Love, Ally by Hannah Gray

thirty-seven

Ally

“So, things seem to be going good?” Sloane pauses. “Between you and Cole?”

She must be picking up on my I am happy as fuck vibes. I’m as giddy as a damn grandma in a nursing home who’s hitting on the male nurses. I just can’t help myself.

“Yeah … they really are.” I smile. “I guess I just needed to let go of some stuff before we could get to a good place.”

“I think y’all are sure good for each other,” she gushes. “He’d move mountains for you, that boy.”

“I know.” I smile. “I know he would.”

Her phone rings just as I back Cole’s truck out of its parking spot and drive toward the mall. I don’t miss the uneasy expression on her face when I glance over.

After a few rings, she slides her thumb across the screen and answers it. “Hello, Mom.” Her voice is slightly shaky. “I’m good. I’m headed to the mall with Ally.”

Her mom talks for a minute while I watch as Sloane’s free hand clenches into a fist, her nails digging into her skin.

“It isn’t a big deal. It’s just Ally.” She listens to her mom’s voice again before her head finally droops. “Yes, I know. All right, bye. Love you too.”

“Is everything all right?” I ask her.

When I first met her, she tried to make it seem like her life was completely normal. Yet the more time goes on, the more I can sense that it isn’t.

She forces a smile, and that makes me sad. I hate that she feels like she has to smile just for my benefit. “Yeah, my mom, she can be … difficult.”

I can tell part of her wants to open up and part of her doesn’t. I decide maybe it’ll help her out if I open up about myself too.

“My mom was too.” I’ve never told her what happened to my mother. She just knows she’s dead. “She sucked as a mom. What does your mom do that drives you nuts?”

“Well, she just doesn’t let me have much say in my future. My parents want it to be a certain way, and they think I should just go with it.” She sighs. “I really don’t want to go with it. I want to make my own life. And choose my own happiness.”

“Then, do it,” I challenge her. “Say fuck everyone else. Those who want what’s best for you will stand by you.”

Clasping her hands together on her lap, she shakes her head. “It’s not that easy. My family is very powerful. And extremely intimidating. Telling them no is hard.”

Cole’s at an away game this weekend. I was sort of bummed he was going and that I had to work tomorrow morning, so I couldn’t. But maybe it’s a good thing. It gives me some time with Sloane.

One thing I suck at is opening up. And Sloane is someone who takes a little bit of time to get comfortable with sharing. But I feel like we’re at the point of our friendship where we start to trust each other.

Things about Cole or Cole and me will stay between us. Because first and foremost, I will always protect his secrets. But as far as my life is concerned, I’ll tell her whatever she needs to hear.

“How about this?” Sloane says thoughtfully. “How about I ask you something and you ask me something? We could use it to get to know each other.”

“All right,” I agree reluctantly. “Shoot.”

“What is your biggest regret?”

“Being cold to Cole when we reunited at Brooks. Hands down,” I answer quickly. “He was hurting, and that’s why he lashed out. I should have pulled the stick out of my ass and been the person he needed me to be. The person he always believed me to be.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m not the only one with scars. His cut just as deep as mine. I needed to be there for him, like he always was for me, and I failed.”

I did fail him. I was so caught up in my own problems and my own pain that I forgot about his. When you love someone, you can’t do that. I see that now. Why I was so set on facing my problems alone, I don’t know. When you have a soul mate, the beauty is that you can face your problems together, hand in hand. I took that for granted. I took him for granted.

“My turn.” I wag a finger at her. “Are you a virgin?”

“Wow, Ally. Out of all the things you could have asked me”—she shakes her head—“you chose that?”

“The game is young, my friend,” I say with an evil laugh.

“All right. Well, no, I’m not. I have been with two guys.” She stops talking. “Not at the same time. Separately. Not like in the same night, but—”

Holding my free hand up to stop her, I laugh. “I wasn’t thinking you were just out there, having threesomes, Sloane.” I shrug. “Although no judgment if you ever decide to. YOLO, girl. Live yo’ life.”

“Ew, no. I would never.”

“All righty then. Well, tell me about these two lucky fellows then,” I say.

Tucking her long blonde hair behind her ear, she sighs. “Well, one was my first boyfriend. We dated from the time I was thirteen until I was seventeen. His name was Austin, and he had no damn clue what he was doing.” She shakes her head. “Talk about awful.”

I can’t contain my laughter. “And the other?”

“The other was a one-night stand at a party. I wanted to be a little rebellious. He was the captain of the football team and was hot. So hot.”

“Dayum, girl. Look at you, playa-playa.” I adjust my seatbelt and giggle.

“My turn,” she chimes. “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”

My stomach drops out of my ass. There are a lot of things that have happened to me that I could name. But I trust her enough to share my story with her. Besides, after she had to call Cole because she was so worried, I owe her the truth.

Taking a deep breath, I blow it out slowly. “My birthday was last week. I don’t celebrate it because on my twelfth birthday, I found my mom dead. It was an overdose.”

That isn’t the worst thing to happen to me. What happened with Dave was, but I’m not ready to talk about that with Sloane yet. Telling Cole was a huge step. Maybe one day, I’ll be ready to tell Sloane too. I’d like to think so anyway.

“Ally, I …” she stumbles over her words. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not telling you for sympathy or anything like that. I just … want you to know that I trust you.” A small, sad laugh escapes my mouth. “That’s a huge deal for me.”

Slowly nodding her head, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” She reaches across the console and pats the top of my hand. “If you ever want to share more about it, I’ll always be here. I just don’t want to be pushy.”

“Thanks.” I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Now, your turn. What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”

I wait for her answer as the cab of the truck grows eerily quiet for a few moments. Maybe we’ve taken this game too far, or maybe I’ve made her feel uncomfortable. I’m new to this having a girlfriend thing, but I’m guessing shit like this isn’t the norm of what bitches like to discuss with each other.

“My parents are criminals,” she croaks. And I can tell she had to all but force the words out. “My life isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows.” She turns toward me and grimaces. “Even if that’s how I try to be perceived.”

I’m completely shocked. Not one part of me saw that coming. I always sensed something was up. I just didn’t think it was that.

Glancing at her, I nod to let her know I understand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly.

Looking down, she clasps her hands together and gently shakes her head. “Not yet.”

“Okay.” I grin. “Favorite type of candy?”

Her eyes find mine, and she smiles. Understanding fills her eyes. I don’t need to dissect each and every shitty detail in her life for her to share with me. A true friendship is being there when you’re needed, and I plan to do that for her. But I’m not going to push for details on something that she isn’t ready to open up about. Just like she didn’t push for details from me.

I might not have known her since I was twelve, but I can already tell that one of the best things in life that has happened to me is when I was chosen to share a dorm with Sloane.

“Favorite type of candy … hmm.” She thinks about it. “Candy corn.”

I widen my eyes and look at her in shock. “You sick fucker.”

Sloane was put in my path for a reason. I just know it. Life has never gifted me that many wonderful people, but it has given me Cole, Sloane, Lenny, and Carla. And for that, I’m so damn thankful.