Marked By Rejection by Avery Stone

Entry 1015: Maybe We Fear Love

Dear Kyle,

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I hate being sick.

It doesn't happen often and thank goodness it doesn't.

I can’t stand that crippling feeling of being weak and more vulnerable than I already am.

Having to rely on people, knowing damn well I have no one to rely on.

It was the worst when I was sick at work.

That vile woman would always call Travis to get me, no matter how many times I'd plead to be well enough to go home on my own.

Sometimes I felt as if she knew what he'd do,

that my weakness satisfied him in so many ways.

I can see why I fear love.

Could that be why I belittle myself in front of Alpha?

So he'll push me away?

Does he notice that I crave love...but I'm scared?

What if I never prove myself worthy enough and he has no choice but to give me away?

I guess I fear abandonment, but isn't pushing him away the same thing?

This is hard to adjust to, Kyle.

So many changes, variants of issues I'm not ready to face yet.

The sad part is, I don't think I have much of a choice.

Whether I like it or not, I have to face this...

But maybe not alone?

If I'm honest with Alpha...will he care?

I know he will...it feels like he cares.

That he wants to help me...save me.

The ball is in my court, Kyle.

And I'm tempted to finally take a shot at seeing if this can work.

I'm afraid of love...

but maybe...

just maybe...

Killian is too.

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- Wren