Breaking Her Bad by Michelle Mankin

 

 

 

 

 

Claire

“Where the hell have you been?” my mom yelled as soon as I stepped inside the apartment. Rising from the couch, she left Addy sitting there.

“I left a note.”

Locking the door, I turned around to face her wrath. Mom was mad. I’d never seen her so angry, but I told myself it was a relief to get this over with after all her texts.

“A note!” she screeched, and I cringed. “You think a note is enough?”

Okay, maybe not relieved.

“Since when do you think you don’t need my permission to take off in the middle of the night?” Looking tired in addition to furious, she marched toward me.

“I was with Missy.” I stood my ground when she reached me, lifting my chin. “You like Missy.”

Mom frowned. “It’s a school night.”

“I can handle being out late and keep up my grades.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’m not so sure about that.” She clucked her tongue. “You rarely crack open a book.”

“You never see me study,” I snapped, “because you’re barely around anymore. At least, not when I’m awake.”

“I have to work.” Her indignation fading, her shoulders slumped. “I’d like to spend more time with you, but doing what I would like to do won’t get the bills paid.”

Mom looked so defeated that I felt bad.

I uncrossed my arms and gentled my tone. “I’m seventeen years old, Mom. I’m not a child anymore.”

“Yes, I’m well aware how old you are.” Her messy topknot listed to the side with her agitated movements. “I was seventeen once. I know how easily a girl your age, who looks like you do, can get into trouble in Southside.”

“I’m responsible.” My fingers curled into my palms. “I can take care of myself.”

“Were you with a boy?” she asked, her blue eyes narrowing.

“I was for a little while,” I said. “But Missy was nearby.”

“You had sex with a boy.” Her eyes flashed electric blue, practically incinerating the loose wisps of hair that framed her face. “I can’t believe you had sex with a boy.”

Staggering backward, she collapsed onto the couch beside her sister.

“I’m on the pill, Mom. You’re the one who insisted I get on birth control when I turned sixteen.”

Staring at the ceiling, Mom didn’t acknowledge me. “Daniel,” she whispered. “I can’t do this without you.”

“I wish Dad was here too.” My eyes filled. “He loved me. He trusted me.”

“He indulged you too much.” Mom put her head in her hands, and Addy scooted closer, placing her hand on her sister’s shoulder.

“He is . . . was the best father ever.” I shook my head, dislodging tears. Both my eyes and my heart burned from her accusation.

“What if you’re pregnant?” she asked.

“I’m not pregnant.” I clenched my teeth. “I can’t do this right now. I’m tired.”

“And you think I’m not tired?” Her voice rising again, she stood. “Night after night, I go to work and put on a smile, when all I really want to do is crawl back into bed and cry.”

My aunt stood too. “Oh, Rachel. You’re both tired.” She glanced back and forth between us, her greenish-blue eyes brimming like ours. “And both grieving. You should lean on each other, instead of tearing each other down.”

She was right, but my mom would never lean on me. I fell too short of her expectations and would never measure up. I couldn’t imagine a time or circumstance when that would ever change. But she was my mom, so I aimed my gaze at her.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m going to get ready for bed.”

“We’re not through discussing this, young lady.” Yet my mom’s voice wavered. She swayed tiredly.

“It can wait until the morning, Rach. Claire’s here. She came home.” Addy’s voice followed me as I headed to the bathroom. “Don’t clamp down too hard on her, or you’ll lose her.”

Mom’s voice softened. “Like I lost you for all those years?”

I slowed my steps to listen, but pretended not to.

“Yes, exactly like that,” my aunt said.

“Okay, Addy.” My mom sighed. “You’re probably right.”

• • •

In the morning, I cracked open my bleary eyes to find Addy banging dishes around in the small galley kitchen.

“Morning, sunshine.” Smiling at me, she turned, her short pink robe swishing against her shapely thighs.

“Morning,” I mumbled. Sitting up on the couch, I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. I pulled in a deep breath, and the warm buttery aroma in the air made my stomach grumble. “What time is it?”

“Early. I made pancakes. Wash your face, get your clothes on, and come eat with me.”

“Okay.” I glanced at the closed bedroom door. “Is Mom up?”

“No. It’s just me and you. Your mom is exhausted. I told her to sleep in and take the day off. But I want to talk to you before you go to school.”

That sounded ominous.

“Okay.”

I threw back the covers and padded toward the bathroom to wash my face. Once my face was dry, I put my glasses on and dressed in my favorite pair of jeans and a faded Anthem tee. Finger combing sleep tangles from my loose hair, I emerged from the bathroom to find my aunt already perched on one of the bar stools at the bar, so I sat on the one beside her.

“How’d you sleep?” she asked as I grabbed a paper napkin and arranged it on my lap.

“Good.”

A secretive smile played on my lips. I dreamed Kyle had played his father’s guitar for me, and hoped that dream might become a reality. After last night, I almost believed in hopes being fulfilled and dreams coming true again.

“I’m glad.” She nodded and stabbed a bite of pancake with her fork. “You haven’t been sleeping well since you moved in. Neither has your mother.”

She brought her bite to her mouth, and I chewed the large one I’d already greedily shoved into mine.

“This is delicious,” I said after swallowing. “I haven’t had pancakes since . . .” A lump formed in my throat, and I pushed my plate away.

Addy’s brow creased. “Your dad used to make them.”

I nodded. “They tasted a lot like yours.”

She arched a brow. “Who do you think gave him the recipe?”

“You?” Leaning forward, I forgot the pain. “I didn’t know you and my dad hung out.”

“We did before our group of friends, then your mom and I had . . . our falling out. Daniel and I both loved your mom. At first, it was natural that we liked each other.”

“What happened to change that?” I asked.

“A lot of things.” Her brow crease deepened. “Some of those things were on me. Some on your mom. Daniel would’ve been the peacemaker between us if we’d have allowed him to.”

I stared at my plate, my gaze turning blurry with tears. “My dad was a peacemaker for me and my mom.”

“I’ll bet he was,” she said sadly. “Daniel was a good man. I’m glad your mom found him. Glad you both had him for as long as you did. Some of us don’t get longer than a moment with the love of our life.”

“Did you have one of those? A boyfriend, I mean.”

“Yes, a long, long time ago.” Her expression darkened. “I thought I’d found the guy I would be with forever, but he was only mine for a season.”

“Did he do something bad?”

“Yes.” Pain pinched her gaze.

Addy closed her eyes, squeezing them shut for a long moment. When she reopened them, the pain remained, but there was also caring and concern that she focused on me.

“Your mom and I have been through some tough stuff. And I know she doesn’t want you to make mistakes like we did.” She patted my hand where it rested beside my plate. “I think you’re wiser than we were. After all, you had your dad.”

“I did. And I hope I’m wise.” I bit down on my lip.

“Do you love the boy you had sex with?” she asked boldly.

Do I love Kyle?

I looked down, twisting the napkin in my lap. “He’s handsome and strong, gentle and protective. I think he could be my forever. But there are obstacles.” Big, huge, ominous ones.

Her brows drew together. “What kind of obstacles?

“It’s complicated.” I couldn’t tell her Kyle’s secrets. Those were his to share or keep.

Addy gave me a hurt look. “I don’t ask to pry.”

“I know you don’t,” I said softly.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Yes. Actually, there is.”

Taking in a big breath, I explained.

“We can’t see each other at school, and he works late at night. I don’t think my mom would want me bringing him here, so would you mind if we hung out at your bar? I’d feel safe there. We both would feel comfortable, and it would only be in the afternoon. His work starts early in the evening, so we’ll get out of your hair before the bar gets busy. I promise.”

Giving me a considering look, my aunt nodded. “Of course you can hang out there. If this boy is as nice as you say, I want to meet him, and I want you to be able to visit with him in a place where you feel comfortable.”

“Thank you, Aunt Addy.”

“You’re welcome, Claire.” She leaned toward me. “Can you do something for me?”

I nodded, but tensed at the seriousness of her expression.

“Give your mom a chance. Let her in,” she said gently. “This is a difficult time for her. She keeps so much of her pain bottled up inside, but she needs you. And I think maybe you need her a little bit too.”