Barbarian’s Taming by Ruby Dixon

7

HASSEN

Five Days Later

Mah-dee throwsher spear with a limp grip. It wobbles in the air and skids into the snow a few paces away from where she is standing. The tree she was supposed to hit waves back and forth in the stiff wind, taunting her poor hunting ability.

I cross my arms and do my best to look displeased. “That was a terrible throw. You said you practiced.”

“I did try to practice,” she tells me in a grumpy voice as she trots forward to scoop up her spear. “It’s hard to get up and go when you’re exhausted all the time. I gave it a few tosses back at the cave but figured I’d do my practice out here with you.”

“Exhausted? Am I exhausting you?” I reach for one of her large teats, caressing it through the many layers of furs she is wearing. “Shall I stop in my attentions?”

She squirms away, laughing, but the flush in her cheeks and the brightness in her gaze tells me that she likes my touch. “It’s not the sex—though, okay, it’s pretty amazing and hardcore on its own. It’s all the hiking and the hunting. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m out of shape.”

I study her figure, frowning at her words. “I like your shape. What is wrong with it?”

Laughter peals from her again. “Just for that, you are totally getting laid again.”

“Now?” I gesture at the open, rolling hills around us. “Here in the snow?”

“Not right now! There is zero privacy right now.” Mah-dee sticks her tongue out at me again.

“You like no privacy,” I remind her, and am pleased when a bright flush touches her pink cheeks. In the days since our first mating in the storage cave, we have mated as often as possible. A few times have been in the storage caves, in the middle of the day, and Mah-dee burns hottest when she thinks we might get caught.

When she burns hot, I do, too.

She brings her spear back toward me and then holds it out. “Do I need to work on my grip, you think?”

“If all your throws are like that one? Yes.”

“Okay.” She wraps her fingers around the long pole of the spear and looks up at me. “Like this?” Her grip moves up and down. “Or should I hold it tighter here? Maybe give it a little stroke when it’s ready to throw?” And her hand moves in a way that has nothing to do with hunting.

I can feel my cock harden in response to the sight of her fingers moving up and down the pole. The little grin on her face tells me that she knows exactly what she does and how I will respond. “I would tell you to hold the shaft tighter in your grip, but I do not think we are talking about hunting.”

She blinks rapidly. “Why, whatever do you mean?”

“Is something wrong with your eyes?”

Mah-dee snorts. “No. There is something wrong with my brain if I’m trying to use human techniques to flirt with you, though.”

I grin at that, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her against me. “Do you flirt with me, then?”

“Duh. Do you see anyone else out here to flirt with?” She flings her spear aside into the snow and throws her arms around my waist.

“Is it because you want to make me need you? Or because you wish for me to bury my face between your legs and lick your cunt again?” I did so just before our lessons, but I will gladly do so again if she wishes it. The taste of Mah-dee on my tongue is better than anything.

She appears to consider it, and then sighs. “I think if we do that again, we’re not going to get much hunting done.”

“Mmm.” I am not sure I mind that. My Mah-dee is enthusiastic about many aspects of hunting…except for the killing of animals. Yesterday, we found a lame dvisti kit alone on the steppes. It was easy prey and I suggested Mah-dee bring it down. She could not do it. She cried instead, and hid her eyes when I put my spear in the creature’s throat. My mate has a soft heart, but she does not yet understand that sometimes a killing is a mercy.

I wish I could protect her from these things, but if she is to survive, she must be strong in both body and spirit.

“I suppose we had better go back to hunting, then.” She snuggles close to me, pressing her cheek to my chest. “I do need to get better, and we’ve spent more time practicing other things.”

I stroke her yellow mane. I want to tell her that she has no need of learning to hunt if I am her mate. That I can take care of her and provide for us if she will accept me…and if the chief will accept me back. Each night around my small fire seems to grow longer and lonelier.

But for now, we can hunt together and mate in the hunter caves. As long as I have Mah-dee at my side, I will take what I am offered and be thankful.

We kiss and I hand her back the spear she has dropped. “Let us go, then.”

We hike, moving up one of the gentle slopes that surround the valley that is the tribal home. Mah-dee likes to come up here, because we can see from a very far distance. I let her lead, because it is important that she learn how to find game trails on her own. But when we get to the edge of the cliffs, Mah-dee points at moving specks in the distance. “Is that a herd of dvisti?”

“Too small,” I tell her, walking along the cliffs a few steps to get a closer look. I count three hands of specks and see two long squares behind two of them. Sleds. Which means… “It is Maylak’s party. They must have killed a sa-kohtsk.” I eye the sleds, curious at the sight. Normally the sa-kohtsk meat has a strange, bitter taste to it and my people leave it for predators, taking only the khuis that twine in its heart. The fact that they are bringing sa-kohtsk meat home with them tells me that there are more concerns about the brutal season and whether there is enough food for so many mouths.

I should have gladness in my heart that my tribesmates are returning healthy and whole. I watch them walk, and no one is limping or moving slow. One jogs ahead, and then circles back, his movements almost playful. They are happy with how the hunt turned out, then. I should be glad.

But I am not. I am disappointed to see them, because that means it is that many faces returning to the caves. The freedom Mah-dee has had to come and go as she pleases will disappear with the return of the others. I will not be able to sneak into the storage caves with her and mate. She will not be able to slip out of the caves and see me. I bury my anger and frustration and turn back to her. “Come. Let us find a game trail.”

“Everyone’s coming back? Should we…should I go back to the cave?” Mah-dee looks up at me, curious.

Her words are like a knife in the gut. “Do you wish to go back? I can take you.”

She chews on her pink lip. “Actually I’d rather spend the rest of the day with you, if that’s all right. I can see them anytime.”

Warmth fills my chest. I nod, because I do not trust my voice. That she would choose to stay with me this day is a gift. I hold a hand out to her.

Mah-dee moves forward and laces her small, cold fingers with mine. “So what does this mean for you and me?” she asks.

I hate that I must say the words. “Today will be our last hunting trip. It is as you have said. There is no ‘you and me.’”

MADDIE

There’s a party that night, but it’s a subdued one. Everyone’s tired from their journey, so it’s not the most energetic of reunions, but everyone gathers by the fire and Maylak passes around her fat, wriggly baby boy Makash, who now has brightly glowing eyes. They even pass him to me, and I don’t point out that he’s ginormous and looks strange to me after seeing so many pale blue half-human babies. Makash is deep blue and his horn buds are twice the size of the others’. Even his tiny chest has the hard plating already.

Maylak flutters around the group, touching everyone, and looks anxious despite her happiness. I guess she’s worried that someone might have gotten injured while she was gone, but the people left behind were a boring group. I doubt anyone left the cave other than me or Taushen, who stayed behind to hunt for fresh meat for the elders and preggos. Josie sits next to me by the fire, but I might as well be invisible for all the attention she’s paying. Her mate is back and she’s clinging to him like he’s about to disappear again. I suppose it’d be cute to see them so lovey-dovey if I didn’t feel so mixed up myself.

Hassen isn’t here. The entire tribe has come out to hang together and eat and catch up. Heck, even Asha’s sitting at the fire, a good distance away from her mate, and she’s holding Maylak’s baby with a blissful look on her face. No Hassen, though. He’s not allowed.

I glance out at the cave entrance, but it’s empty, thick snowflakes blowing in and melting on the stones. Right after the others got home, a storm started. I suppose I should be worried about Lila, but she’s with her mate and a bunch of other people. They’re fine. Instead, I’m thinking about Hassen. He’s all alone out there, and while he knows how to take care of himself, I can’t help but worry. All it takes is a twisted ankle and…I shake those thoughts free from my head, because I can’t go down that path. He can take care of himself.

I just hate that no one has his back right now.

It is as you have said. There is no you and I.

He’s right. I just didn’t expect it to bother me so much to hear. I’ve loved the last week—it’s been so much fun and I haven’t felt bored or lonely. In fact, I’ve woken up every morning eager to face the world and see what new things I can learn or discover. Is this how Lila feels?

Someone drops into the empty seat next to me. It’s Harrec, one of the other young hunters that just returned with the group. I smile faintly at him in greeting and turn back to the fire, feigning interest in the story someone’s telling, when all I really want to do is go to the cave mouth and see if Hassen’s waiting outside, watching us. Wanting to be with us.

Man, that thought is a real bummer.

“Are you hungry, Mah-dee?” Harrec offers me a skewer with several over-cooked chunks of meat on it. “I made this for you.”

“Thanks?” I take it, even though I’ve already eaten. Seems rude, otherwise.

He grins at me, looking friendly. “Enjoy the good-tasting meat. When the snows come, it will be many soups.”

“I like soup,” I tell him, nibbling at one of the chunks.

“Do you have enough bowls? If you do not, I can make you some. I am not as good with carving as Aehako is, but I would be happy to help you.”

Do I have enough bowls? That’s the weirdest question I’ve ever been asked. For some reason, I look across the fire and see Asha. She smirks at me, her hard eyebrows going up. Oh, shit. Is this flirting? Is Harrec flirting with me? About bowls? “I’ll have to take inventory when I mosey back to my crib and I’ll let you know the sitch.” I deliberately pick a lot of human slang to baffle him. Maybe it’s me being a bitch, but I smile widely as if I just said the most normal stuff in the world.

He gives me a firm nod, looking pleased even though I’m pretty sure he has no clue what I said.

A steaming cup of tea appears near my head and I rear back, surprised. It’s one of the elders—Vaza, I think? He offers me the cup with a smile. “Drink, yes?”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” I take the cup and now my hands are full of both food and drink. Everyone’s suddenly so friendly.

To my surprise, Vaza steps over the stone I’m sitting on and pushes in between myself and Josie, who looks surprised at the intrusion. “If you like the tea, I can bring you more. It is my special blend.”

“I’m sure it’s great.” I give Josie an apologetic look as she moves to her mate’s lap. Her mate looks pissed, though, his teeth bared protectively over his woman.

Vaza’s oblivious, though. “There is a certain leaf that grows near the water that makes the best tea.”

“You don’t say,” I murmur.

Harrec gestures at the food. “Is it good? Do you want more?”

“Great,” I tell him, and take another obliging bite. Asha just smirks across the fire, clearly enjoying my pain.

Not for the first time this night, I’m pretty bummed that the others are back. I’d much rather be spending my time with Hassen.

* * *

The next morning, I get dressed in my double layers of furs to go out hunting, but I realize ten minutes later that it’s not going to happen. I can’t get away from the tribe. Specifically, the men of the tribe. The moment I leave my cave Taushen’s there, asking if I need more leather to make warm clothing for the brutal season. When I head to the fire to grab breakfast, Vaza’s there with more of his tea. Then Harrec drops by to ask if I want to help him mend his nets. I manage to choke down a few quick mouthfuls of a not-potato cake before murmuring excuses and making my way toward the entrance of the cave. If no one’s around, I might be able to slip out and go say hello to Hassen. I’m sure he’s waiting nearby.

But at the entrance, Maylak is there, and Asha, who is holding Maylak’s little girl while Maylak nurses her newborn. They are both standing and talking to Rukh and Harlow, and the healer has a concerned expression on her face. They all seem to be having an intense conversation, though, so maybe I can sneak past them—

“Maddie! Oh good, another human. I need your help.” Harlow waves me over and the small group turns their gazes to me.

Shit. I have no choice but to head over, pasting a smile to my face. “Hi. What’s up?”

“I’m trying to explain to Maylak that it’s very important that I go to the ship—the Elders’ Cave. I want to visit one more time before the brutal season hits.” She adjusts the baby in her arms and looks over at her mate, who has a large pack on his back. They look like they’re ready to head out the door. “It’s about the computer.”

“Oh?” I’m not seeing where I factor in with this.

“Yeah, I noticed last time that things weren’t adding up when I’d ask the computer questions, and the more I sit and think about it, the more I’m worried that there’s something wrong with it.” She looks at her mate, then back to me. “I worry the data’s corrupted and I’m trying to explain that to them, and no one’s grasping it.”

“I’m no computer genius myself, but I ran into that problem before on my laptop. You think it has a virus? How did it get a virus if it’s been crashed here?’

“I don’t know if it’s a virus, but…things don’t make sense. It’s a computer, so it’s supposed to relay nothing but facts, but I keep finding discrepancies. Like…okay. You know how long the sa-khui have been here, right?”

“Um. Two hundred something years right?” I seem to recall someone telling me about that.

“Two hundred eighty-nine years.” She jiggles her baby on her hip. “That’s what it says every time you ask it. But when I talk to the tribe, it doesn’t make sense. Maylak says the oldest in the tribe is Vadren.”

The healer inclines her head. “He has seen one hundred and sixty-two brutal seasons.”

“Wow, that’s pretty crusty.”

“It gets weirder. I was thinking about that, right? So I went to talk to Vadren, and he said his father lived to be a hundred and fifty seasons. And his father before him was about the same.”

“Uh, I’m no mathematician, but that doesn’t add up.”

“Right! And he says that no one has ever had any technology for as long as he remembers. He learned to spear hunt, and his father learned to spear hunt from his father. If his dad was a kid around the time of the crash, wouldn’t he remember something?”

I shrug. “I guess? Maybe they’re off-the-grid types and decided to go back to nature when they landed here permanently?”

“I was wondering about that, but then I kept thinking about it, and it bothers me.” There’s distress on her freckled face. Her baby grabs a fistful of her orange hair and tugs, and Harlow absently tugs his hand free. “I know I’ve had a few instances where I’d get a schematic from the computer and parts would be missing or seem incorrect, and I thought it was me. But now I’m wondering if there’s corruption in the system somewhere. And I’m worried because I don’t know if it’s safe to use for the language capabilities. What if it beams a laser into someone’s brain and fries them when it’s supposed to be teaching them sign language?”

Yikes. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound good.”

“So would you check it out? Or do you think it’s just me looking for things to do?” She casts a worried look to her mate.

“No, I think if you want to go check it out, it can’t hurt, right?” Plus, I’m selfish. Only half the tribe has the sign language so far, and I want my sister to be able to communicate with everyone. She’s worked really hard to teach the computer her ‘hand words,’ as the others say, and I don’t want her to be hampered by an inability to communicate. Then again, I also don’t want someone’s brains turned to goo just because they’re trying to learn how to talk to my sister.

“I am worried,” Maylak says in her low, gentle voice. “I feel you should stay here, with the tribe.”

At this, Rukh scowls. “I will watch my mate. I protect her.”

“It is not that,” Maylak continues. “It is…I just worry. I feel…” She sighs. “Perhaps it is just a healer worrying over nothing.”

“We make this trip all the time. We’ll be fine,” Harlow assures her.

Maylak nods, but doesn’t seem convinced. “Just be cautious.”

Harlow casts a smile in my direction and then looks at Asha. “Did either of you want to go with us?”

“Oh, I’m, um, busy.” I smile brightly and hope they don’t ask too many questions about that. “Got a lot on my plate.”

“Gathering all the unmated males close?” Asha says in a teasing voice.

I scowl at her. “Waiting for my sister to come back?”

She simply smiles, unbothered by my pissiness.

Maylak, Rukh and Harlow start to talk again, and I edge backward, trying to extricate myself from the conversation. I glance out of the cave, hoping to see a familiar figure on the horizon, but it’s empty.

“Looking for someone?” Asha’s voice is amused as she comes to stand at my side. In her arms, the little girl sucks her thumb and watches me with big, glowing eyes. Asha’s smile returns. “One hunter in particular, perhaps?”

“Shut up.” I scan the outdoors again. “You haven’t seen him today, have you?”

“I have not. Perhaps he is bothered by all the males you are attracting, given that you do not wish to take him to your furs permanently.”

I frown at her. “What do you mean?”

“Would you like some tea, Mah-dee?” she mocks. “Perhaps some leather for more clothes?”

Oh. That. “I’m not encouraging them! I don’t know what’s changed for them to suddenly start paying attention to me.”

“It is because you smile now. Before you scowled at everyone and threw things. Now you smile, and now they notice you.” Her look becomes sly. “They do not realize the reason why you smile, I imagine.”

I can feel my cheeks heating. Yeah, I know why I’m smiling now. It’s because I’m getting laid. Actually, it’s more than that. It’s Hassen’s company. It’s that I’ve found someone that really understands me and my situation. I don’t feel so abandoned. I feel like I have a partner in crime now. “Well, I want them to leave me alone. How do I do that?”

“You resonate,” she says in a dry voice.

“Well aren’t you just a big bundle of help?”

“No.”

“Sarcasm.”

She shrugs and cuddles the little girl in her arms close. “Then take a pleasure-mate.”

Argh. These people are so frustrating. I’m about to complain about how irritating I find all of this attention when I see a dark figure appear in the snow in the distance. My heart races and I feel an excited flutter in my belly. Hassen. He’s waiting for me.

But then a second figure appears, and my excited flutter dies. Oh. Not Hassen. It must be Lila and her group returning. I’m excited to see my sister again, but at the same time, I feel a niggle of dread. While she’s been gone, I’ve been hitting it with the guy that kidnapped her.

That’s going to be hell to try and explain.

I worry that I should feel guilty. What Hassen did was wrong, but now that I know him better, I don’t hate him. I’m not happy with his actions in the past, but I’ve also behaved like a jerk myself. I was kind of an asshole when we woke up, and I’ve continued to be an asshole up until recently. Heck, Marlene won’t come out of her cave when I’m around, and Stacy still cringes like I’m going to throw something at her again. I get annoyed with their reactions to me, especially now that the guys are all acting like I suddenly became hot shit overnight. I shouldn’t be judged by how I acted when I was stressed out and afraid…and I wonder that I’ve been judging Hassen all along.

After all, one reason why I hold him at arm’s length when it comes to our relationship is because of my sister. Because I don’t want Lila to be disappointed in me. I’m all mixed up and I’m not sure how to handle things.

I wait at the entrance, hugging my cloak close to my body as the party moves closer. A few others trickle out of the cave and move out to greet them, but I hang back. I hate that I feel like I don’t know how to be around my own sister anymore. I watch as she comes into view, her hair pulled into a braid, her face ruddy with cold. She’s smiling broadly and has a large pack on her back, and she makes gestures with her hands as she scans the people emerging, looking for someone. Looking for me.

And then I feel like an asshole, because it’s my baby sister. I love her. I step forward and raise a hand so she can see me, and Lila’s face lights up with pleasure. I feel my anxiety abate and I wade out into the snow to greet her.

There you are, she signs as she approaches. I was wondering if you were hiding!

I make it to Lila’s side and hug her close, ignoring Rokan. I squeeze her tightly, and she looks good. She smells like sweat and furs, but she looks great. I pull back and smile at her, then sign, I didn’t want to crowd you.

You’re allowed. She reaches for my hand and squeezes it, then signs, You look great, by the way. How is everything?

I’m good. I missed you. I realize that it’s true. I’ve been keeping myself occupied with hunting—and Hassen—but now that my sister’s back, it feels like a missing piece has slid back into place. For all that we’re struggling to find our way here on this planet, she’s still my best friend and my family. I need her.

But you look good, she tells me, and reaches for the straps on her pack, glancing at her mate. I’m exhausted.

Oh shit. I’m an asshole. She’s walked for days now and has a bag full of fruit—that can’t be light. I rush forward, signing, Let me help.

Both Rokan and I pry the pack off of Lila’s back, and my sister stretches, then puts a hand to her back and grimaces. I need to work out more.

For some reason, this strikes me as hilarious. Work out? On an ice planet? Lila’s already a twig. Doofus, I tell her, and loop an arm around her waist, ready to help haul her into the cave.

Rokan shoulders her pack and touches Lila’s arm, a question in his eyes. She reassures him with a quick hand signal and a smile, and leans on me.

“I will take the packs in,” Rokan says and signs. “Bring Li-lah by the fire so she can rest?”

“Will do,” I tell him. I don’t even resent him at the moment. We both just want what is best for my sister.

By now, people are spilling out of the cave, and there’s excited, raised voices in every direction. Bags are being distributed, and humans are spilling out, babies in arms, because they can’t wait to see what kind of fruit was brought in. I weave through the crowd with Lila and head for the fire pit. For the first time in possibly ever, there’s no one sitting around it. I’m pretty sure they’re all crowded out front. I park Lila in front of the fire pit, at the best seat, and help her shrug off the top layer of her wraps. They’re a little damp, and I spread them out on one of the poles set up nearby for such a reason. There’s no tea bubbling over the fire, so I grab a tripod and string a pouch over it, motion to my sister that I’ll be back, and fill it up at one of the multiple springs bubbling through the cave. There’s a basket of spices and tea kept near the fire— Stacy’s, probably—and I dig through it before finding tea and setting it up. I’m actually pretty proud of myself that I knew how to do all that just from watching the others—now I just hope I’m not boiling my sister a tea made from meat spices.

I sit down next to Lila and sign at her again. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?

Just tired,she tells me. I was fine until we saw the tribal cave, and then I lost all my energy. Her smile is tired. I’m glad to be home.You should be glad you didn’t go. It was a fun trip but a hard one. I’m wiped out.

Did you get a lot of fruit? Was your one-eyed friend there?

We did get a lot of fruit, but we also ate a lot of it and just harvested seeds and cuttings from the plants. We could not take all of it back. There’s so much, it’s incredible. We brought back as much as we could carry, but we buried some in a cache as well. We were so busy!

Sounds like it.

And no, no sign of my friend. It was just us there.She rubs her stomach. I liked the fruit, but I would be happy not eating any more of it for a while. I never thought I’d say it but I’d prefer raw meat right now!

I laugh, because that’s not something I expected to hear, either. Are you going native then? Eating raw? I know that’s how the sa-khui prefer their meat, and some of the more daring humans have taken it up, but not me. I like my steak well-done and not fresh out of something’s gut.

A shy look crosses my sister’s face. It’s not that I like the thought, but I’ve been having cravings for the past few days… She stops and clasps her hands together, and I see her eyes are shimmering with tears.

“Oh my god,” I breathe aloud, and then realize what I’ve done. She understands me though, and laughs and nods. Lila’s pregnant. I squeal with excitement and grip her hands in mine. She beams at me, and in that moment, I’m so utterly thrilled for my sister’s happiness. I love that my shy, scared sister is just blossoming out here on this ski slope of a planet. It makes me tear up, too.

My sister’s going to have a family and a baby, just like everyone else. I’m so happy for her, and yet…I still feel the sting of losing her. And I feel alone all over again.

Which makes me think of Hassen.

Which makes me think I should probably tell my sister I’m flirting with Hassen.

Okay, sleeping with Hassen.

Not that anyone’s doing much sleeping.

I watch Lila’s happy face. She wipes away her tears, beaming. We knew it would happen because of resonance, but still, to think about it and to actually have it happen are two different things.

You can feel it? Already?I touch my breast, thinking about the parasite inside me—the khui. I can’t feel it, ever, though I have noticed that the mated couples purr at each other when they resonate. Is it because of the khui?

She shakes her head. It’s more of…what you don’t feel. Her cheeks color. The resonance slows down. Plus, Rokan knows.

He thinks he knows because he’s a man?

No, I mean heknows. She taps her temple. In his ‘knowing’ sense.

Oh, right. I keep forgetting that Rokan’s a minor psychic of some kind. Maylak’s cootie makes her a healer, Rokan’s gives him spidey-senses, and mine? Well, mine kind of sits there like a lump. Which is probably a good thing. Not that I’m jealous of all the babies, but it feels weird and isolating to have the only inert khui out of the entire tribe. I mean, damn. Surely I’ve got something worth passing on to the next generation. Sometimes I feel like I need to go sit in the bad kids’ corner with Hassen.

Annnnd yeah, I really need to tell my sister about Hassen.

I swallow the knot of worry building in my throat, and sign to her. I’m glad you’re back. We need to talk.

Is everything okay?

I regret that I’ve said something. Like, immediately. The weariness on Lila’s face seems to increase tenfold, and now she looks stressed. Am I stressing her out? I stifle the flash of irritation that I feel. I’m stressing her out? I’ve taken care of her ever since our parents died. I’m the one who’s had to be in control. I’m the one who’s had to choke back my fears and be the strong one. We’re both in new emotional territory and I need to learn to be patient, which isn’t one of my strong suits. But since I’ve already jumped the gun, I might as well plow forward. You didn’t see Hassen when you were walking back, did you?

No, and I’m glad. I’m still not comfortable with him.Her expression hardens just a little.

Her words feel like a brick in my gut. Telling her about this was a mistake. It’s too fresh. She won’t understand. Heck, I’m not even sure I understand it myself.

Why? What is it?Lila looks concerned. Has he been bothering you? He’s supposed to be exiled as punishment.

He’s not bothering me, I gesture back. It’s just…I pause, and then continue. We’ve become friends.

Her eyes widen with alarm. Maddie, no. Don’t be friends with him.

It’s okay, Lila. We talked about why he stole you. He’s really sorry, and it wasn’t that he was in love with you. He just wanted a mate.

And that’s why he wants to be your friend right now! He’s using you because you’re available!

That’s not it, I tell her, and then drop my hands. It’s not, is it? I sought him out, not the other way around. Even as I tell myself she’s wrong, I worry. Hassen was so desperate for a mate that he tried to steal one. And then here I come, flinging myself at him. Maybe it’s not about me and him bonding and being friends as well as fuck-buddies. Maybe it’s just about him trying to grab himself another mate.

I think about the fact that he more or less proposed to me after we slept with each other, and decide not to share that with my sister. Actually, I decide I’m not going to share a lot with my sister. The look of horror she’s giving me tells me plenty. We’re just friends, I sign. Don’t freak out.

You need to stay away from him, sis. I lived with him for weeks. I know what he’s like. He’s impatient and overbearing and…She waves her hands in the air, clearly at a loss for words. He is not a good man! I don’t want him taking advantage of you!

Oh, that is so cute. Considering that I took advantage of Hassen the moment he decided to hang out with me, my sister has the wrong one pegged as a predator. Seriously, we’re just friends. I just wanted you to know, okay? So there wouldn’t be any surprises.

I’m going to speak to Vektal and tell him that he’s hanging around bothering you,Lila signs angrily. It’s not right.

Don’t you dare, I send back just as quickly, and her eyes widen at my vehement gestures. Don’t you say a thing!

What is going on?

Nothing. Okay? We’re just friends!

You didn’t resonate, did you?

Fuck no! I just feel bad for the guy, all right?

How can you feel bad for him? He stole me! He tried to force me to be his wife!

Yeah, and he lost everything. Heaven forbid a guy wants to fall in love and take care of a girl.I stop myself even as I think it. Am I having Stockholm syndrome on my sister’s behalf? Hell, is that even possible?

I’m really confused. I get to my feet. I think I need some time to myself.

But I just got back, Lila gestures, hurt in her eyes.

I give her a quick bear hug. I know, and I’m a horrible sister. I’m sorry. We’ll talk later, okay?

She nods, mystified, and blinks her big eyes at me in that wounded way. I feel like an asshole. I’m abandoning my sister just as she got back from her trip so I can go talk to Hassen and try to figure out why I feel so mixed up. I should hang out with her. She hasn’t been here for days.

You haven’t been around her for days because you weren’t invited, a seditious little voice in my head says. At least Hassen wants to spend time with you.

That decides it. I have to go, I sign to her, and pat her shoulder. I leap to my feet and head off, gathering my furs close to my body. There’s an extra wrap by the entrance on a drying rack, and I snatch it and wrap it around my shoulders. Everyone at the entrance is busy chatting and exclaiming over what’s in the bags. No one’s going to notice me if I sneak off, hopefully.

I move along the cliff walls, wincing with every crunching step, waiting for someone to yell at me to come back, to ask me where I’m going. No one does, though. They’re too preoccupied with all the goodies Lila and her crew have brought back. I slip away, my steps hurrying despite the calf-deep snow, and crest over a ridge. After that, I’m home free. No one’s going to chase me now.

Time to find Hassen and get some answers. Or to just vent at how confused I feel about my sister. And about him.

Really, I’m pretty mixed up over everything. I don’t know if he’s the person I should go pouring my heart out to, but right now I feel like he’s the only one that will truly understand how I feel.

There’s a copse of trees over the next ridge where we normally meet. I’ll head there and see if he’s nearby. I don’t have a weapon with me, but it’s not a far walk and I can wait for him. He’s bound to come by at some point.

I hope.

Something feels tight on my face, and I swipe at my cheek. It’s ice. I’m crying, and my tears are freezing on my face. Shit. Why am I crying? Is it because I feel like my sister’s even more distant than ever? That I’m jealous of her and her happiness and the fact that everyone freaking loves her while I’m the town leper? Is it that I’m suddenly the one who needs looking after and I resent that? Is it because she hates Hassen and I feel like I have to choose between her happiness and mine?

How did this all get so complicated? I press my fingers to my cheek, warming the tears until they melt away.