Love, Ally by Hannah Gray

forty-one

Cole

Four Years Later

“You nervous or what?” I joke with my teammate Link, punching him in the shoulder.

“Fucking right I am. This is the Super Bowl,” he says, gazing around the locker room.

I grin. “I remember my first time too, big guy.”

“Fuck off,” he grunts, but it’s all in good humor. “This is, like, what … your fourth?”

“Yep, this time, I get to face off with one of my best friends though. Can’t let that fucker win. He’d never let me live that shit down.”

“Knox Carter?”

I nod.

“Fuck, he’s as fast as lightning. Gonna be hard to shut that fucker down.”

“Not helping,” I growl.

Once he’s gone, I reach in my duffel. Oftentimes, during away games, Ally finds a way to sneak a new note into my bag. She knows her words are the calm I need before a game. I find a fresh, crisp, folded-up paper. Unlike the one I still carry everywhere with me to this day. That one is worn and tattered and basically falling apart.

Sitting on the bench, I think of how fucking blessed I am. From a kid in dirty clothes and shoes two sizes too small … all the way to Super Bowl champion and co-owner of a chain of facilities that feeds those in need. Lenny’s Place now has twelve different locations across the United States. Ally had a dream, and she made it happen. And I’m so damn proud to be a small part of it.

On the side, she teaches music lessons and has even started a program that gives less fortunate kids access to it. She is very attentive to each and every one of them. She says she never wants them to feel alone or like they’re not enough.

We got married about two weeks after I proposed. On a beach in Hawaii, a place both of us had always wanted to go. We kept the ceremony small—only Matt, Jenn, Lenny, Sloane, Weston, and Knox in attendance. I’ve been trying to impregnate my wife since that night, but she just hasn’t been ready. She’s so afraid that she won’t be a good mom because her mom wasn’t. I don’t want to pressure her, but fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have a little mini Ally running around.

One day, she’ll be ready. I’m a patient man. I’ll wait forever if she made me.

Unfolding the letter, I see Ally’s handwriting.

To my Storm.

Another year, another Super Bowl. You the man, am I right?

Don’t be nervous. We all know you’ll go out there and kick ass. (But, really, you have to win. I sort of made bets with some loudmouths at the original Lenny’s Place when I went back to Brooks last month, and I can’t stand the thought of listening to them gloat if you lose.)

I can’t wait to cheer you on and to also watch your ass on the field—it’s a damn fine ass.

I only hope I can watch the game and gorge myself on as much junk food as possible. My worry is, I’ll end up getting sick.

Remember how I have been feeling under the weather lately?

Well, after you left yesterday, I went to the doctor to confirm my suspicions. It turns out … I’m pregnant!

Yep … you read that right. You’re going to be a daddy. Which I know has been your dream for a while now. I’m still nervous, but I’m also very excited. I might not know what the hell I’m doing, but I know you’ll be there, and something tells me you’ll be the best dad there ever was.

Go out there and kick some ass. Baby S and I will be cheering you on every step of the way.

Love you. In the good and in the grit. (This is definitely the good.)

Love,

Ally

xo

I grin down at the paper. I’m going to be a father. No, anyone can be a father. To me, a father is basically a sperm donor. I’m going to be a dad. And even though I don’t know jack shit about babies, I’ll be the best damn dad in the world.

After I tuck the paper into a safe place in my bag, I lace my cleats up. All I want to do is get this game over with, so I can hug my girl. The mother of my unborn child.

 

Red confetti rains down on us in the stadium as the clock runs out. Super Bowl champions once again.

“I’ll let you have this one, big fella. Next year’s mine,” Knox says from behind me.

I throw my arm around him, and he pulls my forehead against his.

“Good job, brother. Good fucking job,” he says.

“You too. You guys weren’t easy to beat.”

It sucks when I have to go head-to-head with my best friends’ teams. But it happens. And next year, if we play against each other again and he wins, I’ll be happy for him.

Slapping his back, I nod. “I gotta go find Ally. Good game, man.”

He grins. “I figured as much. Give her my best.”

I debate on telling him the news. All I want to do is shout it from the rooftops. But Ally and I haven’t even discussed it in person. It’s not just my news to share.

Gazing around the stadium, I spot Ally, Jenn, Matt, and Lenny coming down the stairs. Once she sees me, she breaks out in a sprint until she reaches me. The others stay back, letting us have our moment.

Hoisting her into the air, I spin us around.

“Well, hello, Daddy.”

“Hey, pretty Mama.” I’m aware we sound corny as fuck. But truthfully, I couldn’t care less. “Ally, we’re going to have a baby.”

“We sure are.” I feel her tears against my skin. “Are you happy?”

“I’m so fucking happy, Al. So fucking happy.” My voice cracks at the end. “We’ll do this right, baby. She’ll never feel alone. I’m going to make sure of it.”

“She?” She laughs. “Easy, killer. We don’t know what it is yet.”

“I’ll be happy as hell either way. But when I read your letter, the first thing I saw was you pushing a little girl on a swing, and she looked like you,” I tell her honestly. “And her name was Charlotte.”

“Charlotte,” she says softly. “Charlotte’s Falls does hold some painful memories. But … also some really good ones.”

“That it does,” I agree. “If there wasn’t pain, would we appreciate the good moments as much? Would times like this feel as significant if it was all rainbows, all the time?”

Somehow, I don’t think so. I think pain is there for a reason. We need it to exist.

“Very true. But … if it ends up being a boy, he’ll probably be pretty weirded out that you called him Charlotte when he was in the womb.”

“I’m so confident that it’s a girl … I’ll even paint the nursery. Her nursery.”

“So cocky.” She giggles, her forehead pressing against mine. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your wife. Your determination never ceases to amaze me. It is a gift to watch you play, and I can’t wait for our baby to watch you too.”

I set her down on her feet before putting my palms on her stomach. “I can’t wait for your belly to grow big. Or to watch you waddle around the house like a duck.” Reaching up, I wipe my eyes. “I’m even excited for you to crave weird shit, like pickles on top of ice cream. Or gummy bears and mashed potatoes.”

She cringes. “Gummy bears and mashed potatoes? That’s gross.” She pauses. “My body is going to change, you know … a lot.”

I shrug. “All I know is, I want it all when it comes to you. And no matter how much your body changes, you’ll still be just as beautiful to me.”

I always wanted to be as close to Ally as humanly possible. Yet it never seemed close enough. But this baby? It’s a piece of her and a piece of me, all wrapped into one. Something we created together.

“I hope she or he has your selflessness.” She smiles. “And your hunger to achieve anything you set your mind to.”

“I hope she has your dark hair and your baby-blue eyes. But mostly, I hope she has your feistiness.”

She laughs. “Careful what you wish for. You’ll have to live with us, you know?”

Sometimes, she’s so feisty that she’s intimidating. But she takes no shit from anyone, and I wouldn’t have her any other way. That’s what makes her Ally. That’s what makes her mine.

When I first saw her, back when I was twelve, it felt like I’d found my beginning. Like I could finally breathe without pain. But now? Well, now, I know that when it comes to Ally, she’s my beginning, my middle, and my end. She’s where my life began and where it will end.

She’s my forever and always.