Sweet Spot by Stella Rhys

19

LIA

I spentthe next morning in Lukas’s apartment while he got ready for work. On his couch, I sipped the cappuccino he made me, content to just watch him knot his tie. I liked the rare moments that his eyes weren’t on me. It gave me the freedom to just look at him, to study him in his suit. Naked, the man looked like a damned Viking but in a shirt and tie, he looked like a gentleman. I couldn’t understand how any straight woman or gay man at his office got anything done when he walked around looking like that. Everything about him screamed sex and authority, down to the frown in his brow. I kept catching them – faint pinches between his eyebrows every couple of minutes, as he thought about work or the day ahead.

Or something else, but I wouldn’t know.

Unless he was thinking about me, I never came close to knowing what was going on in Lukas’s mind. And while it drove me kind of crazy, I convinced myself to let it go. In the back of my head, beyond the fun we were having, I knew we had an expiration date. It wasn’t a fact that overjoyed me or made me in any way happy, actually, but I reminded myself it was for the best. With Lukas, the universe was giving me balance for once. I had both work and play now. With our little whirlwind romance, I was getting a taste of dating again, my bar was being set nice and high, but I wasn’t getting locked into another relationship. I still had time for me.

Fun and temporary.

That had been the goal for this from the start, so getting invested in whatever was troubling Lukas was probably not in my best interest. I wanted desperately to know more, but I imagined that he didn’t tell just anyone about himself. He reserved those details for people he trusted and cared about.

And as real as things felt between us sometimes, I clearly wasn’t one of those people.

“So what’s your day look like?” Lukas asked as he made himself an Americano.

“It’s a big one,” I smiled, repositioning myself on the couch. Thanks to Elaine, I had a meeting with my first potential distributor at noon. Just thinking about it got me excited.

“You gonna tell me or is it against the rules to even brief me on what’s going on with your business?”

I narrowed my eyes at the teasing grin Lukas shot over his shoulder. “It’s not against the rules to talk about it, I just get superstitious when nothing’s official yet. I have bad memories of promising Ritchie’s mom a whole lot of stuff and never following through.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Well, failure doesn’t care about whose fault it was. It’s still going to happen.”

Lukas wore a deep frown as he brought his mug to his lips, shooting a playfully disturbed look in my direction. “You’re fucking intense sometimes.”

I grinned. “What? Everyone’s got their sore spots,” I said just as my phone buzzed beside me. “Huh. Speak of the devil,” I murmured without thinking as I read Ritchie’s name off my phone.

I’d sent one reply to his message, saying that I would think about visiting. And since, it had opened up a floodgate. He hadn’t stopped texting – random memories, thoughts, old pictures. Even an apology. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve dissected his every text with Sara but in the past week with Lukas, I didn’t care to.

Flicking my screen on, I glanced at the text before looking up to find Lukas cocking his head at me. “What?”

“Sorry. I caught the name on your phone.”

“Oh. Yeah. Ritchie?”

“Yeah.” Lukas adjusted his cufflinks as he frowned at me. “I thought you said you two hadn’t spoken since the breakup.”

“We hadn’t. But he texted me the day after I got my investment deal. To congratulate me.”

“Really? That’s a lot more restraint than I’d give him credit for,” Lukas snorted to himself.

I paused, wondering if I should tell him the truth – about Ritchie selling the house and wanting me to visit before it was gone. I was tempted to since I was curious as to what he’d even say. But I decided against it. “Yep, that’s all. Just a ‘congrats, proud of you’ type text.”

The crease remained in Lukas’s brow. “How did he even find out about it?”

“Well, we’re not close but I did have to tell my dad I got an investor,” I said.

“Right.” Lukas looked down for a second. “Forgot he’s still up there. Remarried?”

“No. He’s… alone,” I said.

“You don’t ever miss him?”

I frowned. “Of course I do. It’s just complicated to see him. It involves seeing everyone else. We still text on holidays, birthdays, but the fact of the matter is there’s just… way too much unsaid between us. We’d have years’ worth of explaining ourselves to each other before we could even begin to have a real relationship.” I groaned into my hands. “I hate thinking about this,” I whispered to myself.

“Why? You feel guilty?”

“Of course I do,” I admitted softly. “I mean neither of us were really wrong. He was too heartbroken to care for me so I forced myself to love a surrogate parent. I wish it didn’t turn out that way, but it did.” I chewed my lip, annoyed with myself for revealing so much about myself when I got so little back from Lukas. “Anyway, I’m going to shut up now. I’m just thankful he lives with my uncle and their family.”

“His brother?”

“Yeah. They’ve always been really close.”

Lukas stared and nodded. “Nice,” he said, though he didn’t mean it. His voice was suddenly far away, his green eyes looking vacant.

“Hey.” My brows pulled tight as I studied him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said far too quickly for me to believe. I pursed my lips, watching him look into his coffee for a silent moment before caving.

“You’ve never told me about your parents,” I said softly.

Lukas glanced up at me. “You’re right, I haven’t.”

Foolishly, I waited for him to say something more, maybe continue his sentence. But he gave me nothing. All I got was that brisk reminder of the wall between us. I tried my luck. Rolling my eyes, I got off the couch.

“Right,” I said, bringing my cup to the sink. “Anyway, I should probably get started on my day.”

Lukas watched me walk across the room. “You’re upset with me,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” I lied breezily. Returning to the couch, I slid my feet into my slippers. I wanted to admit that I was at least irked but getting into a fight was what couples did, and we weren’t that, so I put on a smile that convinced us both that things were fine. “I’m just thinking about all the stuff I need to get done today,” I said, straightening his perfectly straight tie. Touching him generally helped me forget whatever was plaguing my mind. Within a few seconds of my hands on his chest and his cupping my cheeks, I was actually fine again. At least I felt that way.

“Hey,” Lukas murmured, his thumbs stroking my jaw.

I smiled. “Yes?”

“If you find yourself needing a break from work, you should swing by my office,” he said to my surprise. “It’s about to be a long week for me. I could use as much of you as I can get.”

I swallowed, having known from Julian that it was about to be a rough week for him. I just wished I knew why and I was less than a second from asking but Lukas unknowingly silenced me, leaning in to give me a last kiss before work. He let his hands slide into my hair and the way he gently tugged on my locks told me that he already missed me. That he didn’t want to go.

But that was just it.

His touch said one thing and his words said another. As much as I told myself I didn’t care, it was starting to eat at me and since I could feel it actually hurting my heart, I knew.

I’d officially gotten attached.