Fragile Longing by Cora Reilly

An unfamiliar number flashed across my cell phone screen. After my initial confusion, I became suspicious. What if this was Fina’s number? Samuel had promised to give my number to her. That had been two days ago. Maybe she was already calling? I reached to take the call, my heart beating excitedly at getting the chance to talk to her. I wondered what it would be like to hear her voice after all this time. Over the years, my memories of her had become hazy. Would it be awkward between us?

I trembled when I held the phone in my hand, suddenly overcome with nerves. My finger paused over the screen, and instead of answering, I stared at the numbers. What if it wasn’t a good idea to talk to her? With only two months to go until my wedding, what if talking to her only increased my nerves?

It wasn’t her fault, but she’d become the Damocles sword over my head, the unattainable precedent, an unwilling and yet victorious rival for not only Danilo’s but also my family’s attention.

It’s not her fault.

And yet somehow, I couldn’t stop feeling that it was. If she hadn’t run away with the enemy, our parents and Samuel wouldn’t be as heartbroken. But if she were still here, Danilo would have an even harder time getting over her. It was a paradox.

Not her fault.

The screen turned black, and I released a sigh, but then a wave of guilt washed over me. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to call her back. I’d asked Samuel to give her my number. I wanted the contact, so why couldn’t I go through with it? Had she ever asked for my number? Had she tried to reach out to me?

I stood and headed over to my vanity, where I sank down on the small pouf and stared at my reflection. Even if my hair wasn’t blonde anymore, my resemblance to Fina was unmistakable. Suddenly, I didn’t want this anymore. I wanted to be different. As long as I looked like Fina, but not quite, people would keep comparing us.

My phone rang again, and my stomach clenched with dread and guilt.

Shaking off my irrational feelings, I finally answered. “Hey,” I said, trying to sound casual, but my voice came out shaky and hoarse.

“Sofia,” Fina said, relieved. “I’m so happy to hear your voice. I was scared you changed your mind and didn’t want to talk to me.

A new wave of guilt raced through me. “I was in the shower,” I lied easily. “Of course, I want to talk to you. That’s why I asked Samuel to give you my number.”

“I couldn’t believe it when he told me. I haven’t heard from him in forever, and then he calls and even allows me to talk to you. I’m over the moon.”

She sounded so happy, and not at all like someone new, someone different because she was part of the Camorra. “Allowed? Didn’t Samuel allow you to contact me before?”

She sighed. “I’ve been asking him to let me talk to you so often over the years, but eventually I gave up. Maybe I shouldn’t have.”

“He can be stubborn.”

“Oh yes.”

We laughed, and for that instant, it felt like time and distance didn’t matter, as if we hadn’t been separated for years.

“How are you?” Fina asked, that motherly worried tone she’d developed since giving birth to the twins ringing in her voice.

That was such a loaded question. There was so much to say after all the years of separation, but so much of it was linked to bad memories or feelings, and I didn’t want those to taint our first call.

“I’m fine. Pretty busy with last-minute preparations.” I didn’t really want to talk about the wedding with Fina but not talking about it would suggest I was troubled and that would raise Fina’s suspicions. Did she even know about the wedding, though?

“You’re marrying Danilo this summer.”

“In June,” I said.

“I can’t believe you’re already of age and ready to be married.”

“I’m not a girl anymore.”

Fina was quiet for a moment. “I wish I could be there and see you in your wedding dress,” she said wistfully.

For years, that had been my biggest wish as well. Now I was glad she wouldn’t be present. All eyes would be only on her, even Danilo’s, and I just couldn’t bear that on my wedding day.

“I’ll send you photos once I get them.”

“Yes, please do. I bet you’re going to be an absolutely stunning bride.”

“I love my dress,” I said softly.

“I’m sure Danilo won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”

I considered talking about my troubles with Danilo with her, but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After all, she was the root of the problem, even if she didn’t mean to be. It hit too close to home. I wondered if she’d read a few of the articles detailing Danilo’s nightlife activities over the years. Fina was clever. She must have realized this was all because of her, the never-ending number of blonde conquests.

“I hope so.”

“Has something happened? Something with Danilo?” Serafina always had a way of knowing when something was bothering me or Samuel.

I bit my lip. On the one hand, I wanted to ask Fina for advice. Usually Anna was my go-to girl for advice, but in this case, she wasn’t that helpful. “Nothing happened. I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Danilo’s a gentleman, so you have no reason to worry.”

If only she knew his other side, the vengeful man who took strangers against trees. The man who terrified me, and yet I still wanted him.

“I know,” I lied. “How are Greta and Nevio? Can you send me new photos of them? I haven’t seen them in so long.”

“Inseparable. Nevio and his cousins always keep an eye on Greta. She loves ballet so much, and she’s so talented. Remo even built a ballet studio for her so she can practice at home.”

Her voice overflowed with love for Greta and the man who’d stirred up the trouble in the Outfit . . . and made me Danilo’s fiancée. I wasn’t sure if it was blessing or curse. “And Nevio? How’s the little daredevil?”

Fina laughed in exasperation. “Don’t get me started. He tests my patience on a daily basis. He and his cousins stir up nothing but trouble. But I can’t really stay mad at him for long because he’s such a caring boy when it comes to Greta.”

I grinned. Nevio had been trouble even as an infant. I could only imagine how he was now. Would I ever see them again?

“Is Greta still so shy?”

“Yes, she’s got trouble with people outside of family, especially with crowds.”

I realized Fina hadn’t said anything about photos yet. “Can you send me a photo of them?”

Fina was silent, then eventually she said apologetically, “I don’t think Remo would approve of that . . . we’re still at war.”

Remo. The bane of the Outfit. Samuel’s face always flashed with hatred when he spoke of him, and I’d noticed the same thing with Danilo. “I understand. Danilo would be furious if he found out I’m talking to you.” Bitterness and disappointment rang in my voice.

“I wish things were different.”

“But they won’t be.”

“No, they won’t,” she agreed softly. “You know what? I’ll send you a photo if you promise to send me some from your wedding.”

I smiled. “Done.”

“Sofia,” Mom called. “We have to leave soon!”

I glanced at the clock. My first fitting was in an hour. The seamstress had hurried to get my dress done before all the others.

“How’s Mom?” Fina asked. I didn’t miss the longing in her voice. We weren’t the only ones who had lost something when Fina left. She had lost her entire family. Even if she was the one who’d left, her worry for her children hadn’t really left her much of another choice.

“She’s in full wedding-planning mode with both my and Samuel’s weddings.”

Fina didn’t say anything, so I blabbered on. “She’s desperate to have grandkids. If it were up to her, Emma and I would get pregnant right away.”

“She’s got grandkids,” Fina whispered.

My skin heated. “That’s not what I meant. Just . . . just grandkids she can take care of.”

“I know. For a while I hoped there would be peace, but I’ve given up hope. I doubt Dante, Dad, or Danilo will ever agree to a truce.”

“But Remo and his brothers would?”

Fina hesitated. “Probably not.”

“Sofia,” Mom called again.

“I need to go.”

“I miss you, ladybug. Keep me updated and send me all the pics.”

“I miss you, too. And don’t forget to send me pics of Greta and Nevio.”

I ended the call. “I’m coming,” I shouted so Mom would hear me downstairs.

My phone beeped with incoming messages. I opened them, and almost did a doubletake when I looked at the first photo. It showed Fina with her twins. They had grown so much. Nevio was tall, already reaching Fina’s ribcage, but Greta was a couple of inches shorter and petite. The photo perfectly showed their attitude. Fina had her arms wrapped around both kids, but while it looked protective with Greta, the arm around Nevio’s shoulders seemed to stop him from running out of the picture. He looked sullen, but Greta smiled shyly into the camera.

“Sofia!”

I shoved the phone into my purse, slipped on my favorite sandals, and rushed downstairs. Mom looked flustered when I got down to the lobby. She’d been working 24/7 to make both weddings perfect. If she kept it up, she’d be burned out by the time the weddings rolled around. But it was clear that she needed something to keep herself busy.

“We’re going to be late,” she said, but a smile softened her stressed words.

For a second, I considered showing her the photo Fina had sent me, but then I decided against it, worried it would trigger more bad memories and emotions than good ones. Mom knew that Samuel was in contact with Fina, so she could have asked him for her number if she wanted to talk to her as well, but Mom just couldn’t bear it.