Marked By Rejection by Avery Stone
Entry 1017: Prepare For A New Me
Dear Kyle,
Alpha knows I struggle to take care of myself...
Frankly, it was embarrassing to admit it.
There's a difference between falling into bad habits that hurt you,
versus telling someone those bad habits and being forced to acknowledge how dangerous they can be.
Why did starving myself become a new norm?
Was it my way of punishing myself for not being good enough?
Was it really to please Travis? Deep down, Kyle, I know it wasn't.
The pangs of hunger. The internal cries of my stomach begging for food.
I guess I used that to remind myself that I was still surviving.
It was a way of telling myself that by enduring all of this, I'd get some sort of reward at the right moment.
Makes me wonder if Alpha Killian is my reward.
Is the chance of being friends with Yael and Falcon a reward?
Surviving through thick and thin has led me to this moment.
I should reap all those rewards and enjoy them, right?
Alpha...Killian...he makes me want to dream again.
That's scary.
When I was a dreamer, I held so much hope inside me,
but more importantly, I was the happiest I'd ever been.
If I deserve all these new people in my life,
the support from Athena, Zen, and maybe even Lilith,
does that mean I deserve to be happy again?
Can I be happy?
On my own, it would be difficult, I can't deny that.
But with these people around me...supporting me...cheering me on…
I think I have a chance.
A purpose.
Can you support me, Kyle?
Support me in becoming a new version of myself.
I promise...I won't give up this time.
I'm prepared to become a new me.
A new Gwenivere.
- Wren