End of the Line by Nicky James

FOURTEEN

Killian

After I got the tent up, I picked through my rucksack and Leo’s, unloading all we had for food on the picnic table. The others had done the same. We had a small collection of snacks but nothing of real substance. It would do for a day or two at most, but we would have to get on the road and find a town before long.

“Where’s Green?” Willow asked after Tyler and Dodger had taken off to find one of the campground’s pump fountains to refill our water bottles.

“I don’t know. He went for a walk, I think.”

“Maybe you should check on him. Dodger was kind of a dick. We might not let his words affect us, but Leo’s different.”

I glanced in the direction of the dirt road that wound through the campground and the last place I’d seen Leo. Willow was right. Since the hotel and his confession about what had happened back in Montreal, he’d had a look in his eyes like he was anticipating backlash or us to turn him in.

When Dodger had gone off on him on the train, that look had only gotten worse.

“I’m going to find him.”

As I wandered off in the direction Leo had gone, I considered all he’d told us. For the first time since I’d learned who he was back in the motel, uncertainty and unease burned in my core.

Leo wasn’t just some rich kid who’d had a falling out with his folks. He was an heir to a pharmaceutical empire. The son of a billionaire. He had wealth beyond my imagining. In my world, a guy like Leo was untouchable. We didn’t live on the same plane of existence. He was someone you heard about on TV but not someone who ever shared the same reality. And I’d been dragging him across the country on freight trains like a hobo. No wonder he stumbled. No wonder he always seemed confused.

I’d told him over and over that he was one of us, but it was the furthest thing from the truth. Leo could never be one of us. He didn’t belong here. No matter what he’d done, the life of a vagabond was not something he would adapt to, not after having grown up on the other end of the spectrum.

The realization was crushing. My stomach clenched when I considered him returning to his life and never seeing him again. It had been easier when his past was a mystery. He’d been this cute, clueless guy we’d picked up in Montreal who needed some guidance while he got away from some trouble. I’d thought maybe we could make something together, but it was a joke.

I found him in a separate loop, a few dozen sites from ours. He was sitting on top of a picnic table, face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking. He was crying, and my heart ached to see it.

I approached, taking pains to stay quiet. When I rounded the table, I saw one of his Transformers in the dirt by the fire pit. I bent and picked it up, brushing the soot off on my pants. The action made Leo stir, and he lifted his chin, sniffling and staring with red-rimmed eyes.

A look of mortification crossed his face, and he batted at his tear-stained cheeks as though it somehow mattered that I’d caught him crying.

I took his wrist, stilling the action. “Hey. It’s okay.”

His eyes filled anew, and he tried to pull away.

“Stop.” I tucked his toy into my pocket and moved between his legs. I wrapped him in my arms and tucked him against my chest. “It’s okay,” I said again. “Everything will be okay.”

With that little bit of permission, Leo collapsed and sobbed, arms slinking around me, face buried against my neck.

I let him cry for a long time. He needed to get it out. It was poisoning him. When he’d cried himself dry and all that was left was the odd shuddering breath, I pulled back, dragging my thumbs over his wet cheeks.

“Feel better?”

“I’m pathetic.”

“No, you’re not.” I kissed his forehead. “You’re overwhelmed. I get it.”

“I’m surprised Dodger hasn’t convinced you all to leave me here.”

“Dodger isn’t in charge, as much as he’d like to think so. He’s free to go any time he wants, and he knows that. We aren’t bound to each other. We’re free to come and go as we please. We’re the bosses of our own lives. Remember that. It includes you.”

Leo ducked his chin, sniffling. His lip jutted in an unconscious pout. “Yeah, well, I messed everything up.”

“No, you didn’t. Getting caught by the rail police is part of freight-hopping. It happens to the best of us, and we deal with it.”

“Not just that. I mean, I messed up my whole life. Everything. My head won’t stop spinning, and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I’m in a country that isn’t my own. I was attacked by my ex-boyfriend, who I stabbed because he tried to rape me. My face is all over the news. My father thinks I’m a reformed gay man and has no idea I’ve been defying him for years. I’m in the middle of nowhere with people who hate me, and I almost died today in a stampede of cows.”

A snort of laughter escaped me unbidden, but when Leo glanced up and his eyes swam with more tears, I sobered fast.

“I’m sorry. That was very poetic.”

“It’s true. All of it.”

Leo ducked his chin. He had the other Transformer toy in his hand, and he turned it end over end, moving random parts but not quite changing its form. He took odd pleasure from the simplest things. The McDonald’s toys. The candy. It was strange, but I’d accepted it. Part of me understood now.

I pulled the matching Transformer from my pocket and tucked it into his palm. “You dropped this guy. Don’t wanna lose him.”

He took it and huffed. “Kids’ toys. See? I’m pathetic.”

I didn’t take the bait. None of that mattered to me, and I didn’t find it pathetic. I found it sad. Here was a person who had everything. Everything, yet he’d somehow grown up deprived of life’s simplest pleasures.

“Did you ever see the movie?” I asked.

“Yeah. Years ago. I was little when it came out, but I thought it was the coolest movie ever.”

“Wanna know a secret? I can give you some ammo you can use against Dodger.”

Leo glanced up, the first spark of intrigue lighting his face. “Sure.”

“He has a massive crush on Megan Fox. Even to this day.”

“Really?”

“Yup. He was fourteen when the movie came out, and to hear him tell it, he had calluses on his right hand for a year and a half afterward.”

Leo’s bewildered expression told me he wasn’t catching on. I mimed jerking off, and his brows flew up.

“Ohhh, I get it.”

I chuckled. “Feel free to use that little tidbit of information as much as you please. He turns into a ripe tomato whenever anyone mentions it. Probably regrets telling us.”

Leo went back to staring at his Transformers, a furrow in his brow. “And here I thought you were all gay. That was a horrible assumption. I should know better.”

“Nope. Not all of us. Well, I’m definitely gay, but you know that well enough.” I wiggled my brows, earning another small smile. “Willow is bisexual… or pansexual… or something like that. She won’t clarify and tells me to stop labeling her. Tyler is… an enigma. I’m pretty sure he and Elian had a thing, but he’s never called it a relationship or lets on that they were romantically involved. He always claims they were just friends. Maybe that’s true, but maybe it isn’t. Who knows? I’ve never known him to have a relationship with anyone, so his sexuality is a bit of a question mark. It doesn’t matter how he identifies. None of us care. He’s a great guy. Dodger is a solid ally. I’ve only known him to fuck around with women, so I assume he’s straight. He doesn’t really date, but that’s hard with the lifestyle we live, always on the go, never settled, so it doesn’t surprise me.”

Leo chewed his lip and glanced up from under long wet lashes. “What about you? Do you date? Have you had many relationships?”

I shrugged, glancing at his toys when I couldn’t hold eye contact. “Not really. Guys don’t exactly swoon at my feet. There isn’t a lot of appeal in a person who never knows where his next meal is coming from or where he’ll be in a week’s time. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, but I’m not against the idea. I think it would be nice. I guess I’m just realistic that it probably won’t happen.”

Leo studied my face.

What did he see when he looked at me?

A dirty street rat? A homeless guy? Someone who didn’t flinch at going a few days without a shower or sleeping outdoors? Did he see a guy who bought store-brand beef jerky because it packed down well and worked in a pinch to stave off hunger? How could he stand sleeping beside me? Sharing a shower with me? An orgasm?

Fuck. I was in way over my head.

He reached out and touched my face. Even the soft pads of his fingertips were out of place in my world. No calluses. Perfect, manicured nails. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

I tried for a smile, but it wouldn’t come. Any guy but the one in front of me. I kept my mouth shut. “What about you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you date much? Have you had many relationships? I mean, I get that you cruised clubs a bit, and you’re apparently engaged, but you know… other than that.”

Was I jealous? A bit. I wasn’t too worried about Petra now that I knew the story. The way Leo had explained it, I got the sense they didn’t even know each other. But had there been others?

Leo could probably have anyone he wanted. He was rich, good looking, suave, educated. Who wouldn’t want him?

Leo set his Transformers aside and fiddled with his fingers. I braced for his answer, hoping I could ward off my emotions so they wouldn’t show on my face.

“Not really. Barrett was the first real boyfriend I ever had, and it was… not good.” He mumbled the last part.

I wanted to ask more questions. About Barrett. I wanted to know all the terrible little intricacies of their relationship, but I knew I’d get angry again. I wanted to know about his life back in Germany. His family. Everything, but then I remembered how vastly out of proportion his life was to mine, and I held my tongue.

How many fancy cars did he own? What kind of education had he received? Who were his friends? What did he do for fun?

Leo stalled.

I climbed up on the picnic table and took a seat beside him, our thighs wedged together. I wanted to take his hand but hesitated. I wanted to wrap an arm around him, but I didn’t.

Leo dug into a pocket and came up with a handful of Starburst. “Want one?”

My smile was strained, but I helped myself to the red and orange squares. “Thanks. I love these flavors.”

“The yellow and pink are my favorite.” He unwrapped one and bit it delicately like it was some fancy hors d’oeuvre and not a compact square of pure sugar.

I ate my two pieces in silence, but I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer.

“Leo, what’s your end goal? When you get to wherever it is you want to be, then what happens? Where will you go? What will you do?”

Will you still want me around?

He’d been folding the small wax-coated wrapper from the candy into triangles, but his fingers stilled at my questions, and he set it aside. “I don’t know. I ran because I was afraid. I still am. All I know for sure is I can’t go back.”

“Why not?”

A look of incredulity crossed Leo’s face. It was laced with pain. Fear. “Because I stabbed my ex-boyfriend in the gut. Because I don’t know if he’s dead or alive or if I’m wanted for murder. I could end up in jail for the rest of my life. If by some miracle Barrett lived, then life as I know it is over anyhow. He will have told my father a version of everything and how the last four years of my life have been a lie. And what’s scary is, I don’t know which of those situations is worse.”

“First off, if that motherfucker died, he had it coming. I’m sorry. Maybe that’s cruel or insensitive or whatever, but he crossed lines. He attacked you. If he didn’t die, then you need to go back and have him charged with assault.”

“Assault? I wielded the knife.”

“And he wielded his cock first. You were defending yourself. People need to know what happened. You don’t think your dad will care that you were assaulted? And by his own security guy?”

“Yeah, and what do I tell my father when he realizes I’ve been defying him all these years? That I’m still as gay as they come and haven’t changed a bit. Not only that, but I had a sexual relationship with one of his hired security officers who spent years intimidating and threatening me every time I turned around. Who beat me if I didn’t obey. Who said if I didn’t get into bed with him that he’d tell my father everything. If I didn’t follow his rules, he’d ruin my life. He controlled everything about me for years. He insisted on watching me with other men like a creep. If I didn’t agree, he said he would spill my secret. He left me with no choice.”

I flinched and spun on the bench, processing what Leo was telling me. He’d left these details out at the motel.

“Jesus Christ. He blackmailed you?”

“Yes, okay. Yes. Barrett blackmailed me. For years. There, I said it. He was cruel, and I was afraid of him. I didn’t want to tell you because I’m ashamed. I didn’t ever want to date him, but I was afraid to say no.” Leo jumped off the picnic table and whirled around to face me, anger blazing behind his eyes. “Can we drop it now? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I can’t go back. I can’t face the idea that I stuck a knife in another human being and watched him bleed out in front of me. I can’t believe it came to that. That he pushed me that far. It will never go away, Killian. It’s like a stain inside my brain.”

He hammered his fists against his head like he was trying to expel it from his mind. Leo growled as he spun in a frantic circle. “I can’t stop seeing it. I can’t stop hearing him.”

I caught Leo’s tailspin and pulled him to a stop, but he wasn’t finished.

“Don’t you understand that I want to call my dad? I want to tell him everything Barrett did to me. For years! I’ve wanted to tell him for years who his security officer really was, but I couldn’t. I can’t because he doesn’t want a gay son. He made that very clear when I was younger. It was a phase, and it needed to stop. I was an adult, and it was inappropriate. What if he shuns me? What if he decides I deserved it all because I’m gay? It could be my breaking point. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing, but I’ll figure it out. All I know is, the life I ran from is ruined in more ways than I can count, and I can’t go back. I can’t. You can leave me here if you want. I’m not your problem or your responsibility. I know I’ve been a burden thus far. I know you’ve changed all your plans because of me, but I can figure it out from here if I have to.”

Leo tried to tug out of my hold and scramble away, but I caught his jacket and yanked him toward me. He growled and fought, but I caged him in my arms and shushed him, doing all I could to calm the storm.

A short fight ensued. Leo was hysterical after his confession. When he realized he’d lost the fight and I wasn’t going to give up, he collapsed against my chest, heaving and shuddering with residual adrenaline, burrowing against me.

“I’m not abandoning you, Leo,” I whispered by his ear. “Do you hear me? Unless you kick me to the curb, we stick together. I told you that, and I meant it.”

“End of the line?”

“End of the line… and beyond.”

There were no more tears, but Leo stayed buried in my arms for a long time.

When I sensed his mania had passed, I cautiously pulled back and studied his face.

He studied me back, wary.

Since day one, there had been a current between us, a pull. It grew more with each passing day. Our worlds were so different, yet somehow, when everything material was stripped away, we fit.

I wanted to pull him into my arms and kiss him. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but I was afraid. I wanted to tell him to join me on the road and never look back, to abandon everything he knew so he could stay with me because whatever this was between us was strong and vital, and I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to explore it and see where it took us.

But instead, I thought it best I ease the pressure. Change the subject. “I think you should design that tattoo you were talking about.”

Leo flinched, and his face shifted into a confused smile. “What?”

“Yep. You design something, and I’ll save up some money and start a trend.”

“It was a stupid idea.”

I grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the fire pit where the ground was soft. “Nope. Not stupid. I liked it.” I found a stick and crouched, smoothing the dirt into a makeshift art pad. I handed the stick to Leo. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“Here?”

“Yep.”

“I’m not an artist.”

“You said you can draw, so draw. Impress me.”

I didn’t think he’d do it. He seemed hesitant, but he crouched beside me and stared at the ground. “Um… okay. I’ll try.”

He started and stopped many times, erasing his etchings when they didn’t go as planned. It got his mind off his predicament and onto something else, which had been my goal.

After a few false starts, Leo’s focus changed. With his increased concentration, he knelt in the dirt and braced himself on one hand as he meticulously drew with the other. A picture emerged as he went on, and I recognized a rail car from a passenger train with doors on either side and ladders extending to the ground. There were train wheels and tracks and little windows. All those specific details helped make it identifiable, but there weren’t so many that it was complex. It was a simple train car. Then he framed it and added bold text above and below. He gave it character and depth. When he finished, he sat back on his heels and grinned with pride.

“There. It’s rough, but that was kinda what I was thinking.”

“Rail Riders,” I said, reading it. “That’s cool as hell.”

“I could draw it better on paper. Clean it up.”

“Where would I put it?”

Leo flushed and shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I would. It defines who I am. I bet I could convince the others to get one too.”

“They won’t.”

“Willow would. She has a few tattoos. She likes them.”

Leo shrugged, unconvinced.

It was a cool emblem, and I really did think it would make a fantastic tattoo. His idea held merit. Our community would latch onto it. In a matter of a few years, more riders would get inked, especially if it gave them an identity in the community. I wanted to head back to the campsite and grab my phone and take a picture of the drawing so I’d have it always.

Just in case.

It might be the only thing I had left of Leo in the end.

I didn’t go. Leo was calmer, and I didn’t want to break the moment. I helped him to his feet, and he brushed his hands off on his pants. He stared at his filthy palms covered in dirt and blackened with soot, and I wondered if it bothered him.

But then his lips curled into a devious smile. “I was never allowed to play in the dirt as a child. Mother would have a fit if my caregivers ever brought me home looking like this. I can see her face.”

I didn’t comment. It bridged territory that could upset him again.

We ended up back on the picnic table, lying lengthwise side by side, staring at the colorful canopy of fall leaves overhead. Despite my concern, Leo talked openly about his childhood—the preadolescent years. He talked about the private school he attended and the tutors his father had brought in so he would have the best education. He told me about graduating high school when he was sixteen and about attending a prestigious university. He had spent six years there earning two degrees. He told me university had been a breath of fresh air. He’d loved leaving home and getting out from under his father’s thumb. It had given him the freedom to explore his sexuality for the first time. He talked about traveling the world and seeing places I’d only ever dreamed about.

I got the impression Leo needed to purge, to get it off his chest, to let it out.

And I enjoyed learning more about him.

After a time, we lay in silence. The sun filtered down on us through the autumn leaves. Birds chirped and sang. With Leo beside me, I didn’t feel the cold. He kindled a warmth in my chest whenever he was near.

“I’d date you,” Leo said out of nowhere.

I jerked my head around and found him staring at me. “What are you talking about?”

He looked unnaturally happy with a little smudge of dirt on his cheek and his hair messy from having been in his balaclava for so long. “I mean, you said guys don’t swoon at your feet and that you aren’t worth dating, but I’d date you.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’re too posh, and I’m too… homeless. I’m flattered, but I know realistically this could never work. As much as I’d like it to,” I added regretfully.

Leo’s smile fell. A small dip appeared between his brows. He rolled to his side, propping himself up. “Aren’t you the one who said the past doesn’t matter, and you live in the present, and the future is basically whatever you want to make of it?”

“Yeah, but—”

“So… in the present, I’m not the son of a billionaire. I’m a runaway like you. A fugitive. I have a couple thousand dollars to my name, a rucksack full of dirty clothes, and I stink like sweat and diesel fuel from riding trains and being chased by cows. Maybe it’s me who isn’t good enough for you.”

I laughed and rolled to my side to match his posture. “You’re funny, pretty boy. Be serious. Your life won’t stay like this. It’s a bump in the road. This thing with your family will pan out, and you’ll be back to your castles and chauffeurs and fancy dinners before you know it. I’m just realistic.”

He found my hand and wove our fingers together. “I don’t want those things back.”

“Yes, you do.”

He frowned. “I don’t. Do you know how miserable I’ve been? It’s not as glamorous as you think. Do you not want to date me, Killian? If that’s the case, just say so. I can take it.”

My heart stuttered, and my breath caught. “I do. More than anything. I really like you, but—”

Leo closed our distance and pressed his mouth to mine, silencing my protest. I parted my lips, and our tongues brushed together. His sweet candy-laced flavor erased all my reticence.

Leo squirmed closer, and I wrapped a hand around the back of his head, kissing him hungrily, desperately, savoring every second. I’d never felt this pull with anyone before, but it was coupled with fear. Was it real? Could it last?

When we came apart, Leo didn’t move away. The soft tickle of his breath fanned my lips. “I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here with you. I want to ride the rails with the wind at my back. I want more of this. You.” He kissed me again, and it lit my blood on fire. I could never get enough of his pillow-soft lips. “I want to be part of this life… your life.”

If this was a dream, I hoped I’d never wake up.

I rolled Leo to his back and deepened the kiss, wedging my leg between his. My body wasn’t the only one responding to the intimacy. Leo rocked against me. The hard ridge of his cock grazed my hip, and despite the heavy layers of clothing in our way, the contact sent a shiver through him, and he groaned.

Leo arched his hips, grinding again. I sought my own friction and reveled in the tingling warmth as it burned hotter and hotter in my low belly. In what universe could a guy like me ever end up with a guy like Leo?

He took hold of my face and held me back, his lips bright red and moist from our kiss. His pupils were blown wide, eclipsing the soft blue on the edges. For a long minute, all he did was stare into my eyes. I wanted to ask why he’d stopped, what was wrong.

Wordlessly, he moved his hands to the opening of my pants and worked the button free before sliding the zipper down. His fine, delicate fingers brushed the head of my erection through my underwear, and I sucked in a breath.

“May I?” His voice was a soft whisper.

I nodded, and Leo pushed my pants down far enough to gain access. He slipped his hand inside my underwear and wrapped it around my cock. I pinched my eyes closed and moaned when his chilled fingers stroked and explored. My arms trembled as I braced myself, doing all I could not to collapse on top of him. His touch was light but not shy. I felt the burning heat of Leo’s gaze on my face, but I was too lost in the bliss of being touched.

When his hand abruptly vanished midstroke, I opened my eyes and found Leo working his pants down, exposing his long, uncut cock. The head was wet, and when he gave himself a languid pull, a small bead of precum formed at the tip. I angled my hips so my head met his, smearing the wetness. When I pulled back, a thread of precum hung between us before breaking.

Then the upper-class, sophisticated, suave man I’d found in Montreal spat in his palm and took us together.

“Jesus,” I growled when he coated us both with his saliva and stroked.

Like in the shower back at the motel, the friction was intense, blistering heat and pleasure under my skin. Leo’s eyes remained trained on my face the whole time like he was memorizing my expression. I watched his hand move, our cockheads glistening and gliding together. When the friction was too intense, he held out his palm, and I spat, giving us more lube.

Nothing existed outside that moment. If the others stumbled upon us, they would get a show, and I didn’t care. Leo tugged me down with his other hand and kissed me as he worked us closer and closer to orgasm. I rocked into his fist, fucking myself against his dick and the tight grip surrounding me. My arms shook, and Leo’s tiny whimpers and moans pushed me higher and closer to the brink.

When he cried out and hot wetness seeped between his fingers, coating me and adding to the glide, I was finished. I came hard, a blinding eclipse of sensation that took me into another universe as I shuddered and writhed and thrust against him.

As we were both coming down, we found each other’s mouths again and got lost in a sloppy kiss. My heart had cantered away and was only just beginning to calm when Leo drew me down against him. The mess between us was everywhere, but at the moment, neither of us cared.

In the last twenty minutes, I was pretty sure I’d gained a boyfriend, and that was pretty fucking awesome.