The Lion Soul by Amy Sumida

Chapter Thirty-Five

Several days passed with Kaelen and me in a strange, emotional stasis. He warmed a little, and we became intimate again, but the hurt never left his eyes. It began to wear on me, but I still didn't say anything. I suppose I should have. It might have prevented what happened next.

“I think you're ready to join with your warlord,” Devyn declared one morning at training.

“What do I need to do?” Kaelen asked.

“Well, uh, usually it's love that connects a warlord and his valorian, but we're going to have to figure out another way,” Devyn said. “From what I've heard, I don't think the Tiger Valorian and his warlord are going to be able to unite like that either, so hopefully we can come up with something before they arrive.”

“If they arrive,” Vath muttered. “It's been a while since the Tiger Lord went to fetch him.”

“Anyway,” Devyn said brightly. “Let's try another emotion. What have you been using, Rieyu? It seems to be powerful.”

I stretched my neck to hide my awkwardness and muttered, “Sorrow.”

Kaelen froze.

“What?” Devyn gaped at me.

“He's lost a lot,” Kaelen explained for me. “He can't go home; he's been made an outcast. And now even—” his voice broke, and he had to try again. “Now even Varalorre has rejected him.”

“Not all of Varalorre,” Devyn said to me. “And the Lions will change their tune when you help us end this war.”

“What the fuck were you made an outcast for?” Vathmar growled.

“Going against my employer's orders. She didn't want me to help Kaelen,” I said without looking at the Lion Lord.

“Fuck.” Devyn whispered. After a long pause, he added, “Well, sorrow has worked for you, but I don't know if Kaelen will be able to—”

“I'll be fine,” Kaelen said gruffly. “How do we do it?”

“You sort of reach for each other spiritually, as you did when you gave Rieyu a piece of your soul,” Devyn said.

“Rie has to reach for you first,” Vathmar said with a pointed look at me.

I nodded, closed my eyes, and gathered my pain. It was getting easier and easier to sink into sadness, knowing that I could release it. It always returned but for a few hours, I felt such blissful relief that I began to look forward to training. Once my sorrow was built up into a tight knot just below my breast, I opened my eyes and reached for Kaelen with it. I didn't shove it out as I did when I directed it into an attack, just pushed it toward him. Despite my restraint, Kaelen doubled over with a grunt of pain. Simultaneously, our emotions collided. Not connected, but collided like opponents. A blast of light exploded between us, knocking us both off our feet.

There must have been a component of sound as well because my ears were ringing as I laid there, gasping for breath. Then it crept over me and into me—Kaelen's sadness. I couldn't tell you its origin, if it was over his father, losing his home, or me, but his sorrow was so powerful that I burned with it. Not like a flame, but as if I was laid out naked on ice. A freezing, numbing burn that killed flesh with a single touch.

Blackness descended, stifling and alienating. Blinded by it, I screamed, but the sound was gobbled up by the darkness. A void lay beneath me and it sucked me in like quicksand, smothering me in choking pain. Gasping, I tried to claw my way out of it but there was no surface to breach. Just more sorrow. More and more heartache. Loneliness. Desperation. Terror. Self-loathing. It crawled down my throat to drown me from the inside out.

Then hands slipped into mine and a ragged breath trembled against my throat. “Rieyu,” Kaelen's voice was hoarse, as if he'd been shouting for hours. “Rie? I'm here, my Shirie. I'm right here. I've got you.”

“Kae?” I called as I clutched at his hands. “Where are you?”

“Listen to my voice,” he urged. “I'm right here.”

“I can't see you. I can't see anything!”

Kaelen sobbed and pressed against me, but it only shoved the cold deeper, and I screamed again.

“Rie!”

My body started to tremble uncontrollably as my mind stuttered over what was happening. I couldn't understand. What was this? Why couldn't I see? I went numb, but that wasn't a good thing. With the numbness came a heaviness in the air. I started to choke on it and clawed at my throat frantically.

“Rie, stop!” Kaelen pulled my hands away.

“Draw back your emotions!” Devyn shouted. “This is your doing, Kaelen. You're drowning him in your sorrow. Blinding him with your pain. You're going to kill him!”

Suddenly, Kaelen was torn away from me, and snarling started somewhere over my head. It sounded as if two great beasts faced off above me, teeth snapping and growls rumbling up their throats. I wanted to shout for Kaelen, but I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I was suffocating. Would I die? Was this enough to overcome my immortality?

“Draw it back now!” Devyn shouted.

And then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone.

I gasped in air as I sat up, then panted as I bent forward, eyes squinting in the sudden return of light. Kaelen was to my left, on the ground beneath Vathmar, who had his teeth bared at the Lion Lord. Kaelen hardly noticed, he was staring at me in horror.

“Kae?” I whispered.

Kaelen shoved Vathmar off him, jumped to his feet, and strode off toward the woods.