cut a hole in your chest and watch your beating heart slowly stop.

His lips had twisted up in a cruel grin, as if he loved the thought of it. As if watching my beating, tumbling heart struggle to pump blood through my body was fascinating.

Then, the screaming began. Is that bitch worth it??

The cutting. The sound of a saw in the next room. Other times it was the begging that had been the worst: men and women begging for their lives.

There was the time Dimitri forced me to sit in his lap and watch while his second in command, Nicholi, peeled another man’s skin from his body. Dimitri’s firm grasp on my hips had kept me from fleeing the room but it didn’t keep me from vomiting all over the floor.

The whole time he'd had a hard on, watching them, whispering words in my ears.

That's what I'm going to do to you, Rose, if you don't--

I abruptly sat up from the mattress, needing to push the memories from my mind or I was going to go crazy.

The movement made Coulter stir but I stilled, waiting for him to settle, then I slowly slid out from under the covers.

My body was continually cold now, ever since Russia, something that only sleeping next to Coulter would abate. And now, standing here in my blue silk pajamas, I began to shiver again.

Tampering down on the waves of shaking, I put on Ivan’s coat and wrapped it around me like a warm blanket, even if it made my chest ache. I took one last look at Coulter, then I padded my way out of the room, silently closing the door behind me.

My throat was dry. Like the cold, I was constantly parched. Making my way to the kitchen, I grabbed a glass from the cupboards and filled it with filtered water from the fridge.

The water soothed the ache in my throat, though it did nothing to soothe the tightness in my chest, the agony in my mind.

I needed a distraction.

I put the glass in the kitchen sink, then wandered towards the living room. All the walls in the penthouse were made of a tinted glass, and the New York cityscape glimmered beyond it. It was amazing the way the never-ending lights cast a ethereal glow over the landscape.

I walked up to the window and stared out at the droplets of rain hitting the glass, then sliding down it.

Being in this place, surrounded by glass and concrete, was suffocating. I needed to be free. To step out into the rain and let it wash away the stench and filth of Dimitri’s shadow.

To cleanse myself of my past and the painful memories that came with it.

I’d always loved the rain, something about it soothing and purifying.

"Are you okay?

My shoulders jumped and a small squeak escaped me. I turned to see dark blue piercing eyes staring at me in the darkness.

Fuck. Why was Bourbon so damn silent all the time? And watching. Always watching.

“You scared me."

He lifted a shoulder. "I didn't want to disturb you."

He had a miniature ceramic elephant in his hand. When I noticed it, he wrapped his fingers around it, then it disappeared into his pocket.

I took in his haggard state. The way his tie was wretched from his neck, the top button undone to show the fine lines of his collar, revealing the hollow of his throat. His hair was tossed, as if he’d been running his hand through it. His shirt sleeve was rolled up, his jacket cast to the side of the couch.

It was the most unkept I’d seen him.

He looked exhausted, and I wondered if he'd slept at all this past few days.

We hadn’t spoken since we'd arrived here. As soon as we landed, he was busy setting up a place for us to stay and making sure we had security. The whole time, he’d been cold, emotionless. Walled up and businesslike.

The truth was, his coldness towards me hadn’t started since we arrived in New York but ever since that day he lay in my bed and told me the truth about my family. My real family.

He’d always found something to do any time I approached him. He rarely spoke to me directly but looked at everyone else, anyone else, when he spoke to the room. He was never available when I wanted to talk to him but yet, every single night I'd awoken to find him watching me.

His eyes burning into me, taking in my body curled up to Coulter.

I’d wanted him in the bed with me.

Something had changed between Coulter and me, shifted.

We had bonded over our injuries and healing together, growing closer as we'd talked and slept together. He’d told me about what happened after I was gone, how he’d struggled to even breathe. How much pain he’d been in. How devoted Bourbon was in Coulter's healing, yet, was still torn because Bourbon’d wanted to leave to rescue me.

We'd hugged a lot and yet, it was almost... platonic.

A closeness that couldn't be explained to others but was somehow understood without speaking it out loud.

We were friends who offered each other comfort, and nothing more.

We were both holding on to a lot of pain, something that he was helping me with because Bourbon had been so chilly towards me.

When that happened, Coulter saw right through my carefully composed behavior to the pain of Bourbon’s rejection. Coulter would pull me into his lap and whisper in my ear like a lover about how big of an asshole Bourbon was. It made me laugh through the pain.

We loved each other, in a way, but we didn't long for each other. Not like before.

Not like I still longed for Bourbon.

The very thought of his eyes watching me made my body burn to be touched by him again.

And yet, Bourbon’s aloofness kept me from acting on the feeling. I hated the distance between us. The way he built a wall so easily between us, as if I meant nothing to him at all. Did he even care anymore, now that I’d been rescued?

Was I only a possession to him? Some kind of prize? A trophy that he had to re-capture in the game between him and Dimitri?

Yet, the sadness I could now see in his eyes tugged at my heart. That had been his mother's home. The mother that was 'gone.'

I was worried about him, so I padded his way. Cautious eyes watched me as I sat on the same sofa as him, making sure to put some space between us. Watched as I wrapped the coat around me like a shield.

“What does that mean to you?” He nodded towards the coat.

I stilled. Of course he noticed Ivan’s coat. How I wore it every waking hour. How I never shared it with anyone.

My lips parted in an explanation but no words came out. I suddenly found that I couldn’t say the words. Tell him Ivan’s name.

Tell him how he’d saved me, not just from the guard’s bullets but from losing my mind back in that place.

How his fingers had gently taken care of cuts and wounds, how much comfort I’d felt at his gruff words, his Russian accent thick but soothing.

I frowned.

Bourbon had barely spoken two words to me in the past week. I wasn’t going to cut myself open and bleed in front of him.

I couldn’t be that vulnerable, not right now, when things were still so fresh.

I didn’t know if I would ever be able to reveal that kind of pain to him.

I lifted a shoulder, playing with the edges of the sleeve. “It’s just a coat.”

He huffed a breath of air, scoffing. “Sure.”

I met his eyes. “It’s just a coat, Bourbon.”

“Then take it off. Maybe wash the thing.”

I clutched it tighter. “I’m cold.”

He looked away, not meeting my gaze, and I could feel the distance growing between us again. I wanted to ask if he was okay. Wanted to be here for him while he felt the pain of loosing his mother’s home.

But I knew that it was pointless. Of course he wasn't okay, but he would never talk to me about all that.

And yet, I needed to break him open. To force him to admit that he wasn’t a block of ice.

And provoking him was the only way to see any kind of emotion from him.

“So," I began, hating the words coming from my mouth, but knowing they would hit their mark. “You killed Lily."

He immediately straightened. His eyes turned from concerned to blazing with anger in one second. “You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Maybe not,” I responded, "and maybe I do. Maybe Dimitri told me everything."

"What does Dimitri know about anything that happened that night? He was nowhere near."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't have information about what happened."

“Tell me then,” the coldness in his eyes chilled me to the bone, "what happened that night, Rose? Since you know so much.”

“You tell me," I demanded. "I want to hear it from your own mouth."

"Why?"

"Because, I need to hear from you how you betrayed my sister. How you had her gunned down in the middle of that restaurant. How you took her body and burned it, instead of giving her the burial she deserved."

His grit his teeth. "How the fuck do you know all that?”

"I told you," I crossed my hands over my chest. "Dimitri. He told me all about it while he was trying to convince me that you were the real enemy."

Bourbon leaned forward. “Did he also tell you that Coulter was also there that night? That he could’ve died just as easily as Lily?" His hands pressed into the couch cushions as he crawled towards me like the fucking predator that he was. “Do you think I would've tried to kill my own brother, Rose? Do you really think I'm so cold-hearted?”

"I don't know.” I hated myself for being so cruel but I needed to get under his skin, to force him to show me something, anything. “You tell me."

This wall of indifference ever since Russia was killing me, and I was going to break through it with a wrecking ball. Going to smash through every barrier he put up until he was open and bleeding before me.

It was his mother's house, for fucks sake.

I needed him to grieve, to feel something inside, and if provoking him was the only way to open him up, then that's what I was going to have to do.

“How dare you?” His anger and rage finally began to show. I could see it in flaring of his nostrils, the sharpness of his gaze. “I’ve done nothing but take care of Coulter from the day we met. You have no idea the things I’ve done for him. The ways I’ve protected him."

“Right.” I spat, rolling my eyes. "I doubt it."

“Why the fuck would you think that?"

"By the way you guys behaved back in Vegas. You two fought over me like vultures. Caring people don’t do things like that.”

He straightened, sitting next to me, and his hand snapped forward to grasp my chin tight. “Tell me you didn’t like it? Didn’t encourage it? Tell me you didn't like having a private viewing at the museum? You didn’t want to see where I lived? I gave you the code to my safe. Procured passports in case we needed to run.”

"Sure, seeing what I'm sure a million other women have seen was a real treat.”

His gaze darkened. “The only other woman whom I’ve ever shown that room to was Lily.”

His words surprised me but I couldn’t give up now. I was getting too close. “Don't expect me to show you any gratitude for taking me anywhere when afterwards, you had every intention of locking me back up in that room. You kept me prisoner, Bourbon, even if you weren't the one to kidnap me in the first place."

He was suddenly quiet and the silence was deafening. After a moment of staring each other down, he spoke, his a voice low, controlled sound that reminded me of a snake before it struck. “Take off your coat, Rose.”

I clasped it tighter to me. “Why?”

“For once in your life, just trust me.”

I shook my head, my voice trembling. “I can’t.”

I swear I won’t harm it, Rose. That’s the point.” His face was as dark as a thundercloud. “Take it off so I don’t damage it.” There was a pause. “Please.”

I shook my head but the ‘please’ had me giving in and pulling it over my shoulders. He leaned over, impatiently tugging it off me and tossing it on the sofa. Then he grabbed my arm and, clasping it tight, he jerked to his feet, taking me along with him.

"Where are we going?” I squealed out as he pulled me across the living room floor to the wall of windows.

He didn't answer, but paused to enter numbers on a screen. After a moment, it beeped, then he turned, hauling me with him as he opened up the sliding glass door.

We stepped out into the rain, and it fell on my face and hair, sliding down over me like a smooth caress.

It was glorious and, smiling, I turned my face up towards the sky, opening my mouth to catch the rain drops.

I took a moment to just feel. To let the water wash over me, to breathe and feel and take in everything and nothing all at once. This was what I needed. The water was cleaning, purifying, purging me of the evil of my past.

"This is what Kings do, Rose," Bourbon growled.

"What are you talking about?" I swear, Bourbon was loosing it.

"You wanted to feel the rain, didn't you?"

I nodded, not sure how he knew that.

"I could see it on your face," he answered my unasked question. "Could practically feel the longing coming from you as you stared out the window.”

“What does this have to do with anything?"

He scowled in frustration an my non-understanding. "This, Rose." He spread his arms towards the sky. "The Kings take what we want. Without question, without asking for permission. And we don't answer to anyone. You want the rain, you fucking do what it takes to get the rain, even if means you have to rip it from someone else's hands in the process. If you want it, it belongs to you."

His eyes were harsh in the darkness, and they pierced through my emotional shield like bullets banging into me. My guard was lowering, all my inhibitions disappearing at the sight blazing before me.

This is what I’d been missing this whole time.

This was the true Bourbon. Fire and fury. Passion and emotion.

"You asked me what I'd sacrificed for Coulter." He stepped towards me, his gaze fierce. He gripped my top, pulling me towards him to growl in my face. "This, Rose, this is what I sacrificed for my brother. All those years I longed for Lily, I stood aside, letting Coulter steal her first kisses and long nights staring up at the stars. Every time I wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to fuck her, I asked myself, what would Coulter do? What would Coulter want? And even though I did take my kisses from her, I also held back from claiming her as mine, because I knew that’s what Coulter wanted, too."

He pointed into my chest, his eyes on fire, blazing heat into me even though it was freezing out here. "Don't ever question my loyalty or my love for Coulter ever again."

He let me go, stepping away from me, putting distance between us that I didn't want. I heaved, sucking in deep breaths as we stared each other down. My fingers tingled with the need to touch him, to feel his chest under my fingers, to taste his lips on mine. To remember what he felt like wrapped around me.

To own everything of Bourbon, just like that one night he'd given it to me before it was ripped from my grasp.

I wanted what he described.

To take what I wanted without permission.

To become a King, if not in name but by the very act of demanding what I wanted and taking it fucking all.

And I was going to start right now.

Stepping forward, I grabbed Bourbon's tie and yanked him to me, pressing my lips to his and kissing him with all the passion I felt inside.