The Boyfriend Rivalry by Milana Spencer

17

Curtis: Master Bedroom

Liam's bed is empty when I wake up. There's no one in the kitchen except for Kennedy, who types notes for her Australian and Global Politics class.

"Morning," she says, before checking the time on her phone. "Afternoon, actually."

"Where's everyone?" Instead of my usual green tea, I make a coffee to wake myself up.

"The rest went grocery shopping, only a few minutes ago. Bonnie and Liam did a good job of not looking wrecked, so I don't think Erin suspects anything. How are you feeling?"

"Not as bad as I thought I would," I say. Granted, I slept for eight hours, but the only thing I feel is tiredness and a slight ache in my bones. "You?"

"Alright," Kennedy says.

After I finish making my coffee, I join her at the kitchen table.

"You look pretty," I say.

"Thanks." She closes her laptop lid. "So. The others will take at least an hour for their grocery shopping. They walked there."

"Liam and Bonnie must have hated that."

Kennedy cracks a smile, but her expression turns serious. "I've moved into the master bedroom."

Ten minutes later, I follow her into the master bedroom, which is twice as large as the attic bedroom. Against one wall is a king bed with a wooden frame, a matching bedside table on either side of it. On the opposite wall is a large tallboy made of the same wood and above it hangs a large TV. By one wall is a massive desk, with an expensive-looking painting hanging on the wall behind it. The windows are covered with thin white curtains, letting in light but stopping anyone from outside to look in.

I close the door and walk over to where Kennedy sits on the end of the bed. She reaches out a hand and draws me closer, touching the back of my neck and pulling me down for a kiss.

I feel kind of dazed. Like this isn't real, but some strange dream world. We're going to have sex. It's happening. I still need to catch up, because everything this morning happened so suddenly.

Kennedy pulls back to look at my eyes. "Are you okay?" she asks. I realise my mouth is still closed.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just…" I shake my head, and lean towards her, and kiss her. "I want this to be good for you."

"Don't put pressure on yourself." She runs her hands down my chest and grabs the bottom of my shirt. "I don't have a romanticised idea of my first time."

I grab her hands before she pulls up my shirt, stopping her in her tracks. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know that losing my virginity won't be incredible. It's not like the movies."

I frown, and she smiles and kisses my hand. "Well, maybe for the boys. They'll finish. You'll finish."

"I'll help you finish," I say, wishing Kennedy had brought this up earlier, not seconds before we were about to have sex. I feel almost offended that Kennedy thinks our first time will be bad, even though she's saying it as a matter of fact.

"Okay," Kennedy says. "Let's just do this."

She pulls off my shirt and leans forward to kiss my abdomen before taking off her own shirt.

Only now do I notice my arousal. Before, I was too in my head. Stop getting distracted, Curtis.

I focus on unclipping Kennedy's bra. We help each other take off the rest of our clothing, sliding hands over each other's bodies on the way. Then I lay Kennedy on the bed, leaning over her.

A memory from last night makes me freeze. Liam. The bedside table. The condoms. That look on his face.

For god's sake, Curtis. Stop it.

"You're so beautiful," I say to Kennedy, burrowing my head into her neck.

It's perfectly natural, not wanting your girlfriend's best friend to see the condoms you plan to use. It's perfectly natural, wanting to keep your sex life private.

I suck on the curve where Kennedy's neck connects with her dainty shoulders.

And Liam's reaction was perfectly natural as well. The cloud that passed over his face. The way his eyes dimmed. The false peppiness in his voice.

My stomach twisted at the sight of it. It was embarrassment. Just embarrassment.

Kennedy says something, and I miss it.

"Hmm?" I say, raising my head.

"I want you," Kennedy repeats, wrapping her hands around my back. She brings me down and we kiss.

Kennedy tastes the way she always does, and I wonder how many times I've kissed her. Hundreds of times? A thousand? It's the main thing we do when we hang out. Sometimes we'll pretend to do another activity, like watching a movie or studying, or something else, but it's all about kissing.

Although, during this holiday, we haven't kissed much. I guess it's because Liam and the cousins are here, so we get fewer opportunities. Kennedy spends a lot of time with her cousins. And I… I spend a lot of time with Liam.

I jerk my head back at the thought but disguise my weirdness by moving back and kissing a line down Kennedy's body. Kennedy's gorgeous body, because she is stunning. There's no doubt that her body turns me on, and my younger self would want to have sex with her immediately.

I consider my current self to be more mature, taking Kennedy's personality and our relationship into consideration. And she's great, and we're dating. So I should be even more excited to sleep with her.

When my head arrives at the space between Kennedy's legs, I pause. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask.

Kennedy props herself up on her elbows and looks down her body at me. "For you to…" she nods her head at me.

I shake my head. "I'm not talking about the foreplay, I mean… having sex."

"Of course, Curtis. We've been talking about this for ages."

"But are you sure you want to do it with me?" I blurt out, straightening up so I'm sitting on the bed rather than lying. "It's your virginity, and —"

Kennedy rolls her eyes. "The concept of virginity is so antiquated, and it's just another product of patriarchy. It's fine, Curtis. I want to do this with you." Her voice softens, and she tilts her head. "Is everything alright with you?"

I manage a nod. Even if she thinks the idea of losing her virginity isn't a big deal, I don't want to mess it up for her. I lower my body down on the bedspread again. I close my eyes and kiss the inside of Kennedy's thighs, moving upward, listening to her encouraging sighs of contentment.

In the darkness of my closed eyes, I imagine Kennedy and me having sex, once the foreplay is over and we're both ready. Even though my body likes the idea, my brain tells me it's a bad idea. What the hell is wrong with me? I squeeze my eyes closed even tighter and try to think about Kennedy. My girlfriend. Us. We're a couple. Me and Kennedy. Kennedy and I —

Brown eyes. Messy hair. Ridiculously thick lashes and those cheekbones. That perfect, lean body.

I tear my mouth away from Kennedy. The worst part is that I can't even pretend to be surprised.

"Curtis?" Kennedy looks at me, her cheeks pink. "What's wrong?"

"I thought I heard someone," I say, and feel guilty for lying. But how could I tell the truth to Kennedy without ruining everything?

"There's no one here," Kennedy says, looking around, through the windows. The curtains allow us to see the vague silhouettes of the outside world, and in the front yard, I can see the swaying branches of a tree and the wooden fence.

I crawl up on the bed and sit beside her. Kennedy looks confused as she curls up into a sitting position. "What's going on?" she asks.

"I'm sorry," I say, running a hand over my face. "I… I'm just freaking out, and I know you said not to pressure myself, but I can't help it… I just don't think I'm in the right headspace to do this for you."

Kennedy reaches for me before changing her mind and settling her hands in her lap. We look almost like strangers, sitting like this, except for the fact that we're naked. "Okay," she says.

"I'm sorry," I repeat.

"You don't need to apologise. We don't have to do this." She tries a smile, but she still looks concerned. "Did something happen?"

She must think I'm insane. "Not really, but last night… Liam saw the condoms." The words spill out. "It freaked me out a bit." I rub my temple.

"I see," Kennedy says. "Are you worried we'll be caught?"

"I mean, I'm always paranoid," I say. "The others might come back early, or the supermarket might be closed, or maybe they forgot something and need to come back…"

"Or Liam will snitch on us?"

My head recoils. "What?" I ask. "No, I didn't think that he'd do that…" And besides, what would even happen if he told the cousins? Bonnie wouldn't care. As for Erin… would she come back to the house to stop us?

"Liam won't say anything. He made me a promise." Kennedy takes my hand to emphasise her words. "And he's kept it so far. Just look at you two. He's been nice to you, right?"

I stare at her, my hand limp in hers. My mind goes back. It's strange, remembering how hostile I was towards him at the start of the holiday. He would have hated me just as much. And yet he was polite to me in the car on the trip down. Like he was being forced to. "Like he made a promise," I murmur to myself, then look at Kennedy. "You made him be nice to me?"

Kennedy flinches at my tone. "I just asked him to be civil," she says in a defensive tone, her face confused, and if she doesn't understand why I'm upset.

If you want to get into technicalities, it's Kennedy who should have remembered, Liam had said with a wink. I won't meddle with your relationship anymore. I've promised, he said on the sailboat. The green tea he's brought me every night.

I rip my hand from Kennedy's and bury my head in my hands. Oh, god. I'm such a fucking idiot. Here I was, thinking that Liam and I were friends, but this entire time Kennedy had put him up to it. She'd made him play nice with me like she was a parent and we were two kids in kindergarten, and I was the one with no friends.

"Fuck," I say. "You forced him to be my friend. I feel so…"

"I didn't force him," Kennedy snaps. "And can you blame me for not wanting this holiday to be two weeks of you two fighting? Is it so wrong for me to want you two to get along?"

I hear her shift and look up from my hands. Kennedy's off the bed and is pulling on her clothes. I forgot we were naked, and now feel cold. I grab my closest piece of clothing — my boxer briefs — and pull them on.

"But you made him pretend," I say.

"Look, I knew if you two managed not to argue every five seconds, you'd be friends. And now you are."

No, we're not. I like Liam, but he doesn't like me. Why would he? No, he's just completing his duty as Kennedy's friend, fulfilling the promise.

"Why are you dating me?" I ask as I put my shirt on.

Only when I hear the silence, do I realise how harsh my voice was, and I turn to look at Kennedy, who's staring at me with an open mouth. She sits on the edge of the bed, all of her clothes on, except for her socks. Her top is wrinkled.

"I didn't mean to say that —" I begin.

She closes her mouth and shakes her head wearily. "Yes, you did, Curtis. Just tell me what you really think. You don't have to worry about upsetting me."

I take a moment to gather the courage to speak. Why is the prospect of telling Kennedy what I think so scary? "It's what Liam said. That we're only dating because we're horny."

"I thought we already discussed this," Kennedy says.

"Yeah, for about thirty seconds, before you dismissed it," I say. I finish putting my clothes on and look for somewhere to sit before sitting down on the edge of the bed, albeit a good distance from Kennedy.

"Yeah, I dismissed it, because it was a stupid comment. Why do you even care about what Liam thinks?"

"Because I think it's the truth!" I say, waving my hands about. "Do we even like each other?"

Kennedy stares at me, eyes burning.

"Shit, sorry," I say, then get mad at myself for how many times I'm apologising. Then I get annoyed because most of the time I genuinely need to apologise because I'm being a dick. Why can't I express myself honestly without pissing her off. "Kennedy, of course, I like you."

"Really?" she drawls, crossing her arms.

"It's more that we don't have anything in common."

"Sure, we do."

I don't reply.

"Well, does it matter?" she says. "I thought you liked spending time with me!"

"I do," I say, "but we have nothing to talk about when we're alone."

Kennedy shakes her head, and I don't know whether it's in disagreement or incredulity. "I can't believe we're having this conversation now."

She stands and looks at the packet of condoms on the blankets. She picks it up with a before chucking it at me, but her throw is weak.

I catch the box of condoms and stuff them into my pocket. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I like hanging out with you, and I think you're beautiful."

Kennedy scoffs.

"It's almost like a romantic relationship, but not quite."

"And how would you know?" she asks. "You've never been in a serious relationship before. Neither have I! So how would either of us know? What if this is what it's supposed to be like?"

I wouldn't feel like I have to think of something to say. I wouldn't feel like you don't want to hear about my life or my thoughts. I wouldn't feel like the novelty from the beginning of our relationship has faded.

Because if this were real, I wouldn't feel like I still have to pretend.

"You deserve someone better," I say, standing up, but keeping my distance. I don't want to fight. I just want Kennedy to understand.

"I can't believe you're speaking in cliches. That you're pretending it's out of concern for me. 'I deserve better?'"

"You should be with someone you can you can fall in love with."

"How do you know that couldn't have been us, Curtis?"

"I just know," I say. Maybe that's why Liam's words stuck with me all this time. The things teenagers do for lust. I knew in my gut how Kennedy felt about me. I wasn't offended. It was just the facts.

"That's why I stopped," I say, gesturing to the bed. "Because you shouldn't sleep with someone like me for your first time. It should be with someone —"

"For fuck's sake," Kennedy snaps, stepping forward, and up close, I can see that her eyes are a little red. "How many times do I have to tell you I wanted you? Is it so bad that our high school relationship isn't the most serious? Is it so awful that I want to sleep with my boyfriend? I've told you, over and over, that I don't care about the special romantic crap associated with the first time." Kennedy's voice has risen and now she's shouting. She walks towards me, and I walk backwards, my hands up in surrender. "I'm mad because I feel you're just disregarding my autonomy to make my own decisions when you say shit like I should sleep or date with someone better." Kennedy stops, her head hanging, her chest heaving. "You're acting just like Liam did when he wouldn't stop annoying me about you. I shouldn't even be surprised. Fucking men."

"Your decisions are your choice. I know that. I don't want you to feel like I don't understand that," I say after a minute has passed. "But I couldn't go through with it. Not when I felt like it was a betrayal to you. Not when it was something I didn't feel certain about. I hope that makes sense."

A minute later, Kennedy's breathing calms down and she looks up, meeting my eyes. She opens her mouth, about to speak —

And the master bedroom door swings open. Kennedy and I jump. Erin stands in the doorway, frowning, with Liam and Bonnie lingering behind her, shifting timidly.

"You two," Erin snaps. "Kitchen. We need to have a discussion. Now."