Commitment Issues by Ali Ryecart

Chapter Forty-Six

Elliot

The early morning sun’s streaming through the window, bathing Freddie in soft gold. He’s so peaceful and relaxed, as he sleeps, his hair tumbled and his breath quietly puffing from his slightly parted lips.

We’ve been home from his parents for a couple of days, and we’ve spent most of the time in bed. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve made love. Sometimes it’s been ten shades of fast and filthy, but other times slow and tender. But there have been plenty of kisses and cuddles, too, entwined in each other’s arms, both of us holding on tight to what we so nearly lost.

Freddie mutters something as he stretches and yawns, his eyes flickering open. He smiles, as bright and sunny as ever, and my heart melts the way it always does when he looks at me.

“Morning,” he says, his voice sleep-rough. “What’s the time?”

“It’s late. Seven o’clock.”

Freddie snorts, and shakes his head.

I’d normally be at work, already shackled to my desk. But not today, and not for the rest of the week. I’ve sent Perry a message, telling him to cancel all my appointments, because I’m taking a holiday.

“We’ve got the whole day ahead of us. What do you want to do?” I trail my fingers through Freddie’s hair. I don’t mind what we do, as long as we’re together.

A shadow passes over Freddie’s face, and I know what’s going through his mind. I’m having none of it. I tug a lock of his hair, and he yelps.

“Stop it,” I say, trying my best to sound stern.

“Can’t help it.” He looks up at me, his lips twisted in a downwards curve. “It seems so unfair. Just as we’ve found each other, I’m going away. In a couple of weeks, I’ll be gone.”

“Freddie, you’re going to Oslo, not the dark side of the moon. It’s a two hour flight. It took me longer than that to drive to your parents.”

“S’pose,” he says, but he’s still looking glum.

I don’t blame him, because he’s right, we have just found each other. Properly found each other, as the lovers and partners I know in my heart we were always meant to be. I’m going to miss him so much, but there’s no way he’s not going to grab the wonderful opportunity he’s been given with both hands.

“No s’pose about it.”

He shifts himself up to sitting. “You’re right, I know you are. And I am excited about it, but nervous as well. You are still coming out there with me, aren’t you?” His eyes are wide, as though he’s afraid I’ll say no. There’s not the slightest chance of that, because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to refuse him anything, ever.

“Of course I am. We’ll discover the city together.”

“But you don’t need to discover it, because you already know it.”

“Not with you.”

Freddie answers with a smile, and my heart twists and turns and tumbles. Bright and bold, mixed with shy and bashful. The smile that’s so Freddie.

“I’d like that,” he says quietly. “And like you say, it’s only a couple of hours away. Just a short hop, really. You’ll be coming over—”

“A lot. I’ve got business interests in Oslo I need to keep a close eye on,” I say, smiling.

“Only business interests?”

“Well, maybe there’s another interest I need to keep warm.”

“Oh, I think you need to keep that other interest very warm,” he says as he crushes his lips to mine.

Freddie

“It’s all down to me, you know, this epic love story.” Cosmo crosses his arms over his chest, as he leans against the frame of my bedroom door.

I’m sorting through all my stuff. My room’s in a mess. Books, papers, clothes, they’re everywhere. I’ve got to decide what I’m taking with me to Oslo, in just four days’ time, but it’s proving almost impossible. I sit back on my heels and look up at my friend.

“You reckon?”

“Don’t deny it. Although, I suppose James had a hand in it too.”

He wanders in and sits down on the edge of my bed, and I join him.

I’ve barely seen him since Elliot and I came back from my parents. Not because I’ve spent most of my time with Elliot — I can’t deny that — but because Cosmo’s been away. He arrived back from New York yesterday morning, so brain-dead he could do little more than grunt, before he staggered off to bed.

“Everything’s all right? All settled?”

He doesn’t have to say anything more, because we both know what he’s talking about.

“Yes, more than settled. Looking back, it’s hard to believe the story we both told ourselves. That we were just friends, that it was casual between us. Elliot’s never been that to me.” Cosmo’s staring at me, amusement in his cat-like eyes, one brow arched. My face is throbbing with heat because he’s seeing through me, the way he always does.

“I told you from the start that was all a load of bullshit. You’re boringly traditional in your outlook. You and Elliot are clearly made for each other.”

He’s having a gentle dig, but I ignore it because he’s right.

“Yes, I think we are. But it was a close call. Gavin, and what he—”

“Nasty little fucker. Forget all about him. He’s history, but he already knew that when he cornered you in Waterstones. Who knew bookshops could be such dangerous places?” Cosmo grins, and I snort out a laugh.

But he’s right — not about the dangers of hanging around in bookshops — but about Gavin being history. All his vicious, lying words, they’re dust blown away on the wind. They’re nothing, like Gavin himself.

Cosmo waves his hand at the bomb site that’s my bedroom.

“You know you can leave your stuff here for as long as you want? I haven’t got any plans to get another housemate in.”

Cosmo’s words are matter of fact, but they make my eyes prickle and my vision blur. When I return from Oslo, this isn’t the house I’ll be coming back to. I’ve lived with my best friend since I was eighteen, and he’s central to my world. I love him with all my heart.

He rolls his eyes, as though he knows what I’m thinking, and drags me in close to him.

“You’re a twat, you know that, don’t you?” he says. He’s laughing but there’s a gruff edge to his voice. I’m leaving this house, and he feels it too, but I’m not leaving him.

“You always had a way with words.”

“It’s all part of my charm.”

His phone bleeps, and I shift out from under his arm as he pulls his mobile from his pocket.

“Talking of charm,” he says, as he reads the text and punches in a reply. “A very tasty flight attendant, from the trip home. They just can’t resist me. Better not keep him waiting. I wonder if he’ll wear the uniform?”

“Oh, God. Please, I don’t want to know.”

Cosmo laughs. “See? I’m so right about you. Boringly suburban. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow night. We’re getting trashed, remember? No reason to run off to the arsehole end of East Anglia this time.”

I give him the two fingered salute.

Yes, I remember. There’s no way I can get out of it, but that’s all right, because I don’t want to.

Minutes later, Cosmo’s gone, leaving me alone in the silent house. I’ve had enough for now, the rest can wait until tomorrow. I’ve got somewhere else to be.

“Hi, it’s me,” I say, when Elliot picks up my call. “I’m leaving now. Be home soon.”

Home, with Elliot. The two of us together, just the way it’s meant to be.