Accidental Acquisition by Evangeline Anderson

38

Jillian had to admit, she loved having the big Kindred there to greet her at the door. For much of her adult life, she’d lived a lonely existence. Spending most of her time in the kitchen, constantly climbing the ladder and perfecting her craft, had pretty much nixed any long-term relationships. And of course, the moment she’d been brave enough to try getting beyond that, her ex had shot down her dreams by being such a complete and total bastard.

Now, though, it really seemed like a happily-ever-after ending might actually be possible. Or was she only kidding herself?

But as Kalis pulled her in for a warm, lingering hug and kissed her affectionately, she felt herself melting into his arms and a warm glow seemed to suffuse her entire body. When she’d been younger, she had been drawn to the “bad boy” type. But now that she was more mature, she definitely valued kindness and calmness over angst and brooding. Kalis was an Alpha without being an asshole—she liked that a lot.

“It’s good to have you home again,” he rumbled in her ear. “I’ve prepared a late-night snack if you’d like one. Or would you rather have a nice long soak in the bathing pool together?”

“Bath first, snack second and let’s watch a movie while we eat it,” Jillian decided. She had been showing Kalis films from Earth, to give him an idea of her culture. He liked most of what she showed him, though he was disturbed if the plot had to do with a woman being killed or hurt in any way.

Jillian had found this out after she had showed him some of the typical male “revenge fantasy” films, where the hero loses his wife or daughter and then has to go kill the people responsible for the heinous deed. These movies seemed to upset Kalis deeply.

“These females—they are using them as nothing but objects,” he had protested. “They’re fucking disposable—nothing but a reason for the male character to go off and kill a bunch of other males.”

“You know, you’re right,” Jillian had said. “The women are pretty much just a plot device, I guess.” She supposed it wasn’t very feminist of her, but she hadn’t really noticed that fact until Kalis pointed it out.

After that, they’d mostly watched rom-coms and documentaries and historical films, all of which Kalis seemed to find fascinating, as a window into her culture. But tonight, Jillian wanted to try something different. After a long bath—during which they scrubbed each other thoroughly and Kalis treated her to a second and much more pleasurable tongue bath—they settled down on the couch with the plate of snacks he had made, and she grabbed the remote.

“Extend viewscreen,” she said, speaking into the remote. At once, a flat panel detached itself from the ceiling and came down to just the right height and distance from the couch.

“What are we watching tonight?” Kalis asked, putting an arm around her and drawing her close to his side.

“Tonight I thought we’d try a gladiator flick.”

Jillian looked up at him, wanting to gauge the reaction to her words.

He frowned.

“Gladiator? What’s that?”

“It’s a kind of warrior back on ancient Earth,” Jillian explained. “They trained really hard and fought for the crowd’s amusement.” She hesitated. “It might remind you of your experiences in the Blood Circuit. But if that bothers you, we don’t have to watch it,” she added quickly.

Though honestly, that was exactly why she wanted to watch this particular movie with him. When Kalis talked about his past, he was much more likely to tell stories of the Mistresses who had owned him and his time on Yonnie Six or in the Buy-All-Sell-All market. He hardly ever mentioned his time as a fighter, but since he had killed something like two hundred opponents, Jillian really felt like she ought to try and find out more about that time of his life.

After all, she didn’t want to jump into another romantic relationship, only to find out that she’d made a terrible mistake, like she had with Brad. If the big Kindred had some emotional baggage—and who wouldn’t after living that kind of life—she needed to know about it.

Kalis looked thoughtful and then shrugged.

“So this movie shows something like the Blood Circuit, hmm? That’s fine.”

“You’re sure it won’t bother you? Won’t, er, give you flashbacks?” Jillian asked carefully.

“I don’t see why it would.” He shrugged again. “Honestly, I don’t remember many of the battles I fought in detail, because I was in my other form for almost every one.”

“Oh, right.” Jillian wasn’t sure what else to say about that. She tried not to shiver as she remembered the enormous bear-thing he became. It was so much easier not to think about the creature Kalis kept inside him. It was much more comfortable—at least for her—to pretend it didn’t exist at all.

If her uneasy expression bothered Kalis, he didn’t say so. He just watched as the movie unfolded, remarking now and then about the gladiator’s helmets or weapons or fighting technique. He didn’t display any kind of agitation—in fact, he reminded Jillian of a man analyzing a sport he was only mildly interested in.

“Um, is this boring you?” she asked at last, around halfway through the movie.

“Not boring me, exactly. It’s just…pretty tame, that’s all,” Kalis remarked.

“Tame? That one guy just cut off the other guy’s head with a sword!” Jillian protested.

“Yes, but they’re both humanoids,” Kalis pointed out. “In fact, all of these, er, Gladiators, are humanoids. That makes them all pretty evenly matched, which isn’t very exciting. Where are the Trolloxes? The Bognian Slimers or the Vowshan Stabbers?” He gestured at the screen. “No promoter on the Blood Circuit would give this fight even a fourth or fifth billing in the Death Games.”

“The Death Games? Ugh!” Jillian made a face. “What kind of awful things did you have to see and do that makes this stuff seem like no big deal?” she asked, nodding at the screen where one Gladiator was skewering another with a trident and a crimson arc of blood was squirting out onto the sand the men were fighting on. “I was afraid this movie might upset you, because of your past, but you don’t seem fazed by it a bit.”

“I told you, I didn’t have to see and experience most of my battles first-hand,” Kalis said patiently. “I usually changed into my other form before the fighting began. In fact, it was part of my act. They would bring me out to the ring to face whatever opponent or beast or monster they had set for me to fight and the crowd would boo and hiss, thinking I was the weaker one—that I would surely be bested.” He shrugged. “Then, I shifted. The minute I let my Ursus out, the gambling odds would alter dramatically and the crowd would cheer. That’s mostly what I remember. The rest of the fight was kind of like a dream that I vaguely remembered when I changed back into my humanoid self.”

“Wow…okay.” Jillian nodded slowly. “I guess I’m beginning to get it. Your, uh, other form—your Ursus—protected you from the mental trauma of fighting for your life all the time.”

“To be honest, when I first started fighting in the Blood Circuit, I didn’t care about my life—didn’t care if I lived or died,” Kalis said honestly. “I was damn near suicidal because I was still mourning the loss of my mate and child.”

“I’m so sorry, Kalis.” Jillian switched off the movie and turned to face him more fully. She looked at him seriously. “I want you to know. I’ll understand if that loss keeps you from ever wanting anything permanent ever again.”

She knew that most Kindred warriors who lost their wives simply died of grief, so it was kind of a miracle he’d survived the deaths of his family in the first place. It wouldn’t be unsurprising if he felt he could never get over what had happened, even though it was years in the past.

“I thought I would never feel love again—for years I thought that,” he said seriously. He cupped her cheek. “But then I started dreaming of you, sweetheart.”

“Oh, Kalis…” Jillian wasn’t sure what to say—she could feel her heart banging against her ribs. The way he was looking at her was so solemn…so intimate.

“I was going to wait to say this, but I guess now is as good a time as ever,” Kalis went on. “Jillian, I want to Claim you and bond you to me—I want something permanent with you.”

“You…you do?” Jillian looked up at him, wide-eyed. Was he serious? “I, uh, thought we were just keeping each other company,” she said uncertainly. “I mean, we don’t want to jump into anything too fast, right? That’s what happened with my ex, and I regretted it pretty quickly.”

Kalis frowned.

“I’m not your ex-mate, Jillian—I would never treat you the way he did. I’ve given you my oath to protect you and never hurt you—I would rather die than break it.”

Jillian bit her lip. She knew he was telling the truth—knew he would never hurt her and break her heart and ruin her financially the way Brad had. But part of her was still hesitant.

“I don’t know,” she hedged. “We just…haven’t known each other that long.”

Kalis sighed.

“I know it feels like that to you, since you didn’t dream of me the way I dreamed of you. But neither of us is getting any younger, sweetheart. And I want more with you—I want a soul-bond, like a Kindred is supposed to have with his mate.”

“Is a bond really that important?” Jillian objected.

“It’s more important than anything else,” Kalis said seriously. He shook his head. “You have no idea how deep and meaningful that connection is—how close you can feel to another person—how it broadens your love.” He stroked her cheek, looking deep into her eyes. “Right now, we’re just dipping our toes in the water. I want us to swim in the ocean, sweetheart. I want that soul-deep connection only a bond can provide.” His voice dropped to an intimate growl and his eyes went half-lidded. “Jillian, I want you inside me.”

It was pretty much the most romantic—and the most sincere—thing anyone had ever said to her. Jillian couldn’t help herself, she felt like she was melting when he looked at her like that and spoke those words.

“Oh, Kalis,” she breathed, feeling tongue-tied for a moment. “I don’t…don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll bond with me,” he rumbled, still stroking her cheek. “Say you’ll tame my Ursus so I can Claim you properly and we can belong to each other for the rest of our days.”

“Uh…what?” Jillian’s heart had been racing full-tilt ahead…now it came to a screeching halt. “What did you say about your Ursus?” she asked.

Kalis frowned.

“I was afraid this might be a problem. Before I can Claim you and bond you to me properly, you have to meet and tame my Ursus.”

“But I already met him!” Jillian protested. “He scared me so badly I nearly wet my pants!”

“It wouldn’t be like that, this time,” Kalis said quickly. “He would be gentle and calm—all you need to do to Claim him is look into his eyes, stroke his fur, and tell him that he belongs to you and you belong to him. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Jillian demanded. “So ‘all’ you want me to do is pet a thirteen-foot-tall Grizzly bear whose head is as big as my entire body and who could bite me in half like a pretzel stick without even trying?”

“My Ursus would never do such a thing!” Kalis protested. “He feels the same way about you that I do, Jillian. He loves you—I love you!”

It was the first time either of them had used “the L word” but it wasn’t exactly great timing, as far as Jillian was concerned.

“What do you expect me to say, Kalis?” she demanded. “’Oh, honey, I love you too and to prove it, I’m willing to stick my head in the lion’s mouth and hope he doesn’t bite it off?’”

“My Ursus would never—” he began.

“Look, I don’t even like big dogs, all right?” Jillian was up off the couch, pacing now, her heart racing as the words tumbled out of her mouth.

“When I was little, my favorite cousin got mauled right in front of me by a dog—an animal that was supposed to be friendly. We’d played with it a hundred times. But this time…it just snapped and went for her!”

She shivered, remembering Lucy’s terrified screams as the huge black dog went for her face and throat. Jillian didn’t even know what breed it had been—only that it had seemed huge to her. Her uncle had got to them and dragged the dog off in time to save his daughter’s life, but poor Lucy had wound up having multiple surgeries to save her eye and try to correct the dreadful facial deformities the scarring caused.

She had never been the same after the attack…and Jillian had never trusted dogs, or really, any big animal afterwards, either. How many times before the attack she had let that dog—Bongo was his name—lick her face and nuzzle her neck while she giggled at his playful ways? What if he had decided to go for her instead of Lucy? You just couldn’t trust an animal that was a predator, she had decided. Because who knew when it might decide you were the prey?

“I’m sorry you had a bad experience with an animal in the past,” Kalis said quietly, breaking into her frantic thoughts. “But my Ursus is more than an animal—he is part of me. And I can’t Claim you and bond you unless you can tame him.”

“Well, then I guess we’ve been wasting each other’s time.” Jillian walked over to the door of her suite and pushed the button to make it slide open. “I think you’d better go now,” she said firmly, though inside, her stomach was twisted in knots and her eyes were already stinging with tears. “I…I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other.”

“Jillian, you don’t mean that!” Kalis rose and went over to her. “Look how much bigger I am than you,” he pointed out, putting his hand at the level of her head—which barely came up past his bicep. “I out-mass you and outweigh you and I’m much stronger than you, sweetheart. But I’ve never hurt you—and I never will. The same is true for my Ursus. Just because he looks big and scary—”

“Please, stop talking.” Jillian shook her head and swiped at her stinging eyes. “Look, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s clear to me now that this isn’t going to work. We shouldn’t have started it anyway—it’s a bad idea to sleep with someone you work with.”

“I only came to work at Pat-ar to be near you,” Kalis rumbled. “But I can get another job if you think that’s a bad idea. Only, don’t end what we have.” He cupped her cheek and looked down into her eyes. “Jillian, don’t end us,” he murmured. “I love you.”

It felt like he was tearing her heart out with those tender words, but the fear of that old, terrible memory was strong—a trauma she had never quite recovered from. An unquiet ghost which had been raised from the dead to haunt her.

“You’ll never be satisfied without that all-important bond,” she pointed out, pulling away. “I get that—I know how important that connection is to a Kindred. But I can’t give it to you.”

“You don’t think you can now,” Kalis started. “But maybe in the future—”

“Look—you said it yourself—we’re not getting any younger,” Jillian interrupted him. “I don’t want to waste your time. Maybe…” She cleared her throat, which was suddenly dry. “There are plenty of pretty young girls down on Earth that would be happy to have a Kindred husband. Maybe you’d better just go look for one of them—someone who can give you what you want…what you need.”

“What I need is you,” Kalis protested, trying to cup her cheek again. “I don’t want anyone else—especially not some immature female who hasn’t lived life yet and doesn’t know what she wants. Sweetheart…”

“No.” Jillian avoided his touch and shook her head. “No, I think you’d better go now.” The words felt like poison on her lips, but she couldn’t seem to stop them from coming out. This moment had a feeling of inevitability—this tragedy had to play through to the end. It was as though their relationship had been doomed from the start, she thought. As though it had been destined to fail.

Kalis, for his part, didn’t protest anymore. He didn’t get upset or angry, either. He just gave her a long, level look before nodding and stepping out the door.

“All right. I’m sorry if I frightened you or rushed you. Maybe we can talk more about this later.”

“There’s nothing more to say,” Jillian told him. “I’m sorry, but you need to leave now.”

Her eyes were stinging and there was a lump in her throat. She just hoped she could keep from breaking down before he left.

Kalis didn’t refuse to go, but he gave her a long, sorrowful look that made her feel like her heart was breaking, before turning away.

Then, without another word, he walked down the corridor and was gone.