Brightly Burning Bridges by Ivy Wild
Past
Here’sthe thing about being rich. It sucks. No one tells you that because it’s only something you learn by experience. But the money comes with strings and by the time you’ve acquired enough to put yourself into the one percent, you’ve been sworn to secrecy.
That’s why rich kids are such brats. They aren’t self-made, so the blood oath doesn’t apply to them. If money was so great, they wouldn’t be such tools. Makes sense, right?
Yeah, being rich sucks, but you can’t tell anyone because when you don’t have something, you assume whatever you’re missing is the answer to all your problems. And for 99% of people in this world, that’s money.
Which means, in their eyes, you’re not allowed to have problems. You’re rich, right? And if money is the answer to all problems, how could you possibly have any? And then there’s that whole secrecy bullshit so it’s not like we at the top ever deny it. We just carry on like we’re more perfect than Kim Kardashian’s Instagram account because making people want what we have gives us power.
So when the only person in your life that you ever really loved dies, people don’t really seem to care. I’ve got money, right? So, at least there’s that. Little bits of torn green paper should be able to fill the void that her loss left in my chest. Pretty sure that’s what they all think.
Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain. But no one acknowledges your feelings because you have money.
Except for Skyler.
As always, she was different.
Sofucking different.
From the way she looked, to the way she acted to the way she cared, she was different.
She never judged me for my money. Never once. And despite all the nasty shit I’d done to her over the last year, she was here.
I’d caused her pain and she was trying to take mine away.
Fuck.
How do you even process something like that? At eighteen, I’m entirely convinced I don’t have the requisite faculties to do it.
She took King for a walk while I laid on the couch, trying to sort all this out in my head. I knew I shouldn’t be so selfish to ask her to stay, but I was mostly numb to the world at this point. My entire body felt like it had been frozen in ice when I’d gotten the call from the hospital. For the first time in a week, I’d managed to feel something because of Skyler.
Of course it had to be guilt.
She’d come back from her walk and she’d asked to use my phone so she could call her mother. Yeah, learned she didn’t own a cell phone. Don’t I feel like an extra big douche for leaving her alone in the school parking lot months ago.
I’d come to the conclusion that guilt was worse than pain. Pain was temporal. You felt it, you dealt with it, you moved on. Guilt fucking lingers. It tugs at your insides, ripping you open from the inside out so you can see everything you’re made of, all displayed in front of you. And for me, the sight was horrific.
“I respect your concerns, mom. But, I’m not asking permission on this one. I’m telling you so you don’t worry. Please understand that I can’t tell you any more because it’s not my place to tell. And please just trust me.”
If I had a heart, it would have clenched at her words. She was putting her relationship with her mother at risk to stay with me, all while respecting my privacy not to blab that my—fuck, I still couldn’t say it.
I knew my heart was gone the moment they’d handed me her ashes. Yeah, you heard that right. My father was nowhere to be found on Tuesday. So I had to drive myself to the crematory alone to receive her remains. I’d always told my mother that my heart belonged only to her. Turns out she’d kept it and taken it in the fire when she died. All that was left now was a hole in my chest the size of her and an urn I’d placed by the window in her library before locking the door from the inside out.
“Hey,” Skyler said softly, handing me back my phone. I took it and looked at her with a question in my eye. “Everything’s fine,” she reassured me. I nodded, opting not to say anything and the silence stretched between us. “Do you want to watch another episode?” she asked uncertainly.
I shook my head. “I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep the whole week.” I don’t know why that was my response to her question. But the admission just spilled out of my mouth.
She gave me a sad look, but it wasn’t pitiful. It was more concerned.
She tugged at my hand gently. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”
I let her pull me up off the couch, mindlessly following her direction as we climbed the steps. At the top of the hallway she paused. She’d never been to my room before and it was obvious she didn’t know which way to go.
I cocked my head to the right and we started walking down the hallway of the East Wing. We passed my mother’s library and my body stiffened but she didn’t make the slightest movement toward the door. Not that it would have done much good. I didn’t think I was ever going to unlock that room again.
We reached the end of the hall and I opened the terminal door in the wing to enter my room. My room had zero personality. It was all minimalist black leather and chrome and not a single picture or poster on the wall. Not even a picture of me and my mother could be found anywhere. I didn’t need photographs to remember people I loved so fiercely.
I pulled off my shirt and stepped out of my sweatpants. I could see Skyler blush and try and turn away but I reached out for her. “Stay with me?”
“Silas,” she said softly, turning around to meet my gaze. Her eyes were so bright. In the black of my soul surrounded by the darkness of my room, their light lavender color was almost blinding.
“Please.” I was doing a lot of begging tonight. Good thing I was numb to feeling embarrassed.
She swallowed but nodded her head.
I walked over to a drawer and pulled out a fresh t-shirt and handed it to her. She thanked me and slipped into the connected bathroom to change. I climbed into bed and waited for her. It felt odd. I hadn’t slept in my own bed for the entire week. I hadn’t been able to walk past my mother’s library to make it down the hall. I’d mostly ended up crashing on the couch in the den with King curled up at my feet.
I looked to the side and of course, my faithful companion was already on his own bed in the corner of my room. He caught my eyes and padded over to me, putting his head on the edge of the bed. He knew he wasn’t allowed up on the furniture, but that didn’t stop him from giving everyone puppy dog eyes about it.
Skyler made her way out of the bathroom, tugging the shirt down as she walked, which was totally unnecessary because it landed mid-thigh. Her bright white hair was braided simply down her back and secured with a hair tie. Her pale skin glowed against the darkness in my room, almost as if she were some sort of beacon, trying to guide me away from a rocky cliffside so I wouldn’t crash.
Too late. I was already sinking and fast.
She hesitated at the edge of the bed and I reached out for her. She took my hand and I felt the hole in my chest acutely as she climbed into my bed. She slipped under the covers and I instantly tangled my legs against hers as I pulled her body into mine. She gasped and I knew it was sudden but I couldn’t help it.
I didn’t have a heart.
There was nothing to pump blood through me anymore.
I’d gone cold from the center out and her warmth was too enticing not to steal.
My hand reached around the back of her neck, my thumb tracing gentle circles against her cheek. I tried pulling her in. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her to respond to me and erase the feelings of guilt I was carrying towards her. If she would just let me in, maybe I’d be okay. I might not be able to live without a heart, but with her warmth, at least I might not die.
“Silas,” she said softly. She’d turned her head so that my lips grazed her cheek. But I didn’t want her cheek. I wanted her lips on mine. I wanted to tangle my tongue against hers and press into her body.
I silently begged her not to deny me.
“You need to rest,” she said. Her words were kind but their message was clear.
“I need you,” I replied. Couldn’t she understand I was freezing? I needed warmth only she could give me.
She curled into me, tucking her head under my chin. Her body pressed against mine, her soft breasts against my cold dead chest. I squeezed her close and closed my eyes, letting silent tears leak onto my pillow.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, her voice reassuring. It echoed against the hole in my chest. “But I can’t give that to you right now,” she said. I didn’t understand what she meant. Give me what? “Besides, it’s not going to take away the pain,” she continued. “You’re just going to have to feel it. It’s the only way through it.”
I nodded my head against hers and heaved a deep sigh. She wiggled free a bit to look up into my eyes. Her hand brushed the side of my face and I closed my eyes at her touch. “You’re going to be okay,” she said.
I so wanted to believe her.
