To Have & to Hurt by Morgan Bridges
Violetta
“Tell me exactly why you’re uncertain,” Tristano says, rubbing my bottom lip. “In detail.”
“I…I don’t know what you want from me. Besides sex, of course. That’s the only thing I’m clear about when it comes to you.”
He nods slowly, his brows gathered and his forehead creased. “I always want to fuck you, ribelle. I’ve never led you to believe any different.”
“But is that the only thing you want from me?”
I think my heart stops beating in my chest while I wait for his response. This is the answer I’ve been seeking, the certainty I’m lacking. I can’t move forward without knowing this.
He tilts his head just so. “What do you mean exactly?”
My groan of frustration is almost a growl. “Do you even give a shit about me, other than making sure everything between my legs is in good condition?”
“Language,” he says, his voice dark. “Yes, I care about your well-being. I’ve done everything to make sure you’re provided for while you’ve been my responsibility.”
Not only does foolishness beget courage, it would seem anger does as well.
I knock his hand away from my chin and lean toward him. “I don’t want to be your responsibility! I want you to care about me, Violetta, not my body, the clothes I wear or what foods I eat. Don’t you get that?”
“Do you really think I’d go through the trouble of planning a birthday celebration if all I wanted to do was fuck you?” He scoffs and grabs my jaw, bringing our faces close. “I don’t need dinner and fireworks to get between a woman’s thighs,” he grits out, his lips brushing mine when he speaks. “All I have to do is look in her direction and she’ll spread her legs.”
“Well, I’m no different than all the other sluts you go after because that’s exactly what I did and now it’s all you think about when you see me.” I grab his cock and squeeze it until he grunts. “Since all you want to do is fuck, let’s get it over with.”
I drop my hand and reach for the hem of my nightie, but I’m interrupted by Tristano’s body as he presses the length of it against mine, squeezing the air from my lungs. The weight and hardness of him makes it difficult to breathe and I shove his arms without success.
He circles my throat with both hands and places his thumbs under my chin, locking my head in place, his body still keeping me pinned. I do my best to ignore how good it feels to have him against me or how much I like inhaling the scent of him. And I fail miserably.
“Yes, I want to fuck you,” he says. “I doubt there will ever be a time that I don’t.” I glare at him and he tightens his hold on my neck until I stop. “However, it’s not the only thing I think about when it comes to you.”
“I don’t believe it.”
But I want to so badly it’s all I can do not to fall apart in his arms. The confidence I’ve developed because of him, not to mention my pride, won’t allow it. If Tristano can’t learn, or has no inclination to love me, there’s no reason for us to continue a relationship of any type, even a physical one.
He exhales and it’s full of exasperation, but his gaze isn’t as hardened as before.“Ribelle, when I look at you I see my wife and the mother of my children. The woman whose body I find peace in, despite the darkness surrounding me. I see a person with the strength necessary to be mine, because she’ll have to face many challenges, and not all of them will be favorable. But I would spend the rest of my life making up for that deficiency in whatever way she wants, whether that be money, things, or affection. Because in the end when I look at her, she’ll be the only woman I see, the only one who matters. The only one I want in all ways…for always.”
Tristano has captured me with his vision and imprisoned me with his words. Like the last two years spent at my father’s house, I’ve been rendered silent. My heart knows what to say, but it doesn’t speak in a language Tristano can hear and understand.
But my body does.
I reach up to tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him down to me. He allows it and even though I initiated the kiss Tristano dominates it. His lips slant over mine, each sweep harder than the last until his tongue invades my mouth. He tastes me, drinks me, and devours me. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by him, but this is different.
This is being loved by him.
My heightened emotions morph into euphoria at the knowledge Tristano loves me. I infuse every kiss and every touch with the feelings I have for him and the passion between us grows until every inch of my skin begs for him.
Fevered arousal blazes in his eyes when he pulls away from me and rips the clothing from my body. The material cutting into my skin, the way his fingers dig into my hips, and the brutality of his kisses are filled with a pain that has me gasping and eager for more. Because I know the type of pleasure that will follow.
Tristano strips himself of his clothes and then grips my hair to yank back my head while cupping my breast. Blindly I reach out to steady myself and hold onto his taut shoulders, digging my nails into his skin when he clamps his teeth over my nipple. He sucks as though he’s dying of thirst and I stare at the ceiling unseeing, panting and writhing in his arms.
“These are mine until you give birth, ribelle,” he murmurs between my breasts. His teeth graze each nipple, making me squirm, and his chuckle glides over the dampness left behind from his mouth.
He sucks and nibbles one nipple and tweaks the other, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. I’m nothing but clay in his hands and he molds me in whatever position he wants. After releasing my hair, he trails his lips down my chest, pausing to kiss my stomach while looking up at me. Then he continues lower, getting on his knees before me and gripping my ankles.
I stare down at this powerful man, who has authority over so many people, and watch him tenderly massage the length of my legs, only to squeeze my ass before returning to my ankles. He lifts one calf to fit the heel of my foot in the curve of his shoulder and then leans into it until my spine is flush with the wall. My entire body is already flaming from the heat coursing through me, but the look Tristano gives me before he moves closer is enough to make me come.
He runs his tongue from the entrance of my sex up to my clit and then pulls the tiny bit of flesh into his mouth, making my legs shake uncontrollably. I nearly collapse, but immediately straighten at the acute smack across my ass and part of my hip.
“Hold still,” he growls against my clit.
I groan in response, unable to answer him with words. Pleasure slams into me with every lick, every hard pull of his mouth, and every bite. My orgasm builds to a fevered pitch and my moans are no longer separate, just an elongated cry of ecstasy. It transforms into a scream when he thrusts his fingers inside me and sucks on my clit so hard I’m ripping at his hair. He grunts in pain, but doesn’t stop.
I scream until I’m hoarse, until my pride deserts me, and until Tristano wrenches every ounce of ecstasy from my body.
“You’ll never be silent again now that you’re mine,” he says, his gaze sparkling with amusement.“Or maybe you will, since you’ve screamed your throat raw.”
Too tired to care and too weak to talk, I huff. His laughter is soft and brings a smile to my face, despite my exhaustion. It’s the most wonderful sound.
My legs finally give out and I remove the one from his shoulder, before sinking to the floor. Tristano positions me on my knees and then gets to his feet, taking his cock in hand.
“Open those pretty lips of yours.”
I do and he slides his cock in between them with a loud groan. This new experience is like a jolt to my system and I sit up straight, gripping his thighs.
“So fucking eager,” he rasps. “So fucking mine.”
Tristano takes a handful of my hair and guides my head, causing my lips and tongue to glide back and forth, making his cock slick. I glance up to find him already staring down at me and my sex clenches because of the expression on his face. It’s a combination of exquisite torture and incinerating arousal.
“Do you know what it does to me when I see my cock in your mouth?” He blows out a sharp breath and tightens his hold on my hair, making my eyes sting. “Next, I want to see it inside that tight pussy of yours. I want to watch your cunt fist me while I’m thrusting deep and I’m going to watch you take it all, leaving no part of my cock visible.”
I hum in answer and as a response to the filthy imagery turning me on all the more. It has him groaning again and that pleases me, makes me preen inside. So I suck him like he did me, aggressively and without mercy.
“Oh, fuck,” he hisses. He slams his palm on the wall and uses it for support, while guiding my head with the other hand still clenching my hair. “You’re going to fucking kill me.”
His cock continuously hits the back of my throat and I pull in air through my nose, trying to fight off my gag reflex and still breathe. Panic gathers around me when he thrusts so hard into my mouth that my eyes fill with tears, but even then I don’t stop. I’m going to wreck him, tear down every barrier, and render him vulnerable while he comes.
Because that’s what he does to me and nothing compares to it.
His labored breaths start to thin and his thighs stiffen under my fingertips right before his cock swells in my mouth. “That’s my good slut, take that shit deep. Fuck, Violetta, you’re ruining me.”
The warmth of his cum hits the back of my throat and slides down while Tristano continues to fuck my mouth, even when his orgasm subsidies. Eventually he pulls from my lips, gasping for air. I stare up at him mesmerized and completely infatuated. Seeing him in this condition is the sexiest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
“Oh, ribelle,” he says between harsh breaths. “I’m going to fuck you up for looking at me like that.”
I tilt my head. “Why?”
“Because you like the power you have over me.” He growls when I cup his sac and kiss the area right next to his cock. “And I don’t mean just sexually.”
That gives me pause and I get to my feet, putting myself between him and the wall. I cradle his face in my hands and stare up at him, trying to read his gaze. “What are you talking about?”
He takes me by the waist and lifts me. I gasp in surprise and grab a hold of him, gripping the back of his neck in fear of falling. “Wrap your legs around me,” he says. When I do, Tristano steps in between them, bringing our chests flush to one another. Then he drops his forehead, resting it against mine, and closes his eyes.
“Tristano?” I can’t stop the worry from spilling onto my tone. “What is it?”
“I exercise control in all ways and in all things, yet it’s impossible with you.”
He’s quiet for a while and I wait with bated breath, unsure of what’s happening. A hundred thoughts race through my mind during that moment of silence and I suspect I’m not the only one. When he inhales deeply and releases it slowly, I find myself mimicking him, but in preparation for whatever he’s going to say.
“I can bend you to my will through persuasion, or by coercion if necessary, and your body sees me as its master.” He opens his eyes and they pierce me, burrowing through my heart and straight to my soul. “But you…you’re the one who has power over me.”
“That’s not true,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m the one who’s powerless when it comes to you. Why can’t you see that?”
He dips his head and kisses me, languidly and deep until my world tilts. When he finally pulls away I stare up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, my lips tingling pleasantly.
“You’re wrong.” His whisper gliding over my mouth is like another kiss. “You’re willing to walk away from me and that’s something I don’t have the strength to do. I’ll never be rid of you, ribelle, even if I want to because I can’t let you go. So you see, you’re the one who has my will in your hands. It’s not something I wanted to give, but you took it all the same.”
“Tristano…I’m sorry.”
He smiles, but it’s not one from joy. It’s a tortured expression that turns my stomach. “What are you sorry for?”
I shrug. “I don’t know, but I feel as though an apology is necessary. You’re clearly miserable and somehow it’s my fault.” I pause for a moment, my mind scrambling to come up with a solution to make this situation better. “Maybe if we have sex you’ll feel better?”
He laughs quietly. But his amusement dies when I reach down to grab his cock and fit it inside me. I grab his shoulders and slowly sink onto his length, and the more he fills me, the more heated his gaze becomes. When we are completely joined and the feeling of fullness gives way to arousal, I begin to move.
I take him into me again and again, stoking the lust that burns between us. It builds, becoming an inferno of passion, but also one of love and surrender as I give myself to him, holding nothing back. He takes it all and then gives it back, thrusting into my body like he can’t get enough.
Tristano grabs the back of my neck and slams his mouth to mine. Our lips and teeth clash as he continues to savagely fuck me with both his tongue and his cock. He doesn’t restrain himself in any way and all I can do is hold onto him.
“Don’t let go,” he rasps.
The command has nothing to do with us physically and everything to do with us emotionally. He doesn’t want me to leave him.
My heart senses the desperation and vulnerability in his voice, and it beats even harder with love for him. “Never.”
He surges into me with thrusts more fierce than before and it flings me into nirvana. I come with the force of a wildfire and the intensity of it scorches me everywhere, claiming every inch of my skin. I burn in rapture until I’m like the ashes left behind from a great inferno, light, airy and floating away.
Tristano follows me into bliss with a groan. Then he murmurs unintelligible things into my ear that could be nothing more than disjointed utterances…or whispered sweet nothings and declarations of love.
When the pleasure ebbs and our breathing is steady, he pulls back to stare at me. I give him a small smile and curl a lock of his hair around my finger.
“What is it?”
He shakes his head and I purse my lips as disappointment gathers around me. I know he’s feeling vulnerable and emotionally exposed, but I don’t want him to hide that from me. However, I’m not sure how to articulate that without making him defensive.
Still joined, Tristano carries us to the bed and then lays me on my back. He gazes down at me and runs his hands along my hips, trailing his fingers over my belly, my breasts, and then my face. I watch him the entire time, noting the tenderness in his eyes.
Tristano loves me.
That’s the power I have over him.
It’s easy to recognize because the same is true for me when it comes to him. Even if he never says the actual words I don’t care. His actions mean more to me and they show me more than words ever could.
He joins me in bed and immediately pulls me to him so I’m lying on top of him with my hair creating a natural curtain around us. I toss the long tresses over one shoulder and then idly trace invisible circles on his skin, unsure of what to say. There are questions I want to ask, but I don’t want to ruin the tranquility of the moment.
“What are you thinking about, ribelle?”
I don’t look up when I shrug and just continue to run my fingertips along the contours of the muscles in his arms and chest. At the feel of him taking hold of my chin, I flick my gaze to his.
“Tell me,” he says.
“You first.”
I yelp at the smack to my ass.
Tristano thrums his fingers on my stinging ass cheek and gives me a pointed look. “Wrong answer.”
“This power I have over you…” I bite my bottom lip, unsure of how to voice the thoughts in my head. “You’re obviously not happy about the situation and that has me wondering if you’ll end up resenting me for it.”
“Do you carry resentment for loving me?”
“Not now, but I did hate the fact that I loved you because of the way you’d been treating me.”
He releases my chin to caress my jaw. “And if I were to treat you well? Would you still have a reason to hate it?”
“What are you trying to say? I’m not a freaking cat,” I say, my voice filling with irritation, “so you can’t just feed and water me, and maybe pet me on occasion, expecting me to be okay with that.”
Tristano gives me a lazy smile. My sex clenches and I inwardly groan. Not again. Will I ever be unaffected by him, released from the trance he’s put me in? If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.
“That is not what I meant, but thinking of my pussy wearing my collar is quite pleasant,” he says. He gently clasps my throat and then runs his thumb along the side of it, sending tendrils of pleasure through me. “What I’m asking is, if I was good to you and didn’t cause you pain, would you still feel that way about loving me?”
It takes me a moment to recover from the dirty talk he just flung my way without blinking an eye. I may not understand why that turns me on, but it totally does. I file the collar comment away for later since I don’t want to get derailed from the topic at hand.
“I don’t regret loving you,” I say.
The very millisecond the words leave my mouth he yanks me by the neck and seizes my lips. The kiss is hot and by the time he pulls away I’m disoriented all over again.
He nods. “Good, then there won’t be any problems going forward.”
“Wait.” I shake my head, trying to clear it of the lust-induced fog that’s come over me. “What?”
“Ribelle, let me put this in simple terms. You will love me until the day you die, and no matter what happens, I expect you to always come to me for anything you need. And I mean every-fucking-thing. You will not go to another man, whether it’s an hour or thirty years from now. But on the off chance you do, I’ll kill him. It’s not complicated.”
I don’t know whether to be terrified, laugh, or both.
“Silence is agreeance,” he says, the side of his mouth tilting up in a half-smile.
“Not always. Sometimes it’s pure shock.”
He laughs. “Let me know when you’ve recovered your faculties, that way you can give me your verbal agreement.”
“What is this? A wedding vow?” I make a face at him. “If so, I’d like to point out that there hasn’t been a proposal for me to consider, no asking that has occurred. And there definitely isn’t a ring or whatever else comes with marriage.”
Tristano shifts his hand from my throat to the back of my head and brings me so close that our noses brush. “I’m not asking you anything because I’m not going to give you the chance to say no, or the time to find someone you think will be better for you. No one else will do the things I’m willing to in order to have and keep you. Hai capacito?”
“What about love me?” I whisper.
He’s quiet for a while, his gaze roaming over my face and growing brighter with intensity. And tenderness.
“Silence is agreeance,” I say, repeating his words back to him. When he smiles at me, I sweep my lips over his, relief blooming in my chest. “And yes, I understand. And yes, I agree to your terms and conditions for…whatever we are.”
He takes my face between his hands, cradling it gently. “We are the beginning of a legacy, you and I.”