Now Or Never by Stella Rhys

28

HOLLAND

Apparently, I fell asleep, because the next thing I remembered, I was on my back, stirred awake by the sound of my bedroom door clicking open.

I blinked a few times, my eyelids heavy as I registered that disorienting, middle-of-the-night feeling. I didn’t know what time it was, but my lamp was still on and as I turned my head on my mattress, I felt paper crinkling under me.

My notebook.

Oh.

I knew what happened.

I’d done this almost every night growing up—fall asleep while journaling in bed.

With my old vision board right in front of me, it felt surreal for a second. Warm and familiar, especially with my gel pen still dangling loosely in my hand, and the stories of Iain freshly scribbled into the pages of my notebook. So vividly, it felt like my childhood bedroom, like any night out of high school.

Down to the middle-of-the-night fantasy of Iain sneaking into my room.

I felt my resting heart rate pick up a little as I turned my bleary eyes to him. Realizing I was awake, he frowned.

That gorgeous frown.

“Go back to sleep, Holland,” he murmured, setting his phone gently on the nightstand.

I shook my head, yawning as I stretched. “I want to stay up,” I said sleepily, eyeing the outline of his half-hard dick under those sweats as he stood next to my bed. I sucked my bottom lip in as I looked up at him. But as I reached up to touch it, he gently caught my hand and set it back down on the bed.

“It’s late. You have to get up early.”

I frowned. “But I’m already up and this won’t take long,” I said. “In fact I think I need it to fall back asleep.”

He smirked. “Nice try. Just go back to sleep.”

I frowned. “Please?” I pleaded softly as I pulled my shirt up over my breasts, holding it bunched against my lips as I watched Iain look reluctantly down at my body.

He clenched his jaw, but since it didn’t work to make him touch, I lifted my butt off my bed, pushing my shorts and my panties halfway down my thighs till he could see my pussy.

My perfectly smooth, freshly waxed pussy that he’d yet to see in anything but pictures.

I could see his will to resist fade as he stared.

“Goddammit, Holland,” Iain groaned as I pushed the ring of cotton all the way down to my ankles, kicking them off so I could spread my legs nice and wide to show him just how touchable I was down there. “Fuck, baby,” he murmured, stroking his dick over his sweats as he leaned over a little, tilting his head to look at how soft and wet I was. His jaw was tight and he was shaking his head by the time he looked back at me. “It’s like I make rules just for you to break them.”

“Well, I got this done before you made the rule,” I said of my wax. Then I opted to add a little truth just to guilt him. “And it hurt really bad.”

An instant line etched between his eyebrows as he looked at me, and I could barely hold my fake little pout, wanting so bad to smile for how much Iain hated when I was hurting. Even when it was over something silly that I’d elected to get for superficial reasons. It was yet another reminder of how he was wired.

Always to feel for me. Always to protect me.

Writhing in bed, I watched as Iain stepped all the way forward, right up against the side of the mattress. He wet his lips as he eyed my pussy again.

“Would it feel better if I rubbed it?”

The gentle murmur of his question went straight to my clit and eagerly, I nodded, lifting my hips slightly off the mattress as he reached between my thighs, his brow furrowing as he rumbled from deep in his chest, stroking my length and murmuring about how soft I was.

And as he touched me there I turned my head, gazing longingly as his free hand pulled his swollen dick out of his sweats, and closing my eyes as he leaned forward, sliding it slowly between my lips.

I made a sound of content when I felt his silky smooth hardness against my tongue, my soft moans muffled as he pumped gently into my mouth while stroking his fingers in and out of my pussy.

“Fuck, that feels so good, Holland,” he murmured as he threaded his fingers into my hair, his touch tender but laced with a hint of lust and urgency. I could hear his breathing getting heavy, could feel his eyes watching me as I sucked on him. But I was happy to keep my own closed, pretending for a second that I was sixteen, in my childhood bedroom. That I’d finally gotten my brother’s best friend to put his hands on my body and do bad things to me. “God, I’ll never get used to how wet you get for me,” Iain muttered, fingering me a little faster.

It started to feel so good I had to slide my mouth off his dick to moan, and before I knew it he was climbing onto my bed, grabbing me under my arms and hoisting me up so that I was leaning at a comfy angle against my propped up pillows.

They were the ones he bought me—big and fluffy, and more than enough support to give me a good, perfectly reclined view as he pushed my thighs wide apart and lowered his mouth between them, raining kisses on my bare mound before swirling his tongue over my clit, around and around and then sucking it, just softly but firmly enough that my eyes rolled shut.

I dug my head into the feathers of my pillow, just moaning through the next ten seconds of warm, wet pleasure.

But I opened my eyes again just in time to see Iain lifting his gaze to me while reaching up my torso, barely having to extend his arm very far to gently cup my breast and plump it in his hand. He thumbed over my nipple, getting it nice and hard before he pinched and tugged it softly.

All this while he spoiled my pussy with his tongue, his cheeks gently hollowing and un-hollowing as he sucked on my clit like he could do it all night.

“Oh God… why are you so good at this?” I breathed, raking my fingers into his thick hair and making him smile against my clit.

“You make it easy,” he murmured, pulling away just enough to look for a second. “Fucking perfect little pussy,” he rumbled before closing his mouth over me again. “I’ll eat this pussy every night if you let me.”

My eyebrows pulled tight over his words, but I moaned as Iain slid his hands under my body, squeezing my bottom and lifting me just enough so he could dip his tongue inside me, pulsing in and out, licking the entire length of my pussy and burying his face so deep between my legs that when my orgasm came, I had to muffle my scream with my pillow.

Iain dug his fingers into my flesh, stretching out the sound of the f as he groaned, “Fuck, baby.”

I swore I was going to drown him as I came, but all he did was groan and mutter through it, lapping greedily at my juices, talking about how perfect my pussy was, how fucking sweet I tasted.

I was still seeing stars by the time Iain let my legs back down, and by the time my vision cleared, he was kneeling over me, treating me to the breath-stealing sight of that rippling six-pack as he peeled off his shirt then reached over to turn off my lamp.

The moon still lit his figure in the darkness and as he laid down next to me, I cupped his rock-hard dick. But he let me stroke it only a few times before he removed my hand.

“It’s really late. We both have to sleep,” he said softly, and I didn’t argue, because after that orgasm I was ready to pass right out. Still, I pulled him in for a kiss, luxuriating in the sensation of his weight on top of me in my bed, my arms around his neck as his tongue slid softly against mine.

“God, I’m gonna sleep so good,” I whispered, feeling him break into a smile against my lips.

I remembered he was still kissing me, stroking gently between my legs as I fell back asleep.

* * *

I wokeup in the morning to the sound of Mia’s keys in the front door.

It took several heavy blinks before I finally opened my eyes, but as soon as I did, a little frown pinched between my brows and I was immediately still, confused, staring blearily ahead at my closet.

And wondering if last night had been a dream.

Because I didn’t need to turn around to know that I was alone in my bed.

Did any of that… even happen?

Iain waiting outside my house. The long talk we had.

What he did to me after creeping into my room in the middle of the night.

I swallowed.

I mean… all dream material for sure, I reasoned with myself, disoriented enough for a second to genuinely wonder just how much I blacked out after my mom’s crazy voicemail.

But then I heard Mia’s just-got-in shuffling outside suddenly stop, taking a very long pause. Then I heard her purse hit the floor and her whispering voice hiss, “No. Fucking. Way.”

My eyebrows furrowed, and I had no idea what was going on right now, but for some reason I felt in my bones that my roommate was about to text me.

In three… two…

My phone buzzed on my nightstand.

Three times in succession.

MIA: There are rich man shoes at the door and the shower is running

MIA: Tell me these are his

MIA: Is Mr. Ass in my shower right now???

Oh my God.

Hand over my mouth, I stared at the text while stilling long enough to listen for the sound of the shower.

Oh yeah.

Totally running. With Iain inside.

I processed this in the peaceful quiet of my room for another few seconds. But then the clock struck seven-thirty and my alarm went off.

MIA: Okay you are totally up GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW

I burst out laughing, throwing my sheets off my body and getting up fast.

I was barely in the living room a full second before Mia hit me with her omigod eyes and firmly caught my elbow, hauling me into the kitchen while hissing, “What the fucking fuck, Holland!”

I was still laughing as I protested, “What?” because I couldn’t even be sure what she was specifically asking me right now.

But she clarified once we were standing inches away from each other in front of the fridge.

“Holland,” she started patiently under her breath, looking me dead in the eye. “We all went out for Jasmine’s birthday after work last night, and there’s a chance I’m still drunk right now, so perhaps I’m imagining this, but… are those Mr. Ass’s very expensive shoes by my door and is he wet and naked in my house right now?”

I covered my grinning face with both hands for a second before answering seriously, “Yes.”

Now it was Mia’s turn to burst out laughing.

“Oh. My. God,” she hissed. “Holland Jennifer Maxwell!”

I snorted. “That is… not my middle name.”

“Yeah, well you’ve never told me your middle name, and I really needed something for emphasis, because holy shit, you know what’s going on right now, don’t you?”

I sucked in a deep breath. “Uhh… I know what you’re going to say, and to that I say—”

“Pump the brakes?” Mia cocked an eyebrow. “Nuh-uh.” She shook her head fast, getting all worked up on my behalf in the way she was known to do. “I am very much not going to do that, because remember the last time I gave you an assessment about that beautiful man? I said he was definitely attracted to you and harboring an almost debilitating need to fuck the shit out of you, and you said no, but I was right. Remember?”

I crossed my arms, grinning as I remembered that fateful night we snuck into the All-Star party. Still, I heaved a genuinely exasperated sigh as I said, “Yes.”

“Mm-hm.” Mia nodded smugly, tipping her nose up. “So maybe just trust your wise roommate for once and believe me when I say that man has got it bad for you. And I swear, if you try to argue with me right now, I’m going to go to work today and make Morgan give me all the security footage from the bar, because you should have seen Iain when he came in looking for you last night,” she said, and I knew she was being more serious now since she was using his actual name, and because there was a different look in her dark eyes. They were stripped of their usual humor as she said, “He looked like he would stop at nothing for you.”

I swallowed at the sound of those words, my heart beating faster and my brain unable to think of a single thing to say back.

But it was just as well, because right then, the bathroom door swung open and both Mia and my eyes went wide. Serious a second ago, we were suddenly frozen, staring at each other while suppressing twin smiles, because on the other side of our very small apartment, Iain was walking freshly-showered out of the bathroom.

Naked? In a towel? Dressed? Even I was deathly curious, so I could understand why Mia was literally tearing at her hair.

She waited till my bedroom door shut till she closed her eyes and said, “I am never going to know what he looked like coming out of the bathroom just now and that’s just a fact I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life.”

I snorted hard before groaning a general “oh my God” into my hands as I tried to process everything that had happened in the past five minutes since waking up. But I got about a minute to do that while Mia made coffee.

And then my bedroom door opened up again.

We stared at each other again, both of us quietly laughing as I begged with my eyes for her to be normal. She shrugged and gave me a look that said I don’t know, I’m a wild card, I might very well ask if he’ll propose.

And before I knew it, her eyes flew past my shoulder.

And when I turned around, Iain was standing there in his still perfectly crisp suit, his grey tie knotted and his gaze on me as he said, “Morning.”

Then he looked over my shoulder, giving an upward nod and saying, “Good morning, Mia,” which for whatever reason made me melt a little as well.

I peered at her to see her thankfully being normal as she said good morning back, though she did offer a little wince as she said, “Sorry I was of no help last night. In fact, I think you might’ve been better off not talking to me at all,” she joked, reminding me that she’d sent Iain on a wild goose chase through Manhattan by rattling off names of a bunch of places she knew I most likely wasn’t at.

Iain laughed. “That’s alright. I found her in the end.”

Mia smiled, eyebrows up as she held her coffee cup with two hands. “I can see that,” she said.

And since I could feel her starting to get weird, I turned to Iain and said, “I’ll walk you out,” ushering him out the room while shooting a warning look at Mia over my shoulder.

Which was probably a mistake, because after she and Iain said goodbye, she waited till the front door was open before calling out, “If you have any Holland-related questions in the future, I’ll be sure to be of more help next time!”

Oh my God.I closed my eyes, pausing briefly in the front door as I contemplated going back into the kitchen and shooting her the best death look I had in my arsenal. But Iain had to leave for work and I had plenty of time to deal with Mia, so slipping on a pair of sandals, I followed him into the hall, trying to figure out what about Mia’s words just now had bothered me most.

I figured it out by the time I got to the top of the stairs with Iain.

In the future.

The words replayed in my mind as he gazed down at me, letting the silence stretch between us for a second and forcing my pulse to pick up with my vague sense of uncertainty.

But then he put his finger under my chin, tipping my head up and looking me in the eye before kissed me softly in the stark quiet of the hallway, completely melting me with his touch.

I was legitimately lightheaded by the time he pulled away, but I forced myself to get out a coherent sentence.

“Thank you for coming here last night,” I murmured, making his lips curve up at the ends.

“Thank you for letting me find you.”

“I’ll pay you back, by the way.”

“For what?”

“That fever dream of an epic orgasm last night,” I said, and as he laughed, I forced myself to get my head back. To lead toward the question I needed to ask before he left, because it was Thursday today. His birthday was Saturday and Adam was visiting on Monday.

And according to our agreement, all this was supposed to end as soon as Adam was in town.

“So, am I going to see you before this weekend?” I questioned, watching him stroke his chin and frown a little.

“I’m not sure. I have a lot to get done beforehand so I don’t have to worry about anything coming up while we’re gone,” he said. Then he smirked at me. “Still not going to tell me where we’re going?”

“It’s a surprise, so no. But don’t worry, it’s as low-maintenance as you requested,” I said, referring to the specific Iain terms I’d agreed to via text regarding the planning of his birthday, which was one, nothing with actual birthday fanfare—meaning no cakes, presents or singing. And two, nothing that cost me more than a hundred-fifty dollars.

The first part was easy to follow since I wasn’t a huge fan of birthday singing either. The limited budget, however, nixed pretty much all the grand ideas I’d originally had.

Thankfully, I was good at making simple things work.

“Alright, well, I should get going.” Iain silenced his ringing phone without looking at it—the second time since we’d been out in this hallway. “I’ll keep you posted about what my day looks like today and tomorrow, but we’ll definitely see each other Saturday,” he said earnestly.

I nodded.

“And after that?” I asked, the question escaping my lips.

But admittedly, it was with little resistance, because I couldn’t convince myself not to ask him. To doubt that it was any of my business.

It was.

And at this point I needed to know, even if it meant Iain looking at me the way he was looking at me now, his brow lightly furrowed, his face as torturously handsome as usual, but once again unreadable in a way that drove me quietly crazy for what felt like way more than the four seconds it actually was.

But then he cracked a smile.

“I think we’ll probably have to meet to amend the terms of our agreement,” he said.

And immediately, I broke into a grin, not even trying to hide it. “Like a contract renegotiation?”

He smirked. “Something like that.”

“Perfect. I hear you’re good at those,” I said.

And for the next few seconds, our gazes lingered on each other, glowing with what I swore was the same exact excitement. For the weekend.

For the time after.

It honestly felt for a second like my heart was going to burst, but as if sensing that I needed a bit of rescue, Iain cupped my face with both his hands, bringing my mouth back to his and kissing me so softly it was like being hit with a tranquilizer.

One so strong that for the rest of the day, I felt light as a feather.

Between the drama with my mother and the night I’d had with Iain, it felt like twenty-two years’ worth of questions and burdens had been suddenly lifted from my shoulders.

And like I had even more ahead of me than I could’ve ever imagined.