Madness of the Horde by Zoey Draven

Chapter Fifty-Two

“Get me out of this bed please,” my leikavi pleaded softly.

“If your strength was returned to you, rei kassiri,” I rasped, uncurling myself from my place at the entrance, “then I would not allow you to leave it.”

Her cheeks flushed at my words, her gaze almost shy as she watched me stalk towards her.

Thousands of emotions welled up within me. For so long, I had only kept rage and anger close to me, fueling me through this life. Now, I didn’t know what to do with the others. I didn’t know how to handle them barricading themselves in my chest.

“Are you…are you all right?” Vienne whispered to me when I knelt at the side of the bed.

I leaned forward, capturing her lips with my own, threading my palm around the nape of her neck. The kiss was a desperate, frantic thing…my own way of ensuring that she was all right. That Kakkari had spared her life, that she was pink-cheeked and wide-eyed, warm and alive and here against me.

“Not yet,” I murmured against her lips, my voice ragged with the truth of it.

The past week had been hell. One I never wanted to revisit. As Vorakkar, I always had to be strong. My horde could never see weakness. But this week…I was certain Vienne saw the strain of it in my eyes. Up until today, I wasn’t certain I’d ever be able to look into her eyes again…and now that I could, I found myself never wanting to look away.

“I’m here, Davik,” she whispered, pressing her forehead against me. “And I can barely believe that I am.”

That was her truth.

She pulled back. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She held her arms out and I helped her from the bed, holding onto her waist as she got her footing. She’d bathed earlier—her mother and sister had been alone with her then—but she was still weakened.

She wore a simple shift and I bundled her in furs so she wouldn’t chill. Once I’d laced her boots, I guided her from the tent and out into the open night air.

Vienne’s face was one of relief as she stepped outside, her face immediately tilting back to look at the moon, only to blink in surprise.

It was the black moon tonight.

“Is it really over?” she whispered, staying close to my side. Her hand was warm against my forearm.

“With the Ghertun?” I asked, leading her towards the pyroki enclosure. It was a short distance away so it wouldn’t exert her too much and I knew she enjoyed watching them. She’d watched them with Lokkaru for hours. “For now.”

“You don’t expect peace?”

“Nik,” I told her. The encampment was quiet. Vienne’s family were nowhere in sight. I figured they were already settled into their voliki for the night. They’d chosen to stay in one, though I’d offered for all of them to have their own. “For a short while, perhaps. Maybe even years. But war always comes. If I have learned anything as Vorakkar, it is that.”

There was a large part of me—a part I wouldn’t tell her about—that craved returning to the Dead Mountain. That craved slaughtering all that had harmed her and her family. The sibi, the Ghertun who had burned the brand into their flesh, the Ghertun who had given them the first dose of vovic, and Lozza most of all. That bloodlust might never leave me.

“But for now,” I said quietly, as we stopped in front of the enclosure, “there is peace. And because of you, there are no more slaves under the Dead Mountain. Because of you, Lozza knows fear, knows that you alone spared his life though you wielded the heartstone’s power.”

She glanced up at me, leaning against the enclosure. I noticed the short walk had exhausted her.

“Are you angry with me for that?” she whispered, her eyes luminous, even in darkness. Under the Dead Mountain, they’d glowed blue, eerie and beautiful. I would never be able to forget that.

“Lysi,” I told her, my tone bordering on anguished. “I was vokking furious with you. And scared. So scared. Frightened out of my mind!”

“Davik…” she said, her expression softening, her brows furrowing.

“If you—” I cut myself off, feeling that familiar panic rise in my chest. I thought the last week might have taken years off my life, years I’d wanted to spend happily with her.

My fists clenched at my sides.

“If you had died because of it…” I continued. “I—I cannot bear to think of losing you, Vienne. When I saw you wielding the heartstone’s power…I did not think I would survive if you were gone from this world.”

She leaned into me, burrowing her face into the furs that draped over my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to squeeze her as tightly as possible to me, but I didn’t want to hurt her while she still recovered.

“You have my heart, Vienne,” I rasped down to her, tilting her chin up so I had her gaze. “You know that. And it is terrifying to know that I am no longer my own.”

Her eyes softened though her features were serious, almost somber.

“And I know that I have very little right to be furious with you,” I added softly, stroking my hand through her hair. “I lied to you about the heartstone. Deceived you knowingly. It was I that was pushing you towards that decision to leave…because I had given you no other choice. You’d been right to not make that promise to me…to never alter my mind again. Because if you had stayed, I might have forced you to. I would’ve given you no other choice.”

“Why did you lie about the heartstone?” she asked.

My jaw tightened, shame lingering in my mind.

“At first, it was because I needed you close,” I said. “After you delivered your message in Dothik, the Vorakkars had decided that the Ghertun needed to be restrained. For years, they have been pushing their borders, attacking and raiding more settlements. We did not know they took slaves. Not until you.”

“You needed me close because I could give you information about the Ghertun,” she finished for me. “Because I had lived under the Dead Mountain and I might know their weaknesses.”

“Lysi,” I said. “I needed your trust. But no one except Lokkaru and I knew about the heartstone. I kept that information from the Vorakkars even because I never intended for it to be found. And the last thing we needed, on the verge of battle with the Ghertun, was for their king to be in possession of a heartstone.”

Vienne’s lips pressed together.

“You know how dangerous it is now,” I said, my throat tight. “You are the only being alive that knows how dangerous—and powerful—it is.”

She swallowed, her eyes flickering in memory of it.

“And then, I did not tell you about the heartstone because I selfishly wanted to keep you near,” I admitted. “I wanted you as my own. I knew that I could protect you. I knew that I would never let you return to the Dead Mountain. I knew that I would bring you your family, so that you would stay.”

Her vision went glassy again.

“But I did not know about the vovic running through your veins,” I finished, my voice roughening. “I did not know that every moment I kept you here, it sickened you further. I did not know that lying to you about the heartstone was inadvertently harming you more.”

“Because I never told you about the vovic,” she whispered. “I lied to you too.”

“We have both kept secrets from one another,” I said, my claw brushing the softness and warmth of her cheek, “for reasons that were our own. But I do not want that anymore. I don’t want anything unspoken between us. From this moment forward.”

“I don’t either.”

My heart began to pump in my chest, nerves coiling in my belly. Because if there were to be no more secrets between us, I knew what I needed to do. And I had never talked about that night, or the ones that followed, to anyone before. I wasn’t even certain I would be able to put it into words.

Nillima approached us at the enclosure fence and when I raised my head to look at my bonded pyroki, my eyes caught on the darkness of the enclosure behind her, searching the shadows.

But my sister had not appeared to me since the Dead Mountain. I had seen others…faces I didn’t recognize. They spoke to me sometimes but never anything I could remember. Devina never came, however.

Nillima nudged my arm with her snout, though she ignored Vienne completely, something that brought a wry smile to my female’s face.

“You want to tell me now?” Vienne whispered. There was no one around. We were alone in the fresh, crisp air of the dark night. “Or later?”

This had been long overdue and I wanted her to know. I was ready to tell her what I’d done. I wanted to, so there would be no more barriers between us. After tonight, we would start anew.

“Once, you asked me to tell you the worst thing I have ever done,” I started. “The worst thing I have ever done was watch Devina die. And be powerless to stop it.”

Her hands settled on my chest.

“It is not a long story,” I said, my throat feeling like it was on the verge of closing up entirely. “There was a male. From our horde. His name was Jarun.”

“Jarun,” Vienne repeated, recognition flashing in her gaze.

I frowned. “You know his name?”

“The memory…the dream,” she said. “The one when you and Devina talked about her wanting to leave the horde, wanting to find a husband, and settle in Dothik or an outpost. She talked of Jarun in that dream. She said she liked him. But you didn’t.”

“Truthfully, I would not have liked any male for my sister. No male would have ever been good enough for her,” I admitted gruffly. I had always been overprotective of her, an instinct I sensed and even admired in Vienne’s own brothers. “But Jarun had held her interest for a long while.

“I told you once about my horde failing when I was younger. Because of overhunting, we would have been hungry for the season and the other Vorakkars had already claimed their land. The horde fell and we had to return to Dothik, to await the next season before we could venture to the wild lands again.”

“Yes, I remember,” Vienne said.

“Devina got her wish, for Jarun never had any intention of rejoining a horde or living in the wild lands. He was a few years older than her, than us. He wanted to stay within the city, the city she had always been so curious about. He had his eyes on a position in the Dothikkar’s private council. He had always been ambitious, with a taste for power,” I said, the words bitter on my tongue. “To him, serving at the Dothikkar’s side was his ultimate prize. And Devina loved him, or at least believed she did. He had promised to make her his wife. They were going to marry before the end of the season, though she was young still and my father did not approve. Nor did I. But Devina had always had a will of her own. She made her choice and it was Jarun.”

Vienne remained silent, as if she sensed I needed to get this out quickly. I still remembered the day she had stood up to our father about the matter. I had never seen our father so angry, but she would not be swayed.

“My sister was beautiful. She possessed the kind of beauty that drew people in, even the worst of them,” I told her, fighting to keep the rage and grief contained within me. “There was a member of the Dothikkar’s council. Ollisan. One day, he saw Jarun with Devina in Dothik and from that moment on, he coveted her. He wanted to possess her as his. He grew obsessed with her. From that day on, he grew closer with Jarun. He offered to mentor him, to whisper in the Dothikkar’s ear to give him a place at his table, in his great hall, but Ollisan had a price. A single price for everything that Jarun ever wanted, an answer to his ambitions and security for his future.”

Horror was laced within Vienne’s tone. “He wanted Devina?”

“Lysi. If Jarun would give him Devina—like she was a possession, something to be traded—then Ollisan would pave the road for him to the Dothikkar’s council, which was the only thing he ever truly wanted. But Ollisan was cruel. Twisted. He was no better than a monster. And so one night, after Jarun agreed to Ollisan’s terms, Jarun led him to our home. I think Jarun believed that if Devina loved him as much as she claimed, she would do this for him. She would make this sacrifice for his dreams.”

My jaw tightened. My gaze flicked to the shadows behind her but they were still empty.

“Devina was alone that night. My mother was working to provide us with gold, so we could eat. My father was drinking that gold away, unhappy and restless away from the wild lands. And I…” I growled, my hands tightening around her. “I was wandering the city. I had seen more and more shadows since we came to Dothik. In my own way, I was trying to escape them.”

“Davik,” Vienne whispered, her eyes glassy with whatever she heard in my tone.

I could almost smell the filth of the capital, the raucous laughter and sharp scent of vomit in the air. I tried to shake it from my mind, focusing on Vienne’s alluring and comforting scent instead. She still smelled of kuveri, as if the scent was forever in her skin.

“That night, Ollisan and Jarun went to our home,” I said slowly. “It was there that Ollisan raped her…while—while Jarun watched. He told me later that he didn’t know that was what Ollisan intended. That everything that happened that night was unintended, out of control, and a product of fear. He swore it on Kakkari. But his word meant nothing to me.”

The tears began to drip from Vienne’s eyes and she held still, absorbing my words into her, as ugly and horrifying as they were.

“The events that happened next are still unclear to me,” I said, my nostrils flaring. “And I will only ever know a fraction of the fear that Devina felt that night. I felt something was wrong. I felt her inside me, this frantic thing scratching within my heart. We had always been connected. We always will be. So when I felt that…I began to return home. But I was too late.”

“What—what happened?”

“I think...I think that my parents returned home, though I am not sure if they returned together or separately. They saw Devina, Ollisan, and Jarun. My father was drunk. He had long hung up his darukkar sword and so he had no weapon. All Jarun would tell me was that he didn’t even realize Ollisan had killed them until it was too late.”

“Oh gods,” Vienne whispered.

“Ollisan told him that if my parents lived after what they had witnessed, then the both of them would be cast out of Dothik, that Jarun would never be allowed within the capital again. They would be as good as dead. So Ollisan killed them both…my mother, my father. Quickly and efficiently. Devina was still alive then. I heard her screams as I ran up the alleyway.”

Her screams that would forever haunt me. I still heard them at night, in my sleep, though I realized those nightmares had been less frequent with Vienne sleeping at my side.

“She was fighting Ollisan when I returned, scratching and clawing at him. Jarun was trying to restrain her. I saw my parents bleeding on the floor, their eyes open but lifeless,” I said, familiar nausea beginning to rise in my belly. “Then I saw Ollisan plunge the dagger inside Devina in his panic.”

I felt Vienne’s hands come to my face and I blinked, pinning my attention on her, feeling the world begin to come into focus again.

“I’m here. Always,” she whispered and it was exactly what I’d needed to hear. Because I could feel myself beginning to drift and I needed her to anchor me to this place, to this time, to her.

“The moment Jarun saw me, he fled,” I told her. “He left her, the female he had promised his life to, lying there in her own blood, her dress ripped, her body battered, her parents dead next to her. And Ollisan…I had never known hatred could run that deep. I had never known hatred could be that overwhelming. Truthfully, after that moment, I—I don’t quite remember what…”

I felt a familiar chill at the back of my neck. My breath hitched and when I looked towards the shadows…Devina was coming into view. She was threading around pyrokis, coming towards us.

Had this memory called her to me?

“What do you remember?” Vienne whispered, still crying. For me, for Devina, for the tragic events that had brought the end of her life.

“Ollisan’s blood all over me,” I rasped, my gaze on my sister. When I pressed my fingers against my scar, I found my hands were shaking. I had never spoken of this before. “When…when I think back to that moment, what I regret is knowing that my sister must’ve seen that as she died. I should have been at her side as she left this world, for her wound was mortal, but at least I would have been there. Instead, I had butchered Ollisan until his blood coated every inch of my flesh. That was her last image of this world. It was horrifying and monstrous, filled with death and hatred.”

“Oh, Davik,” Vienne murmured, watching me trace the scar on my face. “Did…did he give you the scar?”

“Lysi. With the same dagger that killed my parents and my sister. A reminder of that night. Always.”

Vienne looked anguished at my words, while my sister was watching me carefully from the shadows.

“I am sorry for that. I should have been at your side,” I murmured. “I—I never should have left you in the first place.”

Vienne saw where my gaze was pointed. She knew that Devina had appeared, for the first time all week, and I felt her wrap her arms around me, holding me tight.

Devina was within arm’s reach now. She reached out to touch me, which she had never done before. I didn’t feel it, as I’d expected to. It felt more like the prickling at the back of my neck whenever she appeared, an energy that I sensed.

“After that night, I buried Devina and my parents in the forest outside the city, as close to the wild lands as I could reach. I tossed Ollisan’s body—what remained of it—into the forest next to the Dothikkar’s road. As for Jarun…”

Vienne tensed in my arms.

“I tracked him down. For weeks after what happened, he had been hiding within the capital. I took him out into the forest, near where I’d thrown Ollisan’s body. He told me what had happened that night and the circumstances leading up to it. Confessed it all to me,” I said, my gaze meeting Devina’s. “I did not feel anything when I killed him.”

Vienne looked up at me, her eyes sad but knowing.

“I did not feel relief. Or even anger. I did not feel disgust or hatred, not like I did before. I simply felt empty as his blood drenched the earth. And then I saw him rise up in his shadowed form afterwards. That was when the reality of it hit me…that Devina was gone. That my parents were gone. That I had lost everyone that I loved in a single moment. That not even killing the ones responsible could fill that ache inside me.”

Then Mala had appeared in my life, filling that void with something else entirely—with self-hatred and disgust and rage and grief and sex. Judging by the look that crossed Vienne’s face, I knew she’d pieced together that information herself.

“I’m so sorry, Davik,” Vienne said, her voice husky from her tears. “I’m so sorry.”

I locked eyes with Devina, but saw she was already fading. Her appearances were becoming shorter and shorter. She hadn’t spoken this time. Wherever it was that was beginning to pull at her, to take her away…I wanted her to go. Even if it meant losing her all over again. I wanted her to find peace. Finally. After so many years.

“My sister had a pure soul,” I said. “She was the best of us. She always teased me about that. I hated it then but I always knew she spoke the truth. And…and I know she will always be with me. Even if it is not in the shadows. She will find peace. I can already feel it within me…and we were always tied to one another.”

Devina’s lips curled, her eyes glowing.

“Remember her as she was, Davik,” Vienne whispered to me. “Not that night. But every day and night that had come before it.”

“Lysi,” I rasped, watching as Devina faded…

I inhaled a quick breath when she disappeared again.

Gone.

Something told me that I would never see her in the shadows again. I would only see her in memories…or in dreams.

The grief would come at that realization. However, mostly I felt relief. There was a special bond, a special kind of magic, in twins. It was that bond that had tied us to one another, that had kept Devina close to me even in death.

Now maybe we could both heal that wound that had festered for too long. It had been like vovic in our veins, poisoning us both, keeping us prisoners and trapped, so we could not move on from that night.

When Vienne’s eyes found mine, she whispered, “Thank you for telling me.”

Pressing my forehead to hers, I let out a shuddering breath between us, closing my eyes. In the quiet, I could hear the thumping of her heartbeat, strong and certain.

One day, I would see Devina again. I would see my mother and my father again. Vienne would see her father and grandmother again. See Lokkaru again. I took comfort in that.

But we were in this world now. Together.

The sounds of my horde began to pierce the haziness in my mind. The memories of Dothik, of that night, gave way to the feel of Vienne in my arms, her warmth against me, the gentle scraping of pyroki claws into the earth, the scent of which floated up to me, fragrant and rich. Overhead, the stars shone bright, ancient constellations illuminating the sky.

The air was fresh and crisp. Vienne’s heart beat steadily against me.

And when she looked up at me, her gaze more luminous than the stars?

Thiswas what peace felt like.