Her Darkest Devils by Ginna Moran
Chapter 4
ZADE
Heaven’s Loss
SOMETIMES I THINK I know something, but then it turns out that I have no idea. The Higher Power tests me and the other brethren over and over, but it’s not because It doesn’t believe in us. These tests help us work through difficulties, and right now, Raven is my number one problem.
At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
What Cassius has been telling me.
How our brethren could go from five to four at the heart of the particular soul so long ago baffled me. Apart from Lucifer, Kase, and Dante abandoning their purposes to start their own paths with such a vile place as Hell, a place the Higher Power cursed them with instead of the paradise they sought, Elias was the only other angel I’ve ever known to leave home. How he found himself entangled with a mortal soul was hard to fathom. It was not our place to get involved as we watched humanity. But he got too close. And then he disappeared. All for the soul.
I thought that was the end of it, and his departure an anomaly. We all thought it.
Then the soul returned. I could expect Micah to fall. He had a bond with Elias, and they were close. It wouldn’t be unthinkable.
But Andre? My closest, most trusted companion?
I never imagined it until the moment I saw him touch her soul.
I feared it wouldn’t be long. I had hoped to keep him on his path, but I wasn’t enough. My light isn’t as bright as hers.
Now that I stare deeply into Raven’s eyes, searching the light of her soul for the answers of questions I don’t even know how to ask, I realize why. She reminds me of home, of Heaven, of the things in the world we fight to protect. If only I could figure out why she does and how it’s possible with the chains of darkness imprisoning her to a place I can hardly tolerate.
“If you keep staring at me like this, I’m going to kiss you to make you stop.” Raven’s eyes shift as she studies my face.
I continue to stroll down the hellacious path in the expanse of souls lost to their own personal Hell just below the surface of the road. I’ve never seen such a sight. There are hundreds of souls trapped under my boots in currents of Hell water only accessible by the demons who control this place for Kase.
“As much as I’d like to continue learning the reasons why Andre gave up his divine purpose for you, I must decline. Your emotions are far too fragile, and I’m nearly certain if I allow another demon to get within a foot of you, your cheeks will be forever branded with your tears. The sorrow and fear over being defiled by such a monstrous entity still blazes in my heart. I’m not sure either of us can survive any more trauma.” I inhale a small breath, forcing my gaze away from Raven’s. “You might be strong and resilient, but not every unfortunate thing adds to your strength. Mortals only say that to feel better. Sometimes, a soul just gets hurt and healing could last a lifetime. I do not want to be the reason for that.”
I shudder, pushing the thought away. I hope she doesn’t hold my need to guard her precious body and soul against me. Raven is the only way I can safely gain access to this realm. I can tether to her light and follow her here, since she crossed over in death and was dragged out by Andre. Without her, I would risk losing my wings. I can’t. It pains me so much knowing that I’ll never see light within Andre again.
“I don’t even know how to respond to that, Zade. I thought you were a dickhead, you know. A righteous bastard. Is that only around Cassius? And what do you mean about you can feel my trauma?” Her bluish-green stare burns into the side of my face, but not in a painful way. The weight of her attention helps distract me from my own wandering thoughts and I stroll with her in my arms through a valley of the damned.
“Your emotions run rampant through me as if they are my own. I’m not used to it. I hadn’t realized how...messy it is to connect with a soul not at peace. It’s perplexing. Like now, you smile at me, but your soul weeps. You hurt on a deep level.” I adjust her in my arms. “But you are also so guarded that I can’t help you.”
Her smile widens, her eyes crinkling in the corners. Among her pain, a bit of humor breaks through. “Silly angel. You’ve been around literally forever. Don’t you understand the concept of putting on a brave face? And why do you think you can help me? You haven’t been much help to my soul. Thanks for protecting my body, though. I’ll give you that.”
I open and close my mouth, trying to think of a way to convince her that I am more than the brute strength that comes with my angelic warrior power. I’m not sure why I feel the need to. I shouldn’t care how she feels about me. She’s not among Heaven’s beloved. But a deep part of me craves to show her that I’m not a being who lives purely for vengeance and keeping Hell at bay. I am here for humankind. Her thoughts are tangled by the darkness, so she thinks our light is the problem. I can sense it. Heaven is her enemy. Hell is her captor. All she wants is to find a balance and peace.
Purgatory.
I’m beginning to understand her reasons...I think. But comprehending them is another story. God help me. If only I had Andre by my side. It was these types of situations we would ponder together. He shut me out before we could. Heaven is not the only one feeling his loss. It buries deep in my very essence, and I have no clue how to fix it. Everything I could try will jeopardize me. I will not abandon grace. I won’t.
“Zade? I’m sorry. I was a bit harsh. I’m just so upset and scared. I’m pissed the fuck off at Lucian. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Raven’s soft voice coaxes me from my thoughts. Her warm fingers touch my cheek, and she wipes my tears away. I hadn’t realized I was crying.
I use the back of my hand to dry the rest of my face and blink a few times. “There is no need to apologize. It is not your fault. I appreciate your honesty. I’m sure with a bit more time, I will learn how to...put on a brave face, like you. No more tears.”
Her brows knit together, her pouty mouth drawing my attention away from her eyes. “You don’t have to do that. Being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. You don’t need to fake things. I just—it caught me off guard. I like being able to tell what you’re feeling.”
How curious. I feel the same. I’d prefer she not confuse me with smiles that do not match what’s going on inside her, no matter how beautiful she looks doing so. And right now, frowning in concern, she remains just as stunning. If not more so. Not because I like seeing her sad. I like knowing that she isn’t cold to me. She’s opening up her fiery protective walls.
A zap of heat strikes me in my chest, and I gasp.
She unexpectedly lets me in completely, and my angelic sight kicks on, setting her aglow. A small gasp escapes her. Trailing her hands from my cheeks, she glides them down my neck and back up into my hair. Her hot lips shock me, sending sparks across my skin. One second she’s pouting and now her mouth is on mine, her fingers curling in my hair, her body shifting until her legs wrap around me.
It feels like Heaven comes to Hell, here to put this wretched world in its place.
I unfurl my wings, wrapping them around the two of us protectively, ensuring that if some monstrous demon wants to ruin this strange and exciting moment of getting completely lost in Raven’s emotions, then all trauma will fall on me. She has been through enough. She has faced too much in her life, and suddenly, I have the urge to...
I yank my head back and groan, my whole body rippling with an emotion I’ve never felt before. The sensitivity pulsing from my groin tests my ability to continue to carry Raven when I have the urge to touch myself. It’s mystifying. We were both fine only a moment ago.
“Fuck. What the fuck,” Raven says, wiggling in my arms. “Oh, God. Are we...?”
I shake off the all-consuming need of what I realize is desire coursing through my body and look around. “We are in Lust’s Kingdom,” I murmur, my eyes widening at the sight before me.
A gust of hot wind nearly knocks me over, and I stand firm on the road, bracing myself. Raven tightens her arms around me like if I blow away, she wants to go with me. Together, we stare at the crowded landscape before us. Souls twist and tangle in an endless expanse of bodies. Desire and need rage inside me the longer I clutch onto Raven and peer around. The punishment lies in the passion of every soul, so close yet frozen, only moving with the gusts of hot wind.
And then there are the demons risen from the crowd in grotesque forms not quite like mortal bodies but enough to distinguish them apart as they march along the naked souls, bare and exposed, begging and pleading for...relief. Their passion pains them, and they beg for intimacy. They’re hungry for it. Starved.
“Um, Zade?” Raven asks, wiggling in my arms. “We need to keep moving before they notice our arrival...not to mention, I’m weirded out by how fucking horny I feel.”
“It’s the winds. They’re laced with some sort of aphrodisiac.” I flare my nostrils and inhale a deep breath. “Andre was quite clever in the construction of his kingdom and its punishment. It probably reflects his own desperate needs. The devils get their strength from their sins.”
Raven grimaces. Her sudden worry over Andre consumes me and blends with my own. My words trigger fear inside her, but I don’t exactly know what about. She surely knows that the devils design their kingdoms, so I don’t think it’s that.
“You don’t think he’d fuck others here, do you?” Raven asks, her voice a whisper on the wind. “Like, if that’s how he gets power...”
“I don’t know my companion as a devil.” Forcing my legs to work, I stroll along the path again. This kingdom seems endless, but I know once I get a sense of Andre, things will shift for us. Like Heaven, Hell doesn’t apply to the same laws as the Mortal Realm. Things just are and they adjust for individual souls. What I see might not be the same as what the souls do.
Raven tightens her jaw. “He’s not much different, Zade. He still feels the same to me in my dreams. Maybe a little naughtier, but it isn’t bad. I just—I don’t know.”
“You don’t want him with anyone else,” I say, meeting her gaze. “Intimately.”
“If this is how he survives...it’s unfair of me to assume, right? Fuck. I never thought much about this and now that I am—”
A gust of hot, smoky wind cuts off Raven’s comment, and I stumble, trying to move with it instead of fighting against it. Just when I find my balance, a cross wind knocks into my back. Raven’s midnight hair whips in my face, and the world trembles around us. I can’t do anything as the winds pick up so fiercely that I can no longer stay on the ground. I automatically stretch my arms wide, bracing myself against the fiery tornado that whips dozens of bodies into the air.
Raven gets caught in the whirlwind, and she screams, flying into the air and away from me. I yell her name, the horror of seeing her amid the masses of naked bodies shocks me to the core. I had promised to keep her safe and failed her.
Bending my knees, I launch into the air, praying that the Higher Power gives me the strength and endurance to conquer these hellish winds to save her. Her shrieks pierce the air, echoing through the world and striking me in the chest.
A bloated naked man flies from another tornado and crashes into my chest, sending the both of us to the road. Hot, dry lips caress my cheek at the same time a hand slides down my chest and over my stomach on a mission to touch me in a regrettable, unwanted way. I swing my hand and punch the soul, knocking him off me. I cannot believe his bold, demented attempt to satisfy his starving lust.
I catapult to my feet, jumping out of the way of his plump fingers, his tongue licking his lips as if I’m some sort of delicious dinner for the taking. Another soul falls from the sky and thuds on the ground next to him, and I back away, averting my eyes at the sight unfolding in front of me. I had never thought an anus could be used like that, the knowledge of mortal sexual endeavors never my priority.
“Help!” Raven’s call whips my attention to her high above the world as the wind settles, releasing every soul to freefall back to the ground.
Her voice snaps off, her breath stolen from her. I can feel her terror of splattering among the naked souls as if it were my own. Dozens of bodies smash into the ground around me, the sky too crowded for me to launch into the air fast enough.
My heart slams against my ribcage, and I cover my mouth with my hand. Tears blur my eyes. I’ve never felt so helpless.
And then Andre appears.
His expansive black wings, free of feathers and now made of something that reminds me of leather, spread out wider than before. He soars so gracefully through the falling bodies like they just automatically part for him as he dives toward Raven. She flails her body, getting closer and closer to the ground. I suck in a breath and hold it, praying to the Higher Power that Andre catches her. I can’t bear to see what happens if he doesn’t.
This is my fault.
Andre nosedives, zooming so quickly that he surpasses the falling bodies and locks his fingers around Raven’s wrist. He throws her into the air in front of him, engulfing her in his muscular arms.
I release my breath and watch as their lips meet as he blindly navigates the sky and skids to a stop a few dozen feet away from me. My body awakens, and I grab myself, feeling the hardening pulse of my erection through my pants. Desire seeps into my essence, ignited by the sight of the most beautiful light radiating from Raven and the new shadows slithering from Andre’s essence, wrapping around her. Even as a devil, he’s still handsome.
My feet get a mind of their own, and I shuffle closer, hypnotized by watching Andre’s tongue slip into Raven’s mouth—a mouth I had just kissed and experienced. One I want to experience again. And then there is Andre in all his hellish glory.
What am I thinking? Why am I thinking this?
Lust’s Kingdom is getting to me.
It’s in this moment I realize I’m afraid. I thought I wanted to see Andre, to confront him and try to understand his choices. But now? It’s clear. He’s in love with Raven and believes in her purpose over the Higher Power’s.
I have to leave.
I unfurl my wings and prepare to take flight, keeping my eyes on Andre and Raven. Like he senses the weight of my stare, Andre jerks away from Raven. The dark depths of his brown eyes light with the flames of Hell, igniting inside him. Lava-like veins glow under his skin, traveling to his heart and what keeps Hell together with him as its anchor.
“Zade.” The sound of my name on his lips washes a wave of foreign emotions over me.
I cringe at the toxic anger and hatred whipping from Andre to me. “Andre, I...” What do I say to him?
“You kissed the soul that belongs to Hell. And in my kingdom.” Andre’s comment stops me from trying to say anything else.
His black wings, glowing with red veins, expand out, and he sets Raven on her feet. She tries to block his way, pressing her palms to his naked chest. It doesn’t work. It angers him even more, and surprisingly, I grow afraid for her.
“Raven, stop. Be careful,” I say, holding my palms up. “You don’t have to—”
Andre explodes into his devil form, proving to me that he truly has lost his grace. The giant beast before me isn’t my brethren. He’s gone. Our eternity sharing Heaven’s grace has been destroyed.
Tears blur my vision as he charges at me, all rock and armor and full of hatred.
And it’s all aimed at me.
“You fucking bastard! I should take your wings.” Andre’s deep voice booms through the air as he scurries toward me, his extra legs moving him impossibly fast. He snaps giant pinchers in his fury, sending a high-pitched whistle with every thunderous clap.
I straighten my back and face him head on.
This isn’t who he truly is, and I won’t back down.
I will remind him.
His massive tail curls over his head, aiming at me.
Raven screams.
