Brightly Burning Bridges by Ivy Wild
I stood alonein my mother’s library, listening to Skyler’s footsteps blend with Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” My teeth grit in frustration. I wasn’t as drunk as she seemed to think, a little high maybe, but I still had my faculties. If she thought I wasn’t going to remember what happened, then she had another thing coming.
She could lie to herself, but she couldn’t lie to me. She’d wanted me to kiss her. The fact that she’d kissed me back was proof enough for me. And then she’d gone and ruined the whole thing by pulling her disappearing act.
“Silas.” The brunette I’d been close to fucking earlier shimmied her way towards me and I held up my hand.
“Don’t.” She stopped suddenly, looking down at her stilettos like the threshold to the library was some sort of lava. My eyes raked up her body. Her dark brown hair was still a mess from earlier and she hadn’t bothered to fix her dress, so one tit hung out as the stretchy fabric sat high on her thighs. A total class act. “The library’s off limits,” I said, pushing off the shelf and making my way toward her.
“I saw that other girl come in here,” she said, not trying to hide the jealousy that was coating her voice.
“She’s a friend,” I almost said, but then thought better of it. “It’s whatever. How about we pick up where we left off?” I slurred, taking a swig from the red Soho cup she was holding. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.
“And where was that?”
I gripped her chin with my fingers. Her lips were overlined in red lipstick that made it look like she was ready to audition for her next porno. In a way, she was. She tried to press forward, but I held her in place. She was not the sort of girl I was going to kiss.
“Why don’t you show me just how good these lips of yours work,” I said, pushing her down and unzipping my jeans. She smiled as she looked up at me before wrapping her manicured fingers around my cock.
I couldn’t remember who this chick was exactly. Calie? Carly? Something with a C. And I’m pretty sure she was in college. Or maybe that’s where I was getting the “C” from. Either way, she gave good enough head to help me forget the sting of rejection I was currently feeling.
Her tongue wrapped around my crown as she bobbed up and down, but I wanted this faster, harder. I held her still by her long brown hair and fucked her face until she was gagging on my cock, the sounds blocking out the noise of the party below.
I pulled out of her mouth and turned her around, pulling her dress the rest of the way down so she was entirely on display. If anyone came upstairs, they’d certainly get a show. I fished a condom out of my pocket, ripped it open and pushed her slinky dress up over her ass. No panties. Go figure.
I bent her over an antique console table that lined the hallway and entered her in one smooth motion. She was loud, annoying and entirely over the top about the way I fucked her. She screamed my name, begging me for more, almost as if she wanted the entire party downstairs to know that she had managed to fuck the Party King.
Whatever. I hated noise, but I loathed silence. And at the moment, listening to College scream “Fuck me harder, Silas,” was better than reliving Skyler’s silent rejection.
Skylerand I had exactly two classes together. We didn’t usually speak much during school, but today she wouldn’t even acknowledge I existed. She used to smile when we crossed paths in the hallways, not enough for anyone else to see, but I knew those moments were just for me, anyways.
But now all I got from her was silence. It was like she was trying to erase my existence from her reality. And it pissed me off.
Sure, I’d left her in the parking lot at school, but I knew she’d figure a way back, which she had. And the fact that she was pretending not to notice me after I’d opened up to her, brought her to see my mother, admitted things to her about my family, had my stomach in all sorts of knots.
And the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced it was because she was embarrassed by me, by everything I’d told her and by my mother. And I would never forgive her for that.
So when the teacher called her up to the front of the classroom to present her assignment, I may have left my leg in the aisle the smallest bit. Her nose was so fucking high in the air when she passed, trying desperately not to notice me, that she fell flat on her face, her papers flying everywhere as her palms smacked against the carpeted floor.
The entire class gasped before a few of us snickered. A friend of mine elbowed me. “Dude. Her skin’s like paper thin, right? Careful or she’ll tear in two,” he laughed.
“Silas,” the teacher said sternly—or as sternly as she could. Ms. Clifford was a long term substitute for an actual teacher who was on sabbatical. She was fresh out of college and had zero control over the classroom.
“It wasn’t me,” I said lightheartedly, holding up my hands in defense, as Skyler got to her feet and collected her belongings.
“Skyler, are you hurt?” the teacher asked in a somewhat concerned voice. I watched as Skyler shook her head before I looked down at the floor to see the faintest stains of blood. She stood in front of the classroom, her voice shaking as she recited her lines from The Canterbury Tales and I looked her up and down. The tights on her uniform were ripped at the knee and a bit of blood was seeping out.
I should have felt bad.
Instead, I felt nothing at all.
Or so I tried to tell myself.
“Something’s not right with you,”Garrett said to me as he took a drag on the joint he was holding.
“Whatever, Garrett,” I said through an inhale of my own.
“I fucking mean it,” he replied. “You’re pussy whipped or something.”
I turned to give him an exasperated look. “Come again.”
“That’s what she said.”
“That joke expired in 2005.”
Garrett shrugged. He couldn’t care less about what people thought of him and I always envied him for it. “I’m just saying, ever since you started hanging around that little albina, you’ve not been quite right.”
“I was never hanging around her,” I said, coughing slightly on a bad drag.
“Could have fooled me. Was she an interesting lay or something? What’s she look like down there?”
I clenched my teeth. I knew Garrett’s remarks were harmless, but they still pissed me off. “I dunno man. She just does my homework.”
Garrett chuckled. “And what’s in it for her? Good dick?”
I let my head loll back in the outdoor patio chair. “Yeah, something like that.”
“See? Pussy whipped.”
“Give it a rest, Garrett,” I said pointedly. I was having a bad high and Garrett talking about Skyler’s pussy was not helping.
“If you’re not dicking her, is she available?”
I pursed my lips and if it weren’t for the drugs swimming in my system, I probably would have gotten up and punched him.
“No,” I said instead.
Garrett just rolled his eyes at me and I let him. I fell asleep at some point and woke to the chilling presence of my father in the house. I could see his Bentley parked in the driveway from my spot on the balcony and I snuffed the remaining embers of my joint out before throwing the ashes into a flower pot that held most of the cinders of my soul.
Garrett was long gone and I shivered in the crisp November air. My fingers were slightly numb from the cold, but I didn’t care. I knew things with my father were going to get heated in a second and I’d be nice and warm.
I walked inside and he was standing there, almost as if he was waiting for me.
“Welcome back,” I said sleepily.
“Were you smoking on the balcony again?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
“Please don’t pretend like you’re a parent, Percy. It makes us all uncomfortable.”
“Get in the car, we’re going to the hospital,” he barked.
“Why?” I asked with a yawn. “It’s not like you’ve ever cared that mom was there. Why now?”
“Just do what I say, for once in your miserable life, Silas.”
He was right. My life was miserable.
“I’ll drive myself, thanks,” I retorted and he opened his mouth to say something but I shut the door to my room in his face. I could hear his oversized, out of shape body bound down the stairs and I groaned. I did not want to spend time with my father. Even more than that, I did not want my father to spend time with my mother. He didn’t deserve to be around her. She’d always been too good for him.
But as much as I was tired, coming off a high and didn’t want to be in the same room as Percy, I also didn’t want him anywhere near my mother without me being there. So, I managed to slide on a clean pair of clothes, splash cold water on my face and get myself over to the hospital, my hatred for my father driving me there.
He was talking to one of the nurses by the time I’d arrived. I breezed past them and he reached out to try and stop me, but I pulled back just in time. “Silas,” one of the nurses called out. “It’s not a good day.”
I was getting this more and more frequently. In fact, the last day she had been fully lucid with me was when I’d visited her with Chipotle the first time I’d met with Skyler. It felt like a lifetime ago.
“And I told you I didn’t care,” I yelled back at her. People shushed me and gave me irritated looks as I walked down the hall, but I didn’t care. The only person I cared about was lying in bed, her brain melting away from the world and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Mom’s diagnosis had come as a shock to all of us. I’d agreed to be tested when it was discovered and thankfully, I didn’t carry the gene. Still though, there were moments where I wish I did. Then at least she wouldn’t have to go through this alone.
I didn’t know how I was going to process her death. I kept thinking about it, wondering what it’d be like when it happened. Wondering what I’d feel—if anything. The whole world seemed to be going numb on me lately. Nothing was fun. Nothing was exciting. I needed higher and higher highs to even be marginally amused.
Not that anyone knew. This was all sealed beneath a smooth smile.
People didn’t deserve to be let in to my personal life. I’d made that mistake once. I thought I could trust someone with the other side of my life and I’d been sorely mistaken.
Some people tattoo weak shit like “Trust No One” on their biceps as a reminder. Apparently, those pussies never had someone legit betray their trust. Because, if they had, they’d never need fucking ink in their skin to remember it.
I pushed the door open to my mom’s room. It smelled entirely too much like bleach and disinfectant, which told me things were probably really bad at the moment. My father was still talking to one of the nurses, totally unconcerned about seeing his wife. But, I preferred having time alone with her anyways.
“Ciao, mama,” I said to her softly. She didn’t open her eyes. She just laid in bed, her lips mumbling words in Italian that I couldn’t understand. I sat next to her, held her frigid hands and just let the silence fill the room and press against my ears.
Growing up, there had always been laughter when I was around my mother. She was vibrant, joyful and full of life. My father was never home and she always admitted to not being a good Italian mother. So we went to restaurants pretty much every day. Our favorite place was a run-down Friendly’s that had finally shuttered its doors this past month. We used to drive thirty minutes just to share a chicken tenders basket, luke-warm fries and hot fudge sundaes but damn it was my favorite.
The door opened and my father strode inside. He didn’t say anything. He just stood at the foot of my mother’s bed and looked down at us with a mix of disgust and apathy.
“Is anyone aware of your mother’s condition?” he asked me without a hint of sadness.
My mind flashed briefly to Skyler. “No,” I finally replied.
“Good. Keep it that way.”
“Why?” I knew why my father didn’t want my mother’s condition broadcast to our high society bubble. People would talk. People would ask questions. People would gossip. He hated all of it. And he was an idiot.
Because when people talked, it meant you were on their minds. Which meant that was an opportunity to manipulate them into thinking or saying things that would help elevate your position. Percy was a successful businessman, sure. But he’d gotten to his position based on a small family inheritance and a lot of sweat. In everything he did, he insisted on taking the hard route.
Things could be so much easier if he’d just flex a little.
“I don’t want people knowing that she’s ill.”
I rolled my eyes at his thin explanation. “People are going to realize when we have a funeral. She’s not got much time left.” The words left my mouth but they didn’t register. How could they?
“We’re not going to be holding a funeral. She wouldn’t want us to fuss over her.”
I grit my teeth. “What the hell would you know about what she wants? And thanks for speaking about her in the past tense. She’s still fucking with us.”
Percy scoffed. “You call this with us?” he mocked, gesturing wildly to my mother’s ailing body. “She’s already gone, Silas.”
“She could get better. They’re doing studies—” I began to say but he cut me off.
“They’ve been doing studies for decades and none of them have worked. Face the facts, Silas. She’s gone and there’s no bringing her back. Time for us both to move on.”
“So, that’s it then? That’s all you came here to do? Sign off on her death certificate prematurely?”
“I came to pay my respects.”
“You’re a bastard,” I seethed, flashing him a menacing look. He just rolled his eyes at me and walked out the door, leaving me alone with my mother and the silence.
