Breaking Her Bad by Michelle Mankin
Claire
“Mr. Burke made you try out?” My mom frowned. “Why?”
Behind the bar, Addy listened as my mother grilled me about my first day at school. Missy got to watch the show too. She’d driven me to Footit’s Place rather than my aunt’s apartment. A water leak had closed the consignment shop for the day, so she remained with me.
I shrugged. “Everyone tries out. It’s not a big deal.”
“Did he not read your transcript?” Mom’s voice rose to a gratingly high level, and my cheeks warmed.
This was a big deal to her, even if it wasn’t to me. Missy witnessing how my mom and I interacted was embarrassing, but I preferred this, if the alternative was answering my friend’s questions about Kyle. My mom’s call had saved me from having to put into words feelings about Kyle that I hadn’t fully processed.
“He read it, but I don’t think he was impressed. He has his rules.” As I explained to my mom, I realized that not everyone had to try out. Tommy had been an exception.
Mom wrinkled her nose. “Asa is a little potentate.”
“He was in the past,” Addy said, “and he still is now. Most people don’t change for the better as they grow older.” Watching my mom, she continued polishing the glass she held. “I wonder if he knows Claire is your daughter.”
“Why would that matter?” I asked.
“Asa had a thing for your mom. An unrequited thing.” Addy placed the now spotless glass on a shelf behind the bar.
Footit’s Place wasn’t fancy, but it was nice, well-cared for, and large. It accommodated five hundred in the standing-room-only area in front of the raised stage. It also had additional seating for fifty more at booths and tables on this side of the room.
When my aunt turned back around and saw my slack-jawed expression, she laughed. “Don’t look so surprised, Claire. All the guys in Southside had a thing for Rachel back in the day, especially the ones who saw her perform. And Asa saw her more nights than most, because for a while he was ABCR’s sound guy.”
“What’s ABCR?” I asked.
“Your mom’s band,” Addy said. “A for Andy, B for Barry. C for Collin. R for Rachel.” She gave my mom a pointed look. “I can’t believe you haven’t told your daughter the name of your band and what a big deal it was.”
“The name doesn’t mean anything to anyone outside Southside.” My mom scowled. “And you exaggerate. We weren’t that big.”
“I’m not exaggerating.” Addy gave her sister a frown. “ABCR was big, and so was your part in it.”
“Maybe. But it wasn’t my band. Not really.” Mom turned to me. “And Asa never had more than a temporary crush on me.”
Again, Addy disagreed. “Temporarily obsessed, you mean. Andy, Barry, and Collin, all the guys in ABCR were in love with you.”
“Not all.” My mom focused on her sister, her gaze narrowing. “Collin was only truly interested in you.”
“Until he wasn’t.” Addy’s lips flattened.
“Miranda never had his heart, Addy. Not the way she should have as his wife.” My mom sighed. “If you hadn’t slept with—”
“Quiet, Rach,” Addy snapped, giving my mom a sharp look.
“Sorry.” Mom nodded and pressed her lips into a line as flat as her sister’s.
“Everyone messed up.” Addy twisted the white bar towel she held. “Unfortunately, those mess-ups were a symptom of a significant underlying problem. With Andy first, and then Collin.” Addy gave me and then Missy a firm look. “Don’t ever do drugs, girls. They destroy everything.”
“I won’t,” I said, but I thought it seemed odd that Missy stayed silent.
“I’m glad to hear that, pretty girl.” Addy reached for another wet glass from the plastic tray that she’d detached from the commercial washer.
I stepped toward the bar. “Let me do the drying for you. I know you’ve been working double-time since your busser quit. Or I can mop.” I gestured to the nearby bucket full of soapy water.
Mom waved a hand. “No mopping. That’s my job. I’ll take care of it.”
She moved away, rolling the cleaning bucket toward the seating area where chairs were stacked upside down on tables. I breathed easier knowing my grilling was over, forgotten as my mom and aunt reminisced about the past.
“If you girls don’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you dried and put away the rest of these glasses.” Addy reached under the bar and tossed two fresh bar towels next to the tray.
Missy smiled. “Of course we don’t mind.”
I nodded to agree, though I really wanted to take some time to turn over the new information I’d learned about my mom.
“I’ll just go to my office, fire up my computer, and start searching for a new busser.” Addy started to move away, then stopped. “You’re a great kid, Claire.” She glanced at me, then over at her sister. “Your mom knows it. She’s just under a lot of stress right now, and she and I didn’t have a great example on how to parent from our old lady growing up. And then I messed up and let too much time get away.” She returned her gaze to me. “I’m mad at myself that I didn’t get to see more of you over the years.”
“I’m sad that I missed time with you too,” I said, my voice husky with emotion. My aunt was levelheaded and pragmatic. Often, she was a peacemaker between me and my mom, like my dad had once been.
Addy’s eyes were a striking mix of jade and light blue, and glistened with emotion as she focused on me. “It only takes one to mend differences between two people who love each other. I say that for you but also to censure myself. I’m glad your mom reached out when she needed me. I was lonely, and never realized how much until you two moved in.”
“Thank you for taking us in, Aunt Addy.”
“My pleasure, honey. Anything I have, anything I can share, it’s yours.” She glanced at her sister again, then me. “Don’t give up on your mom. She loves you.”
“Does she?” I wasn’t so sure.
“Absolutely,” Addy said.
“Maybe.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “But I’ll never measure up to her standards. Never be who she wants me to be.”
“You measure higher than you know.” Addy came close, placing her work-roughened hands on my shoulders. “Rachel’s only hard on you because she wants better for you than we had.”
“I know, but—”
“Did she ever tell you about our mother?” Addy asked.
“She told me about the drugs. And you stepping up to take care of her.”
“She discounted her role entirely.” Addy shook her head, and her messy blond updo listed to the side. “Typical Rach.”
“How do you mean?” I asked, and noted Missy moving closer. I’d almost forgotten she was there. She was so quiet.
“Your mom is the tough one, not me,” Addy said. “She stayed on the straight and narrow while I rebelled against everything and everyone. If there was something wrong to do, I did it. I guess I was trying to get our mother’s attention. It didn’t work on her, but I got Rachel’s attention. She loved me enough to call me out on my shit.”
“Oh.” My mouth rounding, I looked at my mom in an entirely new light.
“She’s one of those people who puts herself out for everyone else. She was a lifesaver for me and everyone she cared about. If it wasn’t for her after our mom died . . .” Addy swallowed, then continued. “We would have both sunk. But though she tried, Rach couldn’t save everyone.” Her gaze turned unfocused for a moment, then another.
“Addy, are you okay?” I asked, touching her arm.
“Sorry, baby.” She shook her head and refocused. “I got lost in the past. With your mom here again, it seems like we lost them just yesterday.” Her eyes filled.
“Lost who?” I whispered.
“Andy first to heroin, which killed the record deal since he sang lead. Then . . .” Addy trailed off, tears spilling down her pale cheeks.
“Then we lost Collin, our lead guitarist.” My mom reappeared, opening her arms, and my aunt stepped into them. “Though Collin was lost to us long before the accident.”
“You’re right.” Addy’s voice was muffled with her face pressed against my mom’s shoulder. “Collin was never the same after Andy OD’d.”
“Andy and Collin were best friends. Each other’s wingman before the band,” my mom said, looking at me, then Missy, while she stroked Addy’s shoulder. “Sometimes a best friend can make all the difference.”
She wedged a finger under my aunt’s chin and lifted it, staring into her sister’s eyes.
“But we both know what sent Collin barreling down the one-way road that ended in him dying was losing you.”