Fail to Love by Maci Dillon

 

Family First

 

“Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” ~ David Ogden Stiers

 

 

RAVEN

 

An early morning storm rolled in across the ocean. I ran against the onslaught of the sea breeze, pushing myself harder than normal for a morning jog. Our steamy encounter at the ballet last night played on a loop. Requesting Sean to drop me home and not stay was a huge moment of self-control for me, one I should’ve been proud of.

And I was.

Though sleep evaded me until early hours, knowing the pleasure I had denied myself.

And now, I’m furious with myself for all kinds of reasons I couldn’t explain nor understand.

Sean hadn’t asked about our plans for today, and that infuriated me. Enough so that I was running head-on into a thunderstorm, getting further and further away from home. A morning jog always cleared my head, but this morning, not so much.

By the time I reached the lookout, it was raining, and the morning sky was a beautiful light show. I sat beneath the covered area and waited for the storm to pass. When I arrived home over an hour later, I was a wet, cold mess, and my body ached. My eyes were weary from the tears hidden by the raindrops on my jog home.

I was unsure when I started to develop feelings for Sean, but I couldn’t deny they existed as much as I might try.

How the hell did I let that happen?

The rollercoaster of emotions, the unknown. I hated the highs of happiness when I was with him and the lows that followed when I was alone. Every waking moment he was on my mind. My nights were filled with anticipation about our next encounter. Putting some distance between us would be a good idea.

Back in the comfort of my apartment, all snug on the sofa in my baggy sweats after a long hot shower, my phone rang. I put down my Kindle to check the caller, and a sneaky photo I downloaded of Sean from the internet was flashing on the screen.

I opted to allow the call to go to voicemail, assuming he was calling to cancel. I wasn’t in the mood for excuses since I had to think of my own. There was no way I could show up today without Sean by my side.

I’d spend enough time firing off answers to my family’s questions with him present. If I went alone, they’d assume the worst and make a fuss I was incapable of dealing with.

The biggest issue being this wasn’t a real relationship regardless of how much my traitorous heart might have hoped it to be.

One day.

Today, Sean was nothing but a man intent on ruining my independence, my thrill of being a single, almost thirty-year-old lover of one-night stands.

“Raven, sweetie, wake up. Time to get ready for the Gataki feast.”

Ugh. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa debating yet another lie to tell my family. I rolled to my side and sat up, blinked rapidly to focus on Kassidy as she peered down at me. “What’s the matter with you? You love family get-togethers.” She frowned at my obvious lack of motivation.

“I don’t think Sean is coming.” I sighed. “How am I supposed to explain that? Maybe it’s best if I skip this one.”

Miah appeared with a look of shock on her face. “Since when does a man or his choices have any reflection on yours?” With her hands on her hips, she narrowed her eyes at me. “Canceling isn’t an option, and you know it. We’re going and can’t exactly show up without you.” They could. My parents considered them as much a part of our family as I am, but they’re right.

“What was Dr. Love’s excuse for not being able to make it?”

I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. He called earlier, and I didn’t answer. He never left a message.”

Kassidy laughed, and Miah clapped her hands in disarray. “So, you assumed he was not coming, but—” A loud knock interrupted Kassidy’s opinionated outburst, and Miah raced to the door. “Sean, you made it!”

My eyes widened in surprise at her words.

He walked into the living room, a confused expression on his face, and Miah did a happy dance as she followed behind. “I did tell Raven I’d oblige, so here I am.”

“Great, now we’re only waiting on Raven to get herself organized.”

Sean took a seat beside me and pretended to understand my position. “I understand it can’t be easy lying to your parents about us, but let’s go today and set them straight.” He patted my knee like a good little girl which was all I needed to lunge forward off the couch.

“Do you have any idea what my parents would think of me if I told them the truth?” My mom especially has expectations. Morals. “Finding you here half-naked the morning after means only one thing to my mom. We must be serious about each other. Soon she’ll be expecting a fucking wedding announcement.” My face heated as I paced the living room.

Sean’s face dropped and paled in comparison to his usual tanned complexion.

“The only option we have is to skip tonight altogether or go, and I’ll fake a break-up next week, and they’ll forget all about you once I find my real forever person.” It may sound like a plausible option to him, but we might be talking years until I find my perfect match, and they won’t let me forget in the meantime.

Either way, I’m screwed.

Standing, Sean grabbed my wrist and spun me toward him.

Kassidy and Miah escaped the room in a mad rush to give us some privacy.

Smirking, he asked, “Are you saying your parents believe you’re a good girl who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage?”

I scoff. “No, but they wish I were. They want to believe I’d not offer my body to a man unless I was in love with him, though. So, there’s that.” I hung my head in embarrassment. I never should’ve put this on him.

Sean laughed. “Your family is important to you. Just because I don’t have the same relationship with mine doesn’t mean I don’t understand. Tonight, we will go, enjoy the evening, pretend we’re happily involved, and we’ll deal with the rest later. Okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Isn’t that better than the alternative?”

“What’s the alternative?”

Sean held my gaze steadily and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. “We hate to lo… like each other, we have insane chemistry in the bedroom, and agree to fake date because I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I gulped, the alternative too much to consider on a day like today. I pulled my thoughts from the bedroom, pushed down my growing desire to want more than a fake date, and agreed. “Yes, definitely better.”

He let go of my hand, but his eyes remained fixed on mine. “I umm… I should go for a quick shower and get dressed.” Sean was casually but handsomely dressed in a pair of dark denim jean shorts and an olive tee, which stretched perfectly across his toned chest.

Luckily, I had the perfect olive dress to match.