Damaged Gods by K.C. Cross, J.A. Huss

CHAPTER TWELVE - PIE

By the time Pell returns to check on me, I’ve started two fires, blown up a small pile of powder, and inhaled fumes that made me temporarily forget who I was. None of which will be mentioned in any kind of update.

“Well?”

He’s standing in the apothecary doorway. No pants.

I did look up satyrs. They are known for their sexual exploits, lewdness, and, yes—their exaggerated, ever-present erections.

Why me? It’s a serious question.

“Well.” I blow a piece of hair away from my face. “I think I’ve come up with something.”

Pell takes a long look around the apothecary. It’s a total mess. I’m talking dumpster-fire mess. There are powders all over the stone counters. Herb jars are open and lying on their sides, spilling leaves and roots and petals all over the place. And there are eleventy billion test tubes with the remnants of all my attempts at potions.

He sighs. Loud.

“It’s not as bad as it looks. I can read Latin now! And look what I made!” I hold up the little leather pouch with pride. “An amulet!”

I’m pretty satisfied with this. I mean, I should’ve started with the amulet thing. You don’t need to heat anything up, you don’t need to distill any essential oils, and you don’t need to make powders. All you really do is stuff the right kind of shit into a little leather pouch, wave your hand over it as you say some fancy words, and poof. You’ve got yourself an amulet.

“Nope.” That’s all he says.

“What do you mean, nope? What’s nope about it? You didn’t even look at it. It’s good. I promise. I used the magical herb book to find something that wards off love spells.”

Pell walks forward and I turn away, trying my best to ignore his swinging dick, and pretend to clean up a mess I made on the alchemy bench closest to me.

He comes right up next to me and picks the amulet up to study it. He’s so close, his furry hip brushes against my arm. I pull away quickly, then scoot round to the other side of the counter.

Now that I’m safe from his huge dick, I watch as he sniffs the pouch and then opens it up and peers inside. “What did you use?”

“I used lily of the valley and blue lotus. I didn’t have any pistachios, but I can pick them up at the market in town and just plop them in before I meet Russ at the restaurant.”

Pell looks over at me, his eyes hooded. Maybe even narrowed.

“What?” I ask. Sometimes he looks at me like he wants to eat me. This is one of those times.

“You can’t just pick up a bag of salted, processed pistachios at the local supermarket and plop them into your magical amulet, Pie. And an amulet?” He drops the leather pouch onto the bench. “What the hell? You had all day.”

“What’s wrong with an amulet?”

“They’re weak. They’re for non-magical people.”

“Weak how? I did the spell. And I don’t really need pistachios. There were only three herbs in the book that can break a love spell and the pistachio was one of them. But the lily and the lotus should be fine.”

“Where’s the book?”

I point to it on a nearby counter. He picks it up, thumbs through it, then drops it back on the counter with a thud. “It says you have to eat them, not put them in an amulet. Did you even look up the proper way to make this thing?”

“I did!”

He’s shaking his head. “This isn’t going to be enough. An eros is nothing to mess with. They’re powerful. You already know that. He made you swoon.”

“Swoon?” I huff. “I wasn’t swooning.”

“I’m sure you thought it was all natural. But it wasn’t.”

“So what do you suggest? If I don’t show up tonight, he’ll come out there. We’ve already talked about this.”

He sighs and looks around. Then he walks over to the far wall, scans the jars, picks two, and comes back to the alchemy bench. “It’s not going to be enough, but you’ve made a mess of this situation, so this is a last resort. You need to let him down easy.” He points at me. “Don’t piss him off. And then you need to get back here.”

I nod. “OK. I can do that. What’s that stuff for?”

He opens the jars, take one stone out of each, then closes them back up and returns the jars to the same place he got them. “Do you see what I did here?” He’s throwing me a condescending look. “How I put them back where they belong?”

“I get it. I was messy today. But it’s my first day. Jeez. Give me a break.”

He walks back over to me, picks up the first stone and holds it up to the light. It’s black—I’m talking super black—and so shiny, I can see my face in it. “Obsidian,” he says. “It draws negative energy.” He puts it into my amulet pouch and picks up the next one. “This is amethyst. It will protect you from psychic attack. Because that’s what a love spell is.” He drops that into the pouch as well. Then he does something weird. He puts his lips to the opening of the pouch and blows into it.

“What are you doing? I thought you said you can’t do magic?”

“I said I don’t do magic. Because it’s boring. I have no interest in magic. That’s why I have you. But I never said I can’t do magic.” Then he closes his eyes and whispers something in such a low voice, the vibrations kinda make the room shudder a little. It’s that poem above the doors. A hoof, a horn… and the rest. He opens his eyes, pulls the leather drawstring on the pouch, and hands it to me. “Put it on and do not take it off.”

“What did you just do?” I ask.

“It’s the curse of Saint Mark’s Sanctuary. You belong to this place so…” He shrugs, then sighs. “I put a claim on you.”

My eyebrows go up. “A claim?”

“For the sanctuary. Not for me.”

I take the pouch and dangle it in the air. It’s a made from a very soft piece of lavender-colored leather. “Then why did you blow on it?”

“Because that’s the claim.”

I’m smirking. I can’t help it. “Your breath is the sanctuary’s claim?”

“Do you want me to forbid you from going?”

“No. I’m just—”

“Then mind your own business.”

I have to turn to hide my smile. “OK. Thank you.”

“It’s just…” He holds up a finger, like he’s about to make a list. “I have the door slamming.” Another finger pops up. “I have the freezing.” Another finger. “And I have breath.” Then he mumbles something that I can’t understand.

“What was that?”

“And a few other things. None of your business.”

I surrender with both hands up. “Fine with me. And thank you.”

He nods. Then he stares at me for a few moments. And I swear to God, this man—monster, whatever he is—he’s so… unsettling. His eyes are this yellow-orange color that remind me of flowing lava. And they have this draw to them. Like you don’t ever want to look away. You just want to stare back at him and get lost in those eyes. “What?” I ask. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

He changes the subject. “Did you look up satyr?”

“I did.”

“And now you understand?”

“I guess.”

His face is very expressive and sometimes he looks very human. Like, if he didn’t have those horns, and he wasn’t so tall, I’d just assume he was human because his lower half is almost entirely hidden by the alchemy bench.

“You guess?” he asks. “What part isn’t clear?”

“No. I get it. You were made… lewd, and promiscuous, and highly sexualized. It’s who you are.”

“It’s who I am.”

“So…” I let out a long exhale. “I’m sorry. I won’t ask you to wear pants again.”

And again, he just stares at me.

“Why are you looking at me that way?”

“I’m trying to calculate how big of a mistake you’re about to make. And if I should interfere and forbid you from going, or if I should just…” Now he sighs. “Let it go.”

“And?”

“I’m letting it go. But this is bad. And things are going to come of it. I can feel it. That eros is going to be trouble.”

“Maybe… maybe… I should just date him,” I say. Pell growls. “I mean, for like two weeks. Let it run its course, then we break up, he’s over me, we move on…” I shrug. “Telling him no might spark some kind of male competitive gene.”

I can tell that Pell the monster hates this idea. But I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t want me dating, or if he’s just truly concerned about me being around Russ Roth.

“I’m going to leave it up to you.”

Now it’s my turn to do the eyebrow raise. “You are?”

He nods. “Whatever you think is best. But here’s the catch. If he comes here, I will kill him. I will pull his arms and legs off and feed them to…” But he pauses here. “Never mind who.”

“Wait.” I put up a hand. “Hold on. Is there another monster here who eats people? Because if so, I think I need to know that.”

“There is not.”

“It was a euphemism?”

“Consider it that.”

“OK. Well, that wasn’t weird. But I get it. If I fuck this up, he dies.”

Pell points at me. “Exactly. And you? You will be punished. Because I don’t like killing things. And if you make me do it, I will make sure that debt goes on your account.” He taps the stone counter with his finger to illustrate how serious he is.

I swallow hard and nod. “Got it.”

“And it will cost you dearly. My services don’t come cheap.”

“I said I get it.”

“Good. Now state your plan back to me. Just so we’re clear.”

“I’m gonna have dinner with the sheriff. Be nice to him.” I point at Pell. “I will not give up any secrets and I will not be too nice. I definitely won’t send any of the wrong signals. I will steer him towards the friend zone, but if it feels like he’s interested in more, we will fake-date while I simultaneously do a total How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days on him.”

Pell says nothing.

“That means drive him away. It’s a cultural reference—”

“I know what it means. I’ve seen the movie.”

“You’ve watched How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days?”

He shrugs. “I’m a prisoner in a cursed sanctuary. Not a hermit.”

“O-kay. Got it. You’re hip and cool.” I put the amulet around my neck. “And of course, it’s all gonna be fine. Because now I’m under your breathy erection protection.” I snort a little.

He almost smiles.

Damn. Tough room.

“I will prepare for the inevitable dismembering.”

“That’s not gonna happen,” I counter. “I’ve got it covered.” I take off my apron, throw it on the counter, and scoot towards the door. “I better get going so I can get ready.” And then I dart out before he can say anything else or force me to look at his stupid dick.