The Not-Outcast by Tijan

26

Cheyenne

The calmness I felt standing in that hallway with Cut was gone the second we entered his private box.

I heard the yelling, then a wave of everything else hit me. And it hit me hard. The smells of the club rose up swiftly. The techno music, the hard bass, the neon lights flashing flooded me. Sweat. Grime. Beer. Perfume. Cologne. And other smells that I didn’t want to identify. It was jarring, and I sucked in my breath, remembering to fortify my walls.

It was a whole imagery-coping mechanism I learned. Sometimes it helped, other times it didn’t.

I took a moment, imagining all the music in a bubble, then I moved it aside. I did the same with the smells. After that I could focus a bit better. Sasha’s voice carried to me, along with Melanie’s and Cassie’s. The last two were sitting on one side of the box, giggling and wrapped around each other. I looked around, and Sasha and Chad were on the other side. Sasha was standing, arms crossed, head tilted up and away from Chad.

My Not-Brother was standing in front of her, his arms out and his head down. He was speaking to her.

“Come on, Sasha. Be reasonable.”

I sucked my breath in at that one. Not the right words to use with Sasha.

Melanie’s head lifted, her laugh fading, but then she saw me, and her smile came back. “Shy!” She was up and heading for me when Sasha heard and turned, too.

I stepped free from Cut, and the three of us merged in the middle. We’d done this so many times. Our arms came up around each other, our foreheads next to each other, and we formed our own huddle.

“Hey.” Me.

“Heya.” Sasha.

“Holla.” Melanie.

And squeeze. We all moved in, closer together. That was just the greeting.

“Sash,” from me. “What do you need?”

“You came with Cut?” Her eyes were big, ignoring my question.

Melanie’s grin turned secretive. “I already knew.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“You were fighting with Not-Brother. I wasn’t going to interrupt that.”

“Nice. I could’ve used the distraction.”

I told them what Maisie called Chad.

Melanie’s smile was almost off her face. “I want to meet this woman and I want to kiss her feet. Not literally, though. The feet. I’d like to meet her.”

I asked Sasha, “Distraction enough?”

She closed her eyes, a soft smile there and she nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

Melanie snorted. “Nut-Brother. That’s awesome.”

Sasha released us and pressed into her forehead, rubbing her temples. “He makes me so crazy.” She dropped her hands, found her place around our shoulders again and said to me, “We’re on and off, and I haven’t said anything because every time, I swear, every time I promise myself that I won’t let him in. And then he calls or texts and he’s all nice and charming, and the next hour I’m pretending to do Juna’s ankle-slide move on him.”

“Didn’t need that information.”

Sasha ignored Melanie. “And tonight, we came and he was dancing with another girl. That’s fine and all, but he was blowing smoke up my ass just last week. Saying that he wanted to be with me, and maybe he was wrong about you, saying maybe he didn’t know you after all, and blah, blah, blah. It’s been weeks. I don’t understand his revelation now.”

Melanie grunted. “Dumbass. He just needs to see her and know whatever stories his mom said to him was all bullshit.”

I missed Hunter, but there were no hang-ups about any of that stuff for me. “That’s all in the past.”

“Not for me. Not for Chad. He goes back and forth, remembering what his mom said, and then saying maybe he needs to get to know you. And now this other chick. I can’t keep up.”

“What happened to the other chick?”

Melanie grunted again, a cocky grin on her face. “She took off. Saw Pinchy Sasha, and her eyes got all panicky. Cassie was just walking inside the VIP area and the girl almost bowled her over.”

“Was Cassie okay?”

“Oh yeah. It was a close clash, but nothing happened. I bet you anything that chick is still here, just somewhere else in the club.”

Sasha’s gaze skimmed over our heads. “I really liked coming here, too. Now that’s all ruined. Stupid Not-Brother put a bad taste in my mouth.”

Melanie just started laughing. “Nut-Brother.”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Stop.”

Melanie met my gaze. We were getting back to normal Sasha, the one who used one-word statements. Chad really had knocked her off balance.

“Fuck.” Melanie.

I frowned. “Wait. Didn’t you have to go to the bathroom?”

“What?”

Melanie answered me, “I did. Sash calmed down a little, and Cassie was here. You don’t mess with PT people. They know things about your body you don’t want to know they know, you know?”

“No.”

She shrugged. “It’s all good. I got my dump done.”

Sasha was shaking her head. “Girls.”

Right. Another one-word answer.

For a moment, Sasha almost looked like a normal girl, using full sentences and talking about her feelings. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them. “Thanks.” She looked from Melanie to me.

We got her drift. She was back to being our Sasha.

I nodded.

Melanie nodded.

We were all good to go. The emergency to get here was settled.

One more last group squeeze and release. We dropped our arms and turned, facing Chad who was talking to Cut now. Cassie was still sitting in their booth, a half-smile on her face, looking at us as if we were a new entity to her. Her mouth was parted in that half-smile, too.

Cut first looked at me. “You good?”

I nodded. I was good.

Both Melanie and Sasha took note of that question, sharing a look before glancing to me.

“Sasha, let’s talk about this. Please.” Chad stepped forward.

Sasha moved back, and her eyes got cold. “No.” She inclined her head toward me. “Home?”

I shook my head. “Cut’s going to take me. You want a ride from us?”

Cassie had come over to join our group. Melanie shifted, standing closer to her, but they weren’t touching. Melanie said, “We got her!” She sidled up, linking her elbows with Sasha and bumping her hip against hers.

Sasha looked like she needed to take the dump now.

Melanie gave Chad a dirty look, but she didn’t say anything.

He was taking all of us in, including Cassie who had joined our ranks. With a groan, he raked his hand through his hair, grabbed his drink, and said, “I’m out of here.” He jerked his chin up at Cut. “See you at home.” He spared us all one last look before he left the box.

Cassie said to Cut, “It’s nice seeing you out and about.”

He laughed. “Right.”

“It’s a rest day for you tomorrow, so I’ll see you at eleven for a soak.”

He dipped his head down again. “Got it.”

She raised her eyebrows, but she was grinning as she did it. “Okay, then. Looks like all is well now. Ready, babe?” She reached for Melanie’s hand, and all three of them gave a wave before heading out. Melanie and Sasha both stepped close for one more half-hug.

Mel whispered, “Have fun! You look good with him.”

Sasha added her one cent, “Happy.” Then she narrowed her eyes before stepping back and following the other two.

Cut frowned at me. “I’m now wondering what the emergency was?”

“Sasha would’ve gone nuclear on him if he hadn’t stopped. That’s the reason for the call. Mel relaxed because she knew once I walked in here, Sasha would calm down, and she also knew Chad would leave. Which all happened.”

Cut winced. “What a great endorsement for Chad.”

Yeah…

My chest felt a little heavy now. Some of the background was seeping back in.

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, his arm coming around me as he pulled me to him. I stepped in, touching his chest, and then his head came down to rest against mine. “Chad’s got some good. It’s just that some of his bad is showing right now. He’s like a brother for a reason. He’ll come around.”

Maybe. Maybe not.

“I don’t care about Nut-Brother. I want you to know that.”

“Nut-Broth—you know? I don’t want to know.” He frowned down at me. “But your dad, and Hunter—”

“I’m not like that. I’m not built that way. What happened was kind of shitty, and I thought it was really cool that Deek took me in when he did. My baggage isn’t him, or Natalie, or Chad. I didn’t do anything wrong when I was a kid, but they acted like I was going to rob them blind. I came in from the streets and that’s how they viewed me. Some people have those thoughts and they can’t get rid of them. It’s like fostering a teenager, I’m sure. Some are scared to do it, but I had no control over my life at that age. Only one who didn’t judge me was Hunter, and that’s all I kinda care about. It’d be cool to see Hunter, but we email and I’ll see him more once he’s older. My baggage is just my head.” I tapped my head. “It’s in here. This is enough to deal with. Everything else is cosmetic. Surface shit. It doesn’t matter.”

“Family doesn’t matter?”

“They aren’t family. Sasha. Melanie. Hunter. They’re my family.”

His grin turned crooked, and it was adorable on him. “You simplify things.”

I shrugged, stepping closer because I couldn’t help myself. There was that pull from him again, and I was remembering high school. I was remembering when I first saw him, how I felt it then, too.

“I’m saying this stuff so you don’t take any of it on. Whatever’s between you and Chad, I don’t want you taking on my stuff. I don’t harbor any feelings toward Chad. If I did, it’d be on behalf of Sasha. Me and Chad, there isn’t a me and Chad thing. I’m okay with it.”

“I reserve the right to feel a certain way, just like you said you could feel a certain way on behalf of your girl. It’s the same thing for me.”

I opened my mouth. I was going to say it wasn’t the same thing, but … it was.

It was because he cared about me, and I was really starting to feel that. He’d said it before, but hearing someone cares about you and actually believing someone cares about you are two different things.

A whole warm feeling was spreading through me. It went to my toes and fingers, and I was starting to tingle. “Okay, but I don’t want you to worry about what I’m feeling about him. That make sense?”

He nodded. “It does.” And his hands slid down my sides, rounding to my back, and he pulled me flush up against him. “Since we’re here and we’re alone, wanna stay a bit?”

I’d almost forgotten we were in a nightclub. That said volumes right there.

“Yeah.”

He pulled me over and we sat in the back booth. As if they’d been watching, giving us privacy, a staff member came in then to check on us. She brought us waters. As soon as she left, he lifted me up so I was on his lap.

We sat like that, not talking.

There weren’t words for how good this felt.

I wasn’t just stepping inside from the cold here. I was inside and there was a fire, and I was getting handed hot chocolate with marshmallows. It was that kind of feeling, and sometime later, I relaxed so much against him that he was cradling me in his arms. My back was to his chest. I was watching the play of lights on the ceiling, and my legs had fallen to the side of his.

I felt like I was in a trance, like where you inhale happiness and contentment, and it filled you up from the inside out. I was so calm that I was breathing out peace and tranquility. It was a trip, the whole thing, and I knew then that I was fucked.

I just didn’t have it in me to care.

* * *

From: Koala Boy

To: Cheychey

Subject: I broke up with Monica.

From: Cheychey

To: Koala Boy

Subject: Need me to hurt her? I know a Herb who has a vicious dog.

From: Koala Boy

To: Cheychey

Subject: You’re joking, right?

From: Cheychey

To: Koala Boy

Subject: Dude.