The Billionaire’s Surprise Baby by Lisa Kaatz
Sydney
"I don't settle down Sydney. I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm an asshole in a business suit, and I don't fall in love. I've hooked up with more women than I can count. It's all meaningless. It's sex. For a while you were a shiny new toy to play with. But I can't do this.It's getting too serious. I'm afraid I've given you the wrong idea."
"You say that like I'm a stupid little girl who got a crush on you. As if you never encouraged me."
"I did encourage you and for that I'm sorry, Sydney. It was a mistake."
"How can you say anything we had was a mistake? How can you do this? Throw it all away and act like you don't love me?"
"I don't."
"What?"
"I don't love you, Sydney. I'm sorry if you got that idea but - "
"Once again stop acting like what we had was all in my head! Just stop it. You love me Nate."
"When did I ever say that? Have I ever told you that I love you Sydney? Have I ever said those words to you?"
"You didn't have to say them. I know what we felt together.”
"I never said I love you because I don't. If I did, I would have told you. You've let your fantasy run wild. You've let yourself build this...this idea of who I am and what we are, in your head. I told you from the beginning what I was about. I don't do long term relationships. I don't commit. I'm never going to be that guy, Sydney, and clearly that's what you want. Don't try to deny it."
"I never wanted anything long term until I met you."
"Well I'm sorry, but I told you from the beginning. I'm not the marrying type. I don't do that. I'm not buying you a house on a hill with a picket fence. With a bunch of sticky-faced children running around underneath my feet. I'd rather die. Your dream life is my own personal definition of hell. And if I don't leave now, I'm going to get sucked into it and be unable to get out."
"Stop."
"No. You knew what this was. You're acting like I'm the bad guy for disappointing your hopes but I never told you to hope for those things in the first place. What happened to you? You used to be fun. You used to want to go out and do things. Now you want to sit at home and lay in bed all morning."
"I just like spending time with you."
"You're lazy. That's what it is. And you take the easy way out. You let your brothers do the real work so that you can sit back and take it easy. They bail you out of trouble and what do you do? You get yourself right back into it. Like you're not even grateful. And you have no idea what it's like out there. In the real world. You know, as much as I think your brother Jax is a hard-ass, at least he has ambitions. He's got goals and the drive to see them through. You on the other hand. You're comfortable. And you're trying to make me comfortable too. Well, I won't do this."
"How can you say all of this?"
"Don't act like I'm not the bad guy for being the man that I always told you I would be. You're doing that fucking thing that women always do. You find a man who isn't right for you and try to fix them and mold them into your own personal Mr. Right. That's not me, Sydney. And I think it's time we ended this shit and accepted it for what it really is. This was never about love. This was about - "
"Don't you dare say it was about sex. Don't, Nate. Don't fucking lie to me like that."
"It was, though. It was about sex from the very beginning. And along the way we formed a friendship, yes. I'll admit that. But that doesn't mean we were dating. We're friends who have sex, Sydney. I'm not your boyfriend. I'm not the guy who is going to get down on one knee with a diamond ring. I'm never going to be him. I'm never going to be your husband, or the man your children call 'Dad'. So let's end this now and stop pretending, Sydney."
* * *
I'mstupid for thinking he was into me. It's just sex and the way he looked at me like he was practically salivating over my breasts when I walked out to see what all the commotion was, proves it.
Maybe.
I don't know. Nate's always had this playful demeanor. I first met him at a work function for my brothers and right away, before he even knew who I was and that I was the sister of one of his biggest business rivals, he was all over me. Coming onto me like he couldn't wait to get me naked in the back of his limo.
Which he did.
I'm not especially proud of that. But Nate is so damn persuasive sometimes.
Things are different now but he's still the same old Nate. Grabby. Horny. It’s like an atomic bomb could be headed straight for our city and still, all he'd want to do is have a quick bang.
Well..not quick. There's nothing quick about the way Nate does it.
God. Do I actually want him? How could I, after he did what he did to me? To...to us?
The thing is....after today, I just don't know. I don't know if I made the right choice, leaving Nate out of Thomas's life. Today he ran around the house for us, making bottles and rocking Thomas to sleep as though he was in bliss. Maybe I judged Nate wrong. Maybe the things he said when we broke things off had been...just things said in the heat of the moment.
But what happens if I was wrong all along? Then Nate deserves to know the truth and so does Thomas. And I can't justify hiding this from Nate if he's actually ready to be the father that Thomas deserves and not break his heart.
Maybe the heart I'm truly worried about at this point is my own. Nate comes over and it's almost like old times again. No, better than old times. He's acting...acting the way that I always wanted him to. Being the man I always wished he could be. Still just as crass and playful as he ever was, but more mature now. Maybe something had happened recently to change him, too. Maybe we've both done some growing up.
Maybe.
So if that's it, if Nate's matured and if he didn't mean what he said to me about how he'd rather die than be a father, then the only excuse I have anymore to keep up this lie is a selfish one. The only excuse I have is that I'm afraid of what he'll say if he finds out I kept something like this from him for so long.
He'll hate me, right?
Or will he understand?
His cruel words made me wither and want to disappear all those months ago. And then after I got the positive pregnancy test, I considered calling him up so many times. I dialed the number and then hung up before it could begin ringing, I don't know how many times. It was back and forth. Some days I was determined to keep it from him forever. The next day, I was resolved to tell him the truth.
My due date just kept drawing nearer and nearer and suddenly I was going to have a baby in a week and I still hadn't told Nate - or anyone else - who the father was.
And I still haven't.
My brothers still think it was some random hookup in my old college town. I had to bear the brunt of their disappointment in telling that lie; they now think that I was hooking up with so many guys back then, while drunk, that I don't even know who Thomas's father is.
And Nate thinks it's some deadbeat who doesn't want anything to do with us which paints me as some kind of...of victim. Makes me out to be this sad, abandoned single mother when in reality it seems like maybe I got Nate's character wrong all along.
Nobody knows who Thomas's real father is and at this point, the longer I wait, the worse it's going to look when I finally fess up. If I finally fess up.
I need to talk to somebody. But all of my friends from college have pretty much disappeared off the face of the planet now that I've had a kid - surprise, surprise. I have basically nobody. Except...
Ayla!
Of course. How could I forget?
I get my phone out and dial her number.
"Sydney! Hey, how are you?"
“I’m good," I whisper, pacing around my kitchen. I glance at the baby monitor. Thomas is still asleep.
"Did you call just to chat, or?"
"Sort of," I say. "Actually, what are you doing right now? Could we talk in person, maybe?"
"Um, my schedule's clear. I could meet you for coffee. But are you really okay? You sound kind of anxious."
"I am anxious, but I'm also okay."
"Huh. Okay. I guess this is an explain to me in person sort of thing?"
"Yep."
"Are you pregnant again?"
"God, no! But it's about... Thomas's father."
She's quiet.
"Oh. I get it. Okay, yeah, I can meet up. Coffee Bean, our usual hangout?"
"Sounds good. See you soon," I say, and hang up the phone.
* * *
Ayla is already therewhen I arrive. I haul Thomas in his little infant carrier inside along with the diaper bag and my purse.
"Getting from point A to point B with a baby in tow will never stop being exhausting," I groan as Ayla stands to help me unload my stuff.
"Well, eventually Thomas will be old enough to walk and hold his own things," Ayla says with a smile. "And on the bright side, your arms have never looked more toned."
"Ha! Thanks."
"I ordered us lattes," she says, gesturing to the paper cups on the table. "Help yourself. And let me see this little guy, I haven't seen him in forever!"
"You saw him last week," I laugh.
"That's forever!"
I smile and take a sip of my latte. Ayla's baby bump has grown even larger and her skin is practically glowing. Seeing her pregnant kind of makes me miss my own pregnancy, although mine was fraught with stress and chaos. Still, there was something magical about that time that I feel nostalgic for from time to time.
"So," Ayla says after she gets Thomas out of the carrier. "You know I'm dying to know - what do you want to talk about with Thomas's dad?"
"It's hard to know how to start this," I say. "I just...Ayla, will you hate me if I admit to you that I've been lying?"
"Not at all," Ayla says. "And...let me guess. You know who Thomas's father is. You've always known. All along."
“Ayla, what - ”
"Oh, I'm not stupid Sydney," Ayla says. "You might have your brothers fooled but you don't have me fooled. Never did. I know you. You like to party and have fun but you don't strike me as the quick hookup type of girl. I think Thomas's dad had to be pretty important to you, because I think you only sleep with men who mean more to you than a one time thing."
I'm stunned.
"Did I get that right?" Ayla asks with a wink.
"You…you did," I say. "But if you suspected I was lying this whole time why didn't you say anything?"
"It's your business, Sydney," she replies. "I guess I thought if you were lying about something this important, you probably had good reasons for it. I don't know what those reasons might be. But it's not my job to nose around and be in your business when you clearly want privacy. It's my job to support you. I'm your sister-in-law. Not your mother. Not your boss. All I can do is try to help you and hope you make healthy decisions for yourself."
"I don't have a great track record of that," I say."
"Well, everyone has a past," Ayla says. "I don't know when you're going to stop beating yourself up for yours. You don't see Pierce running around hating himself for his flaws."
"I don't think Pierce believes he has any flaws," I snort.
Ayla smiles.
"Everyone has insecurities, everyone has a past they're not proud of," she says. "But look at you now, Sydney. You're an amazing mother. Thomas adores you. You haven't made any significant mistakes in a couple of years."
"Don't know about that" I say. "I mean, I did get pregnant accidentally."
"Thomas isn't a mistake."
"I'm not saying that," I reply quickly. "I love Thomas. He's perfect. I love my baby, of course. But...I had a baby with the wrong man. Or at least, I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure."
"Tell me more."
"You'll hate me."
"No I won't."
"You'll tell Jax."
"No I won't."
I stare at her and she stares at me. It's a face-off. She's daring me to open my mouth and spill.
"It's just..." I begin. "I thought that keeping it a secret was the right thing to do because this guy...he's not the family type of guy, you know? He's not like Jax or...or like a normal guy who wants to settle down and take care of kids and stuff. He's more focused on himself. He's..."
"Self absorbed," Ayla finishes. "Right?"
"Exactly," I reply. "Very focused on himself and his...his work. He's not really thinking about starting a family, babies aren't even on his radar. And before things ended...before he ended things, he said that he's not the right guy for me. He's not a family man and something about how he'd rather die than settle down and have kids."
Ayla whistles.
"Harsh," she says. "I've gotta say Sydney, I can't blame you. What kind of guy responds that way when he finds out the woman he's with is pregnant?"
"No," I shake my head. "That's the thing, he didn't know. He still doesn't know."
Ayla's eyes widen.
"See," I groan. "You're judging me. You hate me."
"No, no I don't," she says. "It's just...my god, the guy doesn't even know he has a kid?"
I shake my head.
"No," I say. "After he said all of that, a couple of weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Thomas and I guess I was trying to work up the courage to tell him about it all and then I just...didn't. I felt like he wouldn't want me to keep him. Or maybe he wouldn't want to be in our lives, maybe even try to pay me off so I’d leave him alone or something."
"Well," Ayla says. "He must have given you a reason to feel that way about him."
"He did," I agree. "But...now I'm thinking maybe I took this too far, took his words too literally and now he's back in my life and I'm afraid he's going to be furious if I tell him the truth."
"You have to tell him."
Ayla's words are spoken with compassion, but with finality. And they confirm aloud what I have already been wondering all day. I feel like a bubble of hope has popped; if Ayla feels like the right thing to do is to tell Nate the truth, then she must be right. She's always honest about things like this and she's always right. She's the closest thing to a big sister that I have ever had.
"I know," I say, putting my head in my hands. "I'm just...how am I going to do this, Ayla? He hates me."
"How he feels about you doesn't really matter anymore, though, does it?" she asks. "You broke up. It's really just about Thomas having his dad in his life. Unless...are you thinking of seeing him romantically again?"
I bite my lip.
Ayla grins.
"No way," she says. "Are you already back together?"
"No nothing like that," I reply. "I'm just kind of....so, earlier today, he came by to help me out with Thomas. And like....Ayla, he was so good with him. He has no experience with kids at all and yet he did a great job and he actually seemed like he was having fun with it. Not like he was obligated to stick around and help me but like he really, truly was trying. I never expected this from him. When we broke things off he acted like settling down and doing anything like having kids and getting married was the last thing he would ever want for himself. Which made me think, he's not father material. And I didn't want Thomas around someone who obviously seemed like he didn't want him. You know?"
Ayla nods.
"But then, Nate came by and he - "
"Nate?"
Oh fuck.
"Nate?" Ayla says again. "Nate who? Nate Madison?"
"Oh god," I groan.
Ayla's eyes are as wide as saucers now and she looks almost horrified.
"Stop," I say. "Stop looking at me like I just confessed to having a child with the Unabomber. Please."
"It's fine, Nate is not the Unabomber," Ayla says. "I'm just...oh my god. Oh. My god. Nate Madison!? You guys act like you hardly know each other! I saw you both! Together! Last week!"
"I know," I moan.
"You act like you hate Nate!"
"I do hate Nate!"
"You have a baby with him, though?”
"I know!"
"Shit," Ayla says. "Shit. Holy shit! Oh my god. No wonder you didn't want to tell your brothers about this. They would have burned him at the stake."
"So you think they'd be pretty upset, huh?" I ask.
Ayla snorts.
"I mean, they've definitely softened on Nate since the merger and all," she says. "Jax seems downright in love with the guy, actually. But there's a difference between being fond of your business partner and finding out that he knocked up your little sister. And then left her to fend for herself."
"Nate didn't know I was pregnant,” I remind her.
"Those details don't matter to guys like Jax," she shakes her head. “He'll find a way to make that Nate's fault too. Say that he should have been checking on you after the breakup and noticed the baby bump or whatever.”
"Nate's had a vasectomy," I say. "He had no reason to suspect that I'd be carrying his child."
"That's logical,” Ayla says. "But once again, should I remind you that we're talking about your oldest brother? He's not exactly rational when it comes to you. So protective and overbearing sometimes."
"God, you're telling me."
Ayla shakes her head.
"Oh my god. Nate Madison. Nate Madison is Thomas's dad. There's a Madison-Adler baby in the world. Little man, you have some very wealthy parents. D'you know that?" she bounces Thomas on her knee and kisses his head.
"I don't know what to do," I say. "That's why I wanted to talk to you today. I'm terrified I've made everything five times as bad by keeping it a secret for this long.”
"Your brothers will forgive you," she says. “Of course. But whether they'll forgive Nate is....well, I'm not sure. Logical explanations be damned. Nate could be the nicest guy on the planet and they’d still hold this against him. He’ll always be the guy who knocked up their kid sister and left her alone.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. And what about Nate? Like you said, I need to tell him."
"Definitely."
"But how?"
Ayla sighs.
"I think you're hoping that I'm going to tell you the magical way to tell everyone the truth without anyone having hard feelings," she says. “Unfortunately I don't think that's how these things work. I think you just have to get it over with. Bite the bullet. Rip the bandaid off. Once it's over with, you’ll feel relieved. And let the cards fall where they may. If Nate is a good guy, he'll come around. You'll co-parent together. He'll be an involved, caring father. And maybe more than that, to you, if it's meant to work out."
I feel a pang of fear in my stomach. What if it's not meant to be? What if Nate hears this secret and hates me for the rest of his life? I mentally picture the future and what it could hold if that is the case. I picture pickups and drop offs with Thomas, per our custody schedule. Alternating Christmases and birthdays and showing up to his school play and sitting five chairs apart from one another because we can't stand to be close.
Is this really what it'll be like?
"I never wanted to be a single mom," I say. "I never wanted to co-parent either, I guess. Not like that, I mean. I wanted to be married. Preferably to a man who my family doesn't hate.”
“Unfortunately,” Ayla says gently, resting her hand on mine. “I think it’s too late. Looking back on what you pictured this being like isn’t going to help. You have Thomas now, and what’s done is done. The longer you delay telling people, the worse it is going to feel. To you and to Nate. To everyone.”
“I know,” I reply. “You’re right. Thank you Ayla. Thank you for not judging me.”
“Always here for you,” she says. “You’re basically my little sister, remember? And someone has to balance out all of the caveman testosterone in your life. I mean, how did you deal with it before I came along?”
I laugh.
“I have no idea,” I say.
