Breaking Her Bad by Michelle Mankin

 

 

 

 

 

Claire

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re related to Addy from Footit’s Place.” As the sun went down on the other side of Addy’s apartment building, Missy switched off the engine and shifted to face me. “Or that Rachel from ABCR is your mom.”

I shrugged. I was more accustomed to people being impressed by my dad than by my mom.

“So, how do you know about ABCR?” I asked. Missy had told me earlier that she knew Addy from attending concerts at her bar.

“Remember that lady I mentioned?” she asked. “The one who gave me the car?”

I nodded.

“That was my grandmother. She told me about ABCR. She liked music, so I learned to like music.” Missy gave me an expectant look. “My good memories are associated with her and music, you know?”

“I totally get that.”

“I knew you would.” Her expression softened. “I could tell you were in a much better frame of mind after band period.”

“You can’t touch music,” I said. “But music can touch you.”

“Touch you when maybe you wish someone else would, huh?” she asked pointedly.

I didn’t say anything to that. Working at Addy’s, Missy and I had both been busy. We hadn’t talked about Kyle, and I still hadn’t processed how I felt.

Could I even process my feelings, considering music was my therapy? Outside of my tryout, I hadn’t played guitar. I hadn’t even listened to music. Not since my dad passed away.

When I didn’t respond right away, Missy’s brow creased. “ABCR touched a lot of lives around here.”

“How can that be?” I asked. “Addy said they never recorded any of their music.”

“Something doesn’t have to be written down or recorded for it to leave a lasting impression.” She tapped her chin. “My gran told me their music had a message. That they as a band embodied that message.”

Curious, I asked, “What message?”

“That it’s possible to break a cycle. That no matter how bad your background is, if you don’t give up and work really hard, you can get out of this place.”

“That’s cool.” And sad that in the end, it seemed that they had given up, or my mom had when she gave up music entirely. But then again, I only knew a little of her past.

“Way cool,” Missy said. “Even if Tempest’s success diminishes the ABCR legend a bit now.”

“Tempest?” I asked. “Is that another band?”

She nodded. “Yeah, and the guys are a bunch of hotties. They used to attend our school, and they got their start at Footit’s. There was a girl in the group like your mom with all the guys in ABCR, but Lace got cut out of their record deal. She’s with Martin Skellin now, Kyle’s boss. He’s a bad guy. The top-level drug dealer around here, if you haven’t heard.” Missy shuddered. “He keeps Lace under lock and key. He won’t let anyone see her, not even Chad, and they were really good friends.”

My eyes grew large as she shared. I knew Martin Skellin, but as Ella’s father and then as Kyle’s boss. The bad part of his reputation had been rumor in Lakeside. In Southside, it was fact. His illegal business was drugs. No wonder Ella lived with her grandparents.

“Did your mom never talk about her band?” Missy tilted her head, and her long, straight black hair slid to one slender shoulder.

“No. I didn’t know the names of the members, how close they were, or that some had died until today.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I just knew my mom gave up music entirely when she married my dad. Once she left Southside behind, I guess she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Maybe it was just too painful for her to remember.”

“Not many other ways to deal with pain in Southside than to move on and forget it.” Missy’s gaze took on a determined sheen. “No use dwelling. Everyone here is processing one bad thing or another. You just have to keep going the best you can.”

I bit down on my lip, remembering what Missy had shared about her mom, and about her sleeping in her car. “You seem to know a lot about pain and processing.”

“No more than most.” Her eyes narrowed. “But we weren’t talking about me. We were talking about your family. And several times I’ve tried to bring up Kyle, but you’ve been evasive.”

Tension shot through me. “I don’t—”

“Don’t shut me out. Friends share and trust each other.” She reached across the seat, taking my hand. “We’re friends. You agreed.”

“We are friends.”

To me, that wasn’t in doubt. And I needed a true friend now more than ever. But I wanted another moment to gather my thoughts.

“Tell me about you and Chad first.” I gave her a firm look. “Then I’ll tell you about me and Kyle.”

“Not a lot to tell,” she said, but I didn’t believe her. “He’s hot, handsome, and nice. We don’t travel in the same circles. I wouldn’t know him at all on a personal level, except he ruptured his Achilles tendon in a basketball game last year. After the surgery, he was in a cast and needed someone to help and drive him around. That someone was me.”

“So you guys were thrown together and hit it off.”

“Not at first. It was more like we wanted to hit each other, or at least I wanted to hit him.” She blew out a breath as if remembering her frustration. “Chad was really bitter about his injury. Understandably so. A lot of colleges interested in him before he got hurt.”

“But you won him over?” I asked.

“Eventually. He couldn’t resist my stellar looks and quick wit, even though for a long time he just wanted to wallow, the big jerk.”

“He seems okay now. He’s on the basketball team again. Right?”

“He’s mostly okay.” Missy frowned. “I mean, he’s on the team, but not as their star player like he was before.”

“You’re worried about him. You care about him.”

“Of course I do. He’s a great person.”

“You’re a good person too, Missy,” I said firmly.

“I can be better around nice people.”

“So, you fell for Chad.” That seemed obvious, or at least it did to me as someone who had fallen for a guy recently too. “And he fell for you.”

“No, we have chemistry.” She shook her head. “He thinks that lust is something more than it is. I just want to continue being his friend.”

“Missy—”

“What I shared is really all there is. We’re friends until Chad makes his comeback and becomes the big star again like he was always meant to be. He’ll regain those scholarships and get out of this hell hole. He’ll leave it all behind like your mom did, and he should. And no one will be cheering harder for him than me.” She gathered my hands and squeezed them while holding my gaze. “So, now it’s your turn. Tell me about you and Kyle.”

“He came to my high school in Lakeside. One look at him, and I knew.” My eyes filled as I remembered that moment and all that followed. All that I lost.

“Knew what?” she asked gently.

“He was a guy I could give my heart to.”

Actually, I’d given my heart to him. That was why it hurt so much to know that for him it had been a big lie.

“But he didn’t want my heart.” I swallowed hard. “He didn’t want any part of me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Did you have sex with him?”

“Yes.” As I remembered how it had been, warmth washed through me. Could she tell from one word that it had been wonderful?

“You had sex with him, knowing what he did?” she asked, but I think she knew the answer.

“He didn’t tell me what he did. He just told me what he needed to,” I said sadly. “And that he couldn’t stay.” My eyes filled. “I was so stupid. I thought if he had sex with me, I could change his mind about staying. But his mind was never truly open to me.”

I’d had nothing but his body, while he’d had all of me.

Missy pursed her lips. “A lot of girls think sex can change a guy.”

I didn’t argue that point. After all, I’d been one of those girls.

“That was the night my dad died too.” My whole world had imploded, and now all that remained were pieces.

“Oh, honey.” Missy’s eyes filled too.

I lifted my chin. “But at least I have closure about Kyle now.”

Somehow, I would process the pain and move on. Like my mom. Like Addy, with whatever had happened with Collin. And like Missy, though I didn’t have all her story yet.

Sucking it up and moving on was what we did in Southside.