The Lion Soul by Amy Sumida

Chapter Thirty-Four

The Wolf Lord already had a tent prepared for us. He had tents for the Tiger Lord and Valorian as well, but they hadn't shown up yet. So there were three unoccupied tents at the end of a line of them extending down from the Wolf Lord's tent. Aidan told me it had been dubbed “Warlords' Lane.” Kaelen and I chose the tent on the end, leaving two for the Tiger Valorian and his warlord, who it was assumed would not be sharing a tent. All the other tents had erotic sounds coming from them. All except for ours.

Kaelen had crawled into bed beside me, turned on his side away from me, and gone to sleep. I knew what it was about. I had hurt his feelings when we'd spoken on the beach earlier that day and he'd been stewing. But apologizing wouldn't help. The only thing that would fix his foul mood was if I said something that I wasn't sure I'd mean. I cared deeply for Kaelen. He was incredible. I would do anything for him. But did I love him? Did I feel enough for him that it could empower my magic? I simply didn't know, and that uncertainty twisted my stomach. Because the other warlords and valorians would be expecting me to perform emotion magic with them, and they'd expect me to empower it with the love they assumed I felt for Kaelen.

I couldn't understand why they were using love. Kaelen had said that I didn't have to be with him romantically to be his valorian, and the Tiger Valorian was clearly not involved with his warlord. Yet, it seemed to be expected of me. I didn't like that kind of pressure. Frankly, it made me angry. They couldn't dictate how I felt.

I turned away from Kaelen, a bit angry with him as well. It had been just over two weeks, hardly any time at all as far as romantic relationships were concerned, and yet he expected this of me too. He was upset with me for not feeling what he did. I had stopped him from saying it so he wouldn't be upset, but there we were, back to back, both of us angry. At the risk of sounding like a child, it wasn't fair. You don't tell someone that they can take all the time they need and then get mad at them for doing just that. What had Luca said? Oh, yes, it was rude!

I fell into a fitful sleep and woke the next morning feeling groggy. Kaelen was gone, not even a dent in the pillow beside me to indicate that he'd ever been there. I sighed, my chest heavy with sadness that was completely unnecessary. I thought we were happy. I thought we were a team. It's not as if I said I hated him. I just wasn't ready to profess my undying love.

And there it was.

I wasn't a man who could toss my love at someone so easily. It took time for that emotion to settle into me and then more time for me to be certain because I knew that once I loved someone, it would be forever. They weren't just words for me; they were a vow. A promise that my heart would belong to that person for as long as it continued to beat. And, especially now that I was immortal, that was a lot to promise someone. It's probably why I had never made that promise before.

I sighed heavily, got dressed, and ventured outside. An army camp was different in the light of day, especially in the crisp morning air. At night, it was a place of solace. Muscular bodies warmed by campfires and alcohol. Amorous pursuits hidden by shadows. Laughter and an almost desperate determination to avoid or ignore sadness. When daylight came, it turned harsh. It became a place where warriors trained and died. Ghosts didn't haunt an army camp at night, they came out in the bright sunlight, standing shoulder to shoulder with the living. Breathing down their necks, demanding justice. Pushing their fellow soldiers into training harder and giving their lives if needed.

I breathed in the cool air, the faint scent of salt adding another bracing element to it, and squared my shoulders. Across the path from the warlord and valorian tents were larger tents to house their knights. Kaelen stood outside the one across from our tent, speaking with his guards. His shoulders tightened when I approached, and I nearly turned around and left. But as irritated with him as I was, I still cared about him. He was still Kaelen. Still my lion.

“Good morning, Valorian,” Rinmae said.

“Good morning.” I nodded to him and the others.

“We'll be having breakfast in the Wolf Lord's tent,” Kaelen said stiffly.

Rinmae frowned deeply at his warlord before giving me a sympathetic look. It was such a sharp change in Kaelen's behavior that even his guards were noticing. At least they didn't seem to hold me responsible for it.

I grunted and left without waiting for Kaelen. If he wanted to pout, he could do it alone.

“Son of a bitch,” Kaelen growled as he hurried up beside me. “You could have waited for me.”

I made a noncommittal sound.

Breakfast was more of the same. Kae and I sat there silently, speaking only to other people when they spoke to us. I was getting angrier the longer this went on and so was Kaelen. I could only conclude that whatever emotional injury I'd inflicted upon him had been festering, growing more and more necrotic.

The others didn't notice at first, but then they started to cast worried looks our way. Worried because they needed us to be in love. Ridiculous. A weapon shouldn't rely on love. Who could even focus on that emotion in a battle? And to need it from twenty-four people was even more idiotic. It was flirting with failure. Or worse, disaster.

After breakfast, we marched out to an open plain behind the camp that the warlords and valorians had been using for training. The area hadn't been sectioned off or anything, but with a group of warlords using it every day, it probably didn't need to be. The center of the space was clear but around the edges were logs, braced planks, and other assorted things that looked as if they'd been hacked at. Targets.

“Before I start teaching you emotion magic, Rieyu, could you shift and try to use elemental magic?” Devyn asked me. “We're all eager to know if Tristan's theory is true.”

I nodded, got undressed, and shifted. I'd been undressing in front of people enough lately that it didn't bother me, nor did it seem of much interest to them. No one averted their eyes, not even the women, but they didn't stare either. It felt perfectly natural, which made me feel comfortable. Until I shifted, that is.

As soon as I transformed, the group, especially the guards who had attended their warlords, made various sounds of shock. I felt suddenly alone again and when I saw how far away Kaelen stood from me, that feeling magnified. I let out a long breath and lifted my head. I knew who I was and what I had become. To me, my Shirie form was beautiful and there was nothing evil or monstrous about it. It didn't matter what they thought. All right, it did matter, but I wouldn't let their horror hurt me.

“Great balls of fuck!” Shane, the Falcon Valorian, exclaimed.

“No shit.” Ravyn stepped forward and eyed me openly. “Rieyu, you are one badass motherfucker. Look at these fucking horns!” He waved at my head. “If I wasn't married, I'd make a pass at you.”

“Ravyn,” Dalsharan growled.

“What?” Ravyn huffed. “He's hot. That's a fucking sexy beast right there.”

I blinked and, just like that, my loneliness shifted into a sense of belonging. I had been rejected by Kaelen's father and a whole city of his people, but perhaps these people could become a different kind of family for me. Hadn't Aidan said something of the sort?

“Thank you.” I bowed my head to Ravyn.

Ravyn laughed brightly. “Shit, man, you're even regal in this body. How the fuck did you manage to bow as a Shirie?”

I grinned at him.

“Whoa!” Ravyn backed up. “Watch where you aim those fangs, you Horny Lion.”

“Ravyn,” Dalsharan chided.

“Oh, come on, you were all thinking it. It's just too fucking easy,” Ravyn said without a hint of remorse.

“I think my horns are my best feature,” I growled.

Ravyn went still, his jaw dropping, then hurried to apologize, “I didn't mean anything—“

I started laughing, but it came out as a wheezing rumble which was, in itself, funny. Everyone else started to chuckle, then, when Ravyn grimaced, laugh boisterously. Especially Dalsharan.

I nudged him with a horn. “It was just too easy.”

“Yeah, all right, that was slick,” Ravyn admitted. “Now impress us more, Shirie. Show us some magic.”

I thought of air, its lightness but also its power. Nothing happened. I shook my mane, centered myself, closed my eyes, and tried again. Air around me, supporting and cooling. A breeze on my scales and ruffling my fur. The power to move things that otherwise remained stationary. Breath. Wind. Life.

“All right, all right, I'm impressed,” Ravyn said in a strange tone, part wonder and part amusement.

I opened my eyes and made a startled sound. I was several feet above the ground and yet I could feel solid earth beneath me. No, not earth, solid air. With my shock, the magic dispersed, and I fell on my furry ass with an embarrassed yip.

I looked at Kaelen. “I thought I couldn't fly?”

“That wasn't exactly flying.” Kaelen grinned but it was a brief thing, there and gone in an instant.

“It was more of a hover,” Vathmar said pensively. “Still, I've only seen an ancient scholar perform that feat.

“More importantly, it proves my theory,” Tristan said smugly. “He can perform magic in his animal form.”

“Yes, but hovering is hardly going to benefit the rest of us,” Kardri said.

“Perhaps you should teach him how to wield emotion magic before we get too cocky,” Hallen, the Coyote Lord, suggested.

“All right, Vath and I will work with Kaelen and Rieyu while the rest of you practice,” Devyn said. “Go on then, get to work and stop gawking at the Shirie.”

The others split off into couples and spread out around the area, each in front of one of the targets.

“Should I shift back?” I asked.

“That would probably be best for your first lesson,” Devyn agreed. As I shifted and got dressed, he continued, “Now, I'm not a teacher, and I only learned how to do this from reading a book.”

“He makes this speech every time he gets a new student,” Vathmar huffed. “You've taught all of these people, Devyn. You're a teacher.”

“Well, some of them figured it out on their own,” Devyn muttered.

Vath made an impatient grunt.

“All right, I like to keep things simple,” Devyn said. “You know how you connect with an element to manipulate it?”

I nodded.

“Emotion magic is similar except that you're connecting with emotion instead of the elements.”

“And manipulating it?” I frowned.

“No, you're not manipulating emotion.” Devyn scrunched up his face in thought, then tried again, “You know how elements can be combined to do things that a single element can't? Like lighting a fire and stoking it with air?”

I nodded.

“Emotions don't need to be blended, they can do nearly anything with a single emotion because they're pure fuel. You are the one who determines what that energy does, and it's only limited by the strength of your emotion and your focus. Therefore, stronger emotions with a single goal work better.”

I grunted.

“You're lucky I'm in love with a grunter,” Devyn said. “I actually understand you.”

I grunted again in acknowledgment, and Vathmar laughed at Devyn's annoyed look.

“You feel my pain, don't you, Kaelen?” Devyn asked.

Kaelen grunted, and we all started laughing.

“All right, all right, let's get to work,” Devyn said. “Rieyu, focus on your love for Kaelen.”

Oh, fuck, this was the part I'd been dreading. I went still, and Kaelen looked deeply uncomfortable.

“What's wrong?” Devyn asked.

“You're assuming that they're at that point in their relationship,” Vathmar said gruffly. “Remember how long it took us to fall in love. These two have only been together, what, a couple of weeks?” He looked at me.

I nodded, a wave of relief washing over me. So, it wasn't unusual to expect love to take more time than this. It sounded as if the Wolves had a slower romance as well. I glanced at Kae, but he was frowning, his expression thoughtful.

“Oh, shit,” Devyn whispered. “I didn't realize your relationship was so new. I'm sorry.”

“It's all right,” I said gruffly.

“We can use any emotion,” Devyn hurried to say. “Anything that you're feeling now or would like to focus on.”

What I was feeling at that moment was a mixture of relief and annoyance, but I didn't want to focus on either of those. I thought about it, trying to come up with an alternative.

“Frustration works well,” Vathmar offered with a grimace at his valorian. “Believe me, I've used it often enough to know.”

“That was a dick thing to say, Vath,” Devyn declared. “And speaking of dick, I may not be touching yours tonight. Then you'll have lots of frustration to direct into your magic. How about that?”

Vath sighed deeply, in a very beleaguered way. “Mate, that will only frustrate us both.”

“Anyway,” Devyn said in a dismissive tone as he turned toward me, “you can use whatever you're comfortable with.”

I glanced at Kaelen. This time, he was looking at me. His expression was still shut down, closed off from me, and I wondered how he had changed so much so quickly. I looked away and realized that sorrow was overpowering my relief—a deep sadness that stemmed from so many things. Instead of pushing it away or breathing it into calm, I embraced it. I let it fill me until I wanted to scream.

“Now what?” I growled past my clenched teeth.

“Oh!” Devyn cleared his throat. “Well, uh, there's a free target right over here.”

He waved at a pole that had been stuck into the ground and had a bunch of planks nailed to it, with the widest plank sporting a cartoonish monster face, painted on with the skill of a five-year-old. I focused on that face and willed it to crack, then I released all my sadness, shoving that big ball of pain out of me.

The entire pole exploded.

Faeries shouted and ducked for cover as Devyn, Vathmar, Kaelen, and I gaped at the disintegrated target.

“What the fuckity fuck?!” Ravyn shrieked from the ground, where he laid beneath his husband.

“Yes, uh, and now you see how powerful emotions can be,” Devyn stammered.

Vathmar and I grunted at the same time.