I Dare You by Lylah James

I walked out, closing the door behind me. My gaze immediately went to Lila. She was slumped in a chair, her head in her hands. She must have heard me approaching, because her head snapped up, and she straightened.

“Are you okay?” she whispered; her eyes wide. Frightened. Worried.

“He’s… sick. Cancer.” The moment I said those words, my knees weakened, and I sunk into the chair beside her. It suddenly felt… real.

This wasn’t a nightmare.

This was real.

My father had cancer… has cancer. Shit. Shit. SHIT! I felt a tick in my eyelid, my vein pulsed in my throat, throbbing. I felt… sick. The bitter taste of bile made its way to my mouth. God, I was going to throw up.

“Maddox.”

Her voice.

My name.

Her sweet, sweet voice.

“Breathe through your nose, Baby,” she whispered, running her hand over my arm.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and I did as I was told. Breathed through my nose, like Lila taught me. Like her therapist had taught her.

Once my lungs stopped feeling like they were getting crushed under a pile of rocks, I opened my eyes and stared into Lila’s brown ones. Lila Garcia was the anchor; I was the whole goddamn ocean.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” she questioned softly.

“Thinking about what?”

“What it would be like if your father is dead? You’re wondering why you care and why your chest aches.” She nodded at where I was rubbing my chest – doing so, unconsciously, until she pointed it out. Lila knew me too well. She knew me better than I knew myself. To her, I was an open book. I let my hand drop to my thigh.

“Do you know what I regret the most about my accident?”

I didn’t respond. She took my hand in hers and slid her fingers between mine, squeezing. “I never got a chance to tell my parents how much I loved them. Our last moment was us fighting… and me calling them bad parents. That’s what hurts the most, Maddox. If I could go back in time, I’d shout how much I love them. If I could go back in time, I’d beg to just spend one more second with them. Just to see their faces, to see their smiles and hear their voices.”

“It’s not your fault. The accident,” I murmured, looking down at our entwined hands. Her smaller, paler one, in my much bigger and rougher hand. We were perfect together. Had been perfect together… until we weren’t anymore.

“I know. But I still feel guilt over our argument and our last moments together.”

I frowned and looked up at her face. “My relationship with my parents is not the same as yours, Lila. It’s a different situation.”

“I know, Maddox. But trust me, when I tell you… you hate your father so much, but deep inside, you just want to be loved by him. Ten years from now, you’re going to wonder… What if? What if I gave my parents a chance? What if… I had spent those last moments with him? What if, Maddox? Those last moments won’t erase twenty or so years of a bad relationship, but it could be a beginning of something better. Who knows? Who the fuck knows… but what if?”

She rubbed her thumb over my knuckles. I was transfixed by the movement, the gentle glide of her fingertips. “I constantly live in regret and guilt, Maddox. I know what it feels like. That burden on your shoulders, the pain – nothing physical, but sometimes that ache in your heart is the worst. I don’t want that for you. One of us living through it is enough. You deserve better than that,” she said, wrenching my chest open and squeezing my bloody heart with her bare hands.

Lila reached up and touched the side of my face, cupping my cheek. “You are worthy of love, Maddox Coulter. And you deserve everything you want.”

I want you.

All I ever wanted was her. She was everything I needed.

Yet…

A throat cleared behind me, and I snapped away from Lila, as if someone had pulled my strings and I were a puppet. I looked at the intruder and found a tall man, with greyed hair, wearing a white coat. A doctor. Must be my father’s, because he was looking at me with a familiarity that I didn’t respond to.

“Maddox Coulter?” he asked, with a raised eyebrow.

I rose to my feet. “Yes. You are?”

“Dr. Fitzpatrick. Devin Fitzpatrick. A very old friend of your father’s and his doctor.”

“Is he dying?” I asked, before I could swallow the words. My voice cracked, showing the first sign of emotion, since I walked into the hospital.

Devin Fitzpatrick gave me a look of pity, and I fucking hated it. He nodded his head slowly. “Your father has a history of polyps and Chron’s disease. Colon cancer is the second most deadly cancer. And this time, we weren’t able to detect it at an early stage, like before. The cancer tissues have spread. The small tumors have made their way all over his intestines, and the cancer cells keep developing and growing at a rate that’s nearly impossible for us to keep track, hence it’s spreading faster. Your father has fought a long battle. He doesn’t have long, Maddox. I’d suggest you spend his last moments with him.”

I felt Lila coming closer behind me, her heat burning into me. She placed a hand on my lower back, a simple touch, as if to remind me she was here. “How long?”

“Two months, max. He refused any form of medical help. Your father wants his final days to be in peace.” His voice lowered; his expression pained. “Without all the constant pain, chemo, drugs and surgeries. He went through it once. He knows how bad it can get.”

“So, you’re saying… he’s just awaiting his death. Without even putting up a fight or trying to survive?”

“It’s inevitable,” he said gently, as if to soothe a wounded animal. “At this point, even if we go through chemo, it will only extend his lifespan by a few months. At most, barely even a year. But he’ll suffer even worse.”

I shook my head. “The Brad Coulter never gives up.”

He smiled a bitter smile. “All men have a breaking point. We’re not as invincible as we like to believe.”

Devin clasped my shoulder, as if to comfort me. “I’m sorry.”

He walked away, and I was left with his words and empty condolences.

My fingers slid through my hair, and I pulled at the strands, feeling the burn in my scalp. The world became blurred, and the hospital spun.

FUCK.

I splashed cold water on my face and… breathed.

My reflection in the mirror reminded me of a wilted flower. Weary. Frightened. Lost. I hated hospitals. Loathed it with every fiber of my being. It reminded me too much of the past. And I was stuck in a loop. Having to relive my past and forcing myself to stay focused on Maddox.

I closed my eyes and thought of what the doctor said. Brad Coulter was dying, and there was nothing we could do.

It didn’t matter how much Maddox hated his father… I saw it in his eyes. He cared. He was worried. He… felt.

It was a strange way of connecting all the dots. Who would have thought that the big and mighty Brad Coulter would one day fall so hard? He had been a god amongst us mortals, and now, he was… dying. That was some reality check.

I shut off the tap and leaned against the sink, rubbing a hand over my wet face. The door slammed behind me, and I jumped, swiveling around to see Maddox stalking inside. He closed it behind me. “You’re in the girl’s bath–”

My mouth snapped closed, when I saw the expression on his face. His furious eyes. Hurt. Scared. Need. Vulnerable. Hunger. So much raw pain.

“Maddox,” I breathed, feeling my heart swell in my chest.

At the sound of his name, he rushed forward and slammed into me. My hips knocked against the sink, and I cried out, only to have his mouth capture mine.

He kissed me brutally. So needy. So greedy.

A cruel, deep kiss. Frantic and agonizing. “I need you,” he fed the words into my mouth, forcing his tongue inside.

He was so ruthless in his act, I forgot to breathe for a second. Maddox cupped my face with one hand, squeezing my cheeks. I gasped into his mouth, and his tongue swept along mine, forcing me to accept his sweet, vicious kiss.

I wrapped my arms around his head, my fingers delving into his curly, blond hair. His kiss never stopped, as he lifted me up, setting me on the surface of the sink. He roughly pushed my legs apart and forced himself in between, where he belonged.

I deepened the kiss, just as crazed as Maddox. He intoxicated me. I lost all thoughts of time and place.

Fire burned under my flesh. My stomach tightened.

Maddox groaned into my lips, and his hips jerked against mine. He swore and broke the kiss, his fist curling around my hair, to tug my head back, before he attacked my throat. He bit into my skin and suckled the pain away.

He hurt me.

He soothed me.

His palm cupped my breast, squeezing the heavy weight. There was a riot of emotions, brewing inside of me. So loud, so insane, so reckless.

I cried out, as his teeth sank deeper into my throat. It hurt. He kissed the pain away, whispering against my skin. “Lila. Lila. Lila. Lila.”

Oh God, it hurt so good.

My nails dug hard into his scalp, and he grunted, a rough sound that had my core pooling with warmth.

The distant sound of the knob turning pulled me out of this insanity. My eyes snapped open, and I saw the bathroom door opening. I gasped, pushing Maddox away and gulping for air.

He stumbled back, his eyes wide and glassy. So blue… deep like the ocean. Burning with so much need. A lust so fiery, it scared me.

I jumped off the counter and brought a shaky hand to my lips. Two elderly women joined us in the bathroom, and Maddox pushed past them, walking away without a word, without another glance.

My skin tingled with the aftermath of our kisses, even as coldness seeped through my pores. The two women gave me a knowing look, but I quickly averted my gaze and left the bathroom.

Maddox was pacing the corridor. He didn’t meet my eyes, when I settled in the chair, wringing my hands in my lap.

That… would have destroyed me.

That kiss, if it had gone any further, would have killed me.

I wasn’t strong enough to stop Maddox, because I was just as greedy for him, as he was for me. Such passion was too dangerous to be tested, to be played with.

There was no way we could dangle such temptation in front of ourselves and not snap. Neither of us was strong enough to resist it. In a single heartbeat, we’d be devouring each other.

Hours later, I still hadn’t moved from the chair. Maddox and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Though, we were, both, hyperaware of each other’s attention and closeness.

Savannah walked out of the room, looking completely exhausted. “Should I order dinner? You two must be hungry.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. It hurt. God, it hurt so much. Shaking, I stood up and avoided looking at Maddox. “I should leave. It’s late…”

Savannah gave me a small smile and mouthed, thank you.

She walked back inside, but left the door open, this time. For Maddox. A silent invitation.

The back of my eyes burned. It was time for me to leave. I took a step away, my heart dropping to my feet, as I did.

Maddox’s hand snaked out, and he clasped my wrist. Our eyes met. There was a heartbreaking silence between us, as if he could tell what I was thinking. He begged me with his eyes. I pleaded to him, silently.

Such foolish love it was.

“Stay,” he breathed.

“I can’t,” I whispered.

This second lasted longer. It lasted a lifetime. This second was the beginning, the middle and the end of our love. It was the first sentence, the paragraph, the page of our incomplete story.

The blue in his eyes darkened, and I memorized every speck in them. Eyes that I could drown in, and I guess… I did. Blue eyes that were the first thing I noticed when I bumped into him in that coffee shop, almost five years ago. It was his… eyes. Always.

A second.

Maddox let go.

I walked away.