The Billionaire’s Surprise Baby by Lisa Kaatz
Sydney
Iknow I shouldn't let it get under my skin but Nate's comment about me not being able to go out and have fun at night has me steaming angry. Fuck.
It's stupid. The worst part? He's right. It's true. I don't go out at night anymore. I don't party. That's not me anymore and in a way, having Thomas has saved me from myself. I was out of control before I became a mom. Sure, I was able to go out and party and have friends and go to school (flunking all of my classes because of my lifestyle) but I was self-destructive and crazy.
I shoplifted. I got arrested. I swore up and down every time that I got into any kind of trouble, that it would be the last time.
Made promises to Jax, each time I got out of rehab that I would never let myself fall down like that again.
And every promise was broken in the end.
The only promise I've ever been able to keep in my life is the one I made to Thomas when he was born. The nurse laid him on my chest and I made a silent vow at that moment.
I'd never do anything to hurt him. I'd never neglect him. I'd never let him down.
And that means no more partying. It doesn't matter if I can get a sitter or not. I don't want to get a sitter, really. I don't want to party anymore. It's just that simple.
Nate thinks he knew me back then, and he thinks he knows the new me already, even though we haven't spoken in over a year. He didn't even know I had a baby until a couple of months ago. And now he thinks he knows all of the ways it's changed me? Speaks about it with authority as though he knows anything about what it's like to be responsible for a child.
He doesn't. That's not the life he wants, right? So I spared him from that and all of the other horrors of responsibility that he so obviously wants to avoid.
I settle into the back of the Uber next to Jax and Pierce and try to take a breath.
I know I'm having a surge of anger right now that's entirely unrelated to Nate's comment. I know what he said wasn’t mean in an unkind way…not really. And he wasn’t even wrong.
What I'm really angry about is...is...I don't know. The injustice of the situation, I guess. That I'm saddled with this responsibility while Nate walks the world as a "free" man. Untethered. Able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
He can go wherever he pleases without having to find childcare.
He can follow any whim, any dream.
He can stay out until the early hours of the morning drinking and dancing and doing who knows what else with god knows who.
And I'm a...a mom.
I've never felt bothered by that title before. "Mom." It's a good word. It's a title that I feel I deserve. I take care of my son. I make sure his needs are met, I nurture him and help him grow and I'm damn proud of what I do for Thomas on a daily basis. But it was the way that Nate said it.
She's a mom now.
As though it's a bad thing.
As though it's a kind of death, or a tragic ending.
Like being a mom is my one and only identity in life now, and everything I was before having Thomas, and everything I planned to be in my future, is now gone. Erased. Replaced with only one descriptor: Mom.
"You okay?"
It's Pierce.
"Fine," I mutter. "Just...that Nate guy really gets under my skin."
I say that Nate guy as though he's not the same man I let inside of my body again and again for the better part of a year, once upon a time. And who is now the father of my child. My words distance Nate from me and my life. I say his name like it's one I just learned yesterday.
"Yeah," Pierce says. "I know what you mean. Just trying to be nice to that guy for two hours back there took it out of me. And now we're getting a drink with him. Thanks for that, Jax."
"You're free to head home if you'd like," Jax says. "Both of you. Please don't feel obligated. I think it's smart business, though, to keep your enemies close. Once again. So I'm going to kick off this relationship with Nate tonight and get a good sense of what he's going to want to do to reform our real estate department."
"Reform?" Pierce asks.
"You don't think he's going to want to leave it as-is, do you?" Jax asks. "He thinks we're failing for a reason. And he's probably right. We need to learn from him."
"We're just joining forces," Pierce mutters. "I don't see why he should get a say in how we - "
"Pierce, please,” Jax sighs. "Please, try to be mature for one day in your life and see how perhaps we all - you included - could stand to learn a thing or two from the way that Nate Madison does business."
Pierce settles back into his seat.
"And Sydney," Jax continues softly. "I know that Nate's comment back there struck a nerve. Please don't take it the wrong way though. You're a wonderful mother. Even Nate said so to me, the other day on the phone. He didn't mean to offend."
I bite my lip and look out the window as the Uber takes us deeper into downtown. It eventually pulls to a stop outside of Roberta's. There's a line leading to the door but Jax leads us to the front of it, shaking the hand of the doorman. I know that in that handshake, Jax slipped the man a hundred dollar bill. An old trick of his. And then we head inside.
Nate is already there, sitting in a corner U-shaped booth at the back and waving us down. He's already ordered us a bottle of champagne. I hate how good he looks right now, leaning back lazily with his legs stretched in front of him over the small table. He's dressed down, removed his suit jacket at some point and loosened his tie. The top button on his collar is undone and I can see the hollow of his throat below his Adam's apple and beneath that, a smattering of dark chest hair.
Nate is my type. The type of guy who looks sizzling hot without even trying. Nate is the kind of guy who will roll out of bed hungover and half awake on a Sunday morning and look like a fucking sex god.
He looks right at me as we approach the booth and shoots me this playful little smirk that lets me know that he 100% noticed me checking him out. My cheeks redden for the hundredth time today and I carefully take my seat as far away from him as I can, on the opposite side of him on the other end of the U.
This proves to be a mistake though, because as soon as the men start to talk, picking up the conversation they were having at Nate's office before we left for the bar, Nate begins to slide his foot up the inside of my calf.
I look up and his eyes are squarely on me, the smirk on his face unmistakable now. I smile widely at him and he looks pleasantly surprised at this.
And then I kick him sharply in the shin with the pointed toe of my patent leather pump.
He doesn't cry out in pain or anything, but I can tell it hurts bad by the way his jaw clenches and he looks away. It's so satisfying that I almost hope he'll try to tease me again so that I can have another excuse to hit him.
Sadly that moment never comes, because for the rest of the night he pretty much pretends I don't exist. Him and Jax and Reid are rattling off numbers like human spreadsheets and talking about expansion plans and all sorts of other shit that I don’t care about - that's why I don’t get involved in the family business. I can't go to a meeting without feeling like I'm going to fall asleep.
From the look on Pierce's face, he feels the same.
I consider going home early but then I remember that I've got to prove Nate wrong. I can stay out late. I can. Maybe the pull of Thomas and home is strong, but like Jax said. Thomas would be sound asleep right now. He wouldn't...he wouldn't be missing me right now.
Maybe that should be comforting to me.
But instead it just feels kind of bad. Like my child fell asleep tonight without me there.
The Mom Guilt never ends, I guess.
But this buzz from the champagne takes the edge off the guilt. So when we empty the bottle, I order another.
"Please, put it on my tab," Nate offers.
"How gallant," I say. "I wasn't going to ask, though."
He raises a brow.
"Drinks are on you tonight, partner," I shrug.
"Of course," he says with a nod.
His lack of a retort makes me feel immature by comparison and rather than getting any satisfaction from it like I did from the shin kick, I just feel kind of embarrassed. Maybe I'm being an asshole. Jax is counting on me, after all. I'm here because I'm a partial owner and Jax trusted me with the little responsibility to the company that I do have. Why can't I act properly for one night for the sake of him after all that he's done for me?
When the next champagne bottle comes, I don't keep track of who is drinking how much. All I know is that I’m definitely winning. The guys are too involved in their talk to pour themselves another round. Pierce is bored of the conversation but has his phone out under the table. Probably swiping right on a dozen unlucky ladies who will be next week's catch-and-release.
I'm surrounded by people yet I feel completely alone.
Our corner booth is quiet but about ten feet away there's a dance floor and music. I watch the bodies twisting and turning beneath pale blue lights and wonder if that'll ever be me again. Or if that's even what I want. It doesn't look appealing. None of this feels appealing, really. Being drunk. Being at a bar. Being with Nate, the man who took my heart and smashed it into a thousand pieces.
"Amazing," Jax says. "So you actually found a way to salvage the original pillars?"
"No demolition whatsoever," Nate says. "We reinforced the stone with iron but we didn't have to tear it down. Just some scaffolding to help support it while we did the work and let it settle."
"That's incredible," Reid says. He's oddly talkative tonight, for someone who only days ago seemed like he hated Nate just as much as I do.
Am I going to be alone in my hatred for him pretty soon?
No. There's always Pierce. But Pierce isn't involved enough to hate Nate with any consistent passion or impact. Reid and Jax's votes are what really matter. And it seems, right now, that they are Team Nate.
Traitors.
I stand up.
"I'm going to get some air."
They look at me. Reid raises a brow.
"You okay? I know it's late. It's..." he looks at his watch and laughs. "Oh shit, is it really one in the morning? Damn. Sydney, don't feel like you have to hang out with us. We might be here all night."
"I'm fine, I just want to go get some fresh air," I say. "I'm okay. I can hang out a little longer."
Truth be told, I'm not sure I can. I'm exhausted and Thomas wakes up at six in the morning sharp, regardless of how much sleep I need. So I'm in for a tough tomorrow.
I exit the bar before they can ask me whether I'm okay again. Because if I hear someone ask me that question again in the presence of Nate I'm going to melt through the floor.
The fresh air really does help. It's weird. Before I had Thomas I could stay out all night and went to bars all the time. Now, though, the interior of the darkened bar just feels kind of nauseating. And I can hardly keep my eyes open, I'm so tired.
Or maybe that’s all of the champagne.
I lean against the wall outside. The line that was here when we got here is gone and more people are leaving the bar than entering.
It's that point in the night where you either go home - maybe with someone you just met - or you rally and go for a round two, make it an all nighter. It's really looking like Jax and Nate and everyone might make it an all-nighter. And there's no way I can keep up with that. My eyelids feel heavy like cement and the idea of sliding into my bed and laying my head on the pillow sounds so nice...
I could just call a cab right now.
I could go home and stop this stupid stubborn game that nobody else even realizes that I'm playing. Nate didn't mean anything by his comment and Jax said that he told him that he thinks I'm a good mother.
Isn't that something?
Not that I need his respect but...
He doesn't care if I go home early. He's only interested in me if I'm willing to hook up, obvious by the way that he's tried to feel me up beneath not one but two different tables tonight. As soon as I shoot him down, he's done.
There's only one thing I'm good for, as far as he is concerned, and I've shown that I'm not willing to go for a round in the hay anymore.
So he'll move on to the next thing,
It's all he ever wanted from me. All he's ever going to be is a player. I thought I could change Nate Madison once upon a time. But I can't.
And I'm a mom now.
It's not a game anymore.
"Hey."
I turn and see Nate leaning against the wall and pulling out a pack of cigarettes.
The same ones I used to smoke. Another habit I gave up when I had Thomas. It’s part of my promise to him.
He offers the box to me and I shake my head.
"You quit?"
"Yep."
"Me too."
"Really?" I snort.
"I only smoke when I'm stressed," he shrugs.
"And you're stressed tonight?"
"Closing a multimillion dollar deal with a family who acts like they'd like to run me over in their private jet? Yeah, I would call that situation pretty stressful."
"It's over," I say. "We're here celebrating. Nothing stressful anymore."
"Maybe to you," he says. "This might be a celebration but it's still a business meeting in the end. I don't rest. I'm always on."
"Yeah," I reply. "So I remember."
He puts a cigarette between his lips and starts to light it.
"Don't do that around me, either," I say. "I don't want second hand smoke."
He raises a brow at me but puts the lighter and the cigarette away. Then he stows his hands in his pockets and comes closer, leaning against the wall next to me.
"So," he says. "Not only did Sydney Adler quit smoking, she is now the type of person to worry about second hand smoke."
"It causes cancer, too," I reply, crossing my arms. “Just like smoking does.”
"I know," he replies. "It's just, you were never the kind to worry about stuff like that."
"People change."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"What else is different about you, Sydney Adler?"
"Stop that," I say.
"Stop what?"
"Stop saying my full name like that. Like you're making fun of me."
He leans in.
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" he asks in a low voice. "Making fun of you?"
"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "But it seems like it. You talk to me like everything is a joke. Like you don't take me seriously, and like you're messing with my head. Make up your mind, Nate. Either everything is a fucking joke to you and you're trying to bang your new business partner...or this is a super serious business meeting tonight, in which case I suggest you get your ass back inside and keep sucking up to my brothers."
"I was never making fun of you,” he frowns at me. "Why would I be making fun of you, Sydney?"
"Because...I don't know. Because that's what you do. You want to hook up. You've made that clear. And that's all I am right now to you, a toy. A fuck toy, or just a regular toy for your amusement, which is why you're poking fun at me and teasing me."
"I wouldn't tease you," he replies. "And I don't think of you as a fuck toy, either. Well, not all the time. Once upon a time we had fun, though. And I think we can still be friends now, can't we? We're going to see a lot of each other now that our companies have joined."
"I don't know about that," I reply. "I'm barely involved. I haven't been to headquarters in months. And now that I know you'll be there, I'll do my best to avoid going into the office whenever possible. I'll see you at the annual board meeting, and at the holiday parties. We don't need to be friends in order to be cordial for a few hours every year."
"Harsh, Syd," he says.
"Don't call me Syd," I snap.
“I can’t call you by your full name, and I can’t call you by your nickname either. Did I do something to you?" Nate asks. "I mean, I know we ended things poorly. And I wish...I wish I could have prevented that but I think it was for the best."
I close my eyes, hating how patronizing he sounds right now.
"This isn't about the breakup," I say.
"It's not? Then what's it about? Why are you acting like I peed in your cereal, Sydney?"
His expression makes me smile.
"See?" Nate says, snapping his finger. "That's the Sydney I know. Come on. We can be friends,"
"Do you try to fuck all of your friends?" I say.
"Well...no. I don't."
I raise a brow.
"Fine," he says, holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll keep my hands off of you. Okay?"
"I don't believe that," I reply.
"I swear," he says. "Strictly friends-only."
"No more groping me underneath tables?" I ask.
He nods.
"We'll see," I say. "Tell my brothers I decided to go home. I'll see you around, Nate."
"See you around, Sydney Adler."
