The Mafia and His Obsession, Part 2 by Lylah James

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14

 

 

Maddie

 

“You shouldn’t be drinking this much.”

I laughed coldly and then chugged down the rest of my drink. Fuck the annoying, preaching voice. It could suck my ass for all I cared.

I was desperate to sink into the reverie this drink would bring me. It would all be better, peaceful and silent. Just for a few hours, even though I knew I’d only feel even worse when the effect of the alcohol wore off. It always made me feel crappier, disgusted by myself for being so weak. For turning into someone else…for turning toward something that only made me more miserable.

Alcohol wasn’t the answer to my solution. Being drunk didn’t really help.

But for a few hours, it was our greatest solace.

Hence why I was here.

Taking another deep breath, I took another sip from my glass.

I heard a sigh from behind me but ignored it. Placing my glass down, I grabbed the bottle instead and brought it to my lips, lounging back against the couch at the same time.

“Drinking won’t solve your problem,” the annoying voice muttered again.

I turned to face the person and threw him my meanest glare, still holding the bottle to my lips. Bite me, asshole. He arched an eyebrow, but otherwise, his expression stayed blank. I didn’t know how he pulled that off every time, but one would think he was completely emotionless. A damn robot, maybe. Kinda sexy, though. But his cousin was much hotter.

Fuck. That thought made me tilt the bottle and take a huge gulp. The alcohol burned my throat, and I almost choked, my eyes tearing up. I blinked, sputtered, and then swallowed against the burning sensation.

Nikolay sat down opposite me before taking the bottle from my hand. It almost spilled on my clothes, but lucky him, it didn’t. If it had, I would have ripped his fucking fingers off.

“How dare you…” I growled, reaching for my bottle again.

He tsked and slapped my hand away. That actually hurt, but he didn’t seem to care. Asshole. Instead, Nikolay brought the bottle to his mouth and ended up chugging some of the scotch down his own throat.

“Aww. Are we bonding over scotch?” I provoked, feeling the intense need to start a fight. When he didn’t hand it back to me, I grew angrier.

“That’s mine,” I hissed, reaching for it again. I needed it. I desperately needed it.

I needed to forget.

Needed the pain to go away.

I needed to sleep. Sleep without it hurting so much. Sleep without silently crying and wishing for the tears to stop. But I was just so damn weak.

Weak. Helpless. Weak. Hopeless. Weak. Lame. Weak. A coward.

A stupid, stupid young girl who fell in love.

And it destroyed her.

“Stop being a bitch,” he muttered back, keeping the bottle away from my grasp.

“Stop being a hypocrite.” How dare he judge me when he was just the same?

I hated people like him. I hated him. Nikolay. Because he reminded me so much of him.

Phoenix Ivanshov.

My mistake.

Once upon a time, he was my consolation. He was the beat of my heart. And then…he became just another mistake.

It was all his fault.

If he didn’t leave me…if he didn’t break us…

I wouldn’t have fallen for Artur.

And if I hadn’t fallen for Artur, I wouldn’t have lost so much.

Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Men were my mistakes.

Men had broken me.

Men had taken from me.

I hated him.

I hated him so much.

And I hated myself.

“Give me the drink,” I snapped when I found myself sinking once again. The blood in my veins roared, my head hurt, my soul ached, my chest constricted.

I was drowning.

Sinking…sinking down. I couldn’t breathe.

I hate you.

I hate me.

“I need it. The drink. Give. It. To. Me!” I screamed now. My body was heating up. I suddenly felt too warm, suffocating, breathless, hurting. My skin crawled, and I trembled. Everything hurt. Lurching forward, my fingers found Nikolay’s face, and I mercilessly scratched him. Anger coursed through my body, urging me to inflict pain on my victim.

“What the fuck?” he snarled when I was sure I drew blood. But my vision was hazy and the world around me was tilting. I was falling…falling…helpless…

Nikolay tried to subdue my movement, and I fell onto his lap. The empty bottle crashed on the floor, and the top of my head hit the underside of his chin. There was a throbbing pain, and I heard him hiss.

“Fuck. You’re losing your shit, Maddie,” he said, his voice so cold. Empty. Would it hurt him to show some emotions sometime?

I laughed without meaning, a strange, empty laugh forcing its way from my chest.

“You are an asshole, Nikolay. I only wanted my drink. Look what you made me do?” I said, lifting my head up and looking at him through blurred vision. I squinted my eyes, and then I found myself giggling.

There were red lines covering his face. My nails really did a number on him before he stopped me. “Look. I gave you new ones. They go prettily with your scars.”

I felt him flinch, and then I felt like a bitch. I really was. A fucked-up bitch who got high on hurting others.

I opened my mouth to apologize, not really meaning the words I said before. But I couldn’t…

So instead, I sealed the deal on my bitch trophy.

Blinking, I tried so hard to focus on Nikolay’s face. He looked menacing, furious, and his lips were curled back, looking quite disgusted by my behavior.

Good. Hate me. Hate me like I hate myself.

I brought my hands up and cupped his face. “The alcohol helps me forget…” Was I slurring? My tongue was rolling around my mouth as I was trying to speak.

“Being an alcoholic won’t solve your fucking problems,” he returned.

I slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shh. Stop preaching. Let me do the talking.”

Nikolay stayed silent but was glowering. I moved over his lap, tentatively rolling my hips. His eyes widened, finally understanding what I was going for. He gripped my hips, stopping my movements. He was angry before…now he was livid.

I kept my hand over his mouth and leaned forward. “You took it away from me. How am I going to forget now?”

I heard giggling and then realized it was me. I had to blink several times, waiting for the room to stop doing the merry-go-round.

My hips tried to move again, grinding over his lap. “Are you going to make me forget, huh?”

Nikolay bit my palm, and I hissed, pulling my hand away. “What the fuck, Maddie?” he snarled in my face.

“What?” I asked, feigning innocence. Leaning forward once again, I brought our lips closer. “Kiss me. Fuck me. Make it go away. I’ll make you forget too…about her…we’ll forget all our problems.”

I really was a bitch. A stupid, stupid girl.

I wanted it to hurt less…yet I always seemed to cause myself more pain.

When my lips moved over his, he pushed me away violently. The world spun and my body tilted backward and then I was falling.

He didn’t care. He didn’t catch me.

Instead, he let me fall and stood up, pushing away from my limp body.

“You need to get some sleep. Now. I won’t let you make this mistake, and I will never ever touch you, Maddie. Is that understood? Go to sleep, and when you wake up, think about what you were about to do.”

I whimpered, my body hurting and my head aching. Every inch of me throbbed in pain, and I closed my eyes, curling into myself.

Nikolay made a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. I felt him coming closer again, and then I was being lifted into his arms, bridal style. I kept my eyes closed, feeling ashamed. And the world still seemed to be spinning, even though my eyes were closed and all I saw was darkness. How was that even possible?

“You need get your shit together, girl,” Nikolay muttered under his breath. “This is not healthy. It’s only hurting you more. And I hate to see you like this.”

I choked back a sob. This was the first time he’d ever said something so nice to me.

Maybe I really was pathetic, if Nikolay Ivanshov was showing sympathy.

He kept walking, and I stayed silent. With each breath, I hiccupped back a wounded cry trying to let itself free.

Why…why did it hurt so much?

Finally, we came to a stop, and he placed me on the bed. I felt the cool mattress underneath my body, and I curled into a ball, refusing to open my eyes and to acknowledge the horrible mistake I was about to commit.

I felt a hand on my forehead. “Go to sleep, Maddie. We won’t talk about what happened tonight. Ever. But tomorrow is a new day. And you need to put the alcohol away. Please. For your own sake.”

My chin wobbled, and the hot tears were stinging my eyes. “You need to let yourself heal,” he whispered before taking his hand away.

I heard his steps fading away until he was gone.

Silently, I let the tears spill. I cried, opening up the wounds of my soul. The tears soaked my pillows, and as the seconds ticked by, I started to fade away too.

Slowly…and slowly….

Until darkness was all I saw and felt.

The next time I woke up, I felt a warm body beside me, holding me close.

I knew instantly who it was, and the feeling of pure loathing was back. I blinked my eyes open and ignored the intense throbbing ache in my head.

Turning on my side, my body protested, my muscles hurting from sleeping in a weird position for too long, but I forced myself to face him.

His dark eyes were open, and he was staring right into my soul.

“What are you doing here?” I snapped, pushing him away, but I was too frail to move his rock of muscles. He didn’t even flinch.

Phoenix.

My first love.

My first heartbreak.

And my greatest torment.

He opened his mouth to speak, and I fought against the urge to punch him…to kiss him.

“Doing the same thing I have been doing these past months. Sleeping with you, baby.”

How could he act and talk so casually? As if nothing happened…as if everything was still the same.

“It’s late. I’m tired as fuck. Go to sleep, Maddie. We’ll fight tomorrow.”

He tugged me back against his body, but I fought him. Bringing my knee up, I tried to hit him between the legs, but he was faster. Phoenix successfully escaped my attack, but he didn’t let go of me.

“Try another tactic. This is getting old, darling,” he drawled before stealing a kiss from me. It was quick, and he moved back before I could bite him.

He made me so angry. He made everything worse.

Fuck you, Phoenix Ivanshov.

My fists clenched, and I breathed out, feeling my chest expand. It hurt. Each inhale, each exhale…it hurt.

So I did the only thing I could, the only thing I knew how.

I tried to chase away the pain.

“I know why you’re here…” I whispered, moving closer.

Phoenix blinked in confusion, and I successfully took him by surprise. Sliding up his body, I straddled him. He laid back and watched me, studying my every move with his unflinching gaze.

“You’re here for this.” He stayed silent. And his silence only infuriated me more.

I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to lose that cool mask, this casual façade. I wanted him to break.

Moving my hips the way I knew he loved, I teased him. He hissed, and I felt his length thicken under me.

I ground against him, and his eyes grew hooded with desire. My own body was reacting, and he gripped my hips, now controlling my movement. He thrust upward, and I sucked in a harsh breath, feeling myself grow wet.

My core throbbed.

My heart ached.

My soul fought me.

And then I sank into Phoenix.

He was a mistake I kept committing every single time.

Clothes disappeared, naked skin met each other, bodies connected like the stars had aligned, and we angrily touched each other. Lust. Pain. Hate. Desire. Love.

I kissed him, punishing him with each touch of my lips. He took it and forced me to feel the same. His tongue peeked out, and my lips parted. He filled my mouth, hot and smooth, taking me slowly. Then he was dragging desperate moans from me.

I continued to move against Phoenix, humping him. His hard cock slid through my folds, caressing me in the most delicious way, and I gasped.

His hand roved over my body hungrily, and I needily touched him back.

This was toxic. We both knew it. Yet we couldn’t stop.

Phoenix grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged harshly. It pained me, but just enough to make me wetter.

“Go ahead,” he hissed, his breathing just as labored as mine. “Take me. Fuck me. You want it, don’t you? You want my cock deep in your pretty, greedy cunt.”

His grip, his voice, his touch, his words…they were all so menacing. Provoking. Tempting.

And I loved it. Hated it. Loved it. Hated it.

I craved this.

It was wrong.

But Phoenix Ivanshov infected me like a virus.

I glared into his dark eyes, but he held mine without a flinch. Furious, I tilted my hips up and aligned the head of his hardened length with my dripping core. We kept our gaze on each other when I sank down in one swift movement, taking him fully and feeling him stretch me.

He groaned and I gasped.

I didn’t give us a chance to recover before I was moving, sliding up and down, feeling him throb inside of me. I fucked him without any apology.

And because I was a stupid, fucking bitch…

I wanted to see him enraged.

Leaning forward, I moved my lips to his ear and whispered. “I’ve got to admit, though, you are bigger than Artur. Hmm, you won’t hear me complimenting you that often.”

Oh…

That was a mistake.

But I laughed.

Phoenix growled, and he grasped my hips in a bruising hold. “Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” I mocked, moving faster now. He thrust upward, taking me by surprise and stealing my breath.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, a short guttural sound coming from his throat.

I wasn’t done, though.

“Do you ever wonder…when I am fucking you…do you ever wonder if I am thinking about him? Imagining it’s his cock inside of me right now?”

“Maddie,” he snarled.

I blinked, finding myself on my back now as Phoenix loomed over me.

He looked feral.

Before I could take my next breath, he thrust into me so hard that I screamed. But his palm was already over my mouth, muffling my sounds.

He was vicious as he took his turn in fucking me now.

Each thrust was brutal, both painful and pleasurable.

My legs fell open wider, and I gave him access. His hips pistoned against mine as he forced me to take him so deeply.

I moaned into his hand and cried out each time he pulled out, only to gasp when he would push back in.

“Do you feel me? Inside of you? That’s me. I am fucking you right now, Maddie.”

So close…I was so close…

But he wouldn’t let me fall.

His dark eyes grew molten. I nodded shakily, my stomach cramping, my legs trembling.

Oh God…

He pulled his hand away from my mouth, only to push it under my ass, lifting me up slightly from the mattress. The rhythm of his cock sliding inside me was both music and a nightmarish storm to my ears.

“Tell me. Tell me who is fucking you right now. Tell me who got your pussy weeping and tell me who is about to make you come. Say my name!”

“Phoenix,” I whimpered.

My fingers scratched his back, and he molded himself over my body. “Again,” he says gently now.

“Phoenix.”

“Again.”

His breath whispered over my face, and he kissed my lips, tenderly. “Phoenix,” I cried.

“Good girl. Again.”

My orgasm was fast approaching, and I begged. “Phoenix.”

“Once more, darling.”

“Phoenix.”

His thrust didn’t slow down, and then I felt it. The glow widening inside of me, spreading, and then I was falling and falling…

His lips met mine, silencing my cries.

I heard his groan as he released inside of me, felt his rhythmic thrusting stutter, and then he pressed so deeply inside of me that I would feel him for days.

Our eyes met as Phoenix continued to leisurely thrust into me. I felt him pulsing, and my pussy continued to throb.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much.”

Phoenix caressed my face, and I flinched away, but he didn’t stop. His fingers slid over my cheeks, and he touched my lips sweetly. “It’s okay, Maddie. I’ll love you enough for both of us. I’ll love you even if you hate me. I’ll continue to love you…until you love me again. And I’ll still love you until I take my last breath.”

A promise. His stupid vows he’d make every time we’d fuck. As if his vows could save me…save us…bring back what we’d lost and change the past.

Nothing could be changed. Nothing was okay. The past made us and broke us. The present was a living reminder of what we were, what we’d lost, and what we could have been. His stupid vows made me angrier.

It made me hate him even more.

And while hating him…I hated myself.

“I. Hate. You,” I hissed.

“I know, baby. I know.” I saw the same pain reflecting in his own eyes. A mirror to my soul. He tried to kiss me again, but I pushed him away. Phoenix slid from my body, and I closed my eyes, fighting back a whimper.

He groaned and fell onto his back beside me.

I felt him leak from between my legs, and I turned on my side, closing my legs together tightly.

Phoenix curled around my body, bringing an arm around my hips and holding me close.

Why…why couldn’t he just stay away?

Why wouldn’t he leave me?

Why did he have to hurt me more…every time he touched me?

He brought his face closer, but I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him.

I wanted to beg him to leave, but that would make me sound weak.

Phoenix placed a whispered kiss over my pulsing vein in my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited…and waited.

When I was sure he was finally asleep, I slid away from under his arms. Standing up, I looked back at him. He looked troubled in his sleep. For a brief moment, I wanted to ease the frown, soothe him.

But then I took a step back.

Quickly pulling my dress over my naked body again, I turned away.

I left him and closed the door behind me.

Tears spilled down my cheeks, and the feeling of hollowness was back. My fingers feathered over my neck, where Phoenix had last touched me.

He had kissed me, as if begging for absolution.

A kiss of promises and silent love.

A kiss of healing and forgiveness. Begging for mercy.

But it was too late…

There was no redemption for us.