Fail to Love by Maci Dillon
Riddle Me This
“Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.” ~ Unknown
RAVEN
Miah clicked her fingers in front of my face. “It’s girls’ night, Raven, get your shit together,” she scolded.
“Right, sorry. It’s been a huge week at work, and I’m exhausted.”
“Is that all it is?”
I looked at her questioningly.
“You’re not pining over Sean, are you?”
“Pining? Fuck no.”
Just because Sean hadn’t bothered to phone me—not once all damn week—why would I be worried about that?
“Who’s pining?” Kassidy asked, returning to the table with three more margaritas.
“Nobody,” we both answered.
I changed the subject and added, “I’m working from home for half day tomorrow to catch up on some admin and planning. I desperately need some time out to mentally recuperate after the past few days covering for absent staff, but it will have to wait until the weekend.”
“I have a date tomorrow night with the new guy from the café next door to my office,” Miah shared, totally swooning.
“The young guy?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m hoping I’ll get an invite to his twenty-first next month. Open pickings,” she joked, slapping hands with Kassidy.
“You dirty hoe,” I chuckled.
Miah was the eldest of our trio at thirty-two, but she had a body like a nineteen-year-old. She was the epitome of a casual hook-up kind of girl and had the biggest book of friends with benefits I’d ever seen. Kassidy was the newest member of the flirty thirty club, and I was next. Like me, Kassidy was a one-night stand only, no second chances—not even friends with benefits worked for her kind of girl.
My phone vibrated, and before I could check it, Kassidy swiped it from the table. “Aww, it’s Sean. When are you seeing him again anyway?” she asked, passing me the phone.
Sean: Non-date no. 2 tomorrow night, you free? Pick you up at six.
“Apparently, tomorrow night,” I answered, passing them the phone so they could see for themselves.
“You don’t seem too excited,” Miah, miss intuitive, mentioned.
“It’s not lost on me that he hasn’t called since skipping out on Sunday.”
Kassidy piped up, “Okay, this is girls’ night. I declare from now on no more guy talk.”
We all raised our margaritas in agreement.
The Next Morning
I jogged to the entrance of my apartment building after a long morning run in the sun. I peeled off my sweat-soaked tank revealing my sports crop underneath. I tucked it into my waistband while I leaned over to catch my breath.
A flower courier followed me inside with a delivery.
Someone’s getting lucky today, I thought.
“Room 702,” he shouted at Maggie, who was standing at the reception desk.
“Right in front of you, darl,” she told him, pointing at me.
“Great, saved me a trip.” The little old Italian man smiled.
“Thank you.”
My lucky day.
The accompanying card read:
There is a double beauty whenever a swan swims on a lake with her double thereon. ~ Thomas Hood.
I turned the card over to find Sean’s note:
Wear a dress, garters, and no panties. S x
I scoffed at his arrogance, thinking I’d actually follow his instructions for a work date, a fake one at that. I was also painfully aware of the familiar warmth which flooded my body.
And I hated how much I welcomed the feeling.
Once inside the apartment, I placed the gorgeous box of peonies on the breakfast table and took the card into my room at the end of the hall.
Flipping my laptop open, I typed in the quote.
A Swan Lake quote.
“Hmm, very mysterious, Dr. Mathers.”
I tapped in Swan Lake ballet and hit enter.
“Bingo,” I said out loud.
Opening show tonight.
I was off to the ballet.
With that mystery solved, I ran to my closet to select the perfect knee-length, black shimmer dress with an open back and found my crotchless body suit with matching garters. Yeah, I’m a sucker for punishment, but he didn’t need to know I’d follow his instructions to a tee.
From my top shelf, I retrieved my sparkly silver Jimmy Choo’s with four-inch heels and smiled to myself. If this were a real date, I’d be impressed with myself.
“I’ll not be out-dressed tonight,” I said to Simba, giving him a chin scratch. He hadn’t moved since I woke this morning, lucky cat.
The day dragged on at the center as I anxiously waited to see Sean again. After a phone call from Aunt Maggie and cousin Jodi earlier in the week and a what-the-fuck call from Dimitri, the family was hanging by a thread anticipating their meeting and approval of Sean.
Everyone except for Dimitri. He was unhappy to be the last to know about my supposed relationship, and I couldn’t risk telling him the truth until we were face to face. Either way, as protective older brothers go, Dr. Judgy, umm, Sean, would have to work for Dimitri’s approval.
Better not slip up with that nickname on Saturday. We didn’t want any untoward questions, and I do not want to lie to my family any more than I already had.
Since the day I turned twenty-five, Mama has been pestering me about settling down, finding my one true love. She wanted grandbabies, and heaven knew she couldn’t count on Dimitri settling down any time soon. With every mention of Mama’s dreams for my life, I threatened to throw up a little in my throat. In five months, I’d be thirty, and all expectations for my life would be clearly unraveled.
Engaged or married—nope.
Baby on the way—fail.
My own business—not yet.
A family home—not exactly.
Although I own my four-bedroom apartment and live with my two best friends, at thirty, this wasn’t the life my parents had hoped for me. I hated to disappoint them, but honestly, I was not at all unhappy with my life or what I’d made of it so far.
As much as they might wish for more, I could never fault them. They were loving, supportive, and unconditionally in my corner.
Before I found a man or thought about a family home, babies, or getting hitched, I wanted to get my own daycare center up and running. I spoke to Will recently about lending capital and possibly getting an investor onboard to secure some land and build my dream center.
Will was an investor himself, a very successful one, hence being able to afford a beachfront presidential suite on the Gold Coast, not to mention other numerous properties around the country. He’s willing to help me by investing or purchasing the land and building which I could lease from him or, alternatively, set me up with one of his investor friends. I was at an impasse with this and struggled to be at ease with mixing personal and business relationships.
But the offer was there, and I’m considering all options.
The phone ringing in the front office disturbed my coffee break and pulled me from my thoughts as I watched the little tikes run and play in the sandbox in the courtyard.
Noticing Bernadette was away from reception, probably taking care of some creative tasks for the team leaders in the crèche, I raced to pick up the call myself.
“Welcome to Pebbles Play Center, you’re speaking with Raven.”
“Tell me you’re still free tonight, and you won’t be wearing any panties.”
Geez. My heart almost stopped beating.
“I’ll say no such thing in front of the children in my care,” I whispered, seriously hoping he couldn’t sense the smile on my face or my rising body temperature pulsing through the receiver.
“Sorry to call you at work, but I wanted to confirm picking you up at six was going to suit.”
“As it’s a work event and a favor for a friend, do I actually have a choice?”
Not that I was looking for an out.
“You always have a choice, but I hope you choose yes.”
I arched my back and sucked in a large breath to center myself.
“As a favor, yes, but nothing more. No funny business. One time only, remember?”
His casual laughter filtered through the phone. “You may have to remind me again when I see you, but okay.”
“See you at six.”
I hung up the call, annoyed at myself for not calling before I left home this morning to confirm. I’d wanted to make him wait for a beat and had intended to call him at lunch.
“Sorry, Raven, I had to help out in the Baby Room.” Bernadette waltzed into the main reception area all smiles. She was in the early stages of pregnancy and found it difficult to stay away from the babies at the best of times.
“No problem, I was passing by when I heard the phone.” The main line diverted to each room when unanswered after three rings, so it’s never a big deal if reception was left unmanned.
“I’ll be in the Ducklings Room until lunch if you need me.”
The ducklings are our eighteen-months to three-year-olds and my favorite room to join in on for the mid-morning sessions. Between morning tea and playdough or craft time, after the little kids are tired from their outside time, it could be havoc but totally worth it when the little ones snuggle up to fall asleep during story time.
Since I planned to finish at three today to be ready in time for Sean at six, the afternoon was scheduled office time. Here’s hoping I could focus enough to achieve the slightest of tasks. Heaven only knows my mind is not where it should be today. Especially since his phone call—I’d been picturing a date without panties.
“Miss Ra’en…” Two of my sweetest ducklings rushed over to me and clung to my legs as I stepped over the threshold into their room.
I squatted down to meet them both at eye-level, hugged each of them in turn, and fluffed at their thin layering of hair. Miss Lilly just turned two and her little Pebbles friend, Christa, was close to moving up into our Swan Room.
It wouldn’t be a happy day for Lilly, who still had a way to go. The team tried their best to assist Lilly in making new friends to ease the transition, but Lilly was a one-hundred-percent-loyal-to-Christa fan.
Thankfully, the rest of the day flew by after my time with the ducklings, and I was embarrassingly excited about my date with Sean tonight.
I knew I shouldn’t be but fuck. The only dates I’ve ever been on were the odd bite to eat before heading home for the Netflix and Chill type, which was really the only reason for getting together, anyway. Honestly, I’d rather save the time and money on the food and get down and dirty and back home to the comfort of my own bed sooner.
This arrangement with Sean wasn’t a prelude to a hookup, and we’d already done it once, so tonight shouldn’t be happening.
Not to mention, it was already Friday, and my family dinner was scheduled for tomorrow. The one which I stupidly confirmed Sean was attending. Also, the one he had made no mention of since he escaped the curiosity of my meddling mama late Sunday morning.
I’d not let him back out on me, though, not after I was doing him a second favor tonight. What a bunch of doctors were doing at the fucking ballet was beyond me, but as much as I didn’t want to get in the habit of going out with Sean, I did say I’d help, and I was nothing if not a woman of my word.
