Kraving Khiva by Zoey Draven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Khiva restlessly paced the floor of his mating room, certain he was wearing tracks in the already worn carpet.

It was Thursday evening, the night of Evelyn’s scheduled visit. Valerie had told him that she hadn’t called to cancel the booking, which had relieved him immensely, but something told him that she might not come.

After their last parting, Khiva could understand why she might never want to see him again. And while at the time, he thought he was doing the honorable thing, the past week had been miserable and dark and lonely. He’d hardly slept because every time he closed his eyes, he saw her, her expression sad, her gaze questioning, and he woke up furious with himself for hurting her and second-guessing his decision.

Khiva went to the window and looked out, towards the Lake District, and his chest squeezed with loss.

He thought he’d been making the right decision, a step towards self-preservation when she inevitably eventually grew tired of spending credits to visit him. Because what future did they have?

He was a Krave whore, under Madame Allegria’s control…and she was a human, with her entire life ahead of her. She was beautiful, kind, wealthy, and sensual. She could have any number of adoring males or perhaps a mate who could give her the things Khiva wanted to give her.

His fists clenched at his sides, just thinking about other males with his leeldra. But he’d never be able to give her what they could. Not anymore. Not on Everton.

His feelings for her were…unparalleled. Frightening. Beautiful.

Letting her go, however, or giving her the choice to stay, knowing they could never have the future they wanted, seemed cruel, but eventually, she would understand why.

So why did he want to be selfish? Why did he want her to come, so that that he could hold her and have her kiss and her soft eyes, knowing that eventually she would realize the truth? Knowing that eventually they would both be hurt when they were forced their separate ways?

And that was only if Madame Allegria didn’t discover their relationship first. If she found out…there was no telling what she would do.

Khiva growled, his head pounding.

It didn’t help that his Rut was near. He should’ve told Valerie to cancel Evelyn’s visit that night, because he could feel it on the verge of breaking. But it was another selfish decision. He wanted to see her, needed to see her. He could hold it off for another few hours, if only to have a few hours with her. For her, he would control it.

His breath hitched when he heard movement outside his door and he turned, already halfway across the room, when it opened.

Bright relief burst when he saw Evelyn on the threshold and he acted purely on instinct.

“Leeldra,” he growled, rushing her, cupping her chin and tilting her mouth up. He needed to taste her, needed to feel her warmth against him, anything to soothe the restlessness inside him.

He kissed her, slowly at first, trying to pour everything he wanted her to understand into that kiss. And for a moment, she responded, gripping his shoulders tightly.

But then her hands trailed down to his chest and she pushed lightly. “Khiva,” she sighed, turning her face to the side.

Khiva’s chest clenched, but he leaned his forehead against her temple, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace. After a moment, her arms came around his back to return it.

They stood there in silence but Khiva knew. Already he knew, from the tone in her voice. He’d come to know her very well in the past two months.

She’d come to say goodbye. Everything rebelled in him at that knowledge, but somehow, it wasn’t quite real. Not yet at least.

Eventually, Evelyn pulled away, stepping back against the door to put a sliver of space between them.

“I’m not planning to stay long,” she said softly, looking up at him with even softer eyes. Khiva couldn’t withstand the sadness he detected there, knowing that he was the cause. “It just didn’t seem right to cancel.”

Khiva swallowed, trying to prepare himself for what was to come. But the agony in his chest told him that nothing would be able to prepare him.

Evelyn took a deep breath, her tongue flicking out to wet her lips. Even on the verge of suffering, Khiva still needed her. He couldn’t help but remember everything that tongue had done to him.

Another surge of his Rut made his breath hitch and he gritted his teeth, closing his eyes for a brief moment to get control.

“I’ve been thinking a lot, this past week. Too much, perhaps,” she started softly. “I’ve been going over every detail it seems and I’ve come to the conclusion that you do care for me, despite what happened at our last meeting.”

“I do care for you, Evelyn,” he said, wondering if he had implied otherwise. “Of course I do.”

For her to doubt that was…unfathomable.

“Just not enough, you mean,” she finished softly. Khiva had to physically move away from her to keep himself from correcting her. He cared for her more than enough, that was why he’d done what he’d done. “Not enough to see anything beyond,” she gestured around the room, “here. This room.”

Khiva turned his head to look out the window, needing to center his thoughts. Quietly, he said, “You deserve more than this room, Evelyn. More than me. Can you not see that?”

When he returned his gaze to her, she was shaking her head and then she gave him a small, sad smile, “I never believed that, Khiva. It’s not a matter of what and who I think I deserve. It’s a matter of what and who makes me happy. That was you.”

Khiva paced back to the fireplace again, rubbing his hands down his face. He looked down into the flames, remembering the forges on Kerivu, remembering that blistering heat.

“I wish,” he said softly, “you had known me before this. When Kerivu still existed. When I could have given you everything I wish to now.”

Evelyn approached him, her footsteps quiet on the carpet, and she laid her soft, warm hand on his forearm. “I don’t,” she said.

“Kruvu?” he asked, turning to her.

“You are not that same male, Khiva,” she said. “You have not been him since your planet was wrongfully destroyed. You have known pain and suffering since and yet you withstood it all without faltering. You are stronger now because of it, more resilient. This male in front of me is who I’ve come to care for most, not who you used to be. I would take you over him any moment of the day.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his heartbeats skittering. “Leeldra…”

Demav, he loved her. And that knowledge speared him because he’d driven her to this decision. Deliberately.

Their gazes connected and held. Even then, Khiva could feel her retreating and it drove him mad, made him feel more helpless than being chained and whipped by Madame Allegria.

Evelyn cleared her throat, stepping back, before fumbling to find something in the pocket of her overcoat. Khiva’s brow bones drew together when she pulled out a square, translucent card with a silver strip running down the middle, a set of numbers glowing in the corner of it.

Khiva recognized it immediately and he growled, “Evelyn.”

“Just listen to me,” she said, taking his hand and placing the card there, securing his fingers around it. She pulled back before he could reject it. “This has nothing to do with pride or charity, Khiva. This is what is owed to you, what I believed you were being paid during our visits. The credits are yours, legally, so take them. Don’t use them, or use them how you wish, I don’t care.”

Khiva didn’t know how to feel about what she was saying. Whether he should be hurt, angry, or whether he should kiss her senseless. When he looked down at the card, he saw ‘2700’ lit up in the corner. 2700 credits, more credits than he’d seen in his entire time on Everton.

“For six visits,” she murmured, “including tonight’s. It’s what you should have received for our time together.”

Khiva handed the card back to her, though she refused to take it. “I do not want it.”

“Then don’t use it. Give it to Dravka, or the brothers, or even Valerie. But I won’t take it back,” she said.

Khiva shook his head, hardly standing to look at that card, because of what it represented. That she was nothing more than a client to him, that their time together had only been a transaction.

She meant so much more to him than that.

“Please, Khiva,” she whispered and when he finally tore his glare away from the card, he saw her eyes had filled with tears. He hated that sight even more. “I—I’m just trying to do the right thing. I knew that you would hate it, but I just want to give you options. Just in case.”

“Come here,” he murmured.

She hesitated for only a moment and then she went to him, wrapping her arms around him, as his came around her. She pressed her face into his chest and Khiva had never felt anything more right than simply holding her like this.

When he felt wetness against his shirt from her tears, he let out a low trill, wanting to comfort her and feeling helpless how. So, he simply held her and he savored every moment she was still in his arms, knowing that soon, she would pull away.

And when she did, when she stepped back and looked at him, she said, “I’ve come to say goodbye, Khiva. I’m leaving Everton.”

Khiva’s whole body seemed to numb. Even the pumping of his blood seemed to still in his veins. “Kruvu?” he asked quietly.

Evelyn looked down at the space between them before meeting his eyes. “There’s nothing here for me, no future at least. And there are things about Everton that I can no longer ignore, things that you’ve helped me realize are backwards and corrupt. I fear that if I stay, I will remain stagnant. I will never grow, never see different places, never experience a different life, never be scared or frightened, when I now believe that we should all be scared and frightened sometimes. It’s what we are afraid of that makes things worth it. Like you,” she murmured, giving him a small smile. “I can’t tell you how scared I was to come to you, how scared I was to return. But I also can’t tell you how much I was glad I did.”

Khiva fell even more in love with her in that moment, just as she was saying goodbye, just as she was leaving Everton, leaving him.

“When will you go?” he asked slowly.

“In four days,” she replied.

Khiva made a sound in the back of throat, panic making his hands tremble. So soon. “Where?”

“I contacted an old friend of my father,” she told him. “He lives on an open colony, a neutral, peaceful colony, called Dumera, in the Second Quadrant. My father had visited once. He’d told me about it, that it was beautiful, that beings from all over the universe lived there and that he’d never quite seen a place like it.”

“Evelyn,” he rasped. “I…”

She licked her lips and continued. “My father’s friend, Gorkan, is helping me secure housing there. He says there are jobs available in the Dumerian archives, old texts from all over the Quadrants that need restoring. It seems they value history there, memory. I feel like I can actually contribute towards something greater, rather than just restoring expensive old books for private collections.”

Khiva took a deep breath in through his nostrils. This was what he’d wanted for her. A future. The way she spoke, she seemed genuinely excited about the prospect.

So, why did it hurt this much?

“I…I am proud of you, leeldra,” he finally said quietly.

Her soft smile slowly faded and she reached out to squeeze his wrist. “Thank you, Khiva. That…that means a lot.” Then she hesitated but said, “And just so you’re aware, I will meet with my father’s contact at the United Worlds concerning Madame Allegria.”

“Evelyn,” he started, shaking his head.

“I’m not afraid of her,” she said. “What she is doing is beyond immoral and illegal. She deserves punishment.”

How could he make her understand?

“It is not just her, Evelyn,” he said, taking her hand. “Our clients…they are connected to very powerful, very wealthy beings, not just those within the Earth Council. If our clients’ names were outed…” He shook his head, exhaling a heavy breath. “Let us just agree that they would go to extreme lengths to prevent it.”

“I never said it would be easy,” she said softly.

Khiva touched her cheek softly, affection and grief welling in his chest all at once. “I admire your bravery, leeldra. But your own safety, please let this go.”

“No,” she said immediately. “I will not just leave and turn a blind eye, just like everyone else here. You said that it was I that didn’t deserve this, but it is you, all of you, who truly don’t deserve this. You deserve better, Khiva. Much, much better…and yet, it is you who has become stagnant. It’s you who has resigned yourself to this, who denies help when offered it. I can’t help you when you don’t want to be helped. And for how long, Khiva? How long will you live like this? For the rest of your life? Are you prepared to die here because of it?”

Her words cut him like a blade. They stole his breath.

Of course, he’d thought about what she’d just said many, many times. But to hear it fall from her lips, to hear her shine a light onto his shame, onto his resignation, was worse. It struck him to his core. It made him realize just how cowardly he’d become. She was a mirror that he couldn’t escape.

He wanted to be better. For himself. For her.

Eve blew out a breath, wiping her eyes to dash away her tears of frustration. Stunned silence fell over them.

After another moment, she approached him again, took his hands, and pressed a kiss to each one. Then she stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

She whispered, “I want better for you, Khiva, just as you want better for me. I just wish that you could’ve seen that. We could’ve been better together because of it.”

Khiva squeezed his eyes shut, everything in turmoil.

Evelyn stepped away.

“I should go now before it gets even harder to leave,” she whispered.

Alarm made Khiva grab her around the waist when she reached the door. “Wait. Just wait, leeldra. Please.”

He couldn’t think. His mind felt scrambled and disconnected. All he knew was that this couldn’t be the last time he saw her.

Evelyn looked up at him with watery eyes, waiting, just as he asked. But she eventually realized that he had nothing to say, nothing to offer her.

Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to his lips and Khiva kept a firm grip on her waist to keep her there.

But all too soon, she pulled away, a choked sob escaping her throat. Her hand scrambled over the handle of the door before she managed to unlock it and push it open.

“Goodbye, Khiva,” she whispered.

Then she slipped from his grip…and slipped out of the room, down the hallway with quick strides.

And Khiva watched her go without saying a single word.