Discreet by Nicole French

17

He carried me effortlessly into the house and down the stairs. I wasn’t a big person to start with, but I wasn’t particularly tiny either. Still, Will’s lean muscles kept me firmly wrapped around him as our lips remained fused, our eyes half shut with longing, so I barely registered the row of closed doors we passed on our way to his bedroom, and hardly noticed the open space with floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out into the darkness of forest and water, but which would be flooded with light come morning. Will laid me on the bed, his arms still firmly wrapped around my back while he drifted his lips around my jaw, down my neck, and just below the collar of my shirt.

His mouth was warm, almost sweet, and addictive to the point where it genuinely scared me that I wouldn’t be able to stop kissing him when it came time. And it would. People like me and Will always had expiration dates. Our issues were too much to put on another person. But right now, I didn’t care.

Then Will stood up. My eyes popped open at his sudden absence.

“Where are you going?”

“Wait here,” he said, then disappeared, leaving me in darkness.

I stared up at the exposed rafters of the ceiling, trying to convince myself that this wasn’t a bad idea. That getting involved with Will and his metric ton of intimacy problems didn’t spell a load of trouble. That kissing him didn’t feel like the best thing in the entire fucking world.

I failed. Miserably.

“Close your eyes, Lil.”

Will’s deep, sonorous voice broke through my doubts, and I did as he said, smiling as I covered my eyes with my hands. I heard the sound of shuffling, but kept my hands firmly in place, not wanting to spoil whatever surprise he was preparing.

“All right. You can open them now.”

When I did, the first thing I saw was a balance of shadows and light dancing on the ceiling. Will had set up candles around several corners of his bedroom, and the effect illuminated the open space with a warm, yellow glow that cast every edge, every line under a softly moving haze. Chiarascuro, I thought to myself, remembering for a moment the paintings one of my Cultural Foundations professors had showed us in college, referencing the paintings of Caravaggio—a master of light. His use of light, the contrast between light and dark, had made his paintings of the body even more lifelike than so many of his contemporaries. He was known for making a painting seem like it was a person in the room with you. More than just paint and canvas. His work was raw. Real. Immediate.

But Caravaggio’s work had nothing on the gleaming Adonis who stood in front of me. I had never met anyone more immediate than Will. More physical. More…present. When Will was around, I had a hard time sensing anything but him. Everything else seemed to fade away—the lake, the bar, my friends, my mother. And now, in this room, between four enclosed walls when it was only him and me, our lips still throbbing from the kisses we’d given and the kisses we had yet to give, he simply overwhelmed me.

I gasped. And then I did the only thing I could think of to ease the strange tension. I joked.

“Candles?” I giggled. “Really? What are we, in some cheesy romance movie?”

His hopeful expression faltered, and immediately, I regretted my words. Shit, he was trying to do something nice, and here I was making fun of him. Again. It was all right to do when he was being too serious for his own good, but this was my issue.

And just then, it occurred to me how long it had been—how long it had really been—since someone had tried to do anything nice. For me. Only me. No motives. No half-assed attempts. Just for me.

The thought erased any lingering humor as I burst into tears.

“Lil?”

I curled onto my side, mortified as I tried and failed to hide. Fuck. Fuck! What was wrong with me? I never cried. Sharp women didn’t cry.

“Lil.” Will lay down on the bed behind me, and the movement caused me to roll back into him. A tentative arm crept over my waist as he pulled me into his warmth. “Baby, what’s with the tears?”

The sweet, common pet name only made me cry harder.

“Sh-shit.” Viciously, I swiped under my eyes. I hadn’t even realized I was about to cry until he’d said something. That was how lost I already was in him, and we hadn’t really done anything else but kiss. How could I feel this way about someone I hardly knew?

Because he’s yours. And you’re his.

The thought came unbidden, and I wasn’t sure from where. Will pulled me around, gently guiding me so I was turned toward him. We lay on our sides, facing each other, our heads pillowed on our arms. He reached out and wiped a tear from underneath my eye.

“Lil,” he said quietly. “We don’t have to…I mean, you can still change your mind…if you want to go to sleep, or just drive home… Whatever you want, all right? No pressure.”

I bit my lip. No! Every particle in my body was paralyzed, but also seemed to scream with want. Will looked at me with a clenched jaw, unable to keep his gaze from slipping to my mouth. He wanted to kiss me again. Even with my tear-streaked face, he still wanted that connection I craved too. We were the definition of misery loving company. But then I wondered if the combination of our two miseries could make something beautiful. Maybe it could create joy.

I shook my head.

“No, it’s not that,” I managed. “I’m just—I’m scared too. It’s been a long time.”

Will frowned. He took my hand and started to toy with my fingers. His warm touch was soothing.

“I thought you had a boyfriend back in New York.”

I shook my head. “I did. But we broke up a long time ago. I just meant it’s been a long time since anyone’s done…well, anything for me. Even something as small as candles.”

I reached out, hovering my hand for a moment over his bicep before dropping it with relief and trailing a knuckle down his arm. Will watched its progress, rapt. The candlelight flickered in his big green eyes. When my hand reached his elbow and fell to the sheets, he looked up.

“It’s been a long time for me too,” he said softly. “I’m probably not supposed to admit that, but what the fuck? I’m doing a lot of things tonight that I shouldn’t.”

I nodded. “I know the feeling.”

“But I don’t want to stop.”

“Me neither.”

He leaned in. “I’m going to kiss you again, Lil.”

I nodded again. “Okay.”

“And when I start…that’s it. You have no idea. No idea how badly I want you.”

His hand traced the opposite path of mine up my arm, pausing on my elbow. Suddenly, my tears and worries had evaporated, and I was right back where I was ten minutes before—overcome with a pending tidal wave of lust that turned everything else to dust.

“Do it,” I whispered. “And for God’s sake. Don’t stop.”

Will had already snaked his hand around the nape of my neck and was pulling me close.

“Done,” he growled before he kissed me again.

This time, he consumed me. I had thought he was a good kisser before, but in his movements, Will let go. His hands were suddenly everywhere, sliding over my back and around my ass, rolling us over so that I was on top of him, yet relinquishing absolutely none of the control as he pinned me over his body, keeping me captive to the onslaught of lips, tongue, breath, life.

He sat up, taking me with him, and allowed me to run my hands through his hair and over his bare shoulders while he kneaded my thighs, my ass through my jeans.

“We shouldn’t do this,” he said, even as he whipped off my shirt. His big hands slid over my shoulders and down my back, feeling everywhere with their broad expanse—palms, fingertips, all of them.

“Stop it.” My words were just as breathless as I claimed kiss after crazy kiss. I didn’t know why he was fighting this. The floodgates were open now. There was no point in trying to shut them.

I ran my hands up his torso, enjoying the way my fingers tripped over his abs while he tugged at the buttons of my jeans, managing to get the fly partially undone before giving up so he could kiss me again. Will sucked on my lips like they were candy, moaning softly as he did.

“I’m not good for you,” he replied even as his hands slid up my back and started fiddling at the fasteners of my bra.

“That’s my decision, not yours.”

As his hands fumbled, I reached around to help him out—I was actually kind of charmed with the way he struggled. Will looked like the kind of guy who could get any woman he wanted, but if he kept people at arm’s length the way he had with me, it had probably been months since he’d last gotten laid. Maybe even years.

No, I thought to myself. There is no way. Someone that good looking was probably jumped on a regular basis, hermit or not.

With a quick flick, the band released, and I pulled it off, baring myself to him completely.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Will breathed. His gaze was everywhere, casting a fiery net over my breasts, my darkened nipples, a color between brown and mauve that pebbled in the cool summer air, my skin that was always somewhere between milky tea and a latte, my hair, my face, and back to my lips.

“What?” I asked, growing a little self-conscious. I was getting back into decent shape again, but I wasn’t anywhere close to Will’s level of fit. The guy was seriously GQ-ready.

“You’re just…” Keeping one hand firmly wrapped around my waist, he touched one finger to the tip of my breast, then, lightly, rolled the nub between his thumb and forefinger until it puckered and sent an ache directly between my legs. “Lily, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His gaze flickered back to mine and didn’t move. “You are. You really are.”

It was then, only then, that I was able to relax, tipping my head back, my entire body on display for him. Most of my life I’d felt like an oddity—men who slept with me thought of me as either too white or too…other. I was somewhere in between, a curiosity to be admired, enjoyed, shown off. Even with Lucas and his family, I’d felt that way—when Linda, for instance, would praise my “exotic” looks, Lucas would always agree. Or when I’d complain about my curly hair, he’d say he didn’t care about it—that he loved me anyway. They were meant to be nice things. Meant to make me feel good. But instead, I’d felt excluded. Like an outsider.

But here, with Will, I wasn’t other people’s Maggie anymore. I was just me. I was his Lily pad. His pain in the ass. And it was just like he said: I had been waiting for this moment since long before I knew him.

The hand on my breast released its pinch, but when nothing else happened, I started to feel self-conscious again.

“What are you staring at, Baker?” I asked with a raised brow. I got up onto my knees so that we were chest to chest, though I still had to look up at him. “I thought you knew how to do this better than anyone before you were even born? Or was that all just talk?”

But instead of the sharp retort or distant look, I got something completely unexpected.

He smiled.

Will…smiled. And it was so much better than I ever thought it would be. Even in a room barely lit with candles, it was unbearably sweet, kind, dripping with charisma. The effect was blinding.

“Oh…God,” I murmured, unable to speak properly. My heart was stuck in my throat. I was transfixed.

The smile broadened, and I couldn’t move.

“Maggie,” he said. “You okay?”

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered because it was the truth.

The smile faltered for a moment, then spread even further. Will cupped my cheeks, brushing thumbs over the bones for a moment.

“Not like you,” he said, low and fierce. “Not even close.”

And then he kissed me again, a kiss that was less lust, and more something else. Something deep, a little dark. Something that rocked me to my core, unsteadied me from the inside out. The more he did it, the less steady I felt. But the more he did it, the more I never wanted him to stop.

“Turn around,” he murmured, urging me to obey even as he said it.

I did, looking out at the water and enjoying the feel of his fingertips and lips fluttering down my back. I had no idea that my spine was an erogenous zone until that moment, but apparently it was. His lips were feather-soft, lingering over each ridge, each curve. His nose hovered at the small of my back as he hooked his fingers over the waistband of my jeans and tugged them down my legs. Then he continued, pressing soft kisses over the curve of my ass, licking the cleft where my legs extended.

But I couldn’t stay that way for long. I wanted to see him, not look away. When I did, I found he had removed his pants too. My mouth dropped. I couldn’t help it. He was just so beautiful. Built like a statue, but with twice as much artistry, Will’s body was a work of art in itself—a tall column of strength and golden muscle that radiated warmth.

I reached out a hand and touched him—the long rod of him that bounced slightly at even the slightest hint of my fingers. He was big—not insane, but fitting for a man his size. I licked my lips, and his eyes dilated.

“Is that what you want?” he murmured. He cocked his head. “It’s just as well.”

I blinked up at him in a daze. “What do you mean?”

A wicked curve captured Will’s mouth, and involuntarily, I clenched my thighs together.

“You don’t think I have contraceptives, do you?” He cocked his head, causing his hair to fall over one shoulder, then tipped my chin up so I had to look at him. “I wasn’t exactly expecting you tonight. I want to, Lil.” His hand captured mine, and he pressed it around his cock, moving our hands together slowly up and down his silky length. Will shuddered. “Fuck, you have no fucking clue how bad I want to. You’re ready for me right now, baby. I can smell it.”

I squirmed, but was unable to deny it. We had barely done anything, and already the room smelled like sex. I opened my mouth to tell him that I had an IUD. That it was fine, there was no need to worry about pregnancy, etc., so—

You don’t know him, Maggie. And he doesn’t know you.

My tongue felt thick in my throat as I continued to stroke him. I wanted to suggest that one of us could drive to the store, close to thirty minutes away. Bang on Cathy’s door at 1 a.m. Go door to door until someone provided us with the one thing we needed to do what both of our bodies were clearly dying for.

But…no. It would have to wait. Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmit.

“Turn around.” Will’s voice was low—it wasn’t a request.

The hands at my waist guided me back to face the bed.

“Now bend over.”

I didn’t move. Not because I didn’t want to, but because his hands—those broad, strong hands, were still firmly at my waist, one of them sliding down to tickle under the elastic of my underwear, while the other slid up to cup one of my breasts. Will’s mouth was hot at my ear, and he bit the upper edge of it lightly before growling. The long, steel length of him was pressed firmly to the cleft of my ass—I wanted to do nothing more than follow his orders and open to him. But he had me trapped.

“Lil,” he growled. “Bend the fuck over.”

I shuddered. “I can’t.”

I felt, rather than saw the smile behind me.

“That’s right, beautiful. You can’t. Not until I say.”

I shivered as he toyed with my nipple, pulling lightly on the bud before sliding his hand up further to wrap his fingers around my neck.

“This is what you’re going to do,” he said, before sucking lightly at the skin just under my ear. I whimpered, and he kept talking. “You’re going to bend over like I fucking told you. Then I’m going to bury my face between your legs and lick that pretty pussy until you’re screaming my name so loud the entire fucking lake knows you’re coming.”

I shuddered again, more because of the way his other hand slipped into my underwear and started to stroke the particular body part he’d just mentioned.

“After that, I’m going to want to fuck you, Lil. But since I can’t tonight, I’m going to have to settle for your mouth instead. That sweet, luscious mouth that I’ve wanted to fuck since the second I saw you on that hill.”

His hips rocked into me, and his cock slid up the cleft of my ass. Will groaned lightly, and I did too, right along with him.

“One day I’m going to fuck you there too,” he said throatily as he pulled back and then pressed himself between my curves again. “But for now, let’s get back to the plan. Bend over.”

He pressed on my back—and the slight movement caused me to fall forward onto the bed while my knees dropped to the floor. I was silent—words wouldn’t come, I wanted him so badly. And it was a good thing, because Will had enough for both of us. He was so quiet and terse the rest of the time, it was like our connection—my body—released his voice. The idea was intoxicating.

“This ass has been killing me,” he muttered against my skin as he knelt behind me. His mouth drifted over my flesh while both hands clenched it, one thumb drifting over the soft pucker at the top while the other parted my legs so he could press his face between them.

I moaned, long and low, into the comforter as his beard scratched the sensitive skin.

“I’m going to taste you now, beautiful,” Will rumbled against my skin as he continued to drop kisses up and down the insides of my thighs. “I’m going to fuck you with my tongue while I play with your clit. You’re going to want me so badly, you’ll be begging for it. So what’s it going to be, Lil? Rub it or pinch?”

“Fuck,” I gasped as he licked one straight line up the middle of my legs. “I—I d-don’t care!”

“Both it is,” Will said, and then plunged his face between my thighs.

And the man knew his work. He devoured me like a man starved, his hands reaching around my legs to toy with my clit while he destroyed me with every lick, suck, and stroke.

“Will,” I called into the pillow. “Oh, Jesus, Will!”

But he didn’t stop. The man was relentless, not missing a beat, managing his pace to match the ebbs and flows of pleasure that washed through me. Because an orgasm doesn’t happen in a straight line. It comes and goes unevenly like the tide, with waves of pleasure that build and build until eventually, one that’s big enough comes crashing through you with enough force to break down your defenses. Some are just bigger than the others; some are tidal waves.

Most men didn’t understand the process—they didn’t understand the ebb and flow at all. But Will did. Will seemed to feel every single one, slipping deeper when I squirmed, pressing harder when I called out, and backing off slightly when my body fell from each miniature high.

“Oh my God, Will, please!” I shouted, my legs shaking around his face. I wasn’t going to be able to keep my body propped up like this much longer. “Please! Please just fuck me!”

But he didn’t. Will Baker might have been many things, but he was definitely a man of his word. Instead, he slipped a hand under my thigh and flipped me onto my back like I weighed nothing, then replaced his mouth with two long fingers and shoved them viciously inside me.

“Ah!” I cried at the sudden intrusion, though my hips were already moving in tandem with his fingers.

“I want to fuck you soooo bad, Lil,” he groaned over my clit before he licked that as well, causing me to jerk against his mouth. “But I can’t. Not there. Not yet. You’re just going to have to come in my mouth instead.”

The effect was immediate. His words, combined with the feel of him nestled between my thighs, the memory of where his face had been just moments before, and the idea of where I wanted him to be tossed me over the edge. That final, massive tidal wave came crashing down, and I started to shake.

“That’s right,” Will grumbled before he continued his onslaught, that delicate blend of licking, sucking, pinching. “Come for me, beautiful. Let me taste it.”

“WILL!”

The name burst from me like some deep, primeval call and echoed through the room, past the window, out to the water, and beyond. I shook, feeling like the earth itself was causing the movements, and every muscle in my body seized and released with every long, heavy throb of my heart. Coming didn’t cover it. Orgasm didn’t cover it. This was an explosion.

“That’s it.” Will’s voice broke through my cries as he pushed himself up in a frenzy, straddling my hips while he worked his cock over my body.

“Fuck, Maggie!” he shouted. His voice echoed into my bones as he released himself over my stomach and hips. His head tipped back, and his voice was hoarse, guttural, as he called my name twice more, his hand working furiously until eventually, it began to slow, and he had expended the last of himself all over me.

“Jesus,” he muttered as he collapsed afterward, his breath gone as he heaved.

The sticky residue of both of our pleasure spread between us, seeping into our pores. Into each other. I knew we should get up, clean off, but I had absolutely no desire to move. I wanted it to seep inside me, in one way, if not the other.

“Your mom,” Will whispered, just as sleep was about to capture us both.

I chuckled. “So not who I wanted to think about right now.”

There was a light movement of his shoulders—laughter maybe?—before he rolled over onto his side next to me.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said with a small half smile. “Is she going to be okay if you’re here tonight?”

I sighed as the levity disappeared. “She’s never really okay.”

Will nodded, managing the miracle of looking concerned without making me feel pitied. “Should we go back?”

That was always the question. It was the question I’d been wrestling with for six years, and I was grateful that Will didn’t press me on it. Whatever his faults, he wasn’t nosy. I’d give him that.

“I—I don’t think so,” I said finally. “She wasn’t too bad tonight, all things considered. I helped her to bed, and she doesn’t have to work in the morning. She probably won’t even notice that I’m gone.”

Will nodded, then got up. I watched as he disappeared into the hall and then returned shortly carrying a damp cloth.

“Here,” he said, holding it out to me. “I’d suggest a shower, but it was hard enough holding myself together in the dark. You are so goddamn sexy when you come, you know that?”

“That was you holding yourself together?” I asked as I cleaned up. I handed it back to him, and Will tossed it across the room into a hamper.

“It was,” he confirmed as he got back onto the bed and pulled a blanket over us. “Pretty sure if I had you in my shower, fully lit and wet, you’d get pregnant just from me looking at you. And I sure as fuck don’t want that.”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the pinch of pain that came with his last statement. “You’re such a man. Rut and impregnate, right? Beasts, all of you. What happened to my mouth, huh?”

Will chuckled again as he turned me toward the windows, fitting my back to his front.

“Tomorrow,” he promised as he buried his face into my hair and tucked my body against his solidity. “Tomorrow I’ll go back to being a beast and do the other half of what I promised. But now I need to sleep, Lil. And so do you.”

His hair fell over my shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to the soft spot under my ear. Several candles had gone out by this point, and the last one, a small tea light, flickered in the corner, clearly on its last legs.

“Stay,” he whispered as sleep fell over us. “For an hour. Forever. Just…stay.”