Till It Hurts by Cora Brent
Jace
Then
“Where the fuck did it go?” Colt rampages through the dry brush with the patience and subtlety of Godzilla.
I pause and squint in the direction of our original firing position fifty yards to the east. The last missing arrow was fired by me. I had flinched at the crack of a gunshot coming from the range on the other side of the shallow hills and my fingers slipped, causing the arrow to launch wildly and sail clear over the target stand. We’d spent the last fifteen minutes traipsing through dust and weeds, trying to figure out where it landed. The sky was clear when we first arrived in the area an hour ago but rainclouds have moved in and sewn themselves together. A growl of thunder issues a warning in the distance.
At this point I’m ready to take a loss on the arrow. “I bet a prairie dog ran off with it.”
“You serious? No prairie dog is that strong.”
“Correction, no normal prairie dog is that strong. The mutants are a different story.”
“What mutants?”
I keep a straight face and cluck my tongue. “You failed to pay attention in Cobb’s biology class. Back in the fifties the government used to test missiles not far from here. All that radiation created a breed of oversized and aggressively strong prairie dogs. Some of them are still around, waiting to pop up out of their holes and gnaw off the nearest leg.”
“Bull fucking shit,” Colt scoffs but now he’s eyeing the ground. “Sounds like something you made up for one of your stories.”
“No, for real. Last year some guy from Odessa was hiking in the area and said two of them carried off his German Shephard. HOLY SHIT, RUN!”
Colt yelps and drops the pile of arrows in his hand. I laugh my ass off until I fall down.
“You’re the fucking mutant,” Colt grumbles and smacks me in the shoulder with his knee.
I’m still laughing as I get up and collect the arrows that were dropped. Colt’s already on his way back to our gear. He gives me the finger without turning around. The clouds are creeping closer and blotting out the sun. We’re in the open, prime real estate for a lighting strike.
“Let’s get out of here,” I shout before seizing one of the archery bows.
“Way ahead of you.” Colt has the other bow in his hand. The equipment is old, likely leftover from our parents’ days at Arcana High, before it occurred to anyone that handing teenagers bows and arrows might be a rotten idea. If Coach Toledo is aware that we borrow it now and then he looks the other way, as long as we always stick everything back where we found it under piles of athletic gear in the underbelly of the basement storage room.
Colt jumps in the passenger seat of my truck after we toss all the archery gear in the backseat.
“Fuck, I’m hungry,” he announces when I hit the accelerator.
The truck bumps over rough terrain. The road is still about a quarter of a mile away and I battle the steering wheel. “I think that’s the sixteenth F bomb you’ve dropped today.”
Colt snorts. “Fuck you.”
“Seventeen.”
He yawns. “Let’s get tacos.”
Dave’s Tacos is the cheapest place to go in town for a quick meal. We’re sitting a corner booth and devouring the pile of food on the tray when Colt wipes his mouth and kicks me under the table.
“You didn’t mean it, right?”
“What?”
“What you said about quitting the team.”
I don’t drown my food in hot sauce like Colt does. I drizzle out a few drops and set the packet down. “Staying on the team means I’ll have to quit work during the season and with the way Toledo is, I won’t have time for much off of the field.” And I need to have to time for other things. For writing, and especially for Tori. She’ll be fifty miles away in Bredon, as will Colt. If I’m killing myself every day for Arcana High football and not earning a paycheck to pay for gas money, how often would I be able to make it up to Bredon?
“Your dad will shit bricks if you quit,” Colt points out.
This is accurate. My father’s interest in me tends to be limited to my football participation. The last time we talked he grumbled that he expected me to get more playing time next year. He rarely shows up to watch the games so I don’t know why the hell he cares.
“Good thing he’s not around often enough to notice.” That probably sounds harsher than I mean it to sound. I don’t hate my father. When my mother took off with no forwarding address he was shattered and unable to put himself back together. He moves around constantly and always seems to be between jobs. I’m pretty sure he still looks for her. Anyway, I’ve always been better off here in Arcana with my grandmother rather than being dragged around with him.
Colt isn’t ready to drop the subject. “You’ll regret it if you quit.”
I shake my head. “Nah, I never loved football the way you do. You’re the reason I stuck with playing in the first place. I don’t see much point in hanging around when you’re not there.”
When you’re not there…
The end of the summer hangs over us like a hundred thunderclouds. Yesterday Tori fought back tears when she said her mother would be putting the house on the market next week. No matter what, they will all be living in Bredon by the end of August. It could be a lot worse. Bredon isn’t exactly the other end of the earth. But it isn’t next door either.
Colt crushes a napkin in his hand and stares out the window at the drive thru car line.
“Toledo said I could live with him,” he says, so low I’m not sure I heard correctly.
“You serious?”
He turns back to me with a frown. “Yeah. I’m not sure if my mom would go for it but she might. She and his wife were cheerleaders together a million years ago and they’re still friends.” He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. I can’t do it because of Tori.”
His confession makes my stomach flip. Tori has never told her brother about Eric Malene’s offer to let her stay here in Arcana with him and his wife. Colt is not included in the deal and Tori thinks this would hurt him. I’m sure it would. But not as much as it would hurt him to have his quarterback chances yanked away when he’s marched off to Bredon. He has a chance to stay. They both do.
“Don’t tell Colt, okay?”
“I won’t.”
While I’m thinking of a different and highly relevant conversation, my best friend eyeballs me. “Hey, you can’t let Tori know about this. I know what she’ll say. She’ll want me to do it. But she and Mom don’t get along and my future stepfather is a clueless dick. I can’t let her deal with their shit plus a new school on her own.”
The two of them, I swear. They are like some kind of moral fable of self sacrifice. The solutions are staring them right in the face. Someone needs to step in for both their sakes.
While I’m mulling over how to intervene in the situation without pissing them both off, a group of girls stroll in full of noise and giggling. They make a big, loud fuss as they order only fountain drinks and Colt swears under his breath when they notice us.
Brynna Graff separates from her friends and sashays in this direction with one hand on her paper cup and the other twirling a segment of long blonde hair. Her shirt is open to show off her orange bikini top and belly button ring. She’s always struck me as kind of an airhead but she’s harmless and I wonder why Colt is annoyed to see her coming. They’ve hooked up a bunch of times and even went to the homecoming dance together last fall.
“Hi, guys!” Brynna blasts a vacant smile and zeros in on Colt. “What are you doing?”
What are we doing? We’re eating cheap tacos on a boring summer afternoon. I don’t know how that could be more obvious.
Colt unwraps another beef taco and squirts hot sauce without answering her. Usually the sight of a pretty girl prompts him to turn on the charm but he’s acting like he wants this one to disappear.
“Just hanging out,” I say to Brynna because someone’s got to say something.
“Oh.” She nods and her eyes flash over me. Her smile widens. “It’s kind of funny that you’re both here.” She licks her straw.
“Why is it funny?”
Brynna has lost her train of thought. “What?”
I stifle a laugh. “Nothing.”
She sets her drink down on the table and looks at us expectantly, clearly waiting to be asked to take a seat. Well, I won’t be doing that. I’ve got a girlfriend and anyway, she’s Colt’s problem, not mine.
However, my best friend is fixated on his latest taco and pays no attention to her. Brynna’s smile falls a notch.
The door to Dave’s Tacos swings open and what happens next is interesting. Colt drops his taco and sits up straight. A different girl has walked in and she’s not just any girl. Susanna Toledo – tall, brainy and serious - is the apple of her father’s eye and her father just happens to be Coach Toledo. Susanna usually sticks to the Honor Society crowd and never shows up at raucous parties. She’s a year ahead of us in school so she’ll be a senior. She’s also widely expected to be the valedictorian.
When Susanna reaches the counter, Dave himself waddles over with two large bags of food, which he hands over and fends off her attempts to pay. “On the house. Got to keep our coach fed and fueled we want a chance to be champions this year.”
Susanna smiles. “Thanks, Dave.”
He waves a fat hand. “My pleasure.”
With a toss of her ponytail, Susanna grabs the bags and is about to dash out the door when she spots Colt. They stare at each other from across the room for a few seconds before she bites her lip and runs out.
Meanwhile, Brynna has finally caught on that she’s yesterday’s news. “Well,” she huffs, “I actually need to go.”
“Bye.” Colt spits out the word without looking at her.
To make up for Colt’s rudeness I shoot Brynna an apologetic look. “See ya.”
Brynna flounces back to her crew and Colt watches through the window as Susanna climbs into a gleaming black Ford pickup that belongs to her dad. He doesn’t shift his eyes until the truck disappears from the parking lot. The he turns back to his taco and resumes shoving food into his mouth like nothing special has happened.
Too bad I won’t let him off the hook so easily. “I saw that.”
Colt swipes hot sauce from his mouth with the back of his hand. “Pretend you didn’t.”
“You know the unwritten rule. No messing with the coach’s daughter.”
He shoots me a look. “Yeah? There’s an unwritten rule about messing with your best friend’s sister too.”
Ouch.I walked right into that one. A month has passed since the bonfire and Colt has adapted to the reality that Tori and I are together. At least I think he has. I make an effort to make plans with him so he won’t feel left out. We’re fine. And while it’s impossible to keep Tori out of the conversation completely, I never discuss our relationship with him.
A long moment of silence passes and Colt finally snorts out a laugh.
“Kidding. I’m kidding.”
Not sure he’s really kidding. Still, he needs a dose of truth.
“I doubt Toledo would still be interested in letting you move in if he finds out you’re screwing his daughter.”
Colt rolls his eyes and gets grumpy. “That’s a hell of a conclusion you’re jumping to. Careful you don’t break something.”
“You’re saying nothing’s going on between you and the Honor Society queen?”
He’s a shitty liar and can’t quite look at me. “That’s what I’m saying.”
I don’t believe him but he’s obviously not in a sharing mood.
Brynna and Company have departed and the thunderheads we spotted earlier are ready to burst. Sheets of slanted rain fall with sudden fury and a pack of middle schoolers abandon the park across the street. They scream as they splash through puddles and the view of a bunch of kids running through the rain makes an impression on me. I commit the scene to memory and file it away, the way I often do. I’m a collector of words and images. I’m already composing words in my head and planning to scribble them down later. You never know what might be useful in a story someday.
Colt, meanwhile, has transitioned to football talk. He’s already examined next season’s schedule and points out that Arcana and Bredon will be facing off in early October.
I’m only half listening until he says, “First time we’ll be on opposite sides of the field.”
All these years and we’ve always been on the same team. Rooting against Colt is a foreign idea. “That seems like another good reason for me not to play next year.”
He scowls. “Scared I’ll crush you?”
“No. I just don’t want to be required to cheer when you get flattened.”
Ordinarily he would shoot back a sarcastic bullet. Instead, he gets an anxious look on his face. “Jace. Don’t quit, okay?”
I stand up with my tray of garbage, tired of talking about football. “Let’s get out of here.”
Colt asks me to drop him off at the high school. He wants to return the archery equipment and use the weight room. It’s not a weird request because there’s always someone around trying to build muscle, even in the summer. But I suspect the real reason has something to do with the presence of Coach Toledo’s pickup truck in the parking lot. The same truck Susanna Toledo drove off in twenty minutes earlier. When I ask him if he wants help with the archery shit he shakes his head and tells me to get lost, which is fine by me. I’m not working today and I have plans with Tori later.
“Don’t push yourself too hard,” I warn. This summer his training regimen has bordered on obsession and I know his shoulder is already messed up from loading on too much weight.
He flexes. “If you’re not willing to push yourself till it hurts then you’re not doing life right.”
It’s a classic Colt-ism. I’ve heard him say the same thing before, along with “We’re never gonna be any younger than we are right now,” and “If you don’t keep walking, you’ll grow roots,” and “Shitty beer is still better than no beer.”
Till it hurts.
The phrase sticks in my head as I drive away because it feels relevant to the messy patchwork of time. I file the thought away to unpack later when I’ve got a pen in my hand. Colt might be shocked to learn how many of his offhand comments wind up in my stories.
But now that Colt is no longer right beside me, I’m free to let my mind stray to thoughts of my girlfriend.
We almost had sex last night. Tori surprised me by tapping on my window at midnight and we fell into bed with our mouths locked together. Her shirt came off. So did my boxers. We were on the verge and I was about to reach for a condom. Then the world came to a standstill because she whispered something in my ear. I love you, Jace.
I quit searching for a condom and I kissed her softly, slowly, memorizing the moment. I love you too. In the end we just got each other off without breaking that last boundary and fell asleep. I didn’t want her to leave my arms, not even when the sky began to lighten and I heard the morning echoes of my grandmother shuffling around in the kitchen.
The rain is still coming down hard when I reach Tumbleweed Lane. The realtor sign in front of Tori’s house flaps around in the wind. I’d like to kick it over and crack it in half, but I settle for making an obscene gesture, as if that will hurt its feelings or something. The front door is unlocked and I’m planning to take a quick shower before heading next door, but it turns out that Tori is already here.
She’s sitting on the piano bench and laughing in the direction of my grandmother, who is cozily settled in her favorite armchair with her needlepoint. Whatever private joke they’ve just shared is forgotten and Tori squeals as she jumps up and then leaps directly into my arms.
“My shirt’s all wet from the rain,” I caution as I lift her warm body.
“I don’t care,” she declares and aims for my mouth. We can’t exactly get all hot and heavy with my grandmother sitting in the middle of the living room, but our kiss does last longer than a few seconds.
“Did you leave Colt in a ditch?” she asks when we finally disentangle.
“Close. Kicked him out in front of the school.”
Tori combs her fingers through her glorious long hair and twists her mouth. “For another of his punishing workouts no doubt.”
That might not be true, given the evidence that Susanna Toledo was on the premises. But I say nothing. It’s a delicate balance, falling for your best friend’s sister. There are things I can’t tell either of them about the other.
“Jacek, there’s a fresh batch of pierogis in the fridge.” My grandmother never stops smiling when she sees me and Tori together. She’s still smiling as she returns her reading glasses to her face and resumes her cross stitch project.
Tori beams at me. “I helped make them this time. Gloria says they’re just like the ones she used to make for your grandfather.”
I wink at her. “Let me go hose off in the shower and I’ll grab some.”
“Hurry back.” Tori sits down at the piano once more and tinkers with the keys. Though my grandmother has told her repeatedly that she has talent, Tori has never been interested in music as more than a hobby. If not for Gloria, I’m sure she would have given up lessons long ago.
Before making a right turn down the hallway I look over my shoulder. Tori is staring at me. She smiles and taps her chest. I love you.
My heart thuds in response.
Fucking hell, I’m lucky. We both are. What Tori and I have is not something people regularly find while still in high school.
As for high school itself, we’ve both got two years left and two years sounds like a long ass time but it’s not forever. After that, we’ll be free to make our own way. I don’t know about college or football or if I have what it takes to be a real writer, but I know that I’ll follow this girl anywhere.
Everywhere.
She’s my dream come true and my future.
My heart won’t work without her.