Crown of Thorns by E.M. Snow
24
The next morning,as I make my way down to the kitchen to grab breakfast, I’m in a daze. I can’t stop thinking about what happened between Phoenix and me.
Well, more accurately, I can’t stop thinking about him, period.
I feel like some kind of shift has happened between us. I can’t really explain it, because his leaving me without a word seems to indicate nothing at all has changed, but somehow, I know it has. I feel it, deep in my gut. The real question is, what the hell do I do about this change? Do I embrace it and see what happens, or do I ignore it because, at the end of the day, Phoenix Townsend is still Phoenix Townsend.
He’s not a good person, and I really shouldn’t want to be with him. Or, hell, even around him.
So can’t I scrub him from my thoughts?
When I reach the kitchen, I find it empty, which is just as well. My brain is too frazzled this morning to have a decent conversation with anyone anyway. I start digging through the cupboards to get everything I need for my bowl of cereal and try to push Phoenix from my mind. At least, long enough that I can eat in peace.
I really should know at this point, though, that peace isn’t really a thing you get in this place. Just as I’m pouring my milk into my bowl, I hear footsteps approaching in the hallway. They’re heavy and steady, and my heart begins to race as I’ve got a pretty good idea who they belong to.
The next moment, Phoenix stalks through the door.
He stops short when he sees me. I don’t know what to do, really, so I just raise my hand and give him a small wave.
“Hey,” I say. “Good morning.” Oh God, why does it sound like a question? The guy gives me one orgasm and I’m an even bigger fool around him.
He doesn’t say anything, just gives me a stiff nod before crossing to the fridge. This is so weird. I have no idea what to say to him. I don’t want to embarrass myself, plus, I’m not even fully sure I know how I feel about him. There’s no reason for me to confess anything until I’ve straightened all that out in my head.
Although, seeing as we’re alone together, there is something I should probably ask him, just so we can start to put things out in the open. “Phoenix, about last night…”
He freezes, his hand suspended in the air with the jug of orange juice clutched in his grasp. I watch him as his muscles tense, then relax, then tense again, as if he’s trying to pull himself together, but his body is just plain refusing to do so. At last, he seems to get a grip and turns around to face me.
“What the fuck about last night?”
Is he kidding with me? I wave my hand between the two of us and shake my head incredulously. “This. You and me. It feels like something is different, but I don’t know what it is. Why does something feel different?”
He lifts his shoulders in a shrug that seems forced. Strained. “Because you’re clingy? Because you have abandonment issues or some shit? I don’t know, you tell me. I fingered you last night. I didn’t propose to you, so drop it.”
Um, okay. What happened to that whole, “Say you’re mine,” spiel? “B-but—” I start.
“But nothing, Luna,” he snaps, slamming the juice jug onto the counter before grabbing a glass from the cupboard with jerky movements. “Just shut up about it. Stop coming up with these stupid ideas. They make you look like an idiot. I fucking hate idiots.”
Anger bubbles up within me, but I’m not an idiot, despite what he might like to say. I know he’s intentionally trying to piss me off, so I stop asking him about this. For whatever reason, he doesn’t want to talk to me about us.
It only makes me more certain that there is an us for us to talk about.
“Phoenix, I think—”
He abruptly turns and walks out of the room, leaving his glass of orange juice behind on the counter. My gaze bounces between the full glass to the doorway he’s just passed through.
I let out puff of air. Well, that didn’t go as expected, though I probably shouldn’t be surprised. Quickly finishing my cereal, I hunt down my backpack and then make my way through the house to the garage. The car ride to school should be the perfect time to get him to talk to me. He’ll be trapped, with no way of escape unless he wants to crash the car.
The thought briefly enters my head that, as crazy as Phoenix is, that might be an option he would seriously consider.
* * *
“I swear to God,if you don’t shut up, I will ram this car into the divider.”
I glare over at Phoenix, not fearful in the least that he would actually do it. He may be crazy, but he’s also such an egomaniac. He’d never be able to actually risk himself like that. “Abusive much?”
“Annoyed.”
“Then quit avoiding the question,” I snap. “If you want me to shut up so bad, then just answer me.”
He shoots me a furious glance, his grip on the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles are white. “If I’d have known you were this dependent, I’d never have touched you. And as far as anything I said to you last night goes? I wanted pussy. I told you what you wanted to hear to get pussy. I ended up jerking off in the shower. Thanks for nothing, Luna.”
Somehow, in my gut, I know that’s not true, which only strengthens my theory that something is going on between us. If Phoenix Townsend wants sex, there are at least a hundred girls at Thornwood alone that would give him exactly what he wants without a moment of hesitation.
“Why do you get so jealous when other guys pay attention to me?” I demand to know, switching tactics a bit.
He rolls his eyes, exaggerating the motion I’m sure to drive home the point that I’m irritating the fuck out of him. I don’t care, though. In fact, it’s oddly satisfying to see him so bothered by something that doesn’t involve his parents’ whereabouts.
“I don’t get jealous,” he explains, talking to me like I’m a toddler. “That would imply there’s actually a chance some other fucker could take you from me. I’ve told you before, I don’t share my toys, and I don’t like it when other people try to play with them.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Yeah, right. You keep saying I’m just a toy to you, but what does that even mean? It seems like I piss you off way more often than I do anything that pleases you. If I was just a toy, wouldn’t you have discarded me long before now to find something else that makes you happier?”
“It’s not about being happy.” He practically spits the word like it’s a curse. “You serve a purpose. That’s all. Whether I enjoy you or not is not the point. You are a means to an end, and once I reach that end, then I will discard you like a broken doll.”
I purse my lips. “You’re contradicting yourself. Not that I’m surprised. You do that a lot.”
The muscles in his shoulders clench, but he says nothing else.
Folding my arms, I slump back in my seat. God, it’s like trying to get a stick out of the jaws of a stubborn pit bull. Releasing a heavy sigh, I say, “All right, fine. Have it your way. Just don’t take it personally when I decide I’m not willing to be played with anymore.”
“What does that mean?” he asks, taking my bait.
I shrug, feigning nonchalance. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. It’s just good to know exactly where I stand with you so I can weigh all my options going forward.”
I can practically feel him tensing up next to me. “What the fuck kind of options do you think you have to weigh?”
Rolling my head toward him, I coolly say, “Easton and Aric, obviously. I mean, I’ve already had a taste of one, so maybe I should go with the other just to get some variety. There is that football game in a couple days.”
With a snarl, he slams on the brakes of the car and we come to a jolting halt. It’s only in that moment that I realize we’re in the school parking lot already, and he’s claimed his usual spot. He turns to me in his seat, his gaze wild, and for a moment I regret pushing him so hard.
“You must want them both dead.” His voice is dark and frightening, and yet somehow arousing all at once. Jesus Christ, I need help. “That’s the only explanation for why would continue to mention their names to me.”
“You wouldn’t hurt Alaric,” I say, though I don’t bother to mention Easton because I know Phoenix would jump at the chance to demolish his face. “He’s your cousin.”
“And I don’t give a fuck. He could be my brother, and I’d still break him right in front of you to drive the point home that no one touches you but me. Got it?”
I don’t think he realizes that he’s proving my point with his own words. People just don’t act this way about things that don’t really matter to them. Whether he’s willing to say it out loud or not, I matter to him. As sick and twisted as this all is, it still makes my heart flutter.
“Fine,” I say with a shrug. “No one touches me but you. I’m just an object that you don’t want to share, even if you don’t do much with me yourself.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” he snaps.
“I’m not the one who jerked off in the shower, am I?” I smirk at him. “Have a good day, Townsend.”
Before he can stop me, I open the car door and step out onto the pavement, slamming it shut behind me. I don’t bother to look back at him as I make my way into the school building.
* * *
Phoenixand I continue with our strange cat and mouse game. It’s as though we’re both out to prove just how stubborn we each can be. We’re fighting and sniping at each other more so than usual, but to my disappointment, he doesn’t approach me again like he had in the library.
There are times when I can’t help but wonder if I’d been wrong? That maybe I really do mean so little to him, and there isn’t anything more going on than what appears on the surface? When I get caught up in those thoughts, though, I force myself to remember his anger whenever he caught me talking to Easton or Alaric. And the fact that he’d come looking for me when I’d disappeared to my grandma’s house.
The great Phoenix Townsend wouldn’t go out of his way just to fetch a toy. He’d send someone to do it for him, like the morning he sent Alaric to my grandmother’s place to pick me up for school so many weeks ago.
Unfortunately, figuring out what the hell is going on with Phoenix isn’t my only concern. That video Margaret posted spreads through the school like wildfire—or, more accurately, like herpes—and by the end of the week, everyone has seen it. Not only that, word of my blowup with Margaret also gets around, with plenty of things she’d revealed about me making the rounds.
The teasing and bullying are relentless. So terrible that I completely miss the tryouts for the musical. People I’ve never even interacted with approach me in the hallways and taunt me about what a whore I am. And then there’s the new nickname that I’m 99.9 percent sure is started by Kallista and Margaret. As I walk alone between classes, it gets thrown at me from all sides.
ASCOS.
Alaric’s Sad, Chubby Orphan Slut.
It’s stupid and juvenile, but it strikes a nerve. I don’t know if it’s because I’m trying so hard to get Phoenix to open up to me but having everyone believe I slept with his cousin and might still be pining for him isn’t helping matters in the least.
So, for the rest of the week, I deal with the bullshit. I try to keep my head held high as often as I can, but that shit starts to weigh on a person after a while. It’s well into week two of this latest torture-fest when I nearly reach my breaking point. I’m sitting in the cafeteria, alone because Reina is working on her art project, eating lunch and trying to mind my own business when a group of girls surround my table.
“Hey, ASCOS, I heard a rumor about you,” one of the girls sings in a mocking tone.
Rolling my eyes, I put my fork down and gazed at her with a bored expression.
“Oh, really? There’s a new one going around? Do tell. Who’ve I screwed this time? Headmaster Poynter? Mr. Sutton?” My blasé attitude seems to throw her off her game for a moment, but she quickly recovers. Such a champ.
“I’ve heard it’s not just the guys you’ve been fucking around with,” she hisses. “I’ve heard you’ve managed to snake your way into Reina’s pants as well.”
I arch a brow. “Now that is interesting. Have you seen that girl? Would bang in a heartbeat.”
Now she just looks angry that I’m not getting upset. She glances around at her friends, who all give her baffled looks. I sit there and begin tapping my fingers against the tabletop, pretending impatience. “Is that all you’ve got?” I ask. “Because that’s pretty weak, I’m not going to lie.”
“How does a fat whore like you get to be so arrogant?” another of the girls spits.
“Formerly fat.” I give her a tiny smile even though her words pierce my chest. “And I’ve never been arrogant. I leave that to the bitches who shit talk others that don’t meet their garbage standards. You must be so proud.”
Her nostrils flare. “You’re just a poor nobody who’s fucked her way into this school. Nobody wants you here. Why don’t you just go somewhere and die already?”
I clench my hands into fists. I hate them. All of them. They look down on me just because I grew up without all the privileges and luxuries they’re used to. My life means so little to them that they urge me to just end it. I’m not even a person in their eyes.
I keep my smile plastered on my face, but judging by their smirks, I know the pain must be evident on my face. Still, I refuse to crack. I can’t.
“That’s right, slut,” the first girl mocks cruelly. “You should just go kill yourself. You’d be doing us all a favor.”
“I doubt the Townsends would even miss you,” a third girl adds. “Or Alaric or Reina. They’d probably be relieved.”
“You’re just a stain on this school,” a fourth chirps. They’re all gaining courage now. “If you were gone, things would be so much better around here, including the quality of students.”
“Stupid bitch, just die already.”
“Whore.”
“Slut.”
“Everybody hates you. You’d be doing us all a favor.”
Their words swirl around me like a twister, and I desperately try to block them out. I wish they’d just go away and leave me alone. If I’m such a nobody to them, why am I worth the effort to torment like this?
As my mind is whirling, and I’m trying not to lose my absolute shit all over these bitches, a bored voice suddenly snaps through the air like a whip.
“Don’t you cunts have anything better to do? Fuck, your lives must be so boring if you’ve got to do this shit for entertainment,” Phoenix demands.